Bliss in the Bills

Some say that money doesn’t buy happiness, but having enough money to pay my bills is one of the most blissful feelings in the world. There is a deep sense of satisfaction in knowing that as a result of our efforts, we can pay for the basic necessities of life and afford a few extras. I get extra satisfaction out of being able to pay my bills on time every month because a few years ago we weren’t always able to keep the lights turned on and there were a few times when we had to borrow money from our parents for necessities.

Sometimes it’s all too easy to forget those lean years as I sit in my beautiful living room looking out at the park with my almost new car parked in the driveway. However, I know those luxuries come at a price of free time. To pay for life in Arlington Heights, my husband and I both have to work full time jobs which leave us exhausted and cranky. All too often, food comes from the closest fast food joint and not from the pantry.

The lean years weren’t all bad as I was freelancing and wasn’t working full time so I had plenty of time to volunteer at the kids’ school and spend time with them before and after school. Despite how much I hated not having money for all the extras I wanted to give them, I wouldn’t trade those years for anything in the world. I got to be there to watch my kids in school, be there when they came home from school, and I had the time to take them to the park whenever we wanted.

We always managed to make the most of the money we had and in a lot of ways life was better without a lot of cash. We spent more time together in the evenings instead of all going our own way and there was a sense that we were in it together. Meals were better too as we didn’t have money for fast food, but had to cook at home. We also managed to take our kids to Disney World during those lean years with a trip cobbled together with freebies from the Web and a little bit of savings.

However, I am pragmatic enough to realize that despite the highlights of our lean years, there was plenty of strife as we struggled to make our pennies stretch to cover our bills. There was always a sense of failure as we realized there was too much month left at the end of each paycheck. There is no glory in having your lights shut off.

As I sit and reflect on life then and now, I realize that I need to find a way to balance the bliss of more time with my family with the bliss of having my bills paid. It isn’t easy, but I’m finding my way back to bliss.

Loving Bliss

My life is blessed and I mean that with utter sincerity. As I sit here and listen to the album Quietude by Cliff deMarks’, I’m reflecting upon all the blessings in my life and how fortunate I am to be living the life I am and sharing it with the man I love.

Twenty-one years ago, I met my best friend, my soul mate, the person I would choose to share my life and my love with. I fell in love the first moment I saw him with his beautiful blue eyes and I was truly a goner when I got a love letter from him. Hubby is a left hander so he doesn’t often write things by hand as he has to hold the pen at a weird angle that hurts his hand, but soon after we met, he took the time to write me a four page love letter that I cherish to this day. In it he laid out his hopes and dreams for our future. Things haven’t quite worked out the way we’d both hoped, but they worked out the way they are supposed to.

As we struggled to find ourselves and where we were meant to be in the early years of our marriage, we moved a lot and by a lot I mean we’ve lived in ten houses in our time together and all but twice we moved ourselves. We’d pack all our boxes, pick up the furniture, and drive the U-haul to the next stop on our life together. I always knew he had my back and I hope he always knew I had his. Wine and roses are blissful, but they don’t always last. Knowing someone has your back and will be there to lift and tote beside you, that matters and that lasts.

Hubby isn’t one for flowery speeches or roses, but he’s always there for me and he always supports my hopes and dreams, sometimes at the expense of my own. It seems that I’m always getting on a plane and flying off somewhere, but I know he’s got my back and things will be fine at home. He sometimes says that I take him for granted and I probably do, but there is a feeling of true bliss to know someone has your back and that he will always be there for you.

Writing – as those of you who read my blog know – is one of my passions. Unfortunately I love the creative side of writing and am not so strong on the mechanics, but Hubby always has my back and makes sure that the commas get put in all the right places and that all the words are spelled right. He makes me look good and for that I am forever grateful.

I used to think that marriage was about lust, about roses, and about pretty words, but in the twenty one years I’ve been with my husband, I’ve learned that marriage is about sacrifice, it’s about hard work, and it’s about having someone’s back.

Freedom in the Balance

Freedom comes with a horrific price tag: blood, sweat, tears, and lives. What is it about Freedom that we’re willing to put our very lives on the line to fight for it? It is the essence of humanity and it is the only thing worth fighting and dying for. Freedom is the right to choose your destiny, it is the right to choose where you will work, how you will worship, and who you will love.

Freedom is the right to speak your mind. On July 4, 1776, fifty-six men committed treason by speaking their minds and declaring that all men were created equal and endowed with certain unalienable Rights. The signers of the Declaration of Independence could have hung for their words, but they were willing to take the risk because they knew that freedom was greater than any one human being.

