Home Cooked Bliss

There’s something about standing over a stove stirring sauce or listening to the sizzle of garlic and onions in a hot skillet that is very soul satisfying. Last week I made meatloaf for my family and used the leftover meat mix to make some meatballs that I turned into spaghetti and meatballs last night.

There isn’t anything tremendously difficult about opening a bottle of spaghetti sauce, putting them on the stove to heat and dumping some spaghetti in a kettle of water so I thought my culinary duties would be light last night. However, my daughter who usually cooks her own food because she’s a vegetarian asked me what I was making for her. We didn’t have another jar of spaghetti sauce in the house and there was no way I was making another run to the store so I got inspired and started ransacking the cupboards to see what we had I could make a passable sauce from.
My base was a can of tomato sauce, to that I added some minced garlic and onions. Unfortunately it still looked like a can of tomato sauce with spices so I headed back to the cupboard. A little searching turned up a can of diced tomatoes and some mushrooms which made the jar of tomato sauce look a lot more like spaghetti sauce. The simmering sauce smelled divine, but had an acidic taste. Remember some long ago guidance I’d read in a cook book, I added a few pinches of sugar and tasted it again. It tasted a lot better than a can of Ragu and made me remember the satisfying feeling of creativity that cooking can bring when you don’t slavishly follow someone else’s directions.
Cooking is about more than the raw ingredients you put in the pan, it’s about nurturing and love and about creating sustenance for those you love. There’s something immensely satisfying about the smell of garlic and onion sizzling on the griddle or the warm chocolaty perfume of cookies baking in the oven. Those aromas fill the home with love, security, and bliss.

Geek Bliss

It’s the time of year when the evenings are getting cooler; kids are groaning over the end of summer vacation; and, more importantly, the stores are filled with all kinds of cool school supplies. Logically, I know whatever is available in the schools in August is probably available all year long, but the cool stuff seems harder to find the rest of the year.

I came by my geeky love of school supplies naturally, my mother loves notepads and paper and my aunt ran a print shop when I was a child. This was back in the days before Office Max and Staples when the only paper available at normal office supply stores was dusty reams of white copy paper so a visit to a place full of reams of different colored paper filled me with joy.

My aunt’s first print shop was next to the diner where my parents met and we’d go in their on a regular basis to visit. I have to admit that the jobs my aunt ran at her first shop were kind of boring like Multiple Listing Books. However, when I was about nine they moved into a much bigger print shop and the choices of paper to run my fingers through became much more covetous. There were reams full of paper in all the colors of the rainbow and I learned all about the different weights of paper. One year for Christmas, my aunt made customized note pads for me and I was in heaven.

I was the editor of my high school literary arts magazine and all my knowledge of paper and the fledgling layout skills I learned came in handy. The magazine turned out beautifully with a gorgeous cover of paper with blue waves.

Over the years as I’ve traveled to various parts of the world, one of the stops on my agenda is always the office supply store to see what kinds of cool paper and pens are available. I’ve found beautiful notebooks in Japan, fountain pens in Germany, and wondrous papers in China. The three years I spent in Japan were geek bliss as Japan is ahead of their time in terms of types paper and pens.

Discovering the bliss of affordable fountain pens (and butter cake, but more about that in another post) was one of the major perks of all the trips I made to Germany. Germany is the home of Penguin, Lamy, and Online and every department store sells fountain pens and ink. Every trip I made to Germany, I’d come home with at least one pen. Schneider’s were my favorite for a while, but since I’ve been back in the States, I’ve settled on Lamy’s as their affordable and ink is readily available in the US.

Once I discovered fountain pens, sealing wax couldn’t be far behind. I found this wonderful little shop in Madison, WI that sells sealing wax and seals and I purchased several. There is something amazingly satisfying about writing a letter with a fountain pen on good paper and then sealing it with ink. It lets the recipient know that you cared and you put thought into the words you sent them.
When I head out to art fairs in the summer, I’m not looking for prints for the wall, I’m looking for prints for the mailbox. I love sending art prints to my family and friends as it provides a unique way to let them know I’m thinking of them and supports local artists.

My daughter has inherited my geekiness and every so often, we’ll head to the office supply store and spend an hour or so perusing the ponderous papers and pens. Life is so much better than when I was a child as now all these beautiful colors and weights of paper are available for the common consumer and when you add in the papers available for scrap booking, it’s true bliss for paper geeks.

