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Mercury Retrograde: 2022

 Mercury retrograde, for anyone who doesn’t know, is the time when Mercury appears to go backwards.  It is also a time when life seems to be full of petty annoyances and communication issues.  I can generally tell when Mercury Retrograde is afoot because communication stalls, life gets a little wonky, and anything that can go wrong will.  The first Mercury retrograde in 2022 will go from January 14th through February 3rd.  Shondaland has a great article about how this mercury retrograde will affect each sign, if you want to know more.

Since Mercury retrograde is complicated enough and brings enough confusion on its own, I decided that I wanted to do the simplest possible spread for guidance so I found a simple three card spread at Tarot Venue.

I chose a simple spread and the cards rewarded me with simple answers.  This was one of those readings where it’s pretty simple to tell what the cards are saying even without going to the book, but I always like to delve a little deeper into my readings so I’ll give you my first impressions, then a longer reading.

What should I review?

First Impressions are that I should review my emotional stability and emotional depth.  I need to make sure I take care of my emotional health and if I’m not, I need to take action.  Interestingly, the LWB indicates this is a card of happiness, love, intimacy, new emotions, and compassion.  It also indicates being open to subconscious feelings.  As I read the book meaning and combine it with my intuition, I’m getting the message that I need to have compassion and I need to be aware of what I’m feeling subconsciously.  

The message about compassion is interesting because I am feeling so much compassion fatigue right now.  I just want to get back to normal and be able to have a good life where we can travel, visit museums, etc, but the people who have refused to take the vaccine are putting a damper on this.  I am so angry with them that it is very hard to be compassionate when they get sick and/or die.  My attitude is that they brought it on themselves so why should I be compassionate?  I don’t have an answer to that question, but I’m feeling that based on this reading it is something I should review and meditate on.
What should I repair?
First impressions are that I should repair my tools and make sure that things are in good working order.  However, this card is also telling me to make sure that I keep my intellect in good working order and that I continue to learn and grow.  Wow!  The key words for this card are new projects, truth, assertiveness, creative thinking, and clarity (which is my word of the month).  What is interesting about this is that I tend to think of clarity as intellect, but the readings I am doing about clarity are all connecting it to intuition and seeing clearly.  One of the messages I’m getting as I put my intuition and the book meaning together is that I need to start trusting my intuition more and make more time to meditate and reflect instead of being so left brained all the time.
What should I release?
The easy answer and the first one that comes to mind is that I should release conflict and, along with it, the need to always be right.  I hate to compromise and I hate to let go when I know that I am right.  This creates problems with team mates who may also have good ideas.  The key words for this card are rivalry, opponents, disagreement, competition, and clashing egos.  On that is so true as our team is a mass of egos and I think it is made worse by the fact that Glenn does not truly lead.  He expects us to work together to get to consensus, but consensus doesn’t always work.  Sometimes a leader needs to step up and say this is the way it is going to be.
As I read through what I have read, I realize that competition only occurs if I choose to compete.  If I choose to step to one side, the person will crash to the floor.  The reality is that I do not need to compete with Y.  I am on solid ground and know my stuff, there is no reason to get upset about her pathetic attempts to undercut me.  All I need to do is continue being my best and not worry about her.
Summary
This was an incredibly insightful reading.  It is amazing how much information can come out in just a few cards.

2022 Spread

 I like the new year and the sense of possibilities it brings as afterall NOTHING could be worse than the dumpster fires the last couple of years have been.  I am hoping, along with the rest of the world, that 2022 brings happiness, peace, and most of all health.  This spread, from Joanna Powell Colbert, is one of my favorites.  

What do I leave behind in the old year?

