Category: Uncategorized

Hospital Update 12/08 at 4:45

Again, I can’t thank everyone enough for the good wishes and prayers. Everyone says to let them know if there is anything they can do and to be honest, the only thing we really need right now is for you to keep us in our thoughts and prayers. The encouraging emails and texts help a whole lot because sometimes I feel like I’m sitting here in a vacuum with no connection to the outside world so getting that ping in my email means more than you know.

Overall John is doing well, but he is still in ICU. The good news is that his blood pressure has been up all day (that’s a good thing because it was low) and they’ve reduced the amount of times they’re checking it from four times an hour to once an hour. He’s up and watching TV and they’re letting him eat. Sean brought us Soup Box today for lunch so that was a great treat and much better than hospital food :). They’re letting him stand up and move from the chair to the bed, but he can’t move any farther than that because he is still tethered to the wall.

They’re still concerned about the amount of blood he’s lost due to the internal bleeding where they inserted the line in his femoral artery. They may end up giving him another pint of blood, but they’ll make that decision in a little bit. We also still don’t know what the strategy is for the other artery that is blocked, but as of today they were leaning toward having him come back in in a few weeks and fix that on an outpatient basis.

We’re also starting to talk about long term strategies and we are in from some big changes on the home front. Less red meat, more fish, NO butter (okay that one hurts me a lot), and for John no smoking (the hardest one for him). Every doctor in here has stressed that he has to stop smoking so this doesn’t happen again. That will be the toughest part of the whole thing.

I do have to say that all of the doctors we’ve had (and it feels like zillions) and all the members of the staff have been wonderful. They’ve been kind, competent, and very professional. Anyway, thanks for listening. I’ll send out another update in the morning.

Goodness is Bliss

The news is filled with stories of terror, murder, and senseless violence. Some days it is hard to believe that there are good people left in this world. I’ve been in a funk lately because it has been almost a year since my daddy died and there are days when I’m not sure if the goodness, decency, humanity, and work ethic that my daddy embodied still exists in this world anymore.

I met a man today who made me get outside of myself and realize that there is still goodness and decency in this world, you just have to be open to seeing it. The cab driver who took me from the Chattanooga Airport to my hotel was a nice older Southern gentleman. Even though he was a wizened black man, when he spoke, it was like listening to my daddy. He had that sweet Southern drawl that fills space with its graciousness and makes you believe that everything will be all right. He spoke of ordinary things like work, family, church, but as I listened, I realized that the values he espoused where those of my father.
He had to go to a church meeting after dropping me off and rather than just show up late, he called to make sure they knew he was still coming. He showed this courtesy even though he told me his church was a “Primitive Baptist” church and everyone would be at least 30 minutes late anyway. That sparked a conversation about the value of being on time and he told me he’d worked at a company for 36 years and hadn’t been late even one day. That told me he shared the same work ethic that my daddy embodied his entire work life.
We ended up talking about good people and he said that good people were to be found everywhere and it didn’t matter what race. He told me about a group of Asian businessman he’d driven to a hotel and they’d invited him out for drinks. He didn’t take them up on it, but he was thrilled to have been asked.

Our encounter was brief and I’m sure to him it wasn’t anything special, just a ride to the hotel with a white Northerner, but to me it was a reminder that goodness, decency, and humanity were not my father’s alone and that all I needed to do to find them was to look and to listen.
I miss you Daddy!

Urban Bliss

As a child growing up in the sticks, I was always fascinated going downtown and realizing that folks actually lived in the man made canyons of skyscrapers. I couldn’t imagine living among the noise, the bustle, and the anonymity of Chicago. However, since Sean’s been living downtown while going to UIC, I’m realizing that people don’t live in Chicago, they live in Greektown, Little Italy, Chinatown, and the dozens of other neighborhoods that fill Chicago.

