Tag: Dreamer Eight

Shadow Work–Day 12

How do I integrate my shadow?



Dreamer King tells me to cut through the illusions and the bullshit.  I have spent enough time working on healing work that I know it is bullshit to think everyone will treat me like my ex-husband.  I also need to cut through my old beliefs that came from my misogynistic upbringing.  I do not need a man to be happy.  I do not need a man to be successful.  It would be nice to have someone to hang out with and confide in, but I am a fully functional human being all by myself without anyone else.  That is a really hard concept for me because I saw how divorced women were treated when I grew up (and yes that was in the 70’s and 80’s).  Divorced women were to be pitied for not being able to keep their men and they were expected to either go out and get a new man or to move in with their parents.  Intellectually I know that is total garbage, but I guess there was a part of me that believed that bullshit.  Dreamer King tells me that I have the responsibility to let go of that way of thinking.

Dancer Two is a card that I love because it shows the soul mates back to back instead of face to face.  I like this because it tells me that soul mates can be connected and always be there for the other, but that being soulmates doesn’t mean I have to be completely focused on the other person.  Even though we are partners and together, we can still have our own lives and our own interests.  This is the complete opposite of my marriage where John said he wanted us to build our own interests, but every time I tried he sabotaged me.  I wanted to go back to school and he put up road blocks.  I started working out after work and he started taking an earlier train so I’d have to pick him up sooner.  He also expected me to be interested in everything he did and got pouty when I wasn’t interested in football.  That is now how a relationship should work and that is the very clear message I’m getting from Dancer Two.

Dreamer Eight tells me that I sometimes get caught up in my own illusions and it is okay to cut through them and to recognize them for what they are.  I have chosen to trap myself and it is time to free myself.  I have it within my power to cut through everything that is holding me back and to step out of the trap.  All that is holding me back is my own beliefs.  This card has come up multiple times lately as it came up for my card of the day on Friday and it came up when someone read for me.  The universe is screaming at me that it is time to step out of my own constraints.

Shadow Work–Day 5

What parts of my ancestral shadow are found in my own shadow

The first  card I pulled was the Sun and I’m not sure how to interpret this card for this position.  I think the best I could come up with is the hive mentality.  The fairy queen is pulling me in to follow the hive up the mountain and that truly fits my ancestral background as they had no tolerance for people who were different or who went their own way.  If you chose to be different, you were mocked or “put in your place.”  This card should be about success and joy, but the way it is drawn the success and joy feels almost ominous.  I almost get a feeling of the borg out of this card as it is about assimilating people.

Dreamer eight is about being trapped in a web and it follows along with my interpretation of the sun
card.  This is about being pulled in and not knowing what is reality and not knowing what is smoke and mirrors.  This reflects both my family and my relationship with John as I was constantly told things that were not true.  I was told that I was unattractive, that women could not lead, that I was nothing.  It gets to the point that you don’t know what is the truth anymore and it is all too easy to lose yourself in the lies and keep yourself trapped because you don’t know what reality is.

The Wheel of Fortune is an interesting card as it is all about fate and about believing in fate and not free will. The one thing that strikes me about this card is that the fairy is offering food and it seems that is almost an attempt to draw me in and to pull me into the games.  This card is also about gambling and that is something that makes sense based on my mother’s history with lottery tickets.