The Star tells me that I am leaving hope and optimism behind and unfortunately there is a lot of truth in that.  I have always been someone who believes the best about people, but the last few years have brought out the ugliness in people and it has become very clear that there are some people who cannot be reasoned with and who do not understand science or the truth at all.  This card is about accepting reality and realizing that hope alone cannot change the world.  It also means that I have to be a little self-absorbed and I do take care of me and mine.  
One of the things that I have learned over the last few years is that hope can be a bad thing if it is blind hope.  Sometimes we want things to be true so much that we are not realistic.  
November 6, 2022 Comments

As I end this year a little early as I’m planning to do this spread from birthday to birthday going forward, I reflect on whether or not I really did leave hope behind and I realize that I am leaving behind blind and starry eyed hope.  This has been a terrible year and I realize that I was hoping that things such as Roe would not be changed.  However, that was not to be.  Now I have a more realistic hope as I see people taking to the streets to protest something important.  Hope is now tinged with realism and a realization that I cannot just hope others do the right thing.

What do I open up in the New Year?

The hanged man is about looking at things from a different perspective.  It is also about being patient and taking time to let things play out to their conclusion.  Sleeping beauty also tells me that there will be restriction, but eventually there will be improvement.  That is an interesting read for a year that is starting out under restrictions and horrible covid numbers.  Every day the news is filled with higher and higher numbers.  The major hospitals in Cleveland joined together to take out an ad asking people for help.  

In addition to the more global restrictions, I believe there will be personal restrictions as well as I can’t look for a new job until I am vested in my 401K so I have to do the best I can in the job I am in.  A big part of that means rising about the fray and not letting Y get in my face.  She is an idiot and while she is doing anything she can to impress the boss, she doesn’t realize that throwing people under the bus and acting like she is our boss is not the right way to do it.  I think the message for me on this front is to restrict myself and not take off the gloves.  I can acknowledge that she is an idiot and not confront her.
November 6, 2022 Update
I did spend time looking at things from a different perspective and one of the key realizations I had was that I can’t make decisions based on finances alone.  I have to look at my happiness as well and so I did make the decision to change jobs and right now I’m happier.  It’s interesting as I read the above is because Monica was a huge thorn in my side last year and part of it was because our boss would not address it and put her in line.  He let her run rough shod over people.  However, my new boss is willing to go to bat for me and put people who are stepping out of line in place.  I feel supported and as if I am not just getting lip service.

Key opportunity of the new year?

the two of wands is an interesting card in this position because Janus is about business opportunities, travel, and opportunities.  When I reflect upon this card, I believe I am being asked to both look forward and backward for opportunities.  What are the lessons from the past that can become opportunities in the future?  The myth of Janus tells me that he is the protector of beginnings.  I interpret this to mean that he helps incubate possibilities and fresh starts.  He protects little seedlings until they are ready to stand on their own.    
November 6, 2022 Update
I started a new job about two months ago and so far I really like it.  I am being challenged and I have a boss who will defend me and protect my work.  However, I also see there is some dysfunction here as well.  What I have learned though, is that there is always dysfunction.

Key challenge of the new year

My challenge this year will be finding balance and multitasking.  Going to school and working is hard and it would be so easy to quit school and just work, but school is fun and intriguing and even though there are times when I feel like I am so in over my head, I get a sense of joy out of school and a sense of accomplishment.  It also keeps my brain exercised.  The other message from this card, at least for me, is that I don’t have to be superhuman.  It is okay if I only take two classes instead of three.  

I pulled the ten of wands this morning and that message is all about asking for help and delegating.  I’m in a position right now where I have to let go of some of the hands on tasks that I do and delegate.  Interestingly, I pulled the two of coins as the theme in the 2022 Year that Will be Spread from Tarot Awakenings that I did last week.  Pulling the same card twice tells me that this will be a theme and a challenge for this year.
November 6, 2022 Update
Interesting as I will be getting someone to help me with communications and so I will have someone to delegate to.  It will also free up my time to manage Accenture and I know that is going to be a full time role, especially with Patrick.  That dude is a control freak and he thinks he owns everything.

Hidden concern of the new year

The six of cups is a card that I struggle with as it many versions trigger memories of childhood abuse.  Pulling this card in this position makes me wonder if I will need to come face to face with issues form my childhood this year.  Maybe there will be something happen with my mother and I will need to deal with her.  However, I will choose to take this card as a warning, but I won’t obsess over it.  I will keep an open heart and an open mind and I will deal with whatever comes my way.
November 6, 2022 Update
Interesting to review this as I spent last weekend doing some deep ancestor work.  I spent time reflecting on who my father was and looking at lessons learned.  I’m still not at the point where I am ready to completely let go of the pain that my mother caused, but I am inching closer.

