Page of Swords

August 12, 2019

Deck: Tarot de St. Croix

First Impressions: Learning, knowledge, intellectual

Book: Harmonious symmetry

Guidance: Open your mind to new ideas, messages come through learning that are a catalyst for change

Journaling

Meeting Heather was such a godsend because it was so much easier to show up since I had already met someone. I was also thrilled to see such an amazing group gather. Today was truly a day about opening my mind to new ideas and realizing how intellectual learning stimulates my emotional learning. I was also so pleased that there were people who were actually interested in my background and thought that I had something to contribute.

What is so amazing is that it truly does feel as if I’m found my niche where I belong and where I can actually add value to the world. I think part of what I’m feeling right now is that I’m not learning, growing, and adding unique value to the world. Being at this conference was truly all about learning and figuring out new pathways. I don’t know what those new pathways are yet, but I do know that I’m definitely changing.

Gratitudes

I’m grateful for people being interested in my background

I’m grateful for being included in the Qualitative Research Group

I’m grateful for being in such a beautiful space

I’m grateful for all the great information

I’m grateful for the awesome hummus place that Clam and I went to for dinner

I’m grateful for getting a good night’s sleep

I’m grateful for Jeanette

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August 4, 2019

Deck: World Spirit Tarot

First Impressions: Arrogance, facing the future

Book: Intelligent and insightful, discovering what is hidden, not afraid to speak the truth

Guidance: Tailor your talent to the world of human reality

Journaling

The meaning on this card makes me smile as I sometimes race ahead of everyone else and am left looking back waiting for them to catch up. This card serves as a reminder that I live in the human realm and I need to be kind and to help others along instead of racing ahead of everyone else because I can. My job generally helps me with that as I get a reminder on every project what it is like to be back at the beginning and starting over.

The page of swords also serves as a reminder that learning can be fun and that it can be amazing to jump into a pool of new knowledge and learn something new. We often get so caught up in being the smartest person in the world that we forget what it is like to have beginner’s mind and start from the beginning.

Gratitudes

I’m grateful for the yummy Spanglish and flirting with the guy behind the counter
I’m grateful for the safe drive to Chicago
I’m grateful that the Delta fixed my reservation for me
I’m grateful that it was a nice day for a drive
I’m grateful for driving down State Street with my top down
I’m grateful for seeing the beautiful moon

Shadow Work–Day 28

The departing message from my shadow is…

Dreamer Princess gives me the gift of telling and of sharing what I know with others. She also is telling me that I do not need to be attached to whether or not they receive my message. All I need to do is speak from the heart. There is also a warning that I need to be straightforward with people and not use my gifts to manipulate.

Maker Four tells me to hold on to what is mine, but is also a precaution against being greedy. I need to build my own stability, but also find a way to let others in and contribute to the greater world.

Dancer Queen tells me to find and dance my own truth. I need to let go of all the bullshit in my life, including the lies I was told as a child about my own worth. I am brilliant, beautiful, and amazing and I am worthy of having friends and a lover. Unlike the messages that I continually got told as a child, my life is about more than other people. My life is my own and I get to choose who shares it and what I do for other people.

Shadow Work — Day 18

What do I need to release to bring my shadow forward?

Tarot of the Sidhe
@Emily Carding

Warrior Two tells me that it is time for me to make a choice about what I really want in life and the last few weeks have helped me to make that choice. I’d always though that I was a white picket fence kind of woman and that the white picket fence needed to include a husband, but I’m realizing that I’m perfectly content all by myself. I do not need someone to make me whole and complete and that actually having someone in my life 24/7 is overwhelming. As I write this, I realize that John probably always recognized at some level that I did not need him and he worked to make me need him. This card is also about awakening and claiming my power and realizing how strong I truly am.

Dancer Princess tells me it is time to believe in magick and to open my heart and soul to love and joy. It is time to let go of my cynicism and believe in unicorns and love. Opening my heart to love means that I might be hurt, but it could also bring me great joy.

Dreamer Princess tells me it is time to clearly communicate my wishes to the universe. Dreamer Princess tells me it is time to tell the universe what I want and to be prepared to go after it. By clearly communicating what I do and do not want, I let go of the whispers and the fear. Claiming what I want seems a little intimidating, but I’m ready to move forward with my life and to get out of limbo.

Child of Air (Reversed)

Child of Air
Gaian Tarot

First Impressions: This card has such a sense of innocence about it as the girl is surrounded by butterflies as she stands in the clouds. One of the things I did not notice until just now is that the butterflies are in the shape of an S. As I drew this card reversed, it tells me that I am tuned out.

Book: Afraid to explore new ideas or make changes because of critical voices, banish negative thoughts

Journaling

Not being attuned to the messages around me. Not being in communication with the universe. Since this card is reversed, it could also symbolize the heavy weight of grief weighing me down again. There are days I feel as if I am just mired in grief.

This is another card that is telling me that I need to heal and move on, but the question is how do I heal and move on as I have done so much healing work. However, I feel this is the final push through the grief and letting go. I need to make one last push to let go of it all.

December 29, 2017

Wow! This was profound as I really feel as if Tarot has been the final spiritual practice that has pushed me to grow and let go of all the garbage. What Tarot does for me is that it engages both my intuition and my logic. Reading the meanings is about logic, but because the readings engage my brain, they free up my intuition to make their own connections. I also think that actually having a daily practice where I’ve committed to pulling a card and journaling every single day helps. I know that I will put myself out there day after day.

I’ve also come to accept that there are always going to be days where I feel stuck, sad, grief-stricken, etc. However, I can choose to acknowledge those feelings and use logic if they aren’t rooted in logic to help me move past those feelings. I also need to make up my decisions with real world actions and I’ve been starting to do that more and more. I really really wanted to go to Chicago for my birthday, but I knew that would mean meeting X for lunch and having a reading and those things would have drug me right back into my obsession. Deliberately choosing not to go to Chicago meant I got to keep my distance. Although, I still miss the food as Mexican food really sucks in the CLE.