On June 4, 1989, thousands of Chinese protesters peacefully gathered in Tienanmen Square to ask for the same rights our founding fathers had fought for centuries earlier: the right to self government, the right to a free market, and the right to speak their minds. Ordinary Chinese citizens knew that the government might–and did–take lives for the protest, but they knew freedom was worth dying for.

Time has given World Wars I and II a glossy patina and when we think of those “Wars to End All Wars,” we romanticize them and think about the flying aces, the cute songs, the dances at the USO, and the heroes. We don’t think about the blood, the death, the stench. We don’t think about what it must have been like for young men to step past the bodies of their best friends in a game of hide and seek with the enemy. We don’t think about the hunger, the pain, and the fear.

The heroes of WWII get saluted, get thanked, and get respected; but the heroes of our most recent wars are often forgotten and left to wonder if we do appreciate their sacrifices. Time has not given the wars in Vietnam, Korea, Iraq, and Afghanistan the glossy patina enjoyed by the great wars of the past and we often forget the sacrifices being made today by young men and women who believe that freedom for all mankind is worth fighting and dying for.

Next time you see someone in uniform, take the time to thank them for making the sacrifices that let us enjoy beer, barbeque, and fireworks on the Fourth of July.

Friendships and Bliss

“Man”ufacturing is the last bastion of masculinity, but strangely enough it’s been at a heavy equipment manufacturer that I’ve found some of the best female friends a girl could ask for. Maybe it’s because we’re banding together to create a girls’ club within the world of testosterone, or maybe it’s because the boys’ club attracts a certain kind of woman: down to earth, practical, funny, intelligent, and hardworking. In short, all the things I’ve always found in my best male friends.

I didn’t realize until I went out to dinner the other night with Ethel and Thursa how much fun it could really be to hang out with just the girls. When I first met Ethel about two years ago, I never thought we’d be friends because she’s one of those beautiful Southern girls who always looks perfect and never has a hair out of place. I soon learned that underneath that beautiful blonde hair was a streak of will and determination that matched my own. While I went to college right out of high school and had the luxury of going full time, Ethel went to college while she was working full time and raising a family. She’s also one of those people who doesn’t leave at 5 just because it’s quitting time, she stays till the job is done. Ethel knows I’ve been going through a hard time lately and she’s truly been there for me. She wrote me the most heartfelt email after my dad died sharing how she’d felt when someone close to her died and when she said I could cry on her shoulder anytime, I knew she meant it. Thanks to her friendship, I now have a beautiful silver four leaf clover necklace that reminds me every time I look at it how blessed I am to have Ethel in my life.

I met Thursa for the first time this week and I wasn’t sure what to expect because the first time I spoke to her on the phone I heard the sweetest Southern drawl and I found out from talking to the guys at work that she’d been at our company for 22 years. Thursa wasn’t what I was expecting; she was a dynamic and pragmatic woman who knows her job and who knows more than any of us what it’s like to work in the boys’ club. Listening to Thursa, I realized how truly lucky I was to get some of the opportunities I’ve gotten. I was so impressed by her humor and good nature that I felt like I’d met someone who could truly be a friend.

Dinner with Thursa and Ethel was an experience as we laughed, talked, and shared stories about traveling and life. Ethel and I had the all-you-could-eat crab legs and we both agreed that we were glad the boys weren’t around, because in the girls’ club, we could eat all we wanted without feeling like pigs.

Grace is one of the most beautiful women I know both inside and out and I feel blessed every time I get to spend time with her. She’s one of those women who is so pretty that if she wasn’t also genuine, sweet, and funny I’d hate her. I enjoy every minute I get to spend with her because she has a wonderful sense of humor and a “can do” attitude. Despite her hectic life (think full time job and two year old), Grace is one of those people who always sounds happy to hear from you no matter how busy she is. I called her today to finalize plans for a trip we’re going on tomorrow and despite being on vacation out of state, she called me back as soon as she saw she’d missed my call and we had a great conversation.

I have not and probably never will be the athletic type, so you’d think the last person I would enjoy spending time with would be someone who seems to be the epitome of sporty, but I always like hanging with Temperance. She’s one of those brainy and athletic types that always intimidated me, because while I might be able to compete in the classroom, I knew I could never compete on the playing field. But Temperance isn’t like the snotty and full of themselves athletes who strolled the halls of high school; she’s a caring and nurturing young woman who’s trying to balance the demands of work with her personal life. She’s also self aware enough to know that sometimes you have to take a step back to take a step forward. I’ve learned a lot from Temperance about making your personal life a priority and about staying true to yourself.

