Tag: Gaian Tarot

Two of Water (Reversed)

Two of Cups
Gaian Tarot

First Impressions:  This is a card of unconditional love.  I love how she is hugging her dog, you can totally feel the love coming off of both of them.  As this card is reversed, it is talking to me of love withheld.

Journaling:

Again I’m getting a card about ending relationships and about co-dependency.  I know it is time to let go of a X and move on. He’s pulled away and it is time for me to let go and accept that it isn’t going to happen.  The sad thing is that I really miss his friendship.  I miss having someone in my life who knows me that well.

Even if there may be a time in the future when we are meant to be together, that time is not now.  Now is the time to open my heart to love and ask the universe for guidance as to what I want in a relationship.  It is time open my heart and manifest the relationship that is right for me.

It is also the time to let go of my anger at my mother.  She is who she is and I cannot change her.  I don’t want to say she is incapable of learning and /or growing, but at the end of the day it is not my problem.  I have to accept her as she is and choose what our relationship looks like.  I tried to let her into my life on a limited basis and she chose to break that trust.  Maybe I need to look at this from a different perspective:  I chose to cut her out of my life because it was the best choice for me, just like John chose to walk away because it was the best choice for him.

December 29, 2017

The end of my marriage still bothers me a lot and the farther away I get and the more able I am to put things into perspective, I realize that it doesn’t bother me that it ended, it bothers me the way it ended and that John treated me with such disrespect.  He told the kids before me, he didn’t help move out or settle the house, he expected me to just live there by myself.  However, as I told Cam about something else today, when people treat you like crap that is all about them!  It shows that he is a totally crappy person with no manners and he is not someone I need in my life.

The very best lesson I learned from my marriage is that I deserve respect and that if someone does not treat me with respect, they are not in my life for long.

Five of Fire (Reversed)

Five of Fire
Gaian Tarot

First Impressions:  This is a card of taking chances and of danger.  Reversed, it may be about playing it safe.

Journaling:

I’m going to be really honest and say that when I pulled this card, I did not want to write about it because frankly I’m tired of writing about anger, disappointment, fear, and all these other painful emotions.  I’m tired of sorting through that nastiness.  I’m ready to move on and be happy.  However, every time I think I’m ready to move on, the crap reaches up from where I think I’ve buried it.  I’ve worked so hard to move on, but today was full of triggers from losing files that I needed to having to deal with other people’s emotional baggage. 

December 29, 2017

The one thing that strikes me as I read this is that I have a choice to be triggered or not.  I can choose to take on other people’s emotional baggage or I can choose to put on a teflon coat and not take on other people’s junk.  That’s a choice I make.  One of the best lessons I ever learned from Al-Anon is about not getting mired down in other people’s garbage.  If someone is having a bad day, I can offer sympathy or support, but I don’t have to take on their junk.  I’m not always wonderful at it, but I’m getting a lot better.

Child of Air (Reversed)

Child of Air
Gaian Tarot

First Impressions:  This card has such a sense of innocence about it as the girl is surrounded by butterflies as she stands in the clouds.  One of the things I did not notice until just now is that the butterflies are in the shape of an S.  As I drew this card reversed, it tells me that I am tuned out.

Book:  Afraid to explore new ideas or make changes because of critical voices, banish negative thoughts

Journaling

Not being attuned to the messages around me.  Not being in communication with the universe.  Since this card is reversed, it could also symbolize the heavy weight of grief weighing me down again.  There are days I feel as if I am just mired in grief.

This is another card that is telling me that I need to heal and move on, but the question is how do I heal and move on as I have done so much healing work.  However, I feel this is the final push through the grief and letting go.  I need to make one last push to let go of it all.

December 29, 2017

Wow!  This was profound as I really feel as if Tarot has been the final spiritual practice that has pushed me to grow and let go of all the garbage.  What Tarot does for me is that it engages both my intuition and my logic.  Reading the meanings is about logic, but because the readings engage my brain, they free up my intuition to make their own connections.  I also think that actually having a daily practice where I’ve committed to pulling a card and journaling every single day helps.  I know that I will put myself out there day after day.

I’ve also come to accept that there are always going to be days where I feel stuck, sad, grief-stricken, etc.  However, I can choose to acknowledge those feelings and use logic if they aren’t rooted in logic to help me move past those feelings.  I also need to make up my decisions with real world actions and I’ve been starting to do that more and more.  I really really wanted to go to Chicago for my birthday, but I knew that would mean meeting X for lunch and having a reading and those things would have drug me right back into my obsession.  Deliberately choosing not to go to Chicago meant I got to keep my distance.  Although, I still miss the food as Mexican food really sucks in the CLE.


Child of Earth

Child of Earth
Gaian Tarot

First Impressions:  This card is a card of innocence.  I love how big the apple is compared to the child’s hands and how he looks so studious.  This card makes me think of intensity, protection, a child’s heart, contemplation, innocence, and being aware

Journaling:

Exploring the earth, happiness, being attuned to my intuition and divine wisdom and knowing in my soul what makes me happy.  Letting go of pretenses.  I know what would make me happy:  coming home every night.

May 8, 2016

This card is about exploring, but it is also about innocence and trusting the universe to provide.  Maybe I need to trust the universe to provide what I need and to quit trying to control everything.

January 2, 2018

As I reflect on the almost two years since I pulled this card, I’m realizing that the message was to get tuned into earth and to let go of all the crap that has built up in my soul and is keeping me separated from my intuition and from my innocence.  It is innocence that helps us reclaim our connection to the divine by eliminating all the doubts and fears that keep us from believing that there is something bigger than ourselves out there.  When we are able to let go of that fear and find the happiness within our soul, we can find that divine spark within ourselves and within others.