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Week of 02/06/2022 Oracle Card: Finding Sanctuary

Deck:  Sacred Traveler Oracle Cards

First Impressions:   Safe space, above the fray, silence, peace

Book:  Rest, rejuvenate, and find your spiritual source.  Find your inner sanctuary.  Be a safe haven for others

Guidance:  Step off the path and find a sanctuary to rest and renew

Major Events this Week:  Cam has a job interview tomorrow

Journaling:

This card is such a good reminder for me to take a pause and to go within and make time for myself.  I let myself get all swirly trying to take care of other people’s things and trying to be all things to all places.  This card tells me to take a pause and to make sure I am right with myself.  Tarot really is my sacred and safe space and when I make time to read the cards and connect with myself on a regular basis, I am in such a better place.  I remember when I used to take a couple of hours on Saturday to tarot and to really reflect on who I am.  I haven’t made time to tarot since I went back to school and I miss it.  I realize that I am nurturing my intellectual side at the expense of my spiritual side and that’s not working for me.  I need to find better balance.

I also know that when I am nurturing my spiritual side and taking care of me, I can be a safe haven for others.  However, when I feel run down and out of sorts I am more likely to be cranky and snap at other people.

Weekly Recap 02/13

I needed this reminder this week to just take things slow and to take care of myself.  It was a week of body blows as first Clark attacked Wendy and I ended up having to take her to the vet.  That was so traumatic because we first thought it was just her ear, but he had also bitten her leg and she ended up getting cellulitis, the same thing I got when he bit me.  She ended up limping and not being able to walk on her leg, but we got her to the doctor on time and the antibiotics are working and she is her usual sassy self.  The worst moment of the whole week was when Seano took her to the vet and she looked at me with these big hurting eyes and my heart broke.  I would have gone with them, but you can only have one person at the vet and I can’t lift her so he had to go.  

And on Friday, I woke up to a toilet that had been overflowing for a couple of hours and created a flood upstairs and downstairs.  Thankfully, Clam was off work so she was able to get the downstairs cleaned up and dried out.  It was a pain in the ass, but all’s well that ends well.  I also signed the contract for the window so we’ll be getting that replaced in a few months.

February Word of the Month: Nurturing –Beginning of Month Reading

 To help my personal growth, I’ve decided that not only will I have a card of the year, I will also choose a word each month to study and reflect on.  I’ll be reading books and articles on my word of the month as well as figuring out activities that will help me incorporate that word into my life.  My word of the month for February is:

Nurturing

At the beginning and end of each month, I will also do a reading.  The beginning of the month reading will be about what lessons I can learn from the card and the end of month reading will be about what I did learn.  

Beginning of the Month Reading

Deck:  Light Seer’s Tarot

What does nurturing mean for me right now?

Pulling the Page of Swords for this question was odd as for me the swords are cold and calculating and not the warmth and fuzziness that I usually associate with nurturing.  However, the message I am receiving loud and clear is to nurture learning, to nurture my intelligence, and to nurture all of me. New ideas need to be held close and nurtured or they may die.  Additionally, although we often think about nurturing as warmth and love, nurturing can also mean fiercely defending our ideas and the people we love.  Nurturing is just as much about cuddles as it is about being Mama Bear.

This card also reminds me to nurture the little nerd girl that I once was.  It is about nurturing the girl who was finding her way in the world.  The girl who loved to learn and was a social outcast because she preferred books to people.  It’s important to nurture the creative and intellectual spark in that little girl.  There are times when I think that little girl was unloved and is still unlovable.  However, that is not true because I love myself and I love that little girl.  The problem is that I don’t so much fit into to the “normal” world.  This card reminds me that that is okay.


What do I need to learn about nurturing?

The Five of Wands is another odd card to pull related to nurturing as I think about this card being about sharp edges and competition.  However, as noted above, I need to remember that nurturing isn’t jut about fluffy stuff, it is also about pushing people to be their best.  I’m wondering if this card is telling me that I need to push the kids harder and not just be “marshmallow mommy.”  That makes sense as sometimes I think they are too comfortable.  I am so pissed off right now that Cam is considering turning down the job at MetroHealth if she gets offered it.  She’d rather stay and work part time at Paper.  it seems like they are never going to leave and be independent.  I love them dearly, but they need to become independent and maybe I need to not make life so comfortable.