Sean’s world is bordered by Greektown, Little Italy, and Printer’s Row and each of these is its own distinctive place full of its own culture and vibe. Since living at UIC, Sean’s managed to find the Target that’s a few blocks from school, the World Market (where they have the best cookies in the world), Whole Foods, and all the other essentials of college life. As he’s found his way around the town, he’s discovered the little out of the way places that only someone who’s a native could find. He can tell me the local restaurants that have the best food, where to buy good quality shoes for cheap, and which bus lines go where. Having grown up in Suburbia where everyone drives everywhere, Sean was amazed when he moved downtown and realized that few people had cars because public transportation or pedi-transportation will take you everywhere you need to go and because having a car can be really inconvenient when it comes to finding a parking space.

When I visit him and we go shopping, I’m struck by the sense of community that exists in what I once thought was a scary urban jungle. The clerks at Whole Foods know their regulars’ names, the people walking down the street call each other by name, and the restaurants offer specials that cater to their crowds. In a lot of ways, I think Sean’s urban community is a lot more of a community than the suburbs we live in now because people walk most places so they get to know the folks at their local businesses and they get to know the people they see on public transportation each day. It’s difficult to get to know your neighbors in suburbia, because no one lives where they work and we spend so much time commuting that when we get home, we hole up in our homes, turn on the TV, and turn out the rest of the world.

I’m not naive enough to think that all of the neighborhoods in the city are warm and fuzzy communities full of folks who want to get to know their neighbors. There are a few neighborhoods in the city where outsiders risk their lives visiting, but most of Chicago’s neighborhoods are diverse and exciting communities that offer their residents all the comforts of suburban living and more.

Through Sean’s eyes, I’m seeing that what I once thought of was a cold and impersonal city, is full of warm and welcoming neighborhoods. It’s pretty blissful to let go of my preconceptions about city living and to take a step back and realize what a mature and self sufficient kid we raised.

Bliss List

The amount of wonderful writing on the Web is amazing as I’m realizing that Blogging has truly changed the face of communication. All of these writers whose work wouldn’t find a home at a big publishing house now have an outlet where they can reach out and touch readers without a middleman. One of the amazing posts I read just this morning was Jonathon Field’s post on Lies, Damn Lies, and Follower Counts what really matters. This amazing post made me realize what’s important in life and inspired me to create my own list of what matters in my life.

  • I care about laughing and giggling and having a good time with people I care about.
  • I care about pulling into my driveway and seeing my dog standing there wagging his tail.
  • I care about the smile on my husband’s face when he thinks our kids aren’t watching him.I care about paying homage to my parents by being the best person I can be.
  • I care about doing my best and earning my pay.
  • I care about being innovative and leaving the world better than I found it.
  • I care about the tangy zing of vinegar and the rich heaviness of olive oil drizzled on cucumbers, tomatoes, and feta cheese; the scent and taste transporting me back to my childhood.
  • I care about my daughter’s smile when she comes out of school and sees me waiting for her.
  • I care about my son’s hug as he climbs on the train and heads back to school
  • I care about my mother’s happiness when she calls to tell me that she’s having a good day and that she read my blog and really enjoyed it.
  • I care about bringing in an armful of wood on a cold winter day, lighting a fire in my fireplace, and snuggling with my husband in front of the fire.
  • I care about the crisp crunch of autumn leaves under my feet as I go for a walk.
  • I care about the warm sun on my face as I sit on the beach and listen to the waves lap against the sand.
  • I care about the world I’ll leave my children and taking care to make sure I leave it a little better than I found it.

Those are the things that matter in life, the things I cherish, and the things that will make a difference.

Righteousness of Hope

The band on my wrist proclaims me number 42568. What would it be like to be reduced to a number? The survivors of Auschwitz, Buchenwald, Dachau, and the 15,000 other concentration camps created by the Nazis before and during World War II know all too well what it is like to be dehumanized to a number tattooed on their arm.

