Dark Goddess Tarot – Page 2

Hanged One

Hanged One
Dark Goddess

First Impressions: I love this card because not only is she hanging upside down in water, her limbs are all akimbo and I’m not sure exactly how she is staying together in the water. The Hanged One (man) is always about changing my perspective and looking at things from a different point of view.

Book: What has been, what lives in hidden places, Goddess of the Mother, of the gods, Mother of All, existence killed by her own young.

Guidance: Surrender, but remember who you are; trust your intuition and be open to it, look at things from a different point of view.

Journaling

Surrender is such a foreign concept to me. I’ve always been someone who fights to the bloody, brutal end so the thought of surrendering and letting go always seems to me like giving up. However, past experience has taught me that when I do truly surrender to deity, amazing things happen. It is hard though because I always want to snatch back control.

Dearest Ones,

Help me to trust you enough to let go. Let me trust that I a being led and that things will work out exactly the way they are supposed to work out. Let me trust you have my best intentions at heart.

January 1, 2018

I’m still getting used to writing 2018! One thing I have learned in my life is that life does move on and that surrendering means that I don’t have to control everything. Over the past few years, my definition of surrendering has evolved from giving up total control and sitting there passively to trusting that I will be led and doing the work I need to do. It’s kind of like managing a project, I cannot control how every consultant spends every minute of their day so I need to set the structure and trust them to do what they’re supposed to do.

Trust is as difficult of a concept for me as surrender so sitting back and not micromanaging is hard for me. However, when I do sit back and trust others, things work out amazingly well.

Daily Draw: Ace of Fire

Ace of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: This card speaks to me of peace, of cleanliness, of harmony. The body of the goddess mirrors the temple behind her. I also love how she is holding both wood and fire.

Book: Revere the source, keep power pure, Roman goddess of fire and the hearth, Virgin, woman onto herself, temple, awaken in nature

Guidance: Situation has deep roots and a bright future, Acknowledge your desire, do not allow others to skew your vision, do what makes your spark shine

Journaling:

This card feels like a spark plug to me. A reminder of the divine spark within all of us that keeps us holy. All too often we allow this spark to go out or become dirty and covered in grime. When that happens, we often start to lose our appreciation for the spark of the divine in others.

It is so easy to dehumanize others and to place them in an other category. I’m really pissed at my co-project lead right now because he wants to meet twice a week next week even though everyone is on PTO. However, I’ve had to take a step back and realize two things:

I have a job to complain about and that is definately something to be grateful for.
He is usually pretty good to work with so I’ll take that as a positive and let go of this as it will all work itself out in the end

December 29, 2017

We ended up only having daily checkpoints and not twice daily checkpoints so it was not that horrible. I also did a great job of doing the checkpoint and letting go. I was afraid I was going to be spending all week stewing about how I had to have these stupid checkpoints, etc, etc. However, I talked myself off the ledge by reminding myself that it was 20 minutes out of my day and answering a few emails. It was not a big deal and when I talked myself off the ledge and put it in context, I was ale to just let go and appreciate my week.

Eight of Fire

Eight of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: My first impressions are of a beautiful red fire goddess falling into a small village. There is a sense of haste and purpose.

Book: Let the rush lead to a new awakening, Inviting change in, a great energetic shift, seducing people to follow impossible dreams.

Guidance: Get out of the way and go for the ride, invite the Goddess in, follow your desire

Journaling:

I’m not sure what to do with this energy. A feel there is a change a’brewing, but I don’t truly know what I want in my life. I don’t know. Part of me just wants peace in my life. I don’t want to change the world or just buy things. I just want peace. I want to wake up and look into my soul and clean away the debris that has accumulated there. I want to live a simple life, but how do I get there? How do I live a contemplative life while still being in the world.

December 28, 2017

This week has been a really good experience for me in letting go and choosing to live in peace. I’m not thrilled that we have to have daily meetings to resolve defects, but I’ve realized that I have choice: I can choose to let the 30 minute daily meeting ruin my entire day or I can choose to say, this is 30 minutes that I need to spend doing this, but then I’m done. It really is a choice and I’ve been doing a good job of choosing to do the meeting and let go. That is so much progress for me because before I would have spent the entire day in a snit because I had to have this one 30 minute meeting.