The other aspect of this card that I’m picking up is that just because there is conflict doesn’t mean their is anger.  Conflict can be nurturing, if it pushes you to become better.  I do know that when people have given up they quit spending time coaching and helping you do better.

What do I need to do to bring nurturing into my life?


If the two cards above seemed to be strange, the Tower threw me for a huge loop as at first glance it seems to be saying the way to bring nurturing into your life is to wait for your entire world to be blown up and for you to be reduced to tears.  However, as I reflect upon it, this card is telling me that to bring nurturing into my life, I need to let go of the barriers I’ve put up.  Right now there are the physical barriers of Covid and the snow, I also put up barriers of fear and scorn for others.  I need to take down those barriers so that I can let people in and be nurtured.

The reason I was able to let people in right after my divorce was that I was shattered and I had no energy to put my shields up.  However, now life is less complicated and I am in a better place so I do have the energy to put my shields up.  The key will be figuring out the balance between having my shields up and letting people nurture me.

What benefits will I have bringing nurturing into my life?


I just have to say this before I go on, this guy likes like Grizzly Adams.  He has that same sweet smile.  At first glance, the King of Pentacles tells me that bringing nurturing into my life will help me be more relaxed and comfortable in my own skin.  Nurturing myself and others will help me manifest the life that I desire.  And it will help me become the person that I desire.  

Nurturing will help me let go of my defensiveness and open up.  I’m realizing that a lot of what I’m feeling is a result of trauma.  I was really starting to heal, but then the pandemic hit and life went insane.  Now, I’m feeling trapped again and I never do well when I feel trapped, it puts up all my shields and I get tense and anxious.  However, there is really nothing about the snow and being stuck here for a few days.  My house is enough shield and I don’t need to put my personal shields up.

Tarot Blog Hop: Short and Sweet

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Use the links above to visit my neighbor’s in the Blog Hop

The assignment I chose to accept for the 41st Tarot Blog Hop was to write a short form interpretation of the cards.  I have to be honest and say that this is difficult for me because I love to think about, interpret, and write pages about a tarot spread.  however, I’m up for a challenge so I pulled out my tarot deck and gave it a go. 

Imbolc is a time of new beginnings, a time of planting seeds, and a time of tying clootie cloths to the bare branches of trees to ask for blessings and gifts.  It is also a time of germination as even though it seems the snow will never go away, the earliest spring plants will be blooming soon.  In the spirit of Imbolc, I decided to think about my heart’s desire. 

What is my heart’s desire?
Surrounded by luxury

And all that I need

My heart’s desire

is the freedom to live how I want

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Where do I find my heart’s desire?

Ritual and celebration are the flavoring of life

Your freedom will be found in loving those you hold dear

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How will I know when I’ve found it?


Look deep in your soul as the answer is there

Truth to yourself is the greatest reward

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I have to admit that I was reluctant to try this as I usually write pages and pages to interpret readings, but what I liked about this was it really forced me to think about the cards and got me to the essence of what I needed to know more quickly than my pages and pages of writing did.  Now we shall see what happens.



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Golden Gate State Park: What Is the message of this place?

 

Setting:  One of my favorite places on the planet is a small grove of trees behind the Queen Wilhelmina Windmill and tulip garden in Golden Gate State Park.  There is a magical vibe in this small grove and it looks like it may have been a homestead at one point in time.   Golden Gate Park is a liminal place in the sense that it is close to the beach and it is a small pocket of greenery within a huge city.  Whenever I get to San Francisco, I try to visit this spot to see the magick and see what lesson the park has for me.

Time/Weather:  It was about 10 am when I did my reading and the weather was beautiful.  It was about 40 degrees, but felt warmer.