Natalie is a natural nurturer and when you’re around her, you always feel like no matter how big the crisis, she will find a way to make things all right. She’s one of those people that always finds the good in everyone and that makes her one of those people whose opinion matters to me. Someone whose respect I truly want. That’s not to say that Natalie is a goody two shoes without a sense of fun, because she definitely has a sense of humor (can anyone say hand sanitizer?). As a boss Natalie is one of the great ones who truly encourages and empowers her people and those who work for her should consider themselves fortunate.

Finding people you truly like and respect at work isn’t always easy and that’s why I consider myself truly fortunate, that I’ve found the girls’ club within the boys’ club.

Strawberry Bliss

The best meal I ever had wasn’t in a fancy restaurant, but was strawberries and chocolate eaten as I strolled through the streets of Amsterdam. I had one magickal day in Amsterdam and I didn’t want to miss a minute of it sitting in a restaurant. I found a small grocery store and purchased some fresh strawberries. They were smaller than the berries we have at home, but they were much sweeter and I walked the streets of Amsterdam eating those incredibly flavorful berries.

A few blocks from the grocer, I found a chocolate shop and I could tell it was good because there was a queue of people (mostly women) lined up outside. Taking my place in line, I patiently waited for my turn to enter the store and take my place among the chosen few who were already inhaling chocolate nirvana. The chocolate was incredibly pricey, so I chose only a few small pieces. The chocolate was well worth the price and the wait as it melted in my mouth and perfectly complimented the blissful strawberries I’d already eaten.

The serotonin high from the chocolate and strawberries had me floating through the streets of Amsterdam (or maybe it was the buzz from the coffee shops) for the rest of the day. The Amsterdam Flea Market was a treasure trove of art, antiques, crystals, and more. I found a beautiful print of Cafe Terrace at Night by Van Gogh and another watercolor by an obscure recent artist. Both now happily adorn my walls to always remind me of that blissful day.

More bliss was to be had in the Amsterdam Flower Market where I wandered the fragrant streets sniffing the tulips, the orchids, and a host of other flowers. It is absolutely impossible to feel sad, angry, or uptight when you’re surrounded by so many sights and scents.

I haven’t been able to recreate the strawberry bliss I felt in Holland at home, but I did recently discover Devonshire cream and mixing that buttery thick cream in with fresh strawberries and sugar is a blissful treat in its own right.

Pen full of Bliss

My passion for writing inspires me, enthralls me, enlightens me, and eases my burden, but when I go to put words on paper about my passion, I find myself blocked and I can’t explain what it is about putting pen to ink that so inspires me. Writing defines the essence of who I am and it is through my writing that the real me finds her voice. Tom Hanks had a line in the awe inspiring movie Philadelphia where he said, “I love the law.” Writing is just that basic for me: “I love the language.” I love the way words feel when they dance off my fingers and onto the keyboard. I love finding just the right word to express what I’m feeling. I love it when my words right an injustice, touch someone’s heart, or just make someone stop and ponder another point of view.

Writing lets me think on paper and playing with words helps me clarify my thoughts. I write technical documents, emails, and manuals at work and some people would find that tedious and dull, but I even enjoy playing with words and finding just the right word to describe an SAP transaction. Some people would say that is a sickness, but I view it as a love affair with the English language.

Screenplays, novels, letters to the editor, self help books, journals, blogs, and essays. I’ve written them all and they’ve all changed my world in some way. Screenplays I write with the hopes of being sold, but despite never selling one of the three I’ve written, I still love writing them because they let me bring an entire universe to life in 120 pages. You notice I say bring a universe to life and not create a universe. That’s because sometimes when I get into the flow of writing, it feels like I’m just describing events that I’m seeing on a screen in my head. The characters end up having lives of their own. The interesting thing about my scripts is that I’ve learned something about myself from every character I’ve written. From Jennifer I’ve learned to tap my inner strength; from Mo I learned that I’m capable of more than I give myself credit for; and from Clare, my newest heroine, I’m learning that I’m capable of forgiveness and letting things go.

I wrote my one and only novel to help me dig through some deep seated fears and resentments. What I found was that novels weren’t my cup of tea; there were too many pages to fill up, and too many words to write. I didn’t like having to write transitions and having to come up with a zillion ways to say “said.” I don’t have that issue with screenplays as I just put a name and what they’re saying and that’s that.