Deep wisdom / advice from the goddess

I love this card!  Beaivi-Nieida, the Page of Cups, is all about fresh starts, manifesting goals, and opportunities.  She tells me to keep my sights set on the future and to keep taking steps toward what I want.  She is the warm summer sun returning after the long winter.  However, the cautionary side of this story is to accept everyone as they come and to know that I have skills and talents too.  There is no need to be jealous of others as I am an amazing person in my own right.
This is a pretty interesting card and the legend of Beavia-Nieida is one that reminds me that jealousy can be so destructive.  It makes me ponder why Y upsets me so much.  On the surface, I feel that she is my competition and I don’t like someone being my competition because I have to be the best.  However, when I look deeper, I don’t think that is the case.  C is an amazing project manager and she brings so much knowledge to her position.  In reality, if I should be jealous of anyone it would be her, but I’m not.  I think it is because of her attitude and the fact that she works to partner with people.  That is completely different than Y who believes she is only recognized if she is putting others down.  Maybe the truth of the matter is that she views me as competition and that’s why she tries to shut me down.
November 6, 2022
Interesting as I had forgotten who was who!  I think the issue I’ve had here is that no one was ever willing to put Monica in her place.  She was allowed to bulldoze over people without any ramifications.  My new boss will not allow it.  And because I know she will stick up for me when it matters, I’m willing to let some of the little microaggressions go.

Key theme of the year

My first impression on seeing death as the them of the year is NO FUCKING WAY!  The last two years have been miserable and have been filled with death and destruction.  However, death is an equalizer and death is the clearing away of old beliefs.  One of the key statements in this is that the loss of childhood is necessary in order to grow up.  That is so true and there are things in my life that I need to let go of in order to grow.
One of the truest things that J. every said to me was that our marriage was dead and could not be saved.  Although I did not want to accept it, accepting that was what I had to do in order to move on.  
November 6, 2022
This has been a year of transformation and a year of moving on.  I’ve also been deep in my Thanantology studies so it truly has been a year of death.

New Year's Reading: Tarot Awakenings

perfect end of year is one where I have time to read, reflect, and spend time in solitude thinking about the year that was and imagining the year that will be.  I also love to do tarot readings that both reflect on the past year and provide guidance for the year that will be.  I generally pull my cards from paper decks and not digital decks, but I like to use PowerPoint to create the images that go into my Blog Posts.  This spread came in an email from Tarot Awakenings, but I could not find it posted on the site.  I’ve provided the meanings of each position in my interpretation.  The one thing that is important to note is that after laying out the cards for the current year, you are to recut the deck.  However, I read it wrong and ended up reshuffling the deck.  As I don’t believe in accidents, I used the cards I pulled.

I chose to use the Tarot of the Divine as that is the new deck that I got for my birthday and I love the images.  They are all taken from fairy tales and the deck creator, Yoshi Yoshitani, also offers a book called Beneath the Moon that gives more details on eahc of the fairy tales.

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1.  Major theme from last year
The magician is the Fairy Godmother in this deck and she is all about self-confidence and resourcefulness.  When I reflect on last year, I can see where that is true as I am finally coming into my own and I am self-confident about my abilities.  My boss says I have presence and that I can walk into a room and command attention.  For the longest time, I think I faked that self-confidence, but I finally own it and I know that I can achieve what I set my mind to.  From a work perspective, this was so true as I accomplished a lot at work.  On the personal front, I am self-confident, but I’m still trying to gain clarity into what I want to be when I grow up.  

2.  Primary challenge I encountered last year
Ah, the eight of swords is all about deciding whether to stay caged by my own limitations and victimhood or choosing to step out and into the light.  This card is also about feeling trapped and that was a challenge the entire world faced last year.  I know I definately felt trapped and while some of it was my own inertia, a lot of it was that the world was constantly changing and you never knew if it was safe to go outside. When I reflect on this card, I don’t think I felt trapped by my own limitations as much as the uncertainty in the world.