I’m also doing a good job of choosing to let go of not being able to spend as much time cleaning the house as I want to. It’s really hard to clean around people and to a certain extent that annoys me, but I can choose to get all angry and pissy about them sitting there or I can just choose to relax and do something else. It is my choice.

Seven of Air

Seven of Air
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: Ellen does a great job with this card in giving us the sense of the thief as Laverna is turned toward something gesturing while behind her back she holds a bag of money. I didn’t realize it when I first drew this card, but there are seven columns. I love this card and even though I didn’t not consciously look at the card, my very first impressions were ones of a thief and dishonesty.

Book: Succeeding through ill-gotten gains, hiding in the shadows

Guidance: Think outside of the box, think of another way, work for your own best interests, answer may be found in silence.

Journaling:

The message I take from Laverna is to reclaim what is mine. I spend so much time and energy giving and being for others that I neglect myself. I need to make a concentrated effort to reclaim myself. I also have to acknowledge that there are days when it only feels like taking my life back is stealing because other people do not recognize my sovereignty and only see me in relation to what I can do for them. I need to reclaim myself and life my life for me and not for others. That’s easier now than when my kids were little, but it still feels awkward to say no and put my own needs first. It is something I know will continue to be a work in progress.

December 26, 2017

Pulling this card reminds me of the ritual to Laverna that Anna led. I was okay with all the Dark Goddess rituals she led until I got to this one because it was almost as if she took glee in the idea of worshiping someone who was was the patron of thieves. However, over the past few years I’ve had a lot of time to meditate and reflect. I’ve also done the meditation to Laverna from The Dark Goddess Lodge and I’ve come to a different understanding of Laverna and the Seven of Swords in general.

I’ve realized that sometimes it is right and necessary to be a “thief” as sometimes it is about reclaiming your sovereignty and reclaiming what someone stole from you. John stole so much for me and I’m finally starting to reclaim who I am. He pounded me down so hard that I lost so much of myself. I still don’t know why he chose to beat me down physically and emotionally, but I have come back and I’ve reclaimed myself.

I’m also learning that other people consider it selfish or wrong to stand up for myself and take back my time and my resources. It is not wrong to take back what is yours. In fact it is good and noble to take yourself back to a time of wholeness.

Siren of Water

Siren of Water
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: These are actually second impressions, since I’ve pulled the Siren of Water recently 😍. One of the things that is striking me as I look at this card a little deeper, is that Aphrodite looks very shapeless. We tend to think of her as being a blond bombshell, but her toga completely obscures her curves. For me, this card is about learning about emotions.

Book: Love is a risk you must take, all that enchants the spirit and arouses the body and in doing so she opens her heart.

Guidance: Look at yourself through the eyes of love and change what is possible. Admit your desire. Do or make something you love.

Journaling:

Aphrodite is not a goddess that I’ve ever been comfortable with as she seems so perfect and out of reach. She’s the cheerleader who gets all the boys while I’m the chunky nerd no one looks twice at.

Message from Aphrodite

I am not your rival. I am you. Embrace my gifts of beauty and sensuality. Let go of the fear in your heart about not being pretty enough or sexy enough. These are old messages. You are beautiful, kind, loving, and have a beautiful heart. I am not your rival, I can be your coach and friend if you can open up your heart and trust.

December 28, 2018

Wow! As I read back over this, I have chills as this is an amazingly powerful message. I know there are pretty girls that are mean girls, but maybe there are pretty girls who are pretty inside and out. I always put up my defenses around pretty girls, but maybe I shouldn’t.

One of the hardest lessons I’m learning right now is that beauty truly does come from the inside out. I know that I struggle with that as looking in the mirror and not seeing a perfect size 6 makes me feel bad about myself. It has been a struggle to start to look for the good in myself and to find my inner Aphrodite. I do know that cutting off people who do not support me and encourage me has helped me tremendously. I spent my entire childhood believing that the right way to show love was to discourage people and constantly give them unwanted advice. It was about “correcting” people by telling them they smelled like an old fisherman while in the market, even though there wasn’t anything I could do about it at the time. It was about being passive aggressive and talking about me to others instead of being direct. It was about “bringing me down a peg.”