My son and I visited the Illinois Holocaust Museum today and took a trip through one of the darkest periods of human existence. Although the killing of Jews is the most widely known of Hitler’s atrocities, he began his killing spree by “euthanizing” between 200,000 and 250,000 mentally and physically handicapped individuals. In his quest for the perfect Aryan race, Hitler also forcibly sterilized up to 400,000 individuals considered “feeble minded” and unfit to reproduce.

Listening to the Holocaust survivors tell their stories both in person and via video, the atrocities stepped out of the pages of history books and became real. We heard about families crowded into the ghettos and children forced to scavenge food for their family, we heard about children watching their parents being taken to the gas chambers, and we heard stories of heroism, survival, and grace.

One of the most moving videos for me was listening to a survivor tell about questioning a fellow inmate who was praying and asking him what in the world he was praying for in the midst of the death and the horror. The gentleman nodded towards the guards and said he was thanking God that he hadn’t made him like them. There were stories of hope as inmates revolted against their captors at Treblinka, Sobibor, and Auschwitz-Birkenau and the residents of the the ghettos fought back.

Many non-Jews turned a blind eye to the violence and the death, but there were a few who chose to live righteously and do the right thing. Two of these were diplomats who defied their governments to issue visas for Jews to help them escape. Chiune Sugihara was a Japanese diplomat serving in Lithuania who saved up to 10,000 people by issuing papers allowing them to travel to Japan. Even when told by his superiors to stop issuing such visas, he continued because he believed it was the right thing to do. Similarly, Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg issued papers to Jews in Hungary that allowed them to escape with their lives. Both Sugihara and Wallenberg, along with approximately 20,000 others, were recognized by the Yad Vashem as Righteous among Nations for their work to save Jews during the Holocaust.

Many of the Holocaust survivors in Skokie, buried their memories of the Holocaust after the war as they tried to fit in and become Americans. That changed in 1976 when a neo-Nazi group petioned to march in Skokie, home to approximately 10,000 Holocaust survivors. The survivors realized that they had to step forward and tell their story. Since that time, they’ve worked tirelessly to educate humanity about what happened to them and what is still happening in places like Darfur and Rwanda.

Despite the horror of the Holocaust, genocide has not stopped and we continue to have people who think exterminating an entire culture is acceptable. Genocide, Holocaust, and terror are not blissful subjects, but they are things that we have the power to stop if we speak with one voice.

Autumnal Bliss

There’s a crisp, clean scent in the air and the days are getting shorter. Today’s the Autumnal Equinox and although to many people that means the first day of Autumn, to me it will always be the middle of Autumn. Scientifically, the Autumnal Equinox means that day and night are exactly equal and that starting tomorrow the hours of daylight will start shrinking as the hours of night expand. However, from a blissful point of view, the Autumnal Equinox in the Northern Hemisphere means that there’s a touch of magick in the air as the days count down toward Halloween.

Autumn is the time when the leaves spring forth in brilliant color as a last hurrah before they fall from the trees and turn a dusty brown. The colors are magnificent oranges, reds, and yellows. People journey hundreds of miles to see the magick of fall. It’s not only the harvest that brings a smile to people’s face, it’s also all the blissful food that is available: crisp apples, pumpkins for pie, grains, and other wonderful foods that make this a time of feasting.
In ancient days, the feasting of autumn was soon to be followed by the scarcity of the long cold days of winter. The ancients knew they had to eat while the eating was good because soon the fresh food would be gone and there was no guarantee that they would be able to put enough aside to last through the long, cold, dark days to come.
Living in Northern Illinois, we are surrounded by the beauty of nature and today the trees are starting to turn beautiful colors. When I go for walks, I see the reds and yellows of the trees in the neighborhood and the fallen leaves are blanketing the walk. It’s dark when I wake up in the morning, which makes the thought of burrowing under the covers and sleeping a few more hours very appealing. Soon it will be dark when I leave for work in the morning and dark when I return home at night.
However, unlike the ancients, I know that soon it will be Halloween, and then the Solstice when once again the days will start getting longer and longer as the earth turns toward the sun. I am able to celebrate the coming days of darkness as a time of turning inward, a time of reflection, and a time to prepare for the coming year.
My hope is that your fall is every bit as blissful as mine as I celebrate apple cider, pumpkin pie, and all the treats that the autumn brings.