3.  Something important I achieved last year
The Queen of Coins, Gunwinggu, is an interesting card to pull as something I achieved as this card is about being a healer, practicality, and movement.  As I reflect on this, I think it is talking about my decision to joint Open Table and to help someone change their life.  Open Table is an organization that has a group of people mentor someone to create a bridge out of poverty.  What I’ve found in this group is that I am actually really good at coaching people and providing suggestions that are meaningful.  This also fits in with the card I chose for the year, the Elder of Fire from the Gaian Spirit Deck.  I’m realizing that I am being called to be a healer and to help people who are grief stricken.  I’m not ready to talk a lot more about it yet as I need to do some reflectiona nd figure out how I am going to do this.

4.  Something I let go of last year
On the surface, it seems odd that I would be letting go of the Ace of Coins, which is all about new business, abundance, and security.  However, I think what this card is telling me is that I let go of thinking that a job will provide me with abundance and security.  I have to believe in myself and knwo that there are many ways to get to abundance and security.  This is one of the things I will be exploring this year as I look for clarity into what my future looks like.

5.  An important lesson I learned last year
Justice has so many important lessons to teach us and I just did an in-depth post about Justice a few days ago so I’ll just some it up here.  Justice is about boundaries and making sure I know what mine are and approprately enforcing them.  Justice is also about knowing who you are and being comfortable in your own skin.  These are lessons I’m learning and although being comfortable in my own skin doesn’t always come easy, I’m getting there.


6.  Major theme for the coming year
The two of coins as Rhipsunt tells me that I will need to continue to multitask this year and that I will need to continue to prioritize.  For me, this card also tells me not to get lost in work.  My job can be all consuming and it is easy to let personal things slide.  I need to do a good job of setting boundaries and logging off when the work day is over.  I also need to continue to push for support.  The other thing that I need to do is to accept that I can’t do it all and make my life and needs a priority.  No one is going to put anything about work on my tombstone so I need to make me and what is important to me the priority and not work.
7.  Primary challenge I face in the coming year
The Wheel of Fortune tells me that the challenges I face this year will be outside of my control.  However, the lesson for me is to not get too caught up in trying to control things that I cannot.  This year will be about reciting the serenity prayer and about continung to let go of that which I can’t do anything about.  
8.  A strength that will support me this year
Princess Parizade as the Page of Swords tells me that curiosity will be a strength this year and it will help me to figure out how to navigate this year.  This tells me that school is the right path for me and I need to be open minded.
9.  A hidden talent I’m ready to develop this year
This is an interesting card for a hidden talent as The Rainbow Crow as the eight of wands is about speed and travel.  However, when I look deeper into the myth of the Rainbow Crow, I realize the story is about bring warmth and helping others.  Maybe the talent I am to develop this year is to bring warmth to those who are grieving and cold.  This is something I will continue to reflect on.
10.  Something I can look forward to this year
I love this as my card to look forward to as the Three of Coins in this deck represents the story of Bhanjhakri and Bhanjhakrini who are fierce shamans who steal children and teach them to be shamans.  This card is about education and learning so it is exciting.  I’ also wondering if there will be an opportunity to learn shamanism as well.
Summary
Overall, my reading for 2021 was on track and I recognized a lot of truths.  It will be intereesting to read and reflect on the 2022 reading as the year unfolds.

Daily Draw: Adelita of Earth and Breaking Trail

These cards are amazingly apt for where I’m at today.  I’m in such a position of accepting where I am at in my life both physically and emotionally and working to “grow where I’m planted.”   Moving from being a consultant and living out of a suitcase to being an internal employee and living out of my closet is a huge shift.  I’m used to just washing the clothes in my suitcase, adding an outfit to replace what I wore home, and repacking.  Now, I’ll actually be taking things off the hangers at home and getting dressed at my house every day.  That’s a huge change and these cards address this shift in my life.

