king of pentacles – Cairn by Cairn

Deliberate Draw: Sage of Pentacles

First Impressions: Wisdom, at peace with the world, power

Book: Rules with steady hand and kind heart, no need to prove himself to anyone

Guidance: Find your own stable center

Journaling

Interesting card for me to pull as I’ve been feeling very centered lately. My loving kindness practice has really helped me to be more self possessed and in control of my emotions. It has really helped me let go of the need to be loved and admired. I think the root of it is that I’ve realized that I can love and admire myself and that’s okay. I don’t need anyone else’s approval but my own and realizing that has helped me let go of clinging and needing to be with someone. I’ve realized that I am the master of my own universe and that I am responsible for my actions and there is no one else to blame or to look for for approval.

Knowing that I can make my own decisions without having to pander to anyone else’s thoughts or concerns is amazingly liberating.

Shadow Work–Day 25

What am I settling for in my relationships?

Warrior Three is about waiting and watching. For me, it represents sitting on the sidelines while other people are in center stage. This card is also about teamwork and being part of a larger group. I don’t want to be part of a larger group. I want to be someone’s one and only and not part of a group of friends.

Maker King in this position is about being my own king and being responsible for myself. I enjoy being independent and taking care of myself, but sometimes it gets lonely to be the one that is always responsible for taking care of things.

Death is an interesting card to come up in this position and I’m not sure what it tells me about what I am settling for in relationships. What it may tell me is that I am holding on to things that I should let go of because they are no longer serving my needs. Sometimes in order to move on, we need to let go of things that are holding me back. I’m wondering if this card is telling me that I need to let go of my infatuation with someone and cut that cord so that I can have a deeper and more real relationship. This card is also about shedding and one of my words for this year is shedding as in getting rid of things that no longer serve me. This card seems to be telling me it truly is time to shed those relationships.

Serenity Spread

Serenity can be an easy concept to grasp, but a hard emotion to master. As I’ve been doing more and more lately, I turned to my Tarot cards to help me figure out how to have serenity in my life.

I developed a spread based on my personal adaption of the serenity prayer:

Deity,

Grant me gratitude for all that I have

Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Grant me courage to change the things I can

And grant me the wisdom to know the difference

Grant me patience to accept the changes that take time

Grant me compassion and grace for those with different struggles

And the strength to get up and try again, one day at a time

Blessed Be

The Spread

This spread is designed to ask for guidance on key attributes from the prayer.

Card 1–What am I grateful for?
Card 2–What in my life can’t I change? What are the things I have to accept?
Card 3–What in my life can I change? What things do I need to have courage to change?
Card 4–How will I know the difference?
Card 5–How can I be patient?
Card 6–How can I be compassionate toward others?
Card 7–How can I find my strength?
Card 8–How can I find my serenity?

My reading

Card 1–What am I grateful for?

Eight of Wands (R)

The opportunity to slow down and take my time instead of rushing full steam ahead. Although rushing full speed ahead is exciting, it doesn’t give me the opportunity to be thoughtful and methodical.

Card 2–What in my life can’t I change? What are the things I have to accept?

Moon

My intuition and my connectedness. Even though I sometimes try to disconnect, the connection is always there and when I am out of alignment, I feel it. I also can’t change that there is chaos and confusion. I cannot control the world.

Card 3–What in my life can I change? What things do I need to have courage to change?

King of Pentacles (R)

I can change my attitude and quit being a snob about money and valuing people based on how much they make. I can also change my financial situation and my own attitude toward money and move from poverty consciousness to prosperity consciousness.

Card 4–How will I know the difference?

7 of Cups (R)

I can let go of delusions especially around thinking that I have control of all situations. I can come down to earth and let go of false hopes.

Card 5–How can I be patient?

Page of Wands (R)

I can let things go and accept that it is not all about me. I can also accept that other people are sometimes slower than I am and that life gets complicated sometimes.

Card 6–How can I be compassionate toward others?

Knight of Wands (R)

I can let go of my ego and accept that not everyone has the same interests and skills that I do. I need to look at the bigger picture and not be so selfish and all about my own self interests.

Card 7–How can I find my strength?

Five of Swords (R)

I put down my sword and quit being on the defensive all the time: My strength is in vulnerability. Additionally I can open myself up to change.

Card 8–How can I find my serenity?