The Hermit tells me that it is right and appropriate for me to take some “time out of time” for introspection and meditation.  Just like this beautiful grove is a liminal place, meditation time is also liminal as I am in this world, but am also in the realm beyond this world.  The only way to enter that other realm is through being present in the moment and releasing the burdens of the world.  As I reflect on this card, I think about my journeys to Mammoth Cave and how I can always tell how I am feeling about myself because when I am feeling good about myself the cave is filled with golden light, but when I am not feeling good about myself, it is dark.
The Empress reminds me that the world is a place of abundance and that I need to nurture and care for myself.  Guadalupe tells me that she is always there for me and that I can bring my troubles to her and she will hold me and support me.  She can also make miracles happen and I need to let go of any fear or discontent I may feel.
Pulling the Five of Wands jolted me out of the good vibes I was getting from this reading and I actually pulled two additional cards because this card made me feel uneasy. This card is about fighting and competition and as I was reflecting on this card, the message came to me that the natural world is not as peaceful as we would like to think.  We talk about the circle of life and how natural it is, but the circle of life only feels good if you’re the one doing the eating and not the one being eaten.  Nature can be a bad ass with harsh winters, competition for food, starvation, and all the rest.  We are in competition with the rest of nature and while we are apex predators, that does not mean we cannot be taken down.  Mama herself is a little pissed at us as we’re seeing with the wild fires, earthquakes, and all the rest.  I don’t know how this will all pan out, but I need to remember that competition is natural.
La Llorona as the Five of Cups is a reminder that revenge comes with a cost and it can lead to guilt and regret. This is an interesting card as while I have never wanted to take out revenge on innocents, there have been times when I have been so consumed with regret that I have lost site of how much my desire to hurt someone else was hurting me.  I realize now that a lot of the reason that I was lost in my desire for revenge was because revenge was a way to not be the victim.  If I could hurt someone as badly as they hurt me, I would no longer be weak.  
The Knight of Coins wrapped up the reading with a reminder to continue to be diligent and strong and put one foot in front of the other.  Good things come through persistence.
Summary
This was an interesting, if disjointed reading.  I will continue to reflect on it to see if there is a unifying theme.

 

Two of Wands

January 29, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of the Divine


First Impressions: Looking forward and backward, coming out of the see, being two faced, fancy and humble

Book: Decisions, travel, business opportunities, cooperation

Guidance:  Connect dreams with possibilities

Where I’m at:  Berkeley, CA Marina.  It’s just about 7 am and I’m sitting in my hotel room with the window slightly open listening to the crows and other birds greet the morning.  When I look to the left out my window, I see the first hints of sky blue pink over the mountains and when I look to the right, I see the skyline of San Francisco.

Mood:  I’m happy and feel good.  I’m flying home today and while the thought of going home makes me exceedingly happy, the thought of going back to a couple of feet of snow, does not.
Weather:  It is beautiful and clear out.  It feels a little chilly as it is only 44 degrees out, but that is a huge contrast to the 12 degrees at home.

Journaling

Janus is holding a staff of wood representing looking backward and a staff with a crystal ball representing moving forward.  I find this interesting as there is an implication that the fancy staff is better and represents the future.  However, what I’m finding is that when we assume the fancy stuff in the future is better than the past, we may be wrong.  Progress is awesome and amazing, but there is something to be said for the simpler and more rustic past.  As I reflect on that, I know that I love my paycheck, but I wish that I could live a simpler life and not have all the bills hanging over my head.

I some ways, California is so emblematic of that as the state has grown so much that it cannot support all of its people.  I love coming here for the weather and the vibe, but I hate driving by the RVs parked on the sides of the streets and knowing that people live in them because that is all they can afford.  I also hate all the homeless encampments.  I hate them not because I think they are messy or dirty, but because each of those tents represents at least one person who cannot afford a home.  And I know that once you lose that grip on the house, falling farther down the economic ladder is almost inevitable.  I was thinking as I drove by one of those encampments last night that there are people who are flip and say that those folks should move, but that is such a statement of privilege as moving is expensive and if you can’t afford a home, how can you afford to move somewhere where it is cheaper.

