Tag: Queen of Pentacles

Deliberate Draw: Sibyl of Pentacles

First Impressions: Goddess of plenty, grounded, transformation

Book:  Loves her body, the earth, and life itself, understanding the cyclical nature of fertility, a caretaker, confidence

Guidance:  Self trust is the most important quality, find your earthy qualities

Journaling

I love the reminder to find earthy qualities within myself.  I am happiest when I am being true to myself and not getting caught up in things that aren’t real and honest and true.  The physical world is so important, but we often neglect it as we chase after stuff that doesn’t matter.  I know that I’ve been being much more critical about the stuff I acquire lately.  I’ve learned that so much of the stuff we acquire is just junk or becomes junk.  That’s an interesting lesson because we live in such a consumerist society where we are constantly told that the more stuff we have the better life will be, but I am coming to realize that that is not true.  More stuff is just more stuff.  And the truth of the matter is that no one is going to want all that crap when you die, it will just end up at goodwill.

I’m working at taking a good long look at all the stuff that I own and making decisions about what stays and what goes.  I know that I need a certain amount of stuff in my life, but I don’t need all the stuff I have.  I think about people in my family who have storage containers full of crap that they never use.  Not only have they spent a ton of money on stuff that doesn’t matter, they’re also paying money to store all this stuff. 

Ritual to Honor My Grandmother Babcock

My grandmother and I had a difficult relationship and if I’m really honest with myself, I acknowledge that she had a difficult relationship with most folks. As I get older and reflect on her life, I have realized that she had an undiagnosed mental illness and she probably coped the best she could.  She and my mother had a very sick and codependent relationship.  She gave away my mother’s wedding gifts to her son (my mom’s brother) because he got married around the same time and apparently needed them more, she gave my brother and I cheap junk from the dollar store for Christmas while my cousins got expensive gifts.  And she played games with money by rewriting her will to whoever was in favor.

I saw my mother chase after the cruel woman my entire life.  My grandmother would treat my mother like garbage, my mother would swear she was going to have nothing to do with her, and my grandmother would have a crisis and my mother would go running.  I grew up believing that no matter how bad you were treated, you had a duty and an obligation to take care of family.  It’s no wonder that I grew up and became a codependent.

My grandmother was shuffled from nursing home to nursing home as her head games and violence caused her to be kicked out of multiple homes.  She finally ended up the same nursing home as my father and my poor mother struggled to take care of them both.  I said my goodbyes to her before she died more out of duty than any sense of love or loyalty.  When she died, I honestly felt relief more than grief.

It was only when my daughter was diagnosed with bipolar and started to exhibit questionable behavior that I began to wonder if my grandmother had had undiagnosed mental illness that caused her to behave cruelly to others.  I knew she had been trapped in an unhappy marriage and my emotions shifted from anger to more sympathy and I began to think about honoring her rather than dishonoring her.  I set about finding photos, a copy of her obituary, and anything else I could gather.  I also pulled the Queen of Pentacles from the Art Tarot deck, which quoted Mohammed, “Riches are not from an abundance of worldly goods, but from a contented mind.”  And I said a quick prayer asking that she find contentment in the afterlife.

The next step was to write her a quick note thanking her for being a part of my life and as I wrote the words, I found that I truly meant them because I had learned lessons from having her in my life.

Dearest Grandmother,

Thank you for being part of my life.  I am sorry for all your struggles and I wish you would have had access to the treatments that Cam has access to.  I honor you for being part of my life.

I then lit a candle and asked for her guidance:

How do you feel about me?

She responded with the Ace of coins.  “You are successful and you make a lot of money and you’re smart with your money.  You also don’t use it as a weapon, but a tool.”  She also told me that I did not need to buy affection.  This was an amazing read because my grandmother respected people with money and I appreciated the fact that she acknowledged I did not use it as a weapon.  The guidance that I did not need need to buy affection made me cry because I’ve spent a lot of time and money in my life placating people and trying to get them to love me because I never felt I was worthy of love.