Butterfly Bliss–Volume 4

For those of you who haven’t read about my butterfly challenge, I’m following the lead of one of the bloggers I greatly admire, Charley Forness at Scribe for the Tribe, and trying to make small changes every week in the hopes that the small changes will add up to bigger changes in my life. The original challenge article is here. This weekly check in will include a report on last week’s progress and on my goals for next week.

Goal–Lose 30 lbs by 12/31/2009

Progress

  • Walk at least 20 minutes three times a week— Did a great job at this. Walked once while Cat had her Sax lesson, once to the post office, and once to the flea market with Sean.

  • Drink two bottles (aluminum ones) of water a day–I drank two bottles two days and one bottle two days. I have a long way to go to get where I want on this one.

Butterflies for this week (Based on my progress from last week, I’ll keep the same goals)

  • Walk at least 20 minutes three times a week

  • Drink two bottles of water a day

Goal–Have Sean’s tuition and the taxes paid by 12/31/2009

Progress

  • Cook dinner at home six nights a week to save money.–Great job on this one. We only ate out one night.
  • Pack my lunch four days a week–I packed lunch twice, my boss bought lunch one day, and I ate at home twice. Not bad, but still not a habit
  • Not buy any magazines–I did buy a Woman’s World magazine, but resisted the urge to buy several more.

Butterflies for the week

  • Cook dinner at home six nights a week to save money.
  • Pack my lunch four days a week.
  • Not buy any magazines

Goal–Build my online presence

Progress

  • Post five book reviews at Amazon—Done. However, I’ve decided to drop this as a butterfly for now as it takes too much time and I think the payoff will be less than some of my other activities.
  • Get Listed on three blog sites—Done.
  • Write two articles for online sites–This is a duplicate of one in the next section, so I will report on it there.

Butterflies for the Week

  • Get listed on three more blog sites
  • Post an article on More
  • Post an article on Divine Caroline
  • Find two more places to post articles (just have to find them, not post)

Goal–Build KUDOS Power

I’m scaling back on this one because there are not enough hours in the day to do everything I want / Need to do. Unfortunately, I’m going to have to build KUDOS Power a lot slower than I had hoped.

Progress

  • Write three articles for KPI–Done
  • Write three articles for KPO–NOt done. I just didn’t have time
  • Write an article for More–Done. Death of a Hearthtrob is currently on their front page.
  • Write an article for Divine Caroline–Done
  • Rewrite The Portable Coach–Spent significant time on this. It is about 25 percent of the way done and I plan to get it finished this week.

Butterflies for the Week

  • Write three articles for KPI
  • Rewrite The Portable Coach
  • Follow up with my contact at Westinghouse

Goal–Build better relationships with my family

Progress

  • One dinner or activity with John this week—We went shopping. It wasn’t as great an activity as I would have liked, but it was something.
  • One dinner or activity with Cat this week—We went out to sushi this week.
  • One dinner or activity with Sean–Sean and I went to the Maxwell Street Market

Butterflies for the week

  • One dinner or activity with John this week

  • One dinner or activity with Cat this week

  • One Dinner or activity with Sean

Wish me luck this week. I’ll check back in next Sunday.

Butterfly Bliss–The Housekeeping Edition–Volume 1

To say that I am inherently a slob would be an understatement, but now that I have a home of my own I really want to be able to walk into my house and not trip over shoes left by the door, newspapers, book bags, etc. I want to be able to cook food without first having to wash every dish in the house and scrub down the counters. I want to be able to get dressed in the morning without having to search through the piles of clean clothes and the dryer to find something to wear. I’m new age enough to believe that like attracts like and that living in a cluttered and dirty house will attract more of the same.