The Adelita of Earth from The Herbcrafter’s Tarot tells me to ground myself by creating beauty where I am.  That means to truly live in my house and in  my skin and appreciate it.  It is about being present in my surroundings and taking the natural materials around me to create beauty.  Interestingly, I’m also reading It’s Not Your Money by Tosha Silver and early in the book she recommends cleaning and getting rid of things that no longer matter.  For me, this is a two step process as first I clean and get rid of things, then I look at what is left and create beauty.  From a natural perspective, I’m recognizing the sacred beauty of the daffodils that spring up in my yard each year and the trees that grace my yard.  And from a human perspective, I’m moving things around instead of buying.

The other lesson from the Yucca (Adelita) is to ground spirituality in a practical way.  Sometimes we think that spirituality is separate from our daily lives, but it shouldn’t be.  In reality everything that we do is sacred and beautiful and we should honor it as such.  that is a lesson I’m learning and I’m working to honor my life by treating it as sacred.  Having a home is sacred, having people who love me is sacred, it is all sacred and when I treat it as such, life flows so much better.

Breaking Trail is interesting in juxtaposition with the Adelita of Earth because this card is about creating a new trail and seeing limitations and blockages drop away.  On the one hand, this would seem to be in opposition to the Adelita of Earth because the one card is about being grounded where you are and the other is about moving forward.  However, one of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that you don’t have to continually be on the move to move forward.  I used to think that being rooted in one place was boring and meant I was stuck, but I’ve learned that having roots really can help you grow and that’s what I take away from these two cards:  keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

Daily Draw: Six of Fire and Cleansing Waters

The Six of Fire is such a perfect card to draw right now as my family is all about celebrations this month.  I graduated two weeks ago and Sean’s graduation is this weekend.  Although we won’t be in Phoenix like we planned, we will be celebrating as we’re  going to get a cake and pizza today and we’ll be having a watch party to watch his celebration on Monday.

One of the really interesting things to me about the situation is that Cam who insisted when wanted no celebration, didn’t want to walk down the aisle, etc. is now feeling left out because we didn’t go out to eat, we didn’t decorate, etc.  She made it sound as if she just wanted it really low key and that’s what we did.  We had dinner in last year when she got her MA and we were very proud of her, but she was adamant about not celebrating.  However, now that she sees our celebrations I think she is a little wistful that she wasn’t feted.  However, the good thing about celebrations is that it is never too late and we will have a celebration for her in a few weeks and remind her of all the ways that we are proud of her.  She is an amazing person and the fact that she graduated after all the challenges that were put in her way is amazing.  She deserves to be celebrated and we will celebrate her.

This card is also a reminder that we are a communal species and it is important to celebrate as a community and to fete one’s accomplishments.  However, the flip side of it is that we also have to be willing to step up and boast about our own accomplishments.  Sometimes we are too humble and we downplay our own accomplishments because we don’t want to put anyone out or we don’t want anyone to fuss over us.  That’s not me, I like to have people fuss over me and I believe that my accomplishments are worth celebrating!

The counterpoint to the celebratory nature of the nasturtiums  the Six of Fire is the Cleansing Waters card from the Sacred Traveler Oracle.  While the fiery nasturiums are all about passion, celebration, and community, the Cleansing Waters is more about austerity and letting go of things that no longer serve us.  This card is about not only clearing the clutter from our physical homes and bodies, but also about getting rid of the emotional garbage.  One piece that I’m working on right now is letting go of my anger and resentment over John.  Even though I know that I came out ahead and that my life is so much better, there is a part of me that wants to grind him under my heel and continue to make him pay.  That doesn’t really serve me well and it is something I’m realizing that I’m going to be working on for quite a while.  However, I also know that the very fact that I recognize it is a problem is a good thing.  I just have to continue putting one foot in front of the other and working through it.

All in all, these were pretty amazing cards.

Daily Draw: Eight of Earth & Faraway Places

“Let your work be an embodied prayer.”
Latisha Guthrie, The Herbcrafter’s Tarot

The Eight of Earth is Turmeric and this is a card of hard work and buckling down.  I needed this reminder because a lot of the work I’m doing right now is foundational and it isn’t really fun or exciting.  In some ways it is the exact same work I’ve done lots of times before and so for me at least it feels a little boring and as if I could do it in my sleep, but it is still important and it needs to be done.  This card is a reminder that everything we do can be sacred and it is they way we approach work and not the work itself that makes it sacred.  Right now we are viewing sanitation workers, grocery store clerks, and others as critical and some of those jobs might have been considered throw away jobs six months ago.  This is a reminder that everything we do can and should be viewed as sacred.   My job is all about empowering people and helping them do the  best they can.   It is a way of being of service to others and the reality is that any time we can be of service to others we are adding value and doing sacred work.  I love the line that says “Let your work be an embodied prayer.”  I need to start really focusing every morning and asking that I bring my sacredness to work.

