Deck: Tarot of the Divine
I think a lot of it is that I am feeling more open and less competitive. I’m figuring out that life is not a big competition and that I don’t have to win every time. To be fair T and M have taught me that as they have to dominate and they have no clue how to compromise and not be dogmatic. It is a really good position to be in and I’m feeling good about life. Not so good about going home to the snow and leaving this beautiful weather, but I am going to be happy to be going home.
Deck: Tarot de St. Croix
First Impressions: Open to Receive, Harvest
Book: Card of joyful empowerment,
Guidance: Be the best we can be and share that with others
Journaling:
The sun called to me as it was one of those beautiful early autumn days out where the sun is still warm, but the trees are starting to turn and there is that faint hint of fall in the air. As usual, Wendy wanted to spend time outside soaking up the sun so I sat outside with her for a while and it was so peaceful and wonderful to just sit and receive the sun. One of the things I have realized over the past year or so is that Deity’s love is just like the love of the sun, I don’t have to do anything to be worthy of the sun’s love and warmth, I just have to be willing to receive it. I’ve always struggled with feeling worthy as I’ve had a lot of shame around who I am, but sitting outside in the sun is a good reminder that I am perfect and wonderful just the way I am. All I have to do to receive love is to be open to it.
Sitting in in the sun did help me open up and be willing to receive because after I sat in the sun, I
came inside and was holding some of my rocks and I could feel their energy so clearly. I always thought that when I quit being able to feel rocks that they had lost their faith, but I’m realizing that it was me being cluttered and not being open to receive. Being open to receive is one of the simplest things imaginable as it just involves letting down my guard and letting people in, but it is also one of the hardest because I always operate from such a position of fear.
Having my girl Wendy in my life is such a game changer for me because she reminds me a lot of myself as she is slow to walk up stairs, she’s kind of grumpy, and she snores like a freight train. But despite all of that, we love her so much and having her serves as a good reminder that I am loved and I am lovable no matter what.
Today was one of those days where I felt like I was my best self as I was able to get through my work, keep my crazy client in line, and get some school work done. I was also able to just be present for Wendy when she wanted to snuggle.
Deck: World Spirit Tarot
First Impressions: Warmth, fun, sun, happy
Book: Sun brings us deep, but simple joy, life is good, there is nothing to fear, renewed vitality, love
Guidance: Open up to receive the sun
Journaling:
I have to just get this out there that I hate this version of the sun. The kid looks utterly creepy as he has an old man face. However, I love the sun card because it makes me think of sitting out in the sun and basking. For me,t he sun is one of the best ways that I learn to receive. I can just sit outside and let the sun fill me with warmth and that helps me let down my defenses and receive. I don’t do a good job at receiving because I always assume that someone has an ulterior motive, but there is no ulterior motive with the sun and I can just let down my defenses and receive.
Spending time hanging out on the patio with Cam and the dogs is amazing. It isn’t fancy and it doesn’t require any investment, but there is something so peaceful about just being and watching Wendy lift her face to the sun is a magical experience. I can feel her soaking in all the warmth and joy the sun has to offer. It makes me so sad that she was deprived before we got her and she didn’t have the love and affection that she does now.
In some ways, Wendy is the ultimate at receiving because she is so good at receiving love with no reservations. She loves me fully and wholeheartedly and it makes me feel so humble to know that I am loved that much. She loves to give kisses and I’ve learned to just receive them. I don’t really enjoy her enthusiastic licks, but I love how happy she is to give them to me.
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| Sun Dark Goddess Tarot |
Deck: Dark Goddess Tarot
Book: Power Burns, Power Heals, raw power of the sun, divine vengeance, cleansing fire cures, She ensures the flame of one’s life does not burn out too soon
Guidance: Opportunity to break a negative cycle, walking both the spiritual and mundane paths, following a calling
Journaling
Pretty amazing that I pulled this card right after I was doing a sun meditation to heal my pancreas. Even though I know the sun is still up there, she feels faraway today. It is a cold day and the cold wind is howling. My wood room is drafty and I feel the cold breeze blowing. Days like today it feels as if the sun is never going to come out and warm us. I can truly see how the ancients believed the sun had forsaken them.
They are truly telling me to charge a citrine and put it in water from last year’s snow. I’m supposed t ask that Sekhemet bless the water and I’m supposed to meditate and listen to binaural beats. They are telling me that will bring my sugar levels down. At this point, I’m willing to try anything.
January 1, 2018
Okay, I haven’t done this yet as I haven’t dug through my rocks to find a citrine. I will do it this week and report back on the results. Interesting thing is that even though I haven’t done it yet, I am feeling better and I have made a definitive decision to stop the sugar and I’ve started to find alternatives.
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Deck: Gilded Tarot
Keywords / Impressions: Sadness, feeling of loss or loneliness
Cairn by Cairn 