It was amazing to me how accountable I felt when I posted my Butterfly Bliss goals on my blog and how I worked to accomplish them so I wouldn’t let anyone out in cyberspace who was reading me down. I also know that I’ve worked hard to find opportunities to make time to do my thirty blissmakers. I’ve decided that I’ll pick five areas of my house that really really bug me and choose some butterflies that I’ll work to accomplish this week. These are not so much things I want to accomplish as habits I want to instill in my life. I also realize that there are other people in my house who pig it up, but this is about changing my habits and not about changing anyone else so even though it really bugs me, I will pick up other people’s things and put them in their rooms versus repeatedly yelling at them to pick up.

So here goes lets see if butterflies can help me be a neater person.

Goal–Have a clean kitchen

  • Butterflies
  • Empty the dishwasher and actually put the dishes away when it is finished
  • As dishes become dirty, load them in the dishwasher and start it when it is full.
  • Wipe up spills as they happen
  • Throw garbage away as it happens versus letting the empty boxes and cans sit on the counter.

Goal–Always have clothes ready to wear in the morning

  • Butterflies
  • Put clothes away as soon as the dryer is done
  • Mend clothes when buttons fall off etc, instead of sitting them aside to do something with later
  • Put clothes away after work (hamper, hang up jackets, take jewelry off, etc.)

Goal–Clean Living Room

  • Butterflies
  • Carry dishes into the kitchen when you are done with them
  • Carry the kids belongings up to their room instead of waiting for them to do it
  • Put shoes away instead of kicking them off on the floor
  • Throw papers and other trash away instead of piling it up
  • Go through mail once a week

Goal–Clean Bathroom

  • Butterflies
  • Refill the toilet paper as soon as it is empty
  • Put clothes in the hamper instead of on the floor
  • Put away bottles, jars, etc.
  • Don’t leave books, magazines, etc. in the bathroom

Goal–Clean Family Room

  • Butterflies
  • Don’t leave my computer bag sitting down stairs. Put it and all the related junk by my desk.
  • Carry dishes and food upstairs as soon as I’m done
  • Pick up garbage (magazines, soda bottles, etc.) as soon as I’m done

So wish me luck.

Geek Bliss

It’s the time of year when the evenings are getting cooler; kids are groaning over the end of summer vacation; and, more importantly, the stores are filled with all kinds of cool school supplies. Logically, I know whatever is available in the schools in August is probably available all year long, but the cool stuff seems harder to find the rest of the year.

I came by my geeky love of school supplies naturally, my mother loves notepads and paper and my aunt ran a print shop when I was a child. This was back in the days before Office Max and Staples when the only paper available at normal office supply stores was dusty reams of white copy paper so a visit to a place full of reams of different colored paper filled me with joy.

My aunt’s first print shop was next to the diner where my parents met and we’d go in their on a regular basis to visit. I have to admit that the jobs my aunt ran at her first shop were kind of boring like Multiple Listing Books. However, when I was about nine they moved into a much bigger print shop and the choices of paper to run my fingers through became much more covetous. There were reams full of paper in all the colors of the rainbow and I learned all about the different weights of paper. One year for Christmas, my aunt made customized note pads for me and I was in heaven.

I was the editor of my high school literary arts magazine and all my knowledge of paper and the fledgling layout skills I learned came in handy. The magazine turned out beautifully with a gorgeous cover of paper with blue waves.

Over the years as I’ve traveled to various parts of the world, one of the stops on my agenda is always the office supply store to see what kinds of cool paper and pens are available. I’ve found beautiful notebooks in Japan, fountain pens in Germany, and wondrous papers in China. The three years I spent in Japan were geek bliss as Japan is ahead of their time in terms of types paper and pens.

Discovering the bliss of affordable fountain pens (and butter cake, but more about that in another post) was one of the major perks of all the trips I made to Germany. Germany is the home of Penguin, Lamy, and Online and every department store sells fountain pens and ink. Every trip I made to Germany, I’d come home with at least one pen. Schneider’s were my favorite for a while, but since I’ve been back in the States, I’ve settled on Lamy’s as their affordable and ink is readily available in the US.

