Category: Wands

Daily Draw: Seven of Wands (R)

First Impressions:  Letting go of the need to fight

Book:  Apathy, timidity, being defenseless or overpowered, relaxing your defenses, being overly defensive

Guidance: Relax, you have nothing to prove and no need to defend

Journaling

This card does bring up the feelings of inadequacy m y mother always brings out in me.  She just reduces me to a child, but I am starting to realize that this is all her bullshit and not mine.  The Facebook thing was her being greedy and selfish and thinking only of herself.

July 7, 2018

I’m finally getting to the point that I just don’t care about her bullshit.  I don’t even know if the bitch is greedy and selfish or if she is just clueless.  As I think about growing up with her, I am starting to realize that she is just clueless.  She doesn’t even realize the impact that her words have on others and she just blurts out the first thing that is in her head.  She has no filter and is literally incapable of thinking of anyone else’s feelings.

I don’t know if I will ever get to the point where she won’t matter and I will have totally mitigated her influence, but It is getting easier and easier to let go of her influence.  Some days it is harder than others and I really have to work at reminding myself that her opinions don’t matter and that all the negativity is her insecurities and not mine.  Other days it is not that hard at all.

Two of Wands (R)

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First Impressions:  What I love about this card is it is clearly about choices and choosing between two options.  I also love the deer standing in the path as it makes me think of my back yard.  Reversed this card tell me that I might be putting off decisions.

Book;  Follow your gut, do not tarry, make your move, acting on a decision, fear of poverty, boredom

Guidance:  Don’t spoil things over boredom

Journaling:

I’m feeling so lost and lonely right now.  I want a simple life with someone who loves me.  The problem is that this is not a decision I can make.  I have to be passive and that’s hard.

January 25, 2017

I’ve realized over the past year or so that I do not have to be passive in my search for love and I do not have to do the stupid online dating sites either.  My job is simply to open myself up for love by eliminating the things standing between me and love.  Those things include emotional clutter such as anger and resentment and physical clutter.  I’m working on letting go of the emotional baggage and taking steps to meet new people.  Those are very positive steps I can make.  I’m also working on forgiveness and letting go of the anger.  My anger can eat me up sometimes as I think John and my mother both screwed me up, but holding on to that anger serves no useful purpose.  I need to let go of the anger, learn the lessons, and move on.

Daily Draw: Nine of Wands

First impressions:  Contemplation

Book:  Full of fire and ready to fight another day, refusing to ask others for help, resistance to change

Guidance:  Ask for help, be open to change

Journaling

This card is about the hard won courage that comes from sticking to our guns when it would be so easy to give in and give up.  I have to be honest and say I feel that way today.  After my mother’s guilt trip yesterday, it would be so easy to give in and play the good daughter.  But I can’t go back to having her question everything I do, especially as she isn’t even mature enough to accept that she’s doing it.  I need people who are loving and supportive in my life, not people who constantly tear me down.  However, part of me says I should just let go and accept who she is.

September 1, 2018

What I know now after a lot of introspection, a lot of journaling, and a lot of hard conversations with myself is that accepting who she is and keeping her out of my life are not mutually exclusive.  She is not good for me and having her in my life is detrimental to my mental health.  However, I have also had to accept that I need to let go of her and not think that she will be the person I need her to be in my life because she is incapable of that.  She doesn’t have the self awareness or the skills to be the loving, kind, and nonjudgmental person that I need in my life.  And it is okay for me to not have her in my life as an act of self preservation.

Daily Draw: Page of Wands

First Impressions:  Enthusiasm, starting something

Book:  Threshold of a newly inspired direction, opportunity to discover potential, embark on self development, creative, enthusiastic, confident

Guidance:  Be Bold, Be Magical

May 25, 2018

Another day that I didn’t journal.  Things must have been pretty intense or I wasn’t feeling well if I didn’t make time to journal.  Even though I didn’t know it when I pulled this card, I was at the beginning of a new adventure and creating my own life.