Eight of Earth is not only about doing the work and viewing it as sacred, it is also about teaching others and that is the part of my job that I always love.  I love that aspect of my job, empowering people and helping them to learn something new so that they have a skill that they can take with them and use in other ways.  I love this aspect of life and I think that’s why I love blogging because it is a way of taking what I’ve learned and hopefully sharing it and empowering others.

The oracle card I pulled for the day was Faraway Places which is going on a journey of sorts and being willing to explore the wild and wooly places both internal and external.  This card is a very interesting juxtaposition with the Eight of Earth as that card is about buckling down and doing the work and this card is about change.  The meaning I get from these two cards is that doing the familiar work can lead to change as I apply my skills and talents in new ways.  Even though it may seem that I have learned all I need to learn, this will allow me to go deeper and explore new and different ways of being and learning.

Daily Draw: Ace of Air & Fellow Travelers

The Ace of Air seems to be a follow on card to the last two days as first there was the Two of Air which told me to let go of worn-out beliefs and I read that to mean some beliefs I had gotten from my grandmother about needing to be with someone, yesterday brought the  Adelita of Fire which was about defending the grandmother’s beliefs, and today brings the Ace of Air which is about discernment.  Pretty interesting as I read these three cards together as let go of what doesn’t serve me, keep and defend what does, and be discerning about those choices. 

The Ace of Air, Yarrow, has other important messages for me as well.  The first is to set my feelings aside and follow the truth.  That’s always a hard message for me as when I’m in a dark place, my feelings automatically go to “I suck.”  I’ve been in that place a lot this week as I’ve started a new job this week and while my boss is telling me that I’m doing what I need to do, but my brain is telling me that I suck.  A big part of it is that the expectations at this job are different than my old job and work that I’m doing now would have been “nonbillable” at my old job so I am not seeing the value in it.  A big part of this is a lesson for me to reset my expectations and to realize that things I do do add value.  I also have been feeling horrible this week as I’m battling a huge sinus infection so that may have something to do with my negative mood.  However, this is a really good reminder to keep myself positive.

The other lesson from the Ace of Air is to “know your wounds, identify your medicine.”  This is a reminder to me that sometimes I need to be gentle with myself and other times I need tough love.  My default mode is beating myself up and this card is telling me that that’s not always the right medicine.  Sometimes I need to be kind and loving and other times I need a little tough love. 

Fellow Travelers is a great card as it reminds me that I need to open up and let other people in.  I tend to think that I can do it all myself, but that’s not the case and I need a reminder that it is okay to ask for help and it’s okay to accept help.  This is also a reminder about kindness and about the fact that we need to be kind and help others when we can.

Daily Draw: Adelita of Fire and Crossing Bridges

What I find interesting about Adelita of Fire from the Herbcrafter’s Tarot is that this card is about defending the integrity of the grandmother’s teachings while yesterday’s Two of Air was about letting go of warn out beliefs and lessons. What is ironic about this juxtaposition of cards is that a lot of the lessons that I need to let go of came from my grandmother.  In some ways this is a mind twister for me, but when I step back and look at the bigger picture, I need to learn to be discerning about the lessons from my grandmothers and carry with me the ones that add value and let go of the ones that are outmoded. I think I do this to a certain extent as I have picture of my Grandmother Elda hanging over my sink as she is my role model of a good cook.  I have so many fond memories of eating around her table.  Those are the lessons that I take with me as I learned so much about being a good cook and a good person from her.

