Bliss Tears

My son packed our car full of his gear and moved out this week. He’s heading back to college for his second year and as proud of him as I am for being independent, understanding the importance of college, and making good decisions (most of the time), my heart is breaking a little because this means he’s one year close to being out of the nest permanently. I completely understand his need to grow up and become an independent adult, but the mom in me wants him to be my little boy just a little bit longer.

I know it is such a cliche to say that it seems like just yesterday he was a little boy and when I was growing up, I always rolled my eyes when someone said that. However, now that I’m a mom, I understand. I understand that sadness mixed with happiness that comes at looking at the man and wondering where the little boy in the elephant sleeper is. Like most parents I always fear that I didn’t do a good enough job, that I didn’t spend enough time with my kids, that I didn’t buy them all the things they needed, but as I let my mind wander through my son’s life, I realize we did all right.

The photos in the album are evidence that our kids were loved, cared for, and educated. The man I’m leaving at college is evidence that we taught him to think for himself, care for others, and be responsible. Those are lessons we taught our son from an early age and he’s always embodied them. I remember the day we brought our daughter home from the hospital, Sean wanted to stop at the store to get his sister a coke because it was one of his favorite treats and he wanted to share it with his new sister. Although our kids fight like any brother and sister, he takes care of his sister still today by taking her places, being her friend, and making sure she’s protected.

His sister isn’t the only one Sean cares for. He also worries about his entire family and wants to make sure that he does his part to contribute. He gave up his entire spring break to spend it out at his recently widowed Grandmother’s helping her clean house and pack some of her belongings away. This in spite of the fact that Grandma doesn’t have the Internet or cable TV.

Sean’s always been true to himself and understands the consequences of making choices. He played football his freshman year but soon realized that playing football meant he couldn’t participate in debate. He thought about it long and hard and decided that in the long run debate would better help him prepare for his future so he gave up football to become an award winning debater. Debate has led to a number of opportunities for Sean including a three week long stay at Georgetown the summer before his senior year to participate in JSA Summer School. Participating in the summer school program was a tremendous achievement for Sean because he had applied and been turned down the previous year, but he worked hard on his grades and was accepted during what was his last opportunity.

Honoring commitments has always been something Sean’s been good at. He won a bit part in a play when he was seven and he made sure that we took him to every practice and he participated in every performance, including two on his birthday.

Tears of bliss are welling up in my eyes as I think about this incredible young man who is my son. Although every decision he’s made hasn’t been perfect, I’m so proud of who he has turned out to be and although my heart is breaking knowing he’ll be leaving for good soon, I’m happy that he’s determined to find his own way in the world.