Letters to the editor are calls to action; they are my way of telling the world about injustice and tyranny. They always say the pen is mightier than the sword and when I pick up a pen, I feel Thomas Paine and Thomas Jefferson standing over my shoulder extolling the virtues of striking a blow against tyranny through the written word. Not that I think showing inappropriate TV shows or rude people at high school graduations are as important as Revolution, but I feel a sense of patriotism when I exercise my right to question the world around me.

The Portable Coach was written at a time when I needed to reinvent myself. I’ve always figured out that I learn best by doing and explaining, and that’s what writing The Portable Coach allowed me to do. I was able to internalize the processes that I needed to go through to change my life by writing about them and explaining them so that other people could learn how to changes their lives.

Journals are my most personal of writings and I have a stack of them in my grandmother’s wardrobe that detail the journey I’ve taken from girl to woman. Some of them are excruciatingly boring and whiny as I detail all the petty injustices that filled my world at the time they were written and others show insights into myself that I’d forgotten. I never edit my journals and they are always about the free flow of words onto the page. In some ways, my journals serve as my very own therapist and at $2 bucks for a notebook, they’re a little cheaper than therapy.

Essays and blogs go together in my world as my blog really is a series of essays about things that matter to me. Blogs let me tell my story and the lessons I’ve learned from loving it. My blog helps me sort through my feelings and gain the kernels of truth that are inside each experience I have. I’ve learned since I’ve been blogging that when I keep my focus on finding bliss and balance in all experiences, I do. When I don’t focus on it, it is too easy to become unbalanced and focus on the negatives instead of the bliss that surrounds us every day, if only we go looking for it.

Unlike my journals, my blog is meant to be read and shared and it’s disheartening when days go by without any new clicks showing up. But then when I don’t check the stats for a few days, sometimes I’ll find that quite a few people read my blog and that is bliss indeed.

Balance Between the Worlds

Beaches are among the most magickal places on earth as they serve as an ever changing boundary between the world of water and the world of earth. I’ve always loved standing on the beach and letting my feet be licked by the water: sometimes the water just kisses my toes and a few waves later it splashes my knees. It’s a magickal place that’s not quite earth and not quite water.
We went to Illinois Beach State Park today for Caitlin’s birthday and the beach was wild and deserted: a place of beauty and mystery. We walked over the dunes to where giant glacers had moved the earth herself to create rock creations. The earth isn’t done changing though as these rock creations are now being licked smooth by the waters of Lake Michigan. The rocks are uneven and create crevices where water pools as the tide washes in and out.
Caitlin ran and danced with the waves running into the shallow waves, then stepping back as the waves came higher and higher. She laughed and played and I grew nervous as she walked deeper into the water and started to call her back, but then she pulled herself back and sat on the damp sand in the land between the earth and water. She crossed her legs, stilled herself and became the picture of calm as she stared out at the boats on the water.
Feeling uneasy about her being so close to the water, I wouldn’t let myself relax until my husband came over and perched on the pier above both of us, sitting like a silent sentinal. I knew that once he was there I could relax as he would watch out for both of us. I found myself a niche in the water smoothed rocks where I could dangle my feet in the water and I let myself feel the waves kiss my toes and the sun kiss the back of my neck and I let the tension flow out of my body and be watched away by the waves.
Looking out at the lake, I could see the sun reflecting off the blue water and colorful sailboats skimming across the waves. Life felt uncomplicated as if all that mattered where the elements of sun, surf, and sand. The deep sense of calm I felt driving home is something I will strive to recapture on days when life seems hectic, rushed, and way too complicated.

Seventeen Blissful Memories

Seventeen years ago I gave birth to a beautiful little girl at Camp Lester Naval Hospital on the island of Okinawa. The past seventeen years have been filled with joy, knowledge, love, and laughter. There’ve been a few tears and a little anger along the way, but mostly lots of love. One of our traditions is that on our kids’ birthdays we go around the room and each give a memory of the birthday child. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re bittersweet, but they’re all wonderful memories of a beautiful child. Here are seventeen of my favorite memories:

We were flooded with beautiful little dresses when Caitlin was born and there was no way that Caitlin would be able to wear them all before she outgrew them, so one afternoon we laid her dad’s bathrobe on the floor and had a “Caitie Fashion Show” with her modeling all of her clothes for the camera. She was an amazingly good baby and never even cried as we changed her in and out of her outfits.

We moved home when Caitlin was six months old and her grandparents were so excited to see her that they were waiting for us at the airport. They fell in love with the little blue eyed imp immediately and have grown to love her even more a the years have passed.