In reality, none of those things are love. Those are simply acts of cruelty. It doesn’t matter if it was my mother who did them, they were acts of cruelty and abuse. True love builds people up and doesn’t tear them down. The only good thing out of that entire experience, is that I’ve learned what love is and by not following the bitch’s crappy example, I can show my kids true love by encouraging them and supporting them.

Witch of Earth

Witch of Earth
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: I initially thought this card was showing Inanna welcoming a lover in a cave, which would be Ereshkigal’s domain. However, she is welcoming a lover in a bower, drawing him with her loveliness. Inanna always speaks to me of death and rebirth.

Book: Make magic in your partnership with natural forces, storehouse where grain was stored awaiting transformation into grain, Inanna’s body was one with the earth.

Guidance: Learn your plant allies, express your creativity through baking, or other trans-formative actions, approach everyday tasks with a sense of service.

Journaling:

One of the things I have been working on is to approach life with a sense that we are all in this together. I’ve also been working hard to foster kindness, especially with people in service positions. I know people often look down on service workers and/or are nasty to them, but anyone doing an honest and hard job deserves to be appreciated. It doesn’t take any more effort to be kind to people than to be nasty and I feel so much better about myself when I am kind.

December 27, 2018

In some ways it feels weird to equate kindness with Inanna, because I always think of her and her sister together and she definitely was not kind to Ereshkigal. She went down and invaded her home with her uppity attitude as if she was the queen of the underworld and had the right to treat people like crap. In my mind she deserved to get her comeuppance as she was a bitch.

However, my personal feelings about the myths aside, when I think about the sign at the Ritz-Carlton, “Ladies and Gentleman taking care of Ladies and Gentleman.” That slogan put people on an equal footing and conveyed the message that everyone was worth of respect. I try to approach life like that because I am no better or worse than anyone else, I’m just a person trying to get by.

I have to be honest and say that if anything, it took me a long time to get over the thought that I was worse than or less than other people. I always thought that I deserved the scraps and that it was okay if people disrespected me. I’ve put a lot of hard work into changing that impression of myself and most days, I feel good about myself.

Witch of Water

Witch of Water
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: I’m filled with deep despair as I look at this card. She appears so alone and so lonely.

Book: Every situation ends in the sea, there to use anew, salt water, purification

Guidance: Demonstrate your ethics and beliefs on a regular basis, look beyond form to essence, purify

Journaling:

As I reflect on this card, the image I get is of a water witch creating a water sprite. I’m reminded of the amazing power water has to both create and destroy. Water is one of the most compelling things because of its changing nature. However, as I reflect on this, I realize that wind and fire have the same qualities as they can be soft or hellacious. It seems that only earth is solid all the time.

December 18, 2017

I feel the power of water moving through me lately. It is fluid and dynamic and helps to clear away that which no longer serves me.

December 27, 2017

There have been times lately where I have truly felt stuck by what is going around in my life. I’ve felt trapped and as if things will never change. However, right now I feel as if amazing things are right around the corner and my job is to be fluid and dynamic and be open to change. I’m not always very open to change, but right now I feel like it will all bring good things.

Five of Earth

Five of Earth
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: Demeter is so sad and desolate on this card. I feel the barrenness of the earth as if all of the life has been taken away. This is definitely a card of loss and the need to come in from the cold. There is a different kind of barrenness outside my window today as it is cold and snowy and the darkness is creeping over the world even though it is just 4 pm.

Book: Give no part of yourself to that which does not sustain you.

Guidance: Accept the fallow times as part of the cycle, release expectation

Journaling:

I love and needed to hear the messages of this card today. I am so impatient that I fail to see all the wonders around me. I get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of every day that I often forget that the best things in life take time. Demeter also reminds me of the importance of taking time to mourn and be still within myself.

December 13, 2017

Although it wasn’t the main plot line on NCIS NOLA last night, the interplay between Dwayne and his dad was meaningful to me. The idea of being free of a parent is so liberating. I think I have been trying so hard to be the “modern woman” that I’ve forgotten you can have love and a career. Interesting that this is all coming up around Demeter, who lost herself in grief for her daughter.

December 18, 2017

All I need to do is to be myself. I don’t need to make up for anything or to prove anything to anyone. I just need to be me.

