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I’ve been turning this question over in my mind all day and have started a blog post on the topic, but I wanted to share with all of you where I’m at as I come up on 50 and enter ” middle age.” Although I will always be a mom, I feel like I’ve moved away from “Mommyhood” and am nowhere near ready to be a Crone, but being a queen feels comfortable and right right now.

The last year has been a journey of self acceptance and working to claim my sovereignty. The Morrigan is one of three Goddesses I am pledged to and she has presented many opportunities to practice her lessons. I’ve learned to set and maintain boundaries and to speak my mind when I need to. I’ve learned to speak my mind and not apologize for my thoughts or feelings. I’ve also learned that I deserve respect and that if people do not treat me with respect, I need to seriously evaluate whether they should be in my life or not.

This is a year of harvesting wisdom for me. It is taking the life lessons I’ve learned to this point in time and sorting through them to determine what I’ve learned that can help other people. For me to get to this point has been huge because I tend to discount what I know and assume that everyone else already knows it.

As I sort through the lessons I’ve learned, I’m realizing that even from the intensely personal lessons there is something to be shared with others. For instance, this morning as I wrote out the Serenity Prayer, the words Accept, Change, and Know struck me. I found that interesting because usually it is the words Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom that I focus on. The word Accept brought back a lesson that my acupuncturist had tried to impart when I was moaning about something my ex had done.

Growing up in Illinois, I was literally surrounded by corn fields. Everywhere you looked during the summer there were corn fields and when it got toward the end of summer, each corn field was adorned with a golden tassel. My grandfather was a farmer who tilled the fields and while most of his corn was for animal feed, there were always a few rows of sweet corn. I remember as a child when that sweet corn was ripe, we wouldn’t even cook it because it was so juicy and sweet right from the stalk.

Corn is woven through the fabric of my life. When I was a child, my parents enrolled me in Indian Dancing. Now I realize that might not have been so politically correct to have a little blonde girl performing Indian harvest dances, but that was my first exposure to being grateful to the earth mother for the harvest. One of the dances we performed was the corn dance where we sprinkled corn and asked for a good harvest. Looking back, I realize the significance of that way more than I did now and although, as I said, it might not have been politically correct, I count that as one of my first introductions to being truly in touch with the land.

We took a memorable trip to South Dakota one summer and visited the Mitchell Corn Palace, which is a monument to all things corn. Although I didn’t appreciate it at the time, I realize now that building the corn palace and maintaining it is a way that pays homage to the land and to the farmers who work it.

When I was a teenager, I participated in another corn rite of passage: detasseling. The big corn companies detassel corn every summer as a form of pollination control. A lot of teenagers in the Midwest spend a few weeks walking through cornfields pulling the tassels off of corn. It was the most miserable job I ever had as corn leaves are very sharp and they cut your chin up when you walk through the fields.

One of my favorite memories from my marriage also involved a corn field. My husband and I were driving through corn fields one summer and being young and lusty we found ourselves in a position where we couldn’t wait to find a bed. We pulled off at a road side table and made our way a few rows into the corn field. It was one of the most incredibly erotic and intense experiences of my life as I felt in tune with all of my ancestors who had ritually blessed their fields.

I’m back in Illinois this week, surrounded by cornfields and I’m finding more beauty in them than I ever have before. As an adult, I appreciate the work that goes into raising our food. I’ve also started to become more of a localvore and that has increased my appreciation of the diversity of our food and why it is important to be grateful for the amazing bounty that surrounds us.

Although I have a love/hate relationship with grain as sometimes it makes my stomach do horrible things, I will gather grains and make bread next weekend. As I mix the flours together and watch the bread rise, I will give thanks for the harvest and I will remember all of my ancestors who have gone before me. For those who raised the grain, for those who harvested it, and for those who baked the bread.

The bread that I eat
Grows in the bosom of mother earth
Warmed by the warm rays of the sun
Watered by the silver streams of rain
Picked by the hands of my brethren
Ground by the ingenuity of man
Backed in a warm oven

Gratitude is one of the simplest, sometimes challenging, and rewarding of spiritual practices.  On the surface, it is just saying thank you for the good things in your life, but in reality it is so much more than that as it can change the course of your life.