One of the intriguing aspects of this card is the call to be a leader and to empower others.  That’s a message that I’ve really been learning in my life lately and something my new boss said to me that really struck me was about his wanting to be of service.  That’s something a lot of people don’t think of lately because we make it all about ourselves and all about ego.  We don’t think about how we can serve others and that makes the world a little sadder.  There is this perception somehow that when we serve others we are somehow diminished, but that shouldn’t be the case at all because being of service means we are helping others.

Cayenne in combination with Crossing Bridges tells me to only take what is important with me and to let go of all the things that no longer serve me.  I need to heal my past and let go of the pain, the anger, and all that junk.  This card calls for me to forgive and let go and forgiveness is sometimes incredibly difficult for me because I am a scorpio and my MO is to hold on till grudges until someone has paid a stiff price.  This card is telling me that maybe I need to just walk away and let it all go.  I am realizing the older I get that grudges really don’t serve me well.

Daily Draw: Two of Air and Wise Leader

Chicory is an interesting plant for me because when I was growing up and we would go on trips with my grandmother, she would always point it out and call it Blue Ruin.  As this was in the days before the internet, I had no way of looking it up to see why it was called that and she didn’t know either.  I did Google it, but couldn’t find anything related to it being called Blue Ruin.  Why that memory is important is that Chicory (Two of Air) in The Herbcrafter’s Tarot is telling me to let go of long held beliefs and to let go of worn-out beliefs and one of the messages that my grandmother hammered into my head was that I needed a man to survive.  Starting when I was about 14 or 15 every time I went to visit her, she would ask if I had a boyfriend yet and when I went to college, she wasn’t interested in what I was learning or what was happening at school, all she cared about was whether or not I had a boyfriend.

She wasn’t the only one that was drilling the message into my head that I needed a man to be whole, my parents were also sending that message.  My father made it clear that the only degree he would pay for was an accounting degree because then I could support myself in the event that I had to.  When I reflect upon that now, I’m realizing that the message was that supporting myself was a fall back plan because the ideal course of action would be to be supported by a man while I did the “housewifely” things like cooking and cleaning.  Why would a woman ever want to support herself?  My mother reinforced this idea by expecting everything I did in life to be about someone else.  This continued up until the day I had had enough with her and cut her out of my life.  That day came when I told her I was separating from my husband and her questions where “How are the kids?” and “There’s not going to be a divorce, is there?”  There was no concern for me or how I felt, instead it was (as it had always been) about everyone else.

I’ve worked hard in the last 10 years to learn that I am an amazing and awesome person all by myself and that I don’t need someone to support me.  That doesn’t mean I don’t want someone in my life, but it does mean that I’ve learned that I am a whole human being all by myself.

The Wise Leader reinforces this by reminding me that I can be a beacon for others and I can lead people.  This has been a hard lesson for me as well as my father continually reminded me that women were not leaders, women should not be in a position of power over men.  The last few years have been about coming into my own as a person and as a leader and I’m realizing that I am strong and that I can stand proud and lead people.

These were awesome cards and a good reminder for me to continue to let go of all the old and hateful lessons.

Mind Mapping The Fool

I’m embarking on a journey through the tarot using Rachel Pollack‘s The Shining Tribe Tarot and taking one card to study and meditate on as long as it takes.  I also happened upon a post by Tarot by Arwen about Mind Mapping the Tarot and it had me digging through my hard drive to find my mind mapping software.  What I’m realizing is that this is an amazing way to think about the Tarot as it lets me get all my thoughts down on paper and see where they take me.  
Some of the interesting insights I had as I was mind mapping the fool were that while I tend to think of the Fool as an impetuous jump off the cliff kind of guy, there was actually some foresight into his adventure as he took the time to pack a bag and to pack.  Another thing that struck me was that he and his dog were stepping into the danger together.  That’s an interesting phrase I picked up from Patrick Lencioni and his work on leadership.  Although in his world it is not about physical danger, but more emotional danger, that was the phrase that jumped out at me as I thought about The Fool and his little dog stepping off the cliff and into the danger together.
The other thing that struck me as I was reading this was the sun and while the sun illuminates the Fool’s path and keeps him sunny and warm, the sun also made me think if Icarus who in his hubris flew too close to the sun and melted his wings.
All in all, this was pretty interesting and I think I will continue working my way through the tarot with mind mapping.
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