Tag: Daily Draw

Ten of Earth

Ten of Earth
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  My first impressions of Ala are that she is stiff and statue like and is not interacting with her people. She also is very much a goddess of fertility with the prominent breasts and the design painted on her stomach.

Book:  Kin and Kind, living and dead are all part of one another, totality of the earth in all its variety and appearances, Goddess of morality and judgement, keeper of customs and laws.

Guidance:  Let relationships go as needed, do not seek vengeance, celebrate good fortune, celebrate those whose work you admire, keep and renew your relationship with the earth

Journaling:

This reading hits where I’m at today about the need to let go of people without vengeance.  It is about shedding the ties that no longer should be binding us.  My tie to John is a big one as he hurt me badly.  I had an interesting dream last night.  I dreamed we were sleeping together and he made an amorous advance.  Initially, I responded to him, but then my dream rewound and I asked him if he loved me or if I was just convenient.  When he didn’t respond, I knew everything I needed to know.  This helped me to realize that our issues were not all about me and that he really does see women as objects.

January 20, 2018

As I read this, I’m realizing that my relationship with the earth also needs to include my relationship with my body.  This was an incredibly hard week and I lost my connection to both the earth and myself.  I spent most of my week in my head dealing with issues and lost track of the world around me.  I didn’t make time to go to the ocean or to ground myself and I’m paying the price.  This week may be just as insane, but I need to make time to ground and take care of myself.

Seven of Fire

Seven of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  I love this card because it makes me think of being a bad ass and taking charge.  The colors and background are so simple, but very profound.

Book:  Rise up or the demon’s win, Gods invoke Durga through their combined powers, tiger representing her unlimited powers, working to protect people from misery

Guidance:  Know which weapon to use for the fight, know you ground and your position and make a stand, identify your personal demons, do not give up something because it is hard.  It will be accomplished if you keep trying

Journaling

I really love the messages in this card, especially around knowing your demons.  My personal demons are low self esteem and feeling as if I always have to buy people’s friendship.  I get caught up in thinking that if I do nice things for people then they will like e and I’ve always been that way.  I remember back in high school buying gifts so guys would like e.  And I did the same thing with John.  I thought if I bought him things he would stay.  I’ve learned that if people don’t like me for who I am, than that is their loss, but people pleasing is still part of who I am.

My other demon is sugar and it is killing me, but I don’t know how to stop.

Messages from my Guides

Yes, you do!  Decide to stop. Find a substitute and be done with it.  Yes the first few days will be hard, but it is either do this or do drugs and feel the medical industry.  You are tough and strong.  You can do this.

January 9, 2018

Today was about kicking ass and taking names.  I am fed up with bullshit excuses for not doing your job.  I’m fed up with people not fucking reading emails and expecting things to be spoon fed.  I very clearly said in my email that it was for standard training material.  I was a bitch today and it kind of felt good.  I’m tired of being nice as it feels like everyone walks all over me when I’m nice. 

However, when I take a step back and look at things from a different perspective, I realize that everyone is

Six of Fire

Six of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  Epona seems to be the exalted one sitting side saddle on her horse above the other horses.  She also strikes me as lonely without any other humans for company.

Book:  Succeed on the strength of your alliances, the great mare is the source of fertility of the land, Epona provides for her people in death and life, Epona is also night mare who appears in dreams

Guidance:  Hang a horse shoe to bring blessings, make progress day by day on a task until it is done, let people help you, Know what prosperity means to you, enjoy your moment in the sun.

Journaling:

I really like the reminder on this card to know when enough is enough.  Sometimes, I get so caught up in having it all that I forget to be content with the simple things in life.  We are snowed in today and part of me wants to rush to have the driveway plowed, but there is another part of me that is content to just sit and watch the snow fall.  There is absolutely no where that we need to be today.  I can take some time and smudge the house and do some cleansing, but there is nothing that truly needs to be done today.