I was creating my exit from Chicago and in some ways the job i landed at itelligence came out of my putting it out there to the universe that I was ready to leave Chicago.  The Gods heard that and created a pathway for that to happen.  The one thing I don’t understand is why they have not yet created a pathway for love.  I have been pretty vocal about that being what I want to manifest in life, but it hasn’t happened yet.  I’m not sure why and I’m not sure what I would have to do to manifest it.

The only guidance they keep giving me is to be patient.  That is hard guidance for me to follow, but I know in my heart it is the right guidance and I know in my heart that it will work out.

Hanson-Roberts Recap

Type of Spreads:  Daily Draws

Time Frame:  September 10, 2016 to October 8, 2016

Overall Rating:  😎😎😎😎😎

Theme:  This deck follows the RWS, but gives a fresher perspective.  I love the colors on the cards and I love that that the images are closer and more intimate.  It feels as if I can really study them and get to know them.  I also  love the colors on this deck.

Impressions:

I really enjoyed working with this deck.  It is a nice size to hold in my hand and I enjoy the artwork.  One of the things I learned from playing with this deck is that playing solitaire is a great way to get comfortable working with the cards.

Overall, I feel the cards truly took on my energy and they felt like an old friend when I picked them up.  I have to be honest and say that part of me wants to keep working with this deck, but I know that it is good to get familiar with all my decks.

Favorite Cards

Six of Pentacles
Hanson Roberts

My first experience with the six of pentacles was with the DruidCraft deck and that experience left me traumatized as for me that card showed a very poor may being asked to give more than he could afford.  However, as I’ve explored other decks and dug deeper into the tarot, I’ve realized that the card is not about giving more than you can afford, but about both giving and receiving with an open heart.  As a result, I’ve learned to appreciate the card overall.

What I like about this version of the six of pentacles is that he looks happy to share what he has.  He is giving with an open heart instead of giving from a place of gamesmanship or having to give to impress people.  I also love that he is measuring what he gives out and I take that to mean that he is only giving what he can afford to give.

Queen of Cups
Hanson Roberts

The Queen of Cups is always one of my favorite cards because in all the decks I have, she carries herself regally, but she is also very approachable.  That holds true in this deck as well as she looks like a woman who is enjoying her morning coffee.  Her air is a little bit messy and she’s holding the cup with two hands just like someone who really needs her morning caffeine.

She’s also looking deep into the cup as if she’s doing a little bit of scrying while she’s contemplating her coffee.  Overall she looks very balanced and sure of herself, but she also looks like someone I wouldn’t mind getting to know ad hang out with.

Justice
Hanson Roberts

Justice is another beautiful woman who looks dedicated and ready to do business, but approachable.  She looks as if she is someone who will truly listen to both sides of the story.  Our lady justice is also fully engaged and ready to hear with all of her senses.  She is not blind to what is before her.

I get the sense that this is someone who will truly listen and find the heart of the matter versus just the cold black and white of the facts.  Whatever justice she dispenses will be fair and compassionate.

Queen of Rods
Hanson Roberts

I love all the sun energy in this card.  Rods are the cards of fire and some artists go for flame with their interpretations, but Hanson and Roberts went for the energy of the sun and it truly works.  The sun elements in this card include the solar cross on her necklace, the sunburst of her thrown, the sunflower she’s holding, the yellow cat, and the lion.

I especially love the juxtopositon of the cat and the lion as that gives us both the fun and friendly feline energy and the fiercer energy of the cat’s larger cousin.  Although this is not an Egyptian deck by any stretch of the imagination, this deck makes me think of Sekhemet  and Bast with all the solar energy.