December 27, 2017

The message that all I need to do is be myself is so powerful and it is a lesson that I desperately needed to hear. I get so caught up in trying to live up to other people’s expectations that I forget that I just need to live life for me. I think that is why I am so adamant that my blog is mine and mine alone. It is not meant to be a place of wisdom for other people, although I am always willing to freely share what I have learned.

Eight of Water

Eight of Water
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: Sedna is always a goddess of deep despair for me based on her story. She is a powerful goddess who withholds animals from the Inuit unless they confess their taboos and appease her. She always strikes me as cold and unfeeling as if the trauma that her father put her through (cutting off her fingers) left her permanently devoid of compassion.

Book: Going deep is not an easy task, let it be worthwhile. Sedna reigns in the deep dark oceans, past the place of final breath. Sedna was betrayed by one who loved her, one she trusted, and one who was responsible to care for her. When she is treated with respect, she will release the animals from the deep and allow her people to partake of the bounty of the sea.

Guidance: Sedna’s guidance tells us to care for the child who has been betrayed. She also tells us to look at old wounds we may have below the surface and to understand the links between those woulds and our woulds.

Journaling:

Wow! This is powerful stuff and it sums up a lot of where I’m at. I’ve been betrayed and sold out by people who were supposed to love and cherish me and it hurts a lot.

Luke
February 14, 2004 to July 21, 20117
RIP

I’ve been feeling Sedna lately as I feel the despair and the betrayal. It feels as if I’m swimming in a deep soup of emotions and I’m scared to let go because I’m scared I will drown in these painful emotions. I’m scared of truly feeling my grief for Luke because I’m scared that once I let the sorrow flow out, I won’t be able to turn it back off. I’m scared to go back to the deep dark place that I was after John left. I thought I would never be able to come out of the darkness.

Message from Sedna:

There is a difference, Raine. Your’ grief for Luke is pure and unadulterated by anger or a sense of betrayal! Luke loved you with everything he had. There were no games or using. It was pure unadulterated love. You can’t say that with John as there were always games.

December 18, 2017

Dear Sedna,

Thank you for the reminder that Luke’s love was pure and unadulterated. I’ve been feeling disloyal to Luke because I’ve been fallling in love with Clark because he is so cute and energetic. I’m realizing that loving Clark doesn’t dishonor Luke. It is about opening my heart and there is room in my heart for both of them.

December 27, 2017

Wow! This was amazingly powerful! I’ve been feeling a lot of grief right now. This time of year is hard for me as all of the drama I’ve been through and the body memories from all the painful stuff that has happened in November and December. I think a lot of what I’m feeling comes down to grief and learning to grieve well. I’m realizing that it is okay to feel my feelings and that I don’t have to stuff them. If I am honest and feel my feelings when I feel them, they do not become so scary and overwhelming.

Siren of Water

Siren of Water
Dark Goddess

First Impressions: This card is beautiful and reminds me of a Botticelli painting. Aphrodite is gorgeous and the epitome of sex appeal, but she is always painted alone. She is the Goddess of Love, but she is never a goddess that I would call upon for love as she strikes me as not about love as much as about worship.

Book: Engenders desire for love, connections and communion, Passion overcoming the haughty, opening the heart.

Guidance: Love is a risk you must take, create or do something you love, admit your desire

Journaling:

This card is yet another reminder to open my heart to love. One of the things I’ve been pondering lately is who I want to be with. Is it someone I already know who knows and loves the “old” me? Or is it someone new who will just be getting to know me? There is a part of me that feels I have to move on and that I’m ready for the next phase of my life.

Someone I care about did something that I feel disrespected me and I’m not sure how to react. I know that I need respect in my life and if people can’t respect me, then they don’t need/deserve to be in my life. For me this card is about loving and respecting myself.

December 18, 2017

It was pretty cool when I was putting up the tree and found my Bremen ornament and instead of immediately thinking about who I was with in Germany, I thought about my own memories of being in Bremen around the holidays. This was huge progress for me. I know there will always be a part of me that loves him, but I’m done waiting and I’m ready to move on with my life.

December 26, 2017

I’ve gotten a lot better about putting myself first and loving myself. Maybe the message of Aphrodite is that all things are about love and pleasure and that loving ourselves can help create an atmosphere where there is more love and light in the world overall.