It makes me wonder how often I rush to do things just because instead of sitting and enjoying what is.  It is actually hard sitting here and watching the snow fall instead of rushing about.  The one thing that I should do is to go out and shove the walk for the mail man if he hasn’t come yet.

I have been gifted with so much in life.  I have a beautiful home, I live in a safe neighborhood, I have food to eat, I have people in my life who love me.  It is amazing how when you really take time to count your blessings all the old shit doesn’t seem as important.  I’m not quite at the point where I can wish my mother and John happy and wonderful lives, but I can wish that they find peace and find healing.

I’m realizing that having peace within ourselves is the most important thing in the world as when we have peace within ourselves we are not frantically searching for someone or something.  I wonder if every person on earth had peace within their soul if we would have peace on earth.  Is peace something we can teach?  Can we teach kids to find that place within themselves when they actually like and accept themselves or is that too much to ask?

January 3, 2018

It is amazing how actually taking the time to reflect on what I’ve written can improve my mood.  I’ve been in a crappy mood all day for some unknown reason.  I think it may be that our client is choosing to reduce hours and I’m a little freaked out about it.  My fears about not having a job and being laid off are rising up and overwhelming me today.  However, that is just Frankie Fear talking as in reality, nothing has changed since before the holidays.  I knew that the client wanted to reduce the hours, but seeing my hours on the project go to 5 a week is a little scary.  I know there are a couple of other things in the works, but right now I’m freaked.

Dearest Ones,

Please help me to say F* you to Frankie Fear.  Help me to realize that I will always be taken care of and that I am being guided.  Please help me to remember that I have always been taken care of and that my needs have always been met.

Blessings, Raine

Wow!  It is absolutely amazing how fast our guides work when we are open to guidance.  As I was writing this, I got a Facebook alert and there was a sponsored post for an article called “Nightmare Medicine:  How to Transform Fears into Power and Clarity.”  Although the article specifically dealt with entering your nightmares (maybe chasing away Frankie Fear?) and confronting our fears, there were pointers and tips that I could use to vanquish my waking fears as well.

And if that wasn’t enough to convince me that I am being taken care of, I logged into IHG to book my son a hotel as I get the member discounts and after I’d booked his hotel, I found I was eligible to get 25,000 points, which equates to one free night in a hotel, just for clicking a button.  I’ve been on the fence about going to the North Star Tarot Conference and the 25K points has pushed me toward taking a leap of faith and signing up.

Siren of Earth

Siren of Earth
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  I don’t like this card at first glance because it looks as if her face is on her ass.  However, when I look more closely, I realize her face is on her stomach as it is about the bawdy and wonderful things that Baubo does.  My initial thoughts on this were thinking with other parts of our body than our heads.

Book:  This is the life in the belly:  raw, ridiculous, sublime; Goddess of the belly laugh, power of laughter to activate the power of creativity.  This is the time for feminine renewal and sexuality

Guidance:  Laugh and smile deliberately, explore your body, explore physicality, be outlandish

Journaling:

I love the reminder to be bawdy and explore my uncivilized self.  I’m not sure how I feel about being in the company of women as that’s always been disappointing for me.  I’ve never been comfortable with women.  I feel relations with women are stilted and as if they don’t get me.  I’ve always been much more comfortable with men.  Of course, today it is much too cold to be bawdy about anything!  The wood room is freezing and I don’t know if I’ll ever be warm!

