September 19, 2919
First Impressions: Peace, Wisdom, Inner mirroring outer
Book: Leader who uses his status to spread a message of love, hope, compassion, and acceptance
Guidance: Search for a teacher who channels divine wisdom
Journaling
One of my favorite aspects of the Dali Lama is that he is a spiritual leader who leads without dogma and he lives his life according to his faith. He doesn’t preach that his version of faith is any better or worse than anyone else’s and he has lessons that speak to us all. When I first became a pagan, I thought I was being anti-dogmatic because I was so upset by how Christians acted. However, what I came to realize was that my anti-dogma was actually dogma because my views of Christianity were so negative that I considered anyone who practiced Christianity as stupid and unworthy of my respect. However, as time went on, I started to realize that my problem was not really with Christianity, but with the misogynistic version of my childhood. I’d been brought up believing that Catholics were bad, that Jews were bad, and that women were especially bad. Those experiences prevented me from seeing the beauty in Christ’s messages of healing and love.
It was only when I became a fully actualized grownup and spent some time actually reading the words of Christ and studying his life, that I realized he was a healer and some would say a shaman. I realized that he appreciated women and treated them as equals and that his was a message of love and not division. I’m comfortable in my own very eclectic spirituality, but learning the truth about Christianity has helped me to let go of my own dogma as I’ve realized that dogma in any way shape or form can hurt people if it is based on a doctrine of fear and othering. I’ve started to look for teachers and lessons from all faiths as I’ve realized that most faiths do have something beautiful and positive to offer.
Gratitudes
I’m grateful for the good call to review recruiting and onboarding
I’m grateful for the beautiful weather
I’m grateful for the creativity Cam and I are expressing
I’m grateful for cuddling with Wendy
I’m grateful for yummy Pizza
I’m grateful for the awesome salad that I had
I’m grateful for being caught up on my homework
I’m grateful for Sean taking the doggos for a walk
———————————————————————————————————————-
July 26, 2019
First Impressions: Rules, being rigid, being uncaring
Book: Teaching about sacred growth that lay behind everyday reality, offers the best and the worst of past teachings, up to me to decide which to pass on
Guidance: Comprehend your relationship with the sacred at a profound level
Journaling
I chose this card today because I’m feeling beaten up and abused and totally disrespected. I ended up with a new boss today and she is the completely wrong boss for where I am in building my practice. She is learning her new role, has no exposure to what I’ve been doing, and now I’ve been asked to give her time to get up to speed. That is fucking bullshit, why do I have to put what I’m doing on hold because of an org structure change. I have busted my ass for two years to get here and I’m finally on the verge of actually achieving something and I’m told to wait. It’s like I’m being asked to give more than I have to give.
After I heard the news, I asked for my reporting structure to be changed and outlined my reasons. I was pretty much told no way in hell, it doesn’t matter if you now fail, just wait. That is such a horrible answer. My reasons weren’t listened to and I felt totally disrespected. The thing is that my VP is usually pretty awesome so this response just seems like he made a knee jerk response that I was challenging his authority. My mentor has told me it will all work out and to be patient, but my gut reaction says it won’t and that I’ll have to start all over. I feel like I get told everyone else matters more than me and that I will never get ahead. It is not a good feeling when I work my tail off and always have for everything I’ve gotten.
However, this card is telling me that there is growth to be had out of this experience. I hate that message because I’m tired of having everything be a growth experience. Why can’t I just have a good life? Why does everything have to be a growth experience. I’m also being told to trust. I don’t do trust. Trust is the most difficult thing in the universe for me because people I have trusted to do right by me have totally f*ed me over from my mother, to my ex husband, etc. They deliberately hurt me and they should have had my back. So now I’m asked to put my financial security in someone else’s hands and trust. The thing is that the people I’m being asked to trust have always done right by me and have always had my back, but this is a whole other level. I’m being asked to trust that this will turn out.
Gratitudes
I’m grateful for John’s support
I’m grateful for Ted’s support
I’m grateful for chilling out outside with the dog’s
I’m grateful for the yummy salad
I’m grateful for air conditioning
I’m grateful for the quiet house
I’m grateful for a decent night’s sleep
I’m grateful no one broke into the house
——————————————————————————————————————-
November 11, 2016
First Impressions: Social order, traditional structures, teachers
Book: Leader and teacher, symbol of human kindnesses greatest achievement, respect the achievement
Guidance: Respect the achievements of generations past, use that knowledge to curate with beauty and wisdom, make sure beliefs make sense to your own heart
Journaling
Interesting meaning of the heirophant in holistic tarot. It is all about the keeper of secrets and concealment. It was an odd day today as I pocket dialed X multiple times today. this lawsuit has me really rattled and he always makes me feel safe. I feel as if nothing can go wrong as long as he’s got my back. Today was hard as i started to feel like i care for him more than he cares for me. That’s not a space I like to be in.