Once I discovered fountain pens, sealing wax couldn’t be far behind. I found this wonderful little shop in Madison, WI that sells sealing wax and seals and I purchased several. There is something amazingly satisfying about writing a letter with a fountain pen on good paper and then sealing it with ink. It lets the recipient know that you cared and you put thought into the words you sent them.
When I head out to art fairs in the summer, I’m not looking for prints for the wall, I’m looking for prints for the mailbox. I love sending art prints to my family and friends as it provides a unique way to let them know I’m thinking of them and supports local artists.

My daughter has inherited my geekiness and every so often, we’ll head to the office supply store and spend an hour or so perusing the ponderous papers and pens. Life is so much better than when I was a child as now all these beautiful colors and weights of paper are available for the common consumer and when you add in the papers available for scrap booking, it’s true bliss for paper geeks.

Unplugging Balance

Work has been slow lately for a variety of reasons both economic and personal and I’ve struggled to get used to what I’m realizing is actually work life balance. For the past 10 years, I’ve had jobs where I’d come home from work, eat dinner, and then logon and go right back to work to finish up the bits and pieces that didn’t get done during the day. Sometimes the work would be something my boss needed urgently, but mostly it was things I needed to concentrate on and as most people know work is not a very conducive environment for actually working.

The first few weeks living this way were kind of weird as I left work and then didn’t know what to do with myself as I was used to going home and working for several more hours to try to get the work done. Now, I come home and I can actually have a life. I go for walks with my daughter, read the books I want to read, work on my blog, and work on the prep work for the new business I’m starting.

Part of me feels guilty as if I’m not giving my employer its due because I’m not working 12 or 15 hour days, but the rest of me is breathing deep breaths and enjoying balance. I’m realizing that balance isn’t something most modern day office workers understand anymore. Back in the good old days 15 or 20 years ago, work ended when you left the building because once the door clicked shut behind you, you had no way to access your work.

Modern day “conveniences” have changed all of that and we’re now on call 24 hours a day. Sometimes being on call is boss-enforced, like when an important project is going live over the weekend, but all too often it is self-imposed. I know sometimes I let myself get trapped into thinking that if I don’t answer an email that comes in at 9 pm that the world is going to explode. The last few weeks have taught me that answering that email at 9 pm just perpetuates the 24 /7 work week as we end up playing a game of hot potato with the email because no one wants to be the one to leave it unanswered for more than a few minutes.

My most pathetic and stupid experience came when I was driving 90 miles an hour down the expressway to get to my daddy’s deathbed and I was reading emails on my blackberry as I was driving. How incredibly stupid, self absorbed, and selfish was that? I could have ended up killing myself on my way to visit my parents because I had to answer some dumb email about master data. Is that what anyone would call a meaningful death? I think not.

Although that was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in the line of work, there’ve been quite a few times when I ducked into the bathroom to check my email during a party, a trip to the zoo, or another family event. I’ve taken conference calls in the car on the way to the museum, answered emails on Christmas day, and a whole host of other things that I’m not real proud of. Looking back, I realize that those electronic excesses had more to do with my own ego and feeling like I had to be a hero than about any real work related reason. If I hadn’t been available, the people on the ground would have made the best decision possible and we would have dealt with the impact when I got back. The world would not have come to the end if I hadn’t answered those calls or emails.

I hate to admit it, but it’s been almost pleasant to not get hundreds of emails a day. I’ve had time to spend time with my family and connect with the people who are really important to me and who’ll be there for me whether or not I answer their emails right away.

I’m learning that balance brings its own kind of bliss as I take time to dig up recipes that take more than 5 minutes to cool, cuddle with the dog, and write about things I want to write about versus what my boss wants me to write about. I’m thinking everyone needs to turn off the crackberry once in a while, put the lid down, and live in the world instead of the little electronic boxes that sometimes rule our world.