January 2, 2018

It’s interesting as I reflect on this as to why this card makes me really uncomfortable and it goes back to a lot of interactions with other women.  Oddly, in these interactions I was the prude:

  • When I was a preteen or a young teenager we were at my Grandmother Babcock’s house making butter and she said something about not getting pregnant by holding a pill between my legs.  At the time, I had no clue what she was talking about, but it made me uncomfortable.
  • My mother was talking to a friend while I was in the backseat of the car when I was 10 or so and she said something about my dad reaching for her breast and grabbing a roll of fat instead.  That made me incredibly uncomfortable.
  • When John and I were first dating, we went to Joan and George’s and Vicky and Joyce were talking about my breasts and how they had kept growing.  That was so awkward and made me uncomfortable, but when I protested I was told I was too sensitive.
In my mind all three of these interactions were really inappropriate and made me feel uncomfortable.  I have no problem making impersonal bawdy comments, but two of these were directed at me and the third was by my mother…ick.  John also made me uncomfortable because he’d have really inappropriate conversations with the kids and when I asked him to stop, he refused and told me I was too sensitive.
What I’m realizing this as I read this is that I’m not really a prude and I don’t necessarily think other women are prudes, but I want agency over bawdy conversations and I want my feelings to be listened to and to not be told I’m too sensitive or that I need to lighten up.
Wow!  Pretty incredible what the cards tell us when we pay attention and listen.

Hanged One

Hanged One
Dark Goddess

First Impressions:  I love this card because not only is she hanging upside down in water, her limbs are all akimbo and I’m not sure exactly how she is staying together in the water.  The Hanged One (man) is always about changing my perspective and looking at things from a different point of view.

Book:  What has been, what lives in hidden places, Goddess of the Mother, of the gods, Mother of All, existence killed by her own young.

Guidance:  Surrender, but remember who you are; trust your intuition and be open to it, look at things from a different point of view.

Journaling

Surrender is such a foreign concept to me.  I’ve always been someone who fights to the bloody, brutal end so the thought of surrendering and letting go always seems to me like giving up.  However, past experience has taught me that when I do truly surrender to deity, amazing things happen.  It is hard though because I always want to snatch back control.

Dearest Ones,

Help me to trust you enough to let go.  Let me trust that I a being led and that things will work out exactly the way they are supposed to work out.  Let me trust you have my best intentions at heart.

January 1, 2018

I’m still getting used to writing 2018!  One thing I have learned in my life is that life does move on and that surrendering means that I don’t have to control everything.  Over the past few years, my definition of surrendering has evolved from giving up total control and sitting there passively to trusting that I will be led and doing the work I need to do.  It’s kind of like managing a project, I cannot control how every consultant spends every minute of their day so I need to set the structure and trust them to do what they’re supposed to do. 

Trust is as difficult of a concept for me as surrender so sitting back and not micromanaging is hard for me.  However, when I do sit back and trust others, things work out amazingly well. 

Daily Draw: Ace of Fire

Ace of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  This card speaks to me of peace, of cleanliness, of harmony.  The body of the goddess mirrors the temple behind her.  I also love how she is holding both wood and fire.

Book:  Revere the source, keep power pure, Roman goddess of fire and the hearth, Virgin, woman onto herself, temple, awaken in nature

Guidance:  Situation has deep roots and a bright future, Acknowledge your desire, do not allow others to skew your vision, do what makes your spark shine

Journaling:

This card feels like a spark plug to me.  A reminder of the divine spark within all of us that keeps us holy.  All too often we allow this spark to go out or become dirty and covered in grime.  When that happens, we often start to lose our appreciation for the spark of the divine in others.

It is so easy to dehumanize others and to place them in an other category.  I’m really pissed at my co-project lead right now because he wants to meet twice a week next week even though everyone is on PTO.  However, I’ve had to take a step back and realize two things:

  • I have a job to complain about and that is definately something to be grateful for.
  • He is usually pretty good to work with so I’ll take that as a positive and let go of this as it will all work itself out in the end

December 29, 2017

We ended up only having daily checkpoints and not twice daily checkpoints so it was not that horrible.  I also did a great job of doing the checkpoint and letting go.  I was afraid I was going to be spending all week stewing about how I had to have these stupid checkpoints, etc, etc.  However, I talked myself off the ledge by reminding myself that it was 20 minutes out of my day and answering a few emails.  It was not a big deal and when I talked myself off the ledge and put it in context, I was ale to just let go and appreciate my week.