What guidance can you give me?

She responded with the Page of Wands.  :/”Let go of the anger and cynicism and open your heart and let people in.  Accept that people are imperfect, but that does not mean they are untrustworthy, but that they are human.”  This was more very sound advice and it mirrored the advice that my father gave me when I did an ancestor reading for him.

How can I learn from your life?

She responded with the Eight of Swords.  “Do not stay trapped by your own miserly.  I should have chosen to walk away.  Everyone would have been happier if I would have chosen to live life on my terms”  That was an amazingly telling statement as I knew my grandparents were unhappy, but I grew up sheltered and believing that divorce was not an option.  In a lot of ways this carried over into my own marriage and in some ways I became a clone of my grand and was so angry and hurt that I was hateful and mean to everyone.  The difference is that I was aware of my bad behavior and course corrected.

Overall, this was a very insightful reading and while I’m not sure whether it is realistic to think my grandmother has evolved that much in the 10 years she has been gone, the guidance was good and made sense to me so I will take it and reflect upon it.

Tarot Blog Hop: Musical Guidance from the Cards

For this Blog Hop, our wrangler Jay Cassels, to “Unleash your inner Gleek and stand on the balcony and sing for forgiveness as you explore your relationship with Tarot and Music.”



I decided the best way to unleash my Inner Gleek was to go to the cards and pull out the cards that reminded me of songs, arrange them into a journey of sorts, and ask the cards for guidance on each of the songs. I used the standard RWS deck as my guide for each question and the Golden Rider for guidance.

One of the most interesting things about this exercise was that for three of the songs, the song I was originally thinking of for each card turned out not to be the song that inspired my readings, the original song was simply a stepping stone to the song that had meaning and that I was meant to read on. As I googled lyrics, the songs that were meant to inspire me found their way onto my screen. I’ve included both the song I ended up reading on and the original song I’d chosen.



The Fool: Leap of Faith (Lionel Cartwright)

Original Song: Can’t Stop Believing (Journey)
Question: How can I take a leap of faith?

The dashing Knight of Cups tells me that the time for protecting my heart is over. I need to open my heart and wear it on my sleeve. I need to be open to love and to the warmth it brings to me. I also need to be open to love coming in unexpected ways and through unexpected channels. The Knight of Cups also tells me that I might need to think about taking a quest to find the love I want instead of quietly waiting for it to come to me.

The Seven of Wands tells me to believe in myself and what I want out of life. This is not the time to slink of quietly into the night. It is the time to stand firm and believe that what I want will come to me. This is not a card about physical aggression or about looking for a fight, instead it is a card about believing in myself and knowing that I am worthy.

The Hermit tells me that all the knowledge I need is within my own soul.  I need to take time for myself and take time to listen to the wisdom of my heart.  I need to calm the chatter and to trust that my heart is wise and right.  I also need to be a beacon of hope for others in how I live my life.  However, this is not telling me to go out and seek students or actively live my life for others.  It is simply telling me that the way I live my life will inspire others.

All told, this was very good advice on how to take a leap of faith and trust that the universe will catch me.  I think the thing that we sometimes forget is that taking a leap of faith doesn’t mean going into the wilderness unprepared, it means taking time to prepare and when you are ready taking a leap of faith.



Three of Hearts:  When the Broken Hearted Love Again (Danielle Bollinger)
Original Song:  You Give Love a Bad Name
Question:  How do I love Again?

The Ace of Wands lights the way to new love and reminds me that I am a child of divinity who is creative and inventive.  The Ace is telling me to focus on my own creativity and not worry too much about love.  I have set my intentions and prepared for the journey and done everything I could before taking the leap of faith.  Now I just need to live my life and know that good things will come to me.