When Caitlin was three she went through a phase where she wouldn’t wear jeans because they were too “wiggly.” The only pants that she would wear were skinny pants and she always looked adorable in them.

We took Caitlin to Six Flags for her third birthday and she had a blast seeing Bugs Bunny, riding the kiddie rides, and eating lots of junk food. However, our sweet little girl turned into a screaming tyrant when we tried to take her on the water ride fully clothed. She insisted that she had to change into her bathing suit before she could go on a water ride. As soon as we put her into her swim suit, she was fine.

When Caitlin was about four and her brother was really sick in bed, we told her that she should go and cheer up her brother. A few minutes later, we heard this sweet little voice going “Go Sean Go” as she cheered up her brother.

Caitlin was the apple of her grandfather’s eye and he loved having her come out and spend time with him. They spent hours along the river watching for eagles and I am forever grateful that she truly got to know her grandfather.

Caitlin and I spent a week in Georgia when she was fifteen and she got to see the ocean for the first time. Even though it was March and not really warm enough to swim, she stripped down to her bikini and went and frolicked in the ocean.

I participated in the Illinois Author’s Book Fair a few years ago and Caitlin wanted to help out so she charmed the people running the book fair into letting her be a runner for the fair. She was responsible for running errands, getting people water, or any other odd jobs that needed to be done. She charmed all the authors and I ended up getting books autographed to “Caitlin’s mom.”

When I woke up the morning of Caitlin’s fifteenth birthday, she’d written in lipstick on the bathroom mirror: “Mom, thank you for giving me life. I Love you. Caitlin.” That was the sweetest thing I’ve ever had done for me.

One Halloween, Caitlin was a beautiful fairy princess. She’d gotten a blue leotard with sparkles on it as part of a ballerina kit and I made a beautiful blue skirt for her and she looked adorable. We completed the ensemble by having her brother be her knight in shining armor.

Caitlin has grown into a beautiful and accomplished young woman and she sometimes tries to hide her accomplishments from us, but this year she was the Student of the Quarter in English, won debate trophies, and awards for the newspaper. She did an outstanding job in her junior year and I’m very proud of her.

Caitlin and I drove her older brother out to Washington, DC two years ago and on the way back we had a great time talking and driving through the mountains. It was wonderful to just get to spend quality time with her. We stopped at a grocery store to buy some food and I’d locked the car and she accidentally locked the keys in the trunk. Thank god for Onstar. They were able to unlock our car remotely so we could get back on the road.

First jobs are always momentous and Caitlin got her first job last fall at a bakery in Arlington Heights. She makes me so proud because she is so responsible about always getting to work on time and making sure she gets herself to work even when it is raining out and she doesn’t have a ride. She is also very responsible with her money and is good about spending her own money for treats she wants.

Caitlin’s fifth birthday she had a “Blue’s Clues” birthday and her dad made her a pin the ear on Blue game. She was so proud that she had this cool game that her dad had actually made for her.

Animals love Caitlin. Every time we go to the zoo, all the animals come up to the fence/glass to stare at her and they will follow her as far as their cages will allow. Once we went to the Lincoln Park zoo and a harbor seal we named Turner came up and spent at least five minutes just staring at Caitlin.

We went to see the movie Madeline when Caitlin was six and she had to have a Madeline haircut. So as soon as the movie was over, we went to the salon and got her a Madeline haircut.

Caitlin a 17 year old unwed mother of five children, at least that’s what she sometimes tries to tell people. The truth of the matter is that she is a very good mother to her five critters. She has two birds, two hamsters, and a guinea pig. She loves her “kids” and she does a great job taking care of them.

Love you kiddo! Happy Birthday!