Benefits of Gratitude

Studies have shown that gratitude has many benefits including better physical and emotional health, better relationships, improved self esteem and even better sleep.  Harvard Medical School posted an article that detailed the results of multiple studies. In one study, people were asked to write about what they were grateful for while another group wrote about what irritated them.  Not surprisingly, the group that wrote about what they were grateful for were more optimistic and felt better about their lives.  They also exercised more and took better care of themselves.  Another study listed in the Harvard Article found that employees whose managers thanked them and told them they appreciated their efforts were more productive.

Gratitude Practice

Starting a gratitude practice doesn’t have to be complicated and can take a variety of forms depending upon what you’re comfortable with.  Some ideas for your gratitude practice:

Saying Thank You—We’re all taught to say please and thank you, but sometimes we get busy and we forget or we only stay thank you for the monumental instead of the mundane.  One of the best ways to gain—and share—the benefits of gratitude is start looking for opportunities to express your gratitude to others.  Say thank you to the person who serves you your coffee.  Express your appreciation when a loved one takes out the trash.  Call your mom or an old teacher to say thank you for something you learned from them.  If you’re feeling really ambitious, you could also pen emails or letters expressing your gratitude to someone.  You can even tweet your gratitude to public servants or others who are doing great things.

Gratitude Journal—Gratitude journals are a favorite of the feel good crowd and with good reason as taking time to sit down and express what you’re grateful for helps refocus your thoughts on the positive instead of the negative.  The best gratitude journals are specific and require you to truly think about the unique and wonderful things that happened instead of just saying thank you I have a place to live and food to eat.  If writing things in a little notebook isn’t your style, you can post your gratitude lists on Facebook, Instagram, or other forms of social media.  As I write this, I’m thankful for:

• The beautiful green color of my walls and the fact that I got to get up close and personal while painting them
• The fact that my 13 year old dog is still healthy and acts like a puppy
• My daughter’s sweet thank you note for the Cleveland Mobsters hoodie I surprised her with
• The fact that none of my big old trees came down in the windstorm we had last night
• My son helping me to drop off the recycling without complaining

These might not be big things, but they are important and each and every one of them makes me smile.

Prayers

Other human beings aren’t the only ones we have to thank for this wonderful life we live.  Higher Power, Deity, God, or whatever you call that force outside of ourselves also deserves some thanks for the beauty and wonder all around us.  As you sit down to dinner, take a moment to thank Spirit for providing.  When you are awestruck at the beauty of nature, take a minute to thank the God and Goddess.  Saying prayers of gratitude truly does help us build a connection with the divine.

Gratitude in Tough Times

Gratitude when the car starts, the kids are healthy, and there’s money in the bank is easy as there seems to be so much to be grateful for.  It’s harder to be grateful when things go wrong, but that’s exactly when we need to dig deep in ourselves and find something to be grateful for as gratitude changes our attitude and better things begin coming our way.  As Daniel Paralta wrote in Louise Hay’s book, Gratitude: A Way of Life, “When you express gratitude, you raise the vibrations around you to a higher frequency. You create positive energy that emanates out from you and returns to you as wonderful experiences. You become magnetic. Good things and good people gravitate toward you because you’re such a joy and delight to be around.”

The best part about cultivating an attitude of gratitude is that it doesn’t cost you anything and the rewards can be huge.

I generally live my life connected to spirit and I’m used to getting little cues and nudges that point me in the right direction.  It took me a long time to get to a place where I was calm enough to truly hear that small still voice that, for me, comes as a knowing that something is the right direction to take.  Some would call this intuition, but mine is usually a little stronger than intuition and comes as a sense of knowing.  I know I should or should not do something.  For instance, this morning as we were getting ready to drive from Cleveland to Chicago, something told me to check the key we’d just had made for the pet sitter.  We checked the key and it didn’t work, but we had another key we could leave so the pet sitter could get in and check on our pets.  Realistically, I know that if the pet sitter had not been able to get in, we would have had no qualms about telling her to call a locksmith or break a window, but listening to my intuition spared us that trouble.