The next two cards, the ten and nine of swords, would seem to be negative cards in this reading, but I’m realizing that they are not.  The Ten of Swords is telling me that my heart has been broken and that there will be no pain that will be worth than what I have endured.  I have survived this pain and I will survive any thing else that comes my way.  The Ten of Swords is also a reminder not to be a martyr, but to get up and be a survivor.  And the nightmare card, the Nine of Swords, says it is my own fears keeping me from loving again and not anything concrete.  The Nine is also reminding me that there is a certain element of faith to anything that happens in this world and that I need to let go and quit beating myself up.




Six of Swords:  Come Sail Away (Styx)

Original Song:  Leaving on a Jet Plane

Question:  What am I sailing toward?


The World tells me I’m sailing toward my own self completion and being content within my own skin.  I’m sailing toward liberation and letting go of the past.  This is critical for me right now as I’m coming out of a period of letting go of old lessons and hold hurts.  The World is a reminder that I am good enough and that I am complete and whole into myself.


The Queen of Pentacles is a reminder that I am loved and that the universe contains all that I need.  Even though my own mother did not provide me with the firm foundation I needed, the Queen of Pentacles and the Goddess herself will provide for me.  They will nurture me and love me and provide for my needs.  The Queen of Pentacles is all about security and about knowing that there are people in my life who are there for me.


The Knight of Pentacles tells me that I am sailing toward people who will be there and who are trustworthy.  I’m leaving behind people who are flaky and unreliable and moving toward a world with people who care about me and are there for me.  I am sailing toward reliability.


Three of Cups:  Celebrate (Kool and the Gang)

Original Song:   Celebrate (Kool and the Gang)

Question:  What do I have to celebrate in my life?


The Six of Swords tell me that I get to celebrate moving on and leaving my past behind.  I have worked hard to let go of the things and people that are holding me back and that is something I should definitely celebrate.  It has been a lot of hard work, but it is paying off and I am becoming the person I was meant to be.

Although the Seven of Pentacles would seem to be an odd card for a celebration, it is the celebration of the stillness and the ability and willingness to take a pause.  I am a recovering drama addict and even today there are times when my mind would rather be feasting on drama versus stillness.  The Seven of Pentacles reminds me of how far I have come and that I can relish peace and quiet.   Buying a house has really taught me patience as I’ve realized that I do not have the time and money to fix the entire house at once.  I have to be patient and do things as I have time and money.

Life has its ups and downs as the Wheel of Fortune reminds me.  Sometimes life is amazing and wonderful and other times it is not.  The WoF tells me that I should celebrate life in all its glory.  I need to be grateful for all the good things that come into my life.  The WoF also tells me that in the short term, good things are coming my way.


The Sun:  Here Comes the Sun (The Beatles)
Original Song:  Here Comes the Sun (The Beatles)
Question:  What are the lessons of the sun?

The Magician tells me that I have the power to manifest my own destiny.  All the tools that I need are at my finger tips, I just need to choose to utilize them.  The Magician also tells me that I am a channel for power and that I must respect that channel and not take it for granted.

The Eight of Wands is about taking action quickly and not about analysis by paralysis.  The Eight of Wands also tells me there is a possibility of a love connection with someone I know or with someone who is just coming into my life. 

The Three of Cups tells me to celebrate the goodness and wonder in life.  It is time to put aside the worry that is weighing me down and raise a cup to the goodness of life. I deserve to have happiness in my life and I deserve to know that I matter.  I know from experience that even though sometimes it seems that keeping our nose to the grindstone is the right course of action, taking time to celebrate can often feed our souls and make us that much more productive when we do go back to work.

Although I had my doubts when I first read this prompt as to whether or or not I could do it justice, my guides came through for me and guided me to a reading that made sense for me.

Use the links below to navigate to the previous blog, the master list, or the next blog.

Happy Hopping!




















Shadow Work–Day 21

What part of my shadow makes me feel insecure about relationships?