Eight of Fire

Eight of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: My first impressions are of a beautiful red fire goddess falling into a small village.  There is a sense of haste and purpose.

Book:  Let the rush lead to a new awakening, Inviting change in, a great energetic shift, seducing people to follow impossible dreams.

Guidance:  Get out of the way and go for the ride, invite the Goddess in, follow your desire

Journaling:

I’m not sure what to do with this energy.  A feel there is a change a’brewing, but I don’t truly know what I want in my life.  I don’t know.  Part of me just wants peace in my life.  I don’t want to change the world or just buy things.  I just want peace.  I want to wake up and look into my soul and clean away the debris that has accumulated there.  I want to live a simple life, but how do I get there?  How do I live a contemplative life while still being in the world.

December 28, 2017

This week has been a really good experience for me in letting go and choosing to live in peace.  I’m not thrilled that we have to have daily meetings to resolve defects, but I’ve realized that I have  choice:  I can choose to let the 30 minute daily meeting ruin my entire day or I can choose to say, this is 30 minutes that I need to spend doing this, but then I’m done.  It really is a choice and I’ve been doing a good job of choosing to do the meeting and let go.  That is so much progress for me because before I would have spent the entire day in a snit because I had to have this one 30 minute meeting.

I’m also doing a good job of choosing to let go of not being able to spend as much time cleaning the house as I want to.  It’s really hard to clean around people and to a certain extent that annoys me, but I can choose to get all angry and pissy about them sitting there or I can just choose to relax and do something else.  It is my choice.

Seven of Air

Seven of Air
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  Ellen does a great job with this card in giving us the sense of the thief as Laverna is turned toward something gesturing while behind her back she holds a bag of money.  I didn’t realize it when I first drew this card, but there are seven columns.  I love this card and even though I didn’t not consciously look at the card, my very first impressions were ones of a thief and dishonesty.

Book:  Succeeding through ill-gotten gains, hiding in the shadows

Guidance: Think outside of the box, think of another way, work for your own best interests, answer may be found in silence.

Journaling:

The message I take from Laverna is to reclaim what is mine.  I spend so much time and energy giving and being for others that I neglect myself.  I need to make a concentrated effort to reclaim myself.  I also have to acknowledge that there are days when it only feels like taking my life back is stealing because other people do not recognize my sovereignty and only see me in relation to what I can do for them.  I need to reclaim myself and life my life for me and not for others.  That’s easier now than when my kids were little, but it still feels awkward to say no and put my own needs first.  It is something I know will continue to be a work in progress.

December 26, 2017

Pulling this card reminds me of the ritual to Laverna that Anna led.  I was okay with all the Dark Goddess rituals she led until I got to this one because it was almost as if she took glee in the idea of worshiping someone who was was the patron of thieves.  However, over the past few years I’ve had a lot of time to meditate and reflect.  I’ve also done the meditation to Laverna from The Dark Goddess Lodge and I’ve come to a different understanding of Laverna and the Seven of Swords in general.

I’ve realized that sometimes it is right and necessary to be a “thief” as sometimes it is about reclaiming your sovereignty and reclaiming what someone stole from you.  John stole so much for me and I’m finally starting to reclaim who I am.  He pounded me down so hard that I lost so much of myself.  I still don’t know why he chose to beat me down physically and emotionally, but I have come back and I’ve reclaimed myself.

I’m also learning that other people consider it selfish or wrong to stand up for myself and take back my time and my resources.  It is not wrong to take back what is yours.  In fact it is good and noble to take yourself back to a time of wholeness.

Siren of Water

Siren of Water
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  These are actually second impressions, since I’ve pulled the Siren of Water recently 😍.  One of the things that is striking me as I look at this card a little deeper, is that Aphrodite looks very shapeless.  We tend to think of her as being a blond bombshell, but her toga completely obscures her curves.  For me, this card is about learning about emotions.