Queen of Wands (R)

I can get organized and I can support and applaud other people. I need to let go of my jealousy and competitive spirit.

My Artwork

Here is the background I created for this spread. I modeled it after a painting that I

have called SkyFan.

And here it is with the copies of the cards glued on.

BEAR Spread

I’ve been feeling a little out of sorts lately for a lot of reasons. I’ve got a great new job, but I’m not traveling and I’m home doing a lot of administrative stuff until I get placed on a project. It’s great getting paid, but I’m getting a little bored and am missing human interaction. I’m also lonely because work provides a lot of my people interaction. I generally travel four days a week, have intense interactions with people at work, and then I’m home for three days. That normally suits me well, but I’ve been home for the better part of two months and I am bored, lonely, and a little depressed.

All of the above are contributing to my feelings, but I wanted to know if there was something else behind it so I created the BEAR spread. BEAR is the acronym I use for how I deal with anger and other uncomfortable emotions. It stands for:

Breathe–I take deep breaths, meditation, do whatever it takes to calm down so I’m rational and not out of my mind with anger.
Embrace--It’s all too easy for me to shame myself for having “negative” emotions like anger or fear so I remind myself that anger, rage, etc. are normal human emotions.
Analyze--Sometimes the reason for my anger is clear, but other times it takes a little digging to figure out what I’m really feeling.
Release–After I know what i’m feeling, I take time to release my feelings. If I’m lonely I cry, if I’m angry at someone I might talk to them, or I might smash dishes to release my anger.

Since I wasn’t sure quite was bothering me, I decided to pull some cards to figure it out and I designed the BEAR spread.

Card 1–Breathe (How can I deal with my feelings right now?)
Card 2–Embrace (How can I embrace my feelings right now?)
Card 3–Analyze (What am I really feeling? What is the real trigger?)
Card 4–Release (How can I release my anger/sadness, etc. right now?)
Card 5–Outcome (what is the outcome?)

The cards I pulled were all reversed, which in itself tells me that I have some analysis and self work to do. None of them were overly bad, but all serve as a warning that I need to evaluate my emotions and figure things out.

Card 1–Breathe (How can I deal with my feelings right now?)

Five of Pentacles (R)

The five of pentacles reversed is telling me that I need to come in from the cold. The only way to solve the isolation and loneliness I’m feeling is to reach out to people. There are resources available, but I have to choose to take advantage of them. I get this card a lot so I think I really need to pay attention to it.

Card 2–Embrace (How can I embrace my feelings right now?)

Two of Pentacles (R)

I need to stop juggling the balls that are everyone else’s and focus on what is mine. I need to set boundaries with my kids and hold them accountable. I also have to put myself first sometimes which means not staying up until midnight when my son comes home from work. If there is a problem, he will call me and my staying up is not going to do anything except make me exhausted. I need to quit numbing myself with sugar and pay attention to what I eat and quit making excuses for eating garbage.

Card 3–Analyze (What am I really feeling? What is the real trigger?)

King of Pentacles (R)

The King of Pentacles reversed is telling me a lot. He’s telling me that I’m wondering if my only value to people is what I bring to the table financially. Do people really like me or is it what I can do for them? And that ties back to my primary social outlet being work. Another of the meanings is that I’m afraid of commitment and I don’t have people in my life because of my fear. And this theme shows up in almost every reading I do. I’m not thrilled, but my guess is that it will keep showing up until I do something about it.

Card 4–Release (How can I release my anger/sadness, etc. right now?)

Queen of Swords (R)

The Queen is telling me I’ve been letting my emotions rule and it is time to sit back and use my brain as well as my heart. Yes I may feel lonely, but for me loneliness right now is a a choice because I am choosing not to go out and meet people. I need to analyze and use my brain to come up with a solution.

Card 5–Outcome (what is the outcome?)

Page of Wands (R)

The Page is telling me that new friendships, relationships, etc. will not be handed to me. I need to take the queens advice and use my brain to start planning outings where I will meet people. I also have to quit using my job as an excuse because I’ve been home for eight weeks and still haven’t really ventured out much.

I’m not terribly thrilled with what these cards are telling me, but I realize that like all messages from the cards they are telling me that I am personally responsible and that it is within my power to change my life. And maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

I also wanted to share a picture of my unadorned Bear Claw. I created this two years ago in honor of The Morrigan.