Unfortunately, there are days when I get disconnected from spirit and I let my anxiety and fear override my sense of serenity and connection.  The last few weeks have been rough and there have been lots of days where my emotions have spiraled and I’ve felt disconnected from spirit.  That’s not a comfortable place for me to be because when I’m that state, I miss the cues from spirit that help guide my path and I feel out of tune with the world.

The signs that I’m disconnected include:

• Being agitated and getting stressed over little things
• Craving sugar and not caring what I eat

• Spending more time focused on problems than solutions

• Losing my temper over minor things

• Choosing mind candy (trashy tv and romance novels) over meditation

• Spending money on things I don’t really need or truly want

Once I realize I’m disconnected, it sometimes takes effort to reconnect because being disconnected for me is sometimes a sign that there’s something I don’t want to do or to face.  However, because I do know that life is truly better when I’m connected, I’ve developed a retinue of ways to reconnect.  If one doesn’t work, I’ll move on to another.

Pray

There is an old saying that you should pray and mediate for at least 30 minutes every day, except when you’re busy  and then it should be an hour.  I wholeheartedly agree with this advice with the addendum that you should pray and mediate for an hour when you’re disconnected as well.  I know that when I’m disconnected, I’ve turned my back an spirit and not the other way around.  Consciously making an effort to pray helps rebuild the connection.  When I’m really swirly and feel like all I want to do is whine, I will recite the Serenity Prayer or another memorized prayer.  I’ve found that saying words I’ve said before has an amazingly calming effect on me and truly helps me to reconnect.

Spend time in Nature

Nature is one of the greatest healers there is and when I’m feeling swirly and disconnected, I’ll make time to take a long walk in the woods, to sit by a lake or ocean and listen to the waves, or even wade in a fountain.  There is something about being in nature that reminds me that all these problems I think are so overwhelming, really aren’t that big at all.  Another way I spend time in nature, that may seem a little weird is to walk through cemeteries.  Most cemeteries are amazingly peaceful spots and walking through them reminds me that all my problems really are just a blip on the radar of this thing called life.

Do Housework

I used to hate housework and get annoyed at having to wash dishes, mop the floor, or perform any other menial chores, but I’ve learned that housework is one of the most amazing forms of meditation available.  I’ll run some warm soapy dishes and wash the dishes while looking out at my backyard.  There is something immensely soothing about the feel of the warm water and the meditative quality of washing the dishes.  It is one of the most surefire calming techniques I have.  If I’m in need of something a little more active, I might rearrange the furniture or

Get My Body Moving

When I’m all swirly, I tend to sit and stew.  However, this is exactly the wrong thing to do as stewing keeps me in the problem.  Getting my body moving helps me to reconnect as it puts me back in my body and helps me to be aware of my breathing, the feeling of my feet hitting the earth (or the treadmill) and the feel of my heart beating in my chest.  Reconnecting with my body is an amazing way to both work of excess stress energy and to reconnect to the divine.

Ground and Center

Grounding and centering are connected for me as I usually will ground and then center.  Grounding simply means that I make a conscious effort to reconnect with the earth.  I can do this by walking barefoot in the grass, hugging a tree, or visualizing myself connected to the core of the earth.  Once I’ve reconnected with the earth, I can center by sitting quietly and pulling my thoughts back to center.

Meditate

Meditating is difficult for me when I am disconnected and if I try doing it before something physical (housework, exercising, walking in nature), I will almost surely fail and end up more frustrated with myself before.  However, once I’ve cleared my mind by doing one of the activities above, I’m in a good place to reconnect by consciously sitting down and paying attention to my breathing.  One of my very favorite meditations is to imagine I am standing on a bridge above a stream.  As I stand there, I launch each of my worries into the stream on a biodegradable boat.  As I watch my worries and cares float away, I feel my body lightening.

