Dreamer Queen – Cairn by Cairn

Shadow Work–Day 19

What part of my shadow do I need to use more?

Maker Four tells me I need to learn to say no to obligations, etc. that are not in my best interest. I shouldn’t say yes to things that mean I end up spending the entire weekend working with no down time. I need to learn to set better boundaries. It also means I need to stop using work to escape into and as an excuse to not meet people.

Dreamer Three tells me that I need to feel the heartbreak and let it go. I need to accept the cleansing relief that letting go of the pain can bring. I need to lean into the pain instead of running away from it.

Dreamer Queen tells me to think things through and to use my logic and not just my heart. Dreamer Queen is a stalker card as she has shown up multiple times.

Up until now my readings for this work have been spot on and have made a lot of sense. I struggled with this reading as the cards did not seem to make sense for the question. I’m going to continue to pray and meditate on it and the cards may make more sense later.

Shadow Work–Day 17

What is the main cause of my negative traits in relationships?

Dreamer Queen is back to tell me that one of the causes of my negative traits in relationships is that I live in my head and that I prefer books to people. Oddly enough I lead with my heart at work because I love what I do, in my personal life I very much lead with my head because my head is what keeps me safe. My heart made the bad decision to marry John so I have to pay for the rest of my life by living in my head. However, I have a choice and I can choose to take a more balanced approach and listen to both my heart and my head.

Warrior Five tells me that I put obstacles in my own way by continually coming up with excuses to not find love and to not let people in. I can always find something else to occupy my time or something else to do versus letting people in and spending time with people.

Oh the cards are talkative tonight. The last card I pulled is the Hermit and that is so true because I would rather stay in my comfort zone than get out and meet people. Oddly enough, this card rankles me sometimes because my ex used to say I was a hermit and it made me angry because he said it in such a derogatory manner. When we divorced, I embraced being a hermit because it meant that I could control who came into my life and I didn’t have to play by his rules anymore. However, I may have gone too far and built the walls too high.

Shadow Work–Day 16

What negative aspects of my shadow do I project?

As much as I love the Dancer Two card in its aspect of soulmate, the message it gives me about this question is that I often turn my back to people I love. If things get too emotionally intense, I will back away and be standoffish rather than be emotionally available and open to another person. I also tend to pull away when conversations get too personal. I don’t like to let people in because of my fear of being hurt so I walk away and show my back.

The flip side of this is Dreamer Ten which tells me that if I get comfortable with someone I can bleed my emotional pain all over someone else. Up until recently, I’ve taken emotional hostages and expected them to be my emotional support human and take whatever pain and ick I’ve dredged up. If they pulled back or had their own issues, I got angry because they weren’t there for me in the the way I needed them to be there for me.

Dreamer Queen sitting on her pile of books tells me that when I am in uncomfortable situations, I approach them from a place of the mind and not the heart. This reminds me of my original list of qualifications for a partner. Because my ex was basically a deadbeat, my first criteria for being with someone was that they made as much or more than I do. A lot of people pointed out to me that I was ruling out a lot of potential partners on something arbitrary. They made the argument that a lot of guys were not like my ex and were self supporting and would not have their ego’s bruised by someone making more money than they did. To a certain extent, I see their point, but my fear has kept me from removing that criteria.

As always with the Tarot of the Sidhe, I’m getting a lot of good reads that are truly speaking truths I need to hear.