In Sickness and Bliss

Being sick isn’t very blissful or is it? I’m currently battling a nasty case of the flu and I’ve been off work for a couple of days while trying to get better. The scratchy throat, constantly dripping nose, and overwhelming exhaustion are the furthest thing from bliss I could imagine. However, there are parts of being home sick that do verge on the blissful.

I rarely have the house and the tv to myself, especially during the summer when the kids are off school. However, as fate would have it I ended up home sick all alone for one glorious day when there was no one to intrude on my “misery.” No one at home meant that I got to spend the day snuggled in front of the TV watching reruns of crime dramas, my mind candy of choice, with no one turning the channel to check on the scores of the latest sporting event.

When fatigue set in and I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer, I was able to snuggle down in my nice warm bed in the middle of the day and take a nap. Sleep is one of the best medicines in the world as it gives your body time to repair itself and fight off infection, it also feels really good to take a nap in the middle of the day. When I woke up I found that “Nurse Luke,” my Aussie Shepard/Collie Mix had snuggled in next to me. When he realized I was awake, he licked my face and we snuggled for a while before I got up to wander downstairs and find something to eat. It seemed like way too much effort to actually cook something, so I settled on chocolate and fruit.

I drug myself off the couch long enough to get my daughter from work and she was very solicitous when she got home. She offered to fix me tea and although I didn’t take her up on it, the offer was very sweet. I was about to collapse again when hubby came home from work and he took one look at me and sent me back to bed.

It’s Saturday now and I have the house to myself for a few more hours and I’m trying to decide whether to keep blogging, to watch more mind candy, or to just go back upstairs and take another nap. Right now, it’s feeling as if the sore throat and stuffy nose are a small price to pay for the self indulgent bliss of mindless TV and naps during the middle of the day.

Bliss Cat

Much to mine and my husband’s chagrin, our daughter decided to start calling herself Cat when she was in seventh grade. She introduced herself to all of her teachers as Cat, all her friends now know her as Cat, and her byline in the school paper is Cat. At the time we were incredibly embarrassed at the thought that all of her teachers thought we were weird parents who would name their kid Cat. In the ensuing years, we’ve realized that there are far more embarrassing things she could have done.

Although we didn’t think about it at the time, Cat is an apt name for our daughter as she has this magickal infinity with all creatures wild and domestic. We’ve always had some sort of animals in our lives. We had a dog and a cat when Cat was born and her grandmother let her and her brother adopt kittens when she was about six. Cat named her’s Barney after Barney the dinosaur and she always loved to go to Grandma’s to play with her kitten. Hermit crabs were next in Cat’s menagerie and it was with her beloved hermit crabs that she learned the hard lesson that the animals we love often die way too soon.
When we go to the zoo, every single animal comes over to the fence to gaze upon Cat. The most magickal was a river otter that Cat named turner at the Lincoln Park Zoo. As she walked around the outside of the enclosure, he followed her all the way around. That was the first time we realized that it wasn’t only domestic animals that flock to Cat, it was the wild ones too. It’s spooky when you go to a fish tank and the finned ones flock to the place Cat is standing.

 

Cat’s menagerie currently includes two birds, two hamsters, and a Guinea pig named Chester. After the birds, we’d absolutely forbidden Cat to bring any more critters into the house, but she convinced her brother that she absolutely needed a Guinea pig so he took her to buy one. Once we got a look at the sweet little creature, there was no way that we could make her take him back. Chester came into our lives the day after my father’s funeral and Caitlin named him Chester in memory of what was supposed to have been my father’s middle name.
For a teenager who lives in a typically cluttered room, Cat is a wonderful mother to her critters. She always make sure that they have food and water and even springs for the special lavender scented bedding for Chester once in a while. Chester returns her love by squeaking to be picked up and cuddled when she comes in the room and by bringing joy into her life. Cat always has to regale us with the latest stories of our “grandchildren” and we love seeing her nurture her animals.

Animals bring a special kind of bliss into your life as they’re always there for you and they will always love you unconditionally. I feel especially “blissed” to have a daughter like Cat who the critters always flock to.

Butterfly Bliss

The Butterfly Effect, otherwise known as Chaos Theory, says that small events can trigger larger events. The most famous example used of the Butterfly Effect is that a butterfly flapping its wings in Central Park can impact the weather in China. Charley Forness over at Scribe for the Tribe has decided to apply the Butterfly Effect to life changes that he wants to make. His thought is that by making small changes on a weekly basis, they’ll add up to big results. This isn’t a list of tasks that you’ll achieve for the week, but a list of repeatable changes that you’ll incorporate into your life with the hopes of them becoming habits. Positive and directed life changes are one of the most blissful things I know as they make your life more positive and blissful.