Bliss Tea

My love affair with tea began in China. Before I ventured to the land where tea was born, I thought of tea as a weak drink for old ladies, but China changed that and I realized that tea was a vestige of civility and calm. The first weekend I was in Suzhou, we wandered downtown and into a little tea shop that was filled with clear canisters of all sorts of tea. I still wasn’t sure I’d enjoy “real” tea so I hedged my bets and bought rose petal tea which when brewed was amazing. The sweet scent of roses reminded me of a beautiful spring day and the delicate taste wasn’t the weak and wimpy tea from teabags I remembered from my youth, but a taste of summer that made me want more.
Wandering the streets of Suzhou, I happened upon a store selling beautiful pottery tea pots and I bought a tea pot with a dragon head to remind me of the beautiful time I spent in Suzhou. Another store had a tea pot with a dragon swirling around it and it to had to come home with me.
One of my last nights in Suzhou, we were wandering downtown and I spied this beautiful delicate porcelain tea set that I knew I had to have. It was a beautiful and delicate blue with green swirls and a beautiful golden dragon swirled around it’s base. I had seem a similar one in purple that had been out of my price range so it was with bated breath that I asked the price of the blue tea set. The lady wouldn’t bargain with us at first and asked us instead to sit down and have a cup of tea with her and her family. She made us Chinese flower tea with a jasmine blossom that bloomed when hot water was poured over it. That was the moment I fell in love with tea as I realized the beauty and majesty that could surround it. That was the most delightful cup of tea I ever enjoyed as I sat at that little shop in Suzhou and drank tea with strangers and friends. I did end up buying the beautiful tea set and after the gracious hospitality, I didn’t have the heart to bargain much.
Amsterdam also taught me about tea as I found this beautiful little shop selling all sorts of herbal teas and tea accessories. I bought the most magickal tea in this little shop a blend of apples and rose hips that was pure magic to drink. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find anything similar in the states so until I make it back to Amsterdam, I won’t be able to enjoy that blissful tea again.
My current favorite tea is Caribbean Breeze by Teavana. It is a blend of strawberry and raspberry pieces with bits of kiwi passion fruit and citrus peel thrown in for good measure. This morning, I brewed a cup of Caribbean Breeze in my Chinese tea pot and sat outside enjoying the warm weather and the breeze. It was very blissful to sit under my magnolia tree, Maggie, and listen to the sounds of summer. I heard the birds chirping, the kids playing ball across the street, and someone mowing the yard a few houses down. The warm sun was tempered by a slight breeze and I felt like in this moment in time, I truly knew bliss.

Balancing Fatherhood

This will be my first father’s day without my dad and it’s made me realize how fortunate I am to have had a father for all of my childhood and well into my adult life. It’s also made me stop and think how different a father my husband is than my dad was.

My dad was a typical dad of the 60s and 70s who was the primary breadwinner while my mom took care of the kids and the house. But that’s not to say that my dad wasn’t involved in our lives. He was at every school function, vacations were spent with the kids, and he was home for dinner every night. I adored my dad and I know that he truly wanted what was best for me.

However, in retrospect, I’m able to realize that despite my dad’s pride in my talents and grades, he was still enough of a chauvinist to think that women shouldn’t compete with men for jobs. I remember talking to my dad about a woman applying to be a director at a company I was working for and he promptly lectured me about why women shouldn’t apply for those jobs because if she got it, she’d be taking it away from a man with a family to support. I couldn’t believe that in the 1980’s, my dad still held such old fashioned beliefs. Even though I was in my late 20s at the time, it was still a bitter pill to swallow to realize that the dad I idolized wasn’t perfect.

The funny thing about my dad is that his ideals about women taking a backseat to men never seemed to apply to me and he was always proud of my successes. Even when he was in his last few months of life in a hospital in Iowa, he was bragging to his nurses about his little girl’s career successes. I’ve long since forgiven my father for that comment as I realize he was a product of a generation where men were breadwinners and women were homemakers.

I’m truly fortunate that I married a modern man who takes great pride in taking care of our kids. When our kids were young, he was the one that stayed home with them and changed all their diapers and made sure they had their bottles. Twenty years ago he was an oddity and it was made even worse by the fact that we spent the first three years of our son’s life living on an Air Force base on Okinawa, where as a stay at home dad he was a social outcast. He valiantly took our son to play groups even when he was left sitting on a bench alone while the women gossiped about what kind of man would let his wife be the breadwinner.

That hurt my husband tremendously, but he loved our son enough to keep going to those playgroups so our son would get to play with other kids. He also loved me enough to support my career because he knew it made me happy. That’s not to say that life was perfect and that we never argued, but he always put our kids’ well being above his own needs.

Unfortunately for my husband, he married a stubborn and sometimes selfish woman who never realized until much later the sacrifices and hardships he endured for the sake of our family and how much he sacrificed so that I could live my dream of living in Japan. Until I did a stint at home with the kids when they were in grade school, I never realized how hard it was to juggle kiddie obligations and your own sanity and I had help as we lived by grandma. I honestly don’t know how he managed to do it stuck on a tropical island in the middle of the Pacific with a wife who traveled every month.

So in honor of my husband, my dad, and fathers everywhere, I’d like to say thanks for the time you spend with your kids and the sacrifice you make.