Least Favorite Cards

Ace of Cups
Hanson Roberts
This card is beautiful and if I wasn’t hung up on more traditional meanings to be found in the Tarot, I might actually like it.  I do love the clouds in the background and the cup kind of just hanging out on top of the water.  However, what I don’t like is that the water falling from the sky seems to be missing the cup.  I don’t get the sense of water overflowing the cup into the stream like I do in other cards. 
When I truly look at this card, it almost seems as if the card is being held aloft by the streams of water like a hot air balloon.  It is an interesting interpretation, but overall I really don’t like it.
Eight of Rods
Hanson Roberts
I have to be honest and say that I never really like the eight of rods/wands as it seems to be a boring card.  However, there are some versions okay with because you don’t know if the wands are going up or coming down.  In this version its pretty apparent they are coming down because in all of the rods, the blossoms have been shown pointing up.
This is just a boring card with very low energy and I truly get no sense of what is supposed to be happening in this card.
High Priestess
Hanson Roberts
I don’t like this card at all because there is too much religious symbolism.  She is wearing a cross, she has the moon goddess symbol in her headdress, and the scroll may be Jewish.  It is just way too much and overwhelming.  I realize that the mixed symbolism also appears on other High Priestess cards, but I don’t like it.
Even though I am not a Christian, what I like about the Christian Church is that they’ve chosen one mythology to follow.  They are not trying to be all things to all people like this High Priestess is.
HIerophant
Hanson Roberts
The Hierophant is one of those cards that I usually don’t like, but that there are some decks that have a version I like.  This is not one of those decks.  I do not like this hierophant as he represents everything I believe is wrong with the Christian church.  He looks cruel and the two children are bowing before him.  It also looks as if he might be ready to strike them with his stick thingy.  
Additionally, he looks totally disengaged.  It doesn’t appear as if he is connected at all with heaven or earth.  He just appears in his own little world.
Summary
Overall, I really like this deck and it is a deck that I will read with again.

Ten of Rods

Ten of Rods
Hanson Roberts

First Impressions:  These bundles look joyous as they are tied with a red ribbon.  The man is elderly and has red and gold on his cloak.  It may be autumn as the hills in the distance are purple and orange.  This card usually speaks to me of trying to do too much or carrying burdens that are not my own, but the joyousness in this card is throwing me.

Book:  Overburdened, bent on self sacrifice, taking on others burdens, overworked, overburdened, cannot see the path ahead.

Guidance:  Set better boundaries, do not take on other people’s stuff.

Journaling:

This was exactly the card I needed to pull today.  Gateway is being their usual moronic selves.  They are making decisions with no input from anyone, then are confused when things blow up in their faces.  However, at the end of the day all of this is their bullshit and I’m not responsible for their decisions.  Unfortunately, even though I know intellectually it is their bullshit, I am taking it on and feeling responsibility.

I think I have to repeat to myself over and over, “It’s not mine, none of it is mine, it is not about me.  All of this is about them and their bad decision making.  I just need to let it go and accept that they are crazy.”

December 23, 2017

Working at Gateway was actually a really good experience for me as I got to experience codependency from the outside looking in.  It was amazing to me how this organization that is dedicated to battling addiction exhibits so much codependent behavior.   They constantly took on insanity that wasn’t theirs and thought they could fix, manage, and control things that were unfixable.

In retrospect, it also gave me a glimpse into how really good people could behave in such crazy ways.  It truly helped me to gain compassion for those, including myself, who make seemingly crazy decisions because they’re driven by codependency. 

One of the biggest lessons I’ve had to learn over the past year is that I am not responsible for anyone’s feelings but my own. Of course, that doesn’t mean that I get to say mean things and not apologize, but it does mean that I need to make decisions that are in my own best interests and if other people don’t like them, too bad.  I made the decision not to talk to my mother because being around her is not in my best interests.  I know that hurt her, but I explained my decision and she has made the choice not to change her behavior.  Once she made that decision, there was nothing else I could do expect gracefully step away.  It is hard and there are a lot of days when I wish I had a big family to hang out with, but my

Six of Wands

Six of Rods
Hanson Roberts

Immediate Impressions:  This conquering hero is wearing a laurel wreath as a symbol of victor.  His helmet is gold and one of the rods holds a wreath in celebration.  The sun is shining over the entire scene providing light and energy and seeming to celebrate with the returning hero.  My immediate response to the card is that it is a card of victory, homecoming, and provides a sense of completion.

Book:  Victory and success through one’s own efforts.  Mastery of the self.  Leadership.  Victory but not satisfaction.

Guidance:  Enjoy your victory

Journaling

I’m not sure why I pulled this card today as I don’t feel victorious.  I feel totally beaten down by lie and trapped.  I’m not sure what the victory could be.  Maybe the key is to take myself out of the moment and work to see the bigger picture.