I’ve been pondering Charley’s self challange all week and weighing whether or not I want to publicly declare my goals and put them out on the web for everyone to track my progress. I finally decided that one of my fundamental beliefs is that the best way to make change in your life is to write down what you want and publicly claim it. What could be more public than posting your goals on the Web for everyone to see?

So without further ado, here are my goals and my butterflies for the week.

Goal–Lose 30 lbs by 12/31/2009

  • Walk at least 20 minutes three times a week
  • Drink three bottles (aluminum ones) of water a day

Goal–Have Sean’s tuition and the taxes paid by 12/31/2009.

  • Cook dinner at home six nights a week to save money.
  • Update the budget in my online budget tracker.
  • Cut my driving to use only one tank of gas a week.

Goal–Build my online presence

  • Post five book reviews at Amazon
  • Comment on at least 10 blog entries around the blogosphere

Goal–Build KUDOS Power

  • Post three articles on KUDOS Power
  • Post three articles at free article sites with links back to KUDOS Power

Goal–Build better relationships with my family

  • One dinner or activity with John this week
  • One dinner or activity with Cat this week

I’ll report back on my goals every week so that you can all track my progress.

Bamboo Balance

Walking through the tall stalks of bamboo while the lyrical sounds of a babbling brook filled the air made me forget for a few minutes that I was in the middle of downtown Chicago. I was spending the day at a conference at the Hyatt Center and the outer concourse of their building is a bamboo forest in front of floor to ceiling windows. Bubbling fountains emulate the sounds of a mountain stream. Glass benches provide places to sit and contemplate or just people watch.

It was interesting to see the balance the bamboo brought to this very high tech and busy office sprace. You could see the stress leave people’s shoulders as they came off the elevator and walked through the bamboo forest. A sense of peace seemed to come over people as they sat on the benches and talked to their coworkers or engaged in calls with their families.

The cold marble of the opposite wall was softened by the reflection of the bamboo on the black shiny surface. The juxtaposition of the corporate civility and the wild bamboo made me realize that sometimes balance wasn’t at the center of the teeter totter, sometimes balance means going back and forth between the extremes of life. The sadness and grief of losing someone is balanced by the joy of remembering the happy times you spent with them, the extra hours spent working on a project are balanced by an extra long vacation at the beach, the time spent in the corporate jungle is balanced by time spent in the woods.

I’m not the only one finding lessons in bamboo lately. Charley Forness over at Scribe for the Tribe wrote an excellent article about achieving success by emulating bamboo and his lessons were on my mind when I walked into the Hyatt Center and saw the bamboo grove. As I sat in that peaceful oasis, I was especially thinking about his advice to not listen to your critics and to just become who you were meant to be. I’ve spent a lot of time in my life listening to people tell me why I shouldn’t do something and I’ve realized its time I started listening to myself. That’s the only way I’m really going to become the person I was meant to be and that is true bliss.

Blissful Civility

Civility doesn’t get much press lately unless someone is complaining about the lack of civility in our modern world, about drivers who cut us off, about shoppers who take full carts through the fast lane, about the ungratefulness of youth. However, I’ve spent some time observing people the last few weeks and I’m realizing that civility is alive and well in the modern world and it’s very presence helps make the world a little more blissful.

Civility isn’t about perfect etiquette or using the right fork, civility is about treating others with common courtesy and respect. The Institute for Civility says that “It is patience, grace, and strength of character.” Civility is about practicing the golden rule and treating others like you would like to be treated.

The realization that civility breeds bliss came to me as I was walking into the bookstore and a child held the door open for me. It was a simple gesture, but it made me think about how good manners make the world a better place to live. My children are usually well behaved and polite and they’re generally the ones holding the door open for others when we get to the store because it’s the right thing to do and they don’t expect a reward for being good citizens, but they do expect the common courtesy of politeness. They’re always a little disgruntled when someone walks through the door they’re holding without a thank you. That little thank you means a lot as it means that someone noticed and appreciated what they’d done.

There are a number of people that I really don’t care for at work because they’re too aggressive, they’re backbiting, they’re power hungry, or worst of all they’re arrogant. Unfortunately, for me it’s very hard for me to be civil to people I really don’t like and that makes my life at work more difficult than it should be. I’ve always been an in your face kind of person and what you see is what you get. However, I’m learning that civility doesn’t mean I approve of they way they behave or their attitude, it just means that I want to get the job done and civility is sometimes the easiest way to accomplish that.