July 6, 2019
I obviously wrote the above when I was in a very bad space. Three years ago I already knew that I cared for him way more than he cared for me, but the lawsuit made me feel scared and lonely so I was clinging to an illusion. I know why this card made me think of him though and that is because the hierophant was always the card that came up for him when Scott and I read. When I look at this in retrospect, I believe it is because he represents the patriarchy and the belief that there is an order to the world and that men are at the top of that order.
That is the belief that I had for so long as I thought that because I was a woman I could never be strong or confident. However, I’ve realized that that is not true and that I can be strong, confident, and amazing. I am just as good as a man. I work just as hard and I am just as smart. I’m also starting to see women who are leaders and who are doing an amazing job at it. The stereotype that I grew up with was that women stayed at home and they just had little jobs to keep them busy if they got bored, but they certainly could never be a real leader. However, that is bulls*t. I’m sure that my daddy believed that because the bible says that women should not lead men, but that’s just a fallacy.
—————————————————————————————————————————-
October 30, 2016
Card: Hierophant, pulled reversed
First Impressions: Going my own way, living on my terms
Book: Rebelling, eccentricity, originality of ideas, taking the unconventional path through life
Guidance: Follow your own path, don’t go along with the crowd
Journaling
I could read the significance of this card in several ways. I’m choosing to view it as being about my need to be my own person and not follow all the arbitrary rules of life. Another potential reading is about walking away from X as he is a very traditional person and for a while I kept getting this card when asking about him.
May 25, 2018
I’m realizing that a lot of the guidance I got at this time in my life was so meaningful as it came right before my 50th birthday and the cards were really encouraging me to be my own person and to live my own life. This is another card that is all about being your own person and not following the same path that everyone else has followed. This has always been hard for me, because I like to be liked and sometimes I will live according to other people’s rules until I can’t take it any longer and lash out. That always surprises everyone because they assumed that I was fine with the way things are going.
One of my goals for this year is to live a more authentic life and to be more true to myself and stop living according t everyone else’s rules.
——————————————————————————————————————
April 25, 2016
Card: The High Priest
First Impressions: Rules, order, structure
Book: Inner teacher, teaching and guiding in a stable and real manner, practical, following inner inclinations
Guidance: Jump to the realm of inner guidance
Affirmation: I open my heart to channel the wisdom within
Journaling:
This was the perfect card to pull today as I’ve felt myself pulled hither and yon between people on this. I need to use the methodology as a guide and do what I consider the right thing.
April 28 Revisit
I tend to view the HP as about order, structure, and the establishment, but this card is telling me to embrace my own inner wisdom and trust my own instincts. I will do great at this and other things will come up. It will work out and I will succeed. it’s also telling me to listen to my gut about people as well. I need to do what feels right and church doesn’t feel right. I think the truth of the matter is that I don’t want close friends who are all up in my business. I want people to hang out with and be social with. I’ve been hurt too often by so called friends.
————————————————————————————————————————–
April 26, 2016
 |
Teacher
Gaian Tarot |
Journaling:
This card is reminding me to be open to all wisdom from all sources and to be in touch with the divine spark within me. It also is a reminder that having both roots and wings can help us to succeed. This card is about being able to traverse all worlds as the tree of life allows us to access the upper world, the middle world, and the lower world.
This card is about recognizing that being a teacher is not just about passing down wisdom, it is also about being willing to receive it and being able to open our ears and our hearts and listen to the messages we are receiving.
The book indicates that this is a sign that a teacher may appear or that I may be ready to be a teacher to others. One of my questions is why does it have to be an either or? Can’t I be a student and a teacher at the same time?
Crazy Saint–Trust in our knowledge. Be secure in ourselves and let go of what other people think of us. The book also asks whether or not I know the names of plants in my area, which may mean I am being guided to be rooted and grounded in my home.
December 25, 2017
This card is speaking to me today as I’m exploring both teaching and learning. I know that I have wisdom to offer others, but I’m struggling with whether or not I want the responsibility of guiding others. I think I need to come to a new understanding of what teaching is and maybe it is about guiding not so much teaching. For me, teaching comes with the responsibility to grade and to judge. However, being a guide means I provide input, but not grades.
I also love the guidance about learning the plants where I live. I’m working to be more connected to my home and to truly learn to appreciate the flora and fauna that surround me.
Cairn by Cairn 