Acupuncture

I know that when I am disconnected that means that my third eye is blocked and I’m no longer receiving guidance from above.  Acupuncture helps me reconnect by needling my third eye and clearing away those blockages.  Acupuncture always works when I let it work.  And for me to let it work, I have to have worked out some of the angst through the methods noted above.

Listen to Music

Music is a wonderful tool that I use often to wash away the angst and put me in a better frame of mind.  What I listen to depends on the mood that I’m in and sometimes one type of music works better than others.  Some of my favorites for helping me to reconnect with spirit are The Blues, Classic Rock and Roll and Spiritual Music.  Right now I’m on a Blues kick and I find that just letting the amazing sounds of BB King et al wash over me helps to wash away all my worries and cares.

Read Positive Material

Reading positive material helps me to remember that there are good things going on in the world and that life isn’t all misery and angst.  Positive reading material includes checking out my favorite Facebook groups, looking for positive material online, and reading spiritual books.  These things help to remind me of the good stuff in the world and help me to reconnect to the good place within myself.

Journal

My journaling to reconnect takes a couple of forms.  Sometimes I just let myself get all the whining and icky stuff out on the page, but I have to be careful with this technique because it can send me into a deeper swirly state.  I’ve found it more helpful to ask myself questions and journal on the answers.  If I can’t come up with positive questions, I’ll search online for journal writing prompts and answer them.  Making myself think about questions and really taking time to answer them helps me reach a deep place of wisdom within myself.

Have Fun

Laughter truly is the best medicine and one of the beset ways I know to distract myself from a negative place is to go out and have fun.  The problem is that when I’m in that swirly disconnected place, It’s hard to motivate myself to actually get out of the door and have fun, but once I do I get caught up in laughing and having a good time and I often forget why I was in such a bad mood in the first place.

Hang Out with Friends

If having fun and laughing alone gets me into a good mood, hanging out with people I care about gets me there quicker.  Sometimes just telling silly jokes or hanging out with people who truly know me helps me to get out of that icky disconnected place.

Be Creative

Losing myself in a creative pursuit like writing poetry, making jewelry, or creating artwork helps distract me from whatever is going on in my life and helps me reconnect to the spiritual part of my being.

I’ve always felt it counter intuitive that I would have to work to go with the flow and connect with spirit as I always just thought it happened and that working for it made it less real somehow.  However, after a few rounds of feeling disconnected, I’ve learned that taking positive steps to reconnect is the best thing I can do for my mental health and the sanity of the people around me.

I see hope when I see folks tending the earth
I see hope when I look into the face of my daughter as she contemplates her return to school
I see hope when I see people giving a hand up instead of a hand out
I see hope when folks come together with hugs and barbecue instead of guns and cruel words
I see hope when I see tended yards in hardscrabble neighborhoods

 

I hear hope when constructive debates raise solutions instead of controversy
I hear hope when people call misogynists on their idiocy
I hear hope when the cashier speaks gently to an old lady
I hear hope in tales of the Cajun Navy
I hear hope in the rooms of 12 step meetings

 

I feel hope when my dog looks at me with adoration
I feel hope when Mother Moon’s rays fill me with serenity
I feel hope when I realize there is enough money to make it to my next payday
I feel hope when  I stand among the trees and sense the presence of greatness
I feel hope when I see the numbers on the glucose monitor going down

 

I smell hope in the scent of sawdust in new homes
I smell hope in food trucks with vendors working to feed folks and build their businesses
I smell hope in the scent of cotton candy at the fair
I smell hope in the salty brine of the sea tickling my nose
I smell hope in the crackling scent of a bonfire reminding me of hearth and home

 

I taste hope in the tomatoes fresh from the vine
I taste hope in the sweet corn dripping butter down my chin
I taste hope in my chili made with home grown peppers
I taste hope in the strawberry a West Side Market vendor gives me to taste
I taste hope in the food cooked by immigrants at a local restaurant

 

I am hope when I choose peace over anger
I am hope when I say a kind word
I am hope when I make time for love
I am hope when I support instead of tear down
I am hope when I look at the world with love instead of fear