I thought that behaving with civility towards people I don’t like would make me feel two faced as if I was pretending to like people I didn’t really like. I was really surprised to find that treating people with civility actually made me feel more sympathetic toward them and more inclined to try to find common ground instead of automatically dismissing everything they say.

I’ve been working hard to practice civility lately and I’m finding that it’s helping me become more calm and balanced as I’m working to behave with patience, grace, and respect. The bliss comes from the realization that common ground can be easier to find than I thought.

Bliss Tears

My son packed our car full of his gear and moved out this week. He’s heading back to college for his second year and as proud of him as I am for being independent, understanding the importance of college, and making good decisions (most of the time), my heart is breaking a little because this means he’s one year close to being out of the nest permanently. I completely understand his need to grow up and become an independent adult, but the mom in me wants him to be my little boy just a little bit longer.

I know it is such a cliche to say that it seems like just yesterday he was a little boy and when I was growing up, I always rolled my eyes when someone said that. However, now that I’m a mom, I understand. I understand that sadness mixed with happiness that comes at looking at the man and wondering where the little boy in the elephant sleeper is. Like most parents I always fear that I didn’t do a good enough job, that I didn’t spend enough time with my kids, that I didn’t buy them all the things they needed, but as I let my mind wander through my son’s life, I realize we did all right.

The photos in the album are evidence that our kids were loved, cared for, and educated. The man I’m leaving at college is evidence that we taught him to think for himself, care for others, and be responsible. Those are lessons we taught our son from an early age and he’s always embodied them. I remember the day we brought our daughter home from the hospital, Sean wanted to stop at the store to get his sister a coke because it was one of his favorite treats and he wanted to share it with his new sister. Although our kids fight like any brother and sister, he takes care of his sister still today by taking her places, being her friend, and making sure she’s protected.

His sister isn’t the only one Sean cares for. He also worries about his entire family and wants to make sure that he does his part to contribute. He gave up his entire spring break to spend it out at his recently widowed Grandmother’s helping her clean house and pack some of her belongings away. This in spite of the fact that Grandma doesn’t have the Internet or cable TV.

Sean’s always been true to himself and understands the consequences of making choices. He played football his freshman year but soon realized that playing football meant he couldn’t participate in debate. He thought about it long and hard and decided that in the long run debate would better help him prepare for his future so he gave up football to become an award winning debater. Debate has led to a number of opportunities for Sean including a three week long stay at Georgetown the summer before his senior year to participate in JSA Summer School. Participating in the summer school program was a tremendous achievement for Sean because he had applied and been turned down the previous year, but he worked hard on his grades and was accepted during what was his last opportunity.

Honoring commitments has always been something Sean’s been good at. He won a bit part in a play when he was seven and he made sure that we took him to every practice and he participated in every performance, including two on his birthday.

Tears of bliss are welling up in my eyes as I think about this incredible young man who is my son. Although every decision he’s made hasn’t been perfect, I’m so proud of who he has turned out to be and although my heart is breaking knowing he’ll be leaving for good soon, I’m happy that he’s determined to find his own way in the world.

Knit One, Bliss Two

Knitting has always seemed too complicated and confusing for me to learn and since I’m not always the most coordinated person in the world, the thought of trying to create something with two sticks and a ball of yarn always terrified me. However, I did learn to crotchet when I was a child and crocheting has always brought me the peaceful sense of bliss that comes from creating something with my own hands.

Although knitting is my Mom’s craft of choice, she taught me to crochet when I was a child and she was always the one to help fix my mistakes and advise me on what colors would look good together. I remember a lot of cold winter afternoons spent in front of the fireplace creating together. Her specialty was sweaters and when I was in seventh grade she made me a beautiful v-necked sweater from brown and white flecked yarn that I wore until well after I graduated from college. Unfortunately, when I moved home from Okinawa, the box containing the sweater got lost. I was heartbroken that the sweater that had always made feel wrapped in my mother’s love was gone.

When I was a teenager I made two beautiful afghans with a star motif. One in shades of green, yellow, and brown, and one in blues. I gave the green one to my mother as it went with our brown sofa and kept the blue one for myself. That afghan graced our first sofa and it traveled with us all the way to Okinawa and back. When I bought my first house and ended up with a living room decorated in browns and greens, my mom gave me back the other afghan and it now graces my living room. It serves as a reminder of the girl that I was and of my mom who spent time teaching me how to crochet.