When I do that, I am able to see that overall I have a wonderful life that I truly love.  I’m also choosing to remind myself that none of the drama at work is my drama.  This is all Gateway’s Drama and my job is to stay out of the insanity.

It is also a victory that I understand how detrimental the drama is.

December 22, 2017

More lessons in drama and victory.  I let myself get all swirly this week over work stuff.  There was a reorganization and I’m not thrilled that I have a new boss.  The rational part of me knows that Joe will have more time to spend on building an OCM practice.  I know he believes in and supports OCM, but my initial gut reaction was negative and my mind wandered to the question of whether or not I should look for a new job.  That has always been my go-to reaction in the past when there was a change.  I never stuck around to see if it was going to be positive or negative.  I just left.  And that is what my scaredy cat little self wants to do this go round.   However, I’ve decided that this time I’m not going to run screaming.  I’m going to face my fears and stay and see what happens.

King of Rods

Initial Thoughts:  I love this card because he has dragons on his robe with ruby clasps.  There is a lion in the background and he is wearing a helmet and a crown. This is a king who means business and is not just a figurehead.  From this card I pick up someone who is brave, strong and passionate.

Book:  Honest, conservative, mature, wise, natural ability to be a leader, longs for freedom, decisive, and strong willed.

Guidance:  Be a leader, let go of judgement, claim your worth.

December 21, 2017 Journaling

Oddly enough, I didn’t journal about this card when I pulled it which is totally unusual for me as I usually write at least a page or two about every card.  This is a message that I also need today as I think about the challenges I face both in my personal and professional life.  I need to be brave and plot my own course.  All too often I let other people plot my course for me and don’t take control of my destiny.

Five of Fire (Reversed)

Five of Fire
Gaian Tarot

First Impressions:  This is a card of taking chances and of danger.  Reversed, it may be about playing it safe.

Journaling:

I’m going to be really honest and say that when I pulled this card, I did not want to write about it because frankly I’m tired of writing about anger, disappointment, fear, and all these other painful emotions.  I’m tired of sorting through that nastiness.  I’m ready to move on and be happy.  However, every time I think I’m ready to move on, the crap reaches up from where I think I’ve buried it.  I’ve worked so hard to move on, but today was full of triggers from losing files that I needed to having to deal with other people’s emotional baggage. 

December 29, 2017

The one thing that strikes me as I read this is that I have a choice to be triggered or not.  I can choose to take on other people’s emotional baggage or I can choose to put on a teflon coat and not take on other people’s junk.  That’s a choice I make.  One of the best lessons I ever learned from Al-Anon is about not getting mired down in other people’s garbage.  If someone is having a bad day, I can offer sympathy or support, but I don’t have to take on their junk.  I’m not always wonderful at it, but I’m getting a lot better.

Explorer of Fire

First Impressions:  Being one with the flame, being surrounded by the flame, dancing in the dark, playing with fire.  This card speaks to secrets and the unknown as the woman dancing with fire is masked.  I read this card as someone who is a risk taker, someone who is not afraid of getting burned.  She has a confidence, almost an arrogance.  There may be energy there that is not so playful.

Book:  Playing with fire, taking risks, a woman who is balance, coordinated, flexible, and daring, fire consumes, and transforms, it’s important to take precautions when dancing with fire.

Guidance:  Share your enthusiasm and let sparks fly, take a bold stand, move toward what you want in life

Journaling:

I’m wondering exactly what this card means for me.  Does it mean that I’m playing with fire in relationships?  Does it mean I should be bold and make a move?  It’s interesting as the fire dancer has come up several times in readings about relationships.  I also wonder if this card is symbolic of the dance we do.

I am getting such a strong message right now that I need to step back and that everything will all work out.  I need to step back and get out of my own way. 

February 4, 2018

Interesting cards lately as I’m really getting the message that it is time for me to be bold about my own life.  It is time for me to choose my own path and to walk away from things that no longer serve me.  And waiting for him to come around no longer serves me.  I deserve a life of wonder and passion and it is time for me to claim that life.