Book:  Love is a risk you must take, all that enchants the spirit and arouses the body and in doing so she opens her heart.

Guidance:  Look at yourself through the eyes of love and change what is possible.  Admit your desire.  Do or make something you love.

Journaling:

Aphrodite is not a goddess that I’ve ever been comfortable with as she seems so perfect and out of reach.  She’s the cheerleader who gets all the boys while I’m the chunky nerd no one looks twice at.

Message from Aphrodite

I am not your rival.  I am you.  Embrace my gifts of beauty and sensuality.  Let go of the fear in your heart about not being pretty enough or sexy enough.  These are old messages.  You are beautiful, kind, loving, and have a beautiful heart.  I am not your rival, I can be your coach and friend if you can open up your heart and trust.

December 28, 2018

Wow!  As I read back over this, I have chills as this is an amazingly powerful message.  I know there are pretty girls that are mean girls, but maybe there are pretty girls who are pretty inside and out.  I always put up my defenses around pretty girls, but maybe I shouldn’t.

One of the hardest lessons I’m learning right now is that beauty truly does come from the inside out.  I know that I struggle with that as looking in the mirror and not seeing a perfect size 6 makes me feel bad about myself.  It has been a struggle to start to look for the good in myself and to find my inner Aphrodite.  I do know that cutting off people who do not support me and encourage me has helped me tremendously.  I spent my entire childhood believing that the right way to show love was to discourage people and constantly give them unwanted advice.  It was about “correcting” people by telling them they smelled like an old fisherman while in the market, even though there wasn’t anything I could do about it at the time.  It was about being passive aggressive and talking about me to others instead of being direct.  It was about “bringing me down a peg.”

In reality, none of those things are love.  Those are simply acts of cruelty.  It doesn’t matter if it was my mother who did them, they were acts of cruelty and abuse.  True love builds people up and doesn’t tear them down.  The only good thing out of that entire experience, is that I’ve learned what love is and by not following the bitch’s crappy example, I can show my kids true love by encouraging them and supporting them.

Witch of Earth

Witch of Earth
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  I initially thought this card was showing Inanna welcoming a lover in a cave, which would be Ereshkigal’s domain.  However, she is welcoming a lover in a bower, drawing him with her loveliness.  Inanna always speaks to me of death and rebirth.

Book:  Make magic in your partnership with natural forces, storehouse where grain was stored awaiting transformation into grain, Inanna’s body was one with the earth.

Guidance:  Learn your plant allies, express your creativity through baking, or other trans-formative actions, approach everyday tasks with a sense of service.

Journaling:

One of the things I have been working on is to approach life with a sense that we are all in this together.  I’ve also been working hard to foster kindness, especially with people in service positions.  I know people often look down on service workers and/or are nasty to them, but anyone doing an honest and hard job deserves to be appreciated.  It doesn’t take any more effort to be kind to people than to be nasty and I feel so much better about myself when I am kind.

December 27, 2018

In some ways it feels weird to equate kindness with Inanna, because I always think of her and her sister together and she definitely was not kind to Ereshkigal.  She went down and invaded her home with her uppity attitude as if she was the queen of the underworld and had the right to treat people like crap.  In my mind she deserved to get her comeuppance as she was a bitch.

However, my personal feelings about the myths aside, when I think about the sign at the Ritz-Carlton, “Ladies and Gentleman taking care of Ladies and Gentleman.”  That slogan put people on an equal footing and conveyed the message that everyone was worth of respect.  I try to approach life like that because I am no better or worse than anyone else, I’m just a person trying to get by.

I have to be honest and say that if anything, it took me a long time to get over the thought that I was worse than or less than other people.  I always thought that I deserved the scraps and that it was okay if people disrespected me.  I’ve put a lot of hard work into changing that impression of myself and most days, I feel good about myself.