I’ve been feeling a little out of sorts lately for a lot of reasons. I’ve got a great new job, but I’m not traveling and I’m home doing a lot of administrative stuff until I get placed on a project. It’s great getting paid, but I’m getting a little bored and am missing human interaction. I’m also lonely because work provides a lot of my people interaction. I generally travel four days a week, have intense interactions with people at work, and then I’m home for three days. That normally suits me well, but I’ve been home for the better part of two months and I am bored, lonely, and a little depressed.
All of the above are contributing to my feelings, but I wanted to know if there was something else behind it so I created the BEAR spread. BEAR is the acronym I use for how I deal with anger and other uncomfortable emotions. It stands for:
- Breathe–I take deep breaths, meditation, do whatever it takes to calm down so I’m rational and not out of my mind with anger.
- Embrace--It’s all too easy for me to shame myself for having “negative” emotions like anger or fear so I remind myself that anger, rage, etc. are normal human emotions.
- Analyze--Sometimes the reason for my anger is clear, but other times it takes a little digging to figure out what I’m really feeling.
- Release–After I know what i’m feeling, I take time to release my feelings. If I’m lonely I cry, if I’m angry at someone I might talk to them, or I might smash dishes to release my anger.
Since I wasn’t sure quite was bothering me, I decided to pull some cards to figure it out and I designed the BEAR spread.
- Card 1–Breathe (How can I deal with my feelings right now?)
- Card 2–Embrace (How can I embrace my feelings right now?)
- Card 3–Analyze (What am I really feeling? What is the real trigger?)
- Card 4–Release (How can I release my anger/sadness, etc. right now?)
- Card 5–Outcome (what is the outcome?)
The cards I pulled were all reversed, which in itself tells me that I have some analysis and self work to do. None of them were overly bad, but all serve as a warning that I need to evaluate my emotions and figure things out.
Card 1–Breathe (How can I deal with my feelings right now?)
Five of Pentacles (R)
The five of pentacles reversed is telling me that I need to come in from the cold. The only way to solve the isolation and loneliness I’m feeling is to reach out to people. There are resources available, but I have to choose to take advantage of them. I get this card a lot so I think I really need to pay attention to it.
Card 2–Embrace (How can I embrace my feelings right now?)
Two of Pentacles (R)
I need to stop juggling the balls that are everyone else’s and focus on what is mine. I need to set boundaries with my kids and hold them accountable. I also have to put myself first sometimes which means not staying up until midnight when my son comes home from work. If there is a problem, he will call me and my staying up is not going to do anything except make me exhausted. I need to quit numbing myself with sugar and pay attention to what I eat and quit making excuses for eating garbage.
Card 3–Analyze (What am I really feeling? What is the real trigger?)
King of Pentacles (R)
The King of Pentacles reversed is telling me a lot. He’s telling me that I’m wondering if my only value to people is what I bring to the table financially. Do people really like me or is it what I can do for them? And that ties back to my primary social outlet being work. Another of the meanings is that I’m afraid of commitment and I don’t have people in my life because of my fear. And this theme shows up in almost every reading I do. I’m not thrilled, but my guess is that it will keep showing up until I do something about it.
Card 4–Release (How can I release my anger/sadness, etc. right now?)
Queen of Swords (R)
The Queen is telling me I’ve been letting my emotions rule and it is time to sit back and use my brain as well as my heart. Yes I may feel lonely, but for me loneliness right now is a a choice because I am choosing not to go out and meet people. I need to analyze and use my brain to come up with a solution.
Card 5–Outcome (what is the outcome?)
Page of Wands (R)
The Page is telling me that new friendships, relationships, etc. will not be handed to me. I need to take the queens advice and use my brain to start planning outings where I will meet people. I also have to quit using my job as an excuse because I’ve been home for eight weeks and still haven’t really ventured out much.
I’m not terribly thrilled with what these cards are telling me, but I realize that like all messages from the cards they are telling me that I am personally responsible and that it is within my power to change my life. And maybe that’s not such a bad thing.
I also wanted to share a picture of my unadorned Bear Claw. I created this two years ago in honor of The Morrigan.
Cairn by Cairn 