Maker Six (six of pentacles) is a card about generosity and being able to both give and receive.  However, the six of pentacles in the Druid Craft tarot, which was the first deck I ever read with, told a tale of an old man being asked to give more than he was able to.  I’ve been working to view the six of pentacles in a more positive light, but it is hard to overcome first impressions.   For me the Six of Pentacles tells me that I am afraid of getting into relationships where I will be asked to give too much.  I spent 22 years with someone who took all I had to give and demanded more and I am really fearful of getting into that type of relationship again

In my role as Maker Queen, I am very open to the energy of those around me for healing and other purposes.  What I’ve found is that if I engage with and try to help people who have less than positive energy it drains me and leaves me feeling depleted.  The gift of healing is a tremendous asset, but without proper shielding it can also leave me feeling energetically drained.

The Magician always makes me feel insecure about relationships because I am really good at manifesting stuff, but I have not been able to manifest the loving relationship that I want in my life.  It makes me wonder if I am being punished for something I did in a past life or if the person who is right for me is not available, or why I haven’t manifested the relationship I dream of.

Shadow Work–Day 1

This work is part of the Shadow Work series from the International Tarot Foundation’s Shadow Work Series.

What parts of my shadow manifest in my relationships?



Dreamer Ten tells me that I bring my depression and spilling my guts.  When I’m in a relationship I have a tendency to emotionally bleed all over the other person and spill my guts.  That’s really true for me and it is something I’ve been working on as I’ve learned that being open and honest with another person doesn’t mean holding them hostage and doesn’t give me the right to spill everything and bring them down.  It is okay to gain support from others, but i can’t drown them in my emotional ick.

Dancer Three tells me that I bring a sense of joy and happiness to relationships.  It isn’t all drowning
in my emotional soup, I also bring a sense of friendship.  This card tells me more than anything that I do want my significant other to be a friend as well as a lover.  Although on the surface, this sounds very positive, there is some emotional baggage here as when I was married I believed wholeheartedly that my spouse should be my best friend, but my ex didn’t feel that way and it hurt.  To a certain extent, that leaves me afraid to open my heart up and be vulnerable.

Maker Queen tells me I have the ability to heal my shadow side.  I need to trust in my nurturing instinct and my ability to heal myself as well as others.

Overall, these were incredibly accurate and powerful cards.


Daily Draw: Queen of Pentacles

First Impressions:  One with the earth, earthy sensuality

Book:  Warmly in a relationship with the earth, high value on stability, domesticy

Guidance:  Take pleasure in small daily rituals, love your life

Journaling

I love this card because it helps me feel grounded in the earth and connected.  I feel this way when I do reverse corpse and feel myself in touch with all the good stuff that life has to offer.  I am so glad that I pulled this card today because I needed to be reminded of what an amazing place our earth is and what our place in it is.

May 25, 2018

I drove through Lakewood Cemetery today and I always feel so grounded when I go to cemeteries, because I am reminded that nothing I am going through matters all that much in the big scope of things.  We are born, we live, and we die.  Our job is to live our best lives while we are alive.  We need to love other people, be kind to people, eat healthy, and be the best people we can be.  Sometimes we fall short of those ideals, but when we do, we need to pick ourselves up and keep trying.

I know that I am not a perfect parent and there are times when I am unkind, when I tease the kids too much, or when I do other things that are not nice, but I acknowledge them, apologize and try to do better.  And that is why I am different than the bitch.  She would never acknowledge how she hurt me and she would never try to make it better.  Even when I sent her a letter and outlined all the ways that she had hurt me, she never responded.  I think that hurts almost worse than what she did because it feels like I don’t even matter enough for her to apologize to or try to make amends too. She acts like she is so F*ing hurt that I’m not talking to her, but she refuses to do anything to fix the situation. 

It is as if she is so stuck in her mentality that she is the “elder” (what a joke) so she doesn’t have to do anything or treat me with respect.  It is as if because I am her child, I do not deserve respect.  That is so full of garbage and the complete antithesis of how I treat Sean and Cam.  I know they deserve respect and I know that I am not deserving of respect just by virtue of being their mother.  If I did not treat them with respect, I would not deserve respect from them.  That is the complete opposite of how I was raised and she cannot understand that way of thinking at all