I crotcheted my mother a rose colored shawl when I was growing up and she treasured it, but when it came time to bury my Grandmother Thursa, my dad’s mom, my mother wrapped that shawl around my grandmother’s shoulders so she would always be wrapped in our family’s love.

Baby sweaters are my mother’s specialty and when I was little she’d knit a beautiful red, white, and blue dress that my daughter ended up wearing. It’s incredible to look at pictures of my daughter wearing that beautiful dress and know that I once wore the same dress. My mom also made a beautiful christening gown that both of my children wore when they were younger and we’ve saved for any future generations. Although I didn’t have the time to spend crocheting when my children were small, I did make them both something special. A small afghan with hearts for my son and a dress for my daughter. I wanted them to know the same feeling of being wrapped in a mother’s love.
My daughter isn’t as klutzy as her mother is and my mom taught her to knit several years ago. I always loved watching my beautiful teen aged daughter sit with her grandmother and knit. Caitlin loves spending time in yarn stores dreaming over the beautiful yarns. She hasn’t ventured beyond scarves yet, but I’m confident that one day she’ll knit something bigger.
As for me, I’m still content to sit down with a crotchet hook and some beautiful yarn and create. My latest project is a beautiful blue shawl. I sit down and crotchet when I’m anxious or upset as crocheting calms me and reminds me that life really is a fabric created one moment at a time just like an afghan, a sweater, a shawl, or a scarf is created one stitch at a time.

Mississippi Bliss

The Mighty Miss, Old Man River, the Big Muddy, all these and more are used to describe the wonderous body of water that flows from Minnesota to the Gulf of Mexico. To me, the Mississippi River represents safety, home, and a place that always inspires my soul. My love of the Mighty Miss was fostered when I was a child and we’d journey from our home in Northern Illinois to my Grandma’s house in Popular Bluff, MO. When we’d cross the Mississippi from Illinois into St. Louis, I always knew we were more than half way there.
We always stopped in St. Louis when I was a child to stretch our legs, to visit the zoo, or just to walk along the river front. Sometimes when we had time on our hands, we’d drive down the Mississippi and enjoy the ever changing mood of the river. In some spots, the Mighty Miss is placid and calm and in other places it’s wild and wooly. One memorable trip we took a river cruise on the old Admiral and we enjoyed watching the riverside drift by as we floated along the river that inspired Mark Twain. My son was born within a few miles of the Mississippi and although we moved away when he was a few months old, we took him and his sister back for a few trips and it was wonderful to see my kids enjoying the same sights and sounds that I’d enjoyed growing up.
The river played into my courtship as well. My first date with my husband was a trip to the St. Louis zoo. I kidnapped him and we headed south from Jacksonville, Il. We stopped in Alton and spent some time peruising an old antique store. He bought me a beautiful book of Asian poems that I’d admired. Lunch was fine dining (okay, McDonald’s) on a riverboat. Even though it was just McDonald’s, there was still something Magickal about sitting on the softly swaying boat and eating our Quarter Pounders. Another date was spent in Hannibal walking along the river and taking a riverboat ride.
When my parents retired, they settled near the Mississippi and my dad could spend hours watching for Eagles along the Mississippi. He’d often take our kids to the Lock and Dam to watch the boats go through. Those were happy days as we’d picnic along the river and watch the boats roll down the Mississippi.
The mighty river has brought me comfort in times of sadness and sorrow. I was in Ripley, TN when my work life seemed to be falling apart. I sought the comfort of the river and found a small nature preserve where I could dip my toes in Ole Man River and feel my cares float away. There’s something peaceful about sitting by a river and watching the river drift along. It feels as if it takes your cares with it.
My father’s last trip along the Mississippi was when we took his cremains from my parent’s home in Northwestern Illinois to the graveyard in Alton where my father was buried next to his father. It was a beautiful spring day out as my mom, my daughter, my son and I headed south. My father had been born in Bethalto, IL, a small town a few miles from Alton, so his life was coming full circle. We dropped his cremains off at the cemetary and then drove along the river to enjoy the view and remember the man who’d been so important to the four of us.
A few months after we’d buried my father, my daughter, mom, and I went out to the shuttered Savanna Army Depot to enjoy the park that’s being developed along the Mississippi. As we stood more than a hundred feet above the Mississippi, I felt the river work its magick on me once again as I remembered all those wonderful trips driving along the Mississippi with my dad. I felt as if he was once again beside me advising me and sharing with me stories of life. I knew then that whenever I needed to feel close to my dad, all I had to do was sit along the Mississippi and remember.