The other aspect of the past that we should carry into the future is being kind to one another and truly care about one another.  The world has gotten so divisive, at least from the rhetoric on TV that it seems that all we do is be mean to one another.  We don’t take time to listen and help.  However, I also know that that is not necessarily true as when I was on the plane the other day, I did see people help one another with luggage etc.  Those are small helps, but maybe that is where we need to start.


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July 9, 2019

Deck:  World Spirit Tarot

Impressions:  Visionary, Fireworks, Following the star

Book:  First step toward your desire, standing at the door contemplating my future

Guidance:  Have confidence in yourself, do not doubt the light bulb going off in your head

Journaling

I needed to see this card today and be reminded that my future is there and that I need to trust the messages I’m getting.  The message I’m getting very clearly is that my future is changing the future of healthcare and figuring out how to combine the work I currently do, OCM,with my passion for spirituality, culture, and really making a difference.  I can see the path laid out in front of me at a high level, but figuring out the tactical steps of how to get there is a little bit maddening.  I know, I know, I just need to take one step at a time.  I need to get my masters while working on my PhD proposal, then figure out how to make it work.

The problem is that slogging through the shit is horrible.  I’m struggling at work right now because the consultants on my current project are total jackasses.  They act as if they know everything and if it is their role to be project managers.  However, I have faith that it will all work out in the end.  I just need to stand back and let things play out.  I also have to remind myself that everything I am doing and learning is leading me to where I am meant to be.  And part of that learning is about how to deal with people who have no faith and don’t listen to me.  I’m sure that when I go into a medical setting, I will have people who doubt my abilities and act as if I don’t have a brain in my head.  Oh wait, that’s pretty much every doctor I’ve ever encountered.

Of course, after I write that the question I’m asking is why do I set myself up to do the hard stuff?  Why can’t my path be easy?  I guess the answer to that is that no one who changes the world has an easy path.  I’m reading about the Buddha right now (and no I’m not comparing myself to the Buddha) and his path was not easy either.  He deliberately chose to leave wealth and privilege to experience the suffering of life.  However, as i write that, I wonder if he was trying to change the world or trying to change himself and those are two different things.  Maybe enlightenment is doing the hard things and letting go of the suffering.

Gratitudes
Being in synch with the team
Talking to Blaze
Finishing the SAP Info Session
Yummy fruit for dinner
Hanging with the team tonight
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April 11, 2018

Deck:  RWS

First Impressions:  Waiting, patience

Book:  Holding the world in his hands, disappointed, waiting for news, courage, embarking on new endeavors

Guidance:  Set goals or you will fall into depression, situation requires patience, be careful how you use your status

Journaling:

The two of wands to me is a card of planning and waiting.  It says I have the world in my hand and I have to decide which course of action to take.  I feel that sometimes I feel like I’m looking out at my future and not knowing which direction to take.  Maybe I’m waiting because I haven’t set my direction since I’m waiting for the world to come to me instead of setting course and going for it.  The problem is I’m not sure where to go.

December 29, 2018

Like all things, I needed to ask for help and for guidance to be directed.  I really feel like I was directed to this program at Western Michigan and that it is the next right thing for me.  I also know that there are going to be times when I am going to feel frustrated and overwhelmed, but that this is the right course and I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
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December 28, 2017

Two of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

Deck:  Dark Goddess Tarot


Card:  Two of Fire


First Impressions:  I love this card because it is so more more engaged than the typical two of wands where the man is looking passively out at the ocean.  Hekate is truly engaged and actively looking at the path.

Book:  You don’t need a path to find your way, she releases her powers in the three realms, walking the spirit walk between the worlds, seize the moment

Guidance:  When you hear a dog, think about the path you are on; when at a crossroads, move toward what you know to be true; take the first step, and it will lead you toward what you know to be true

Journaling:

I love this reading, especially about taking the next meaningful and appropriator action and then you will be provided with the next.  This reminds me of the cairns and the lesson that they taught me.

As I reflect, I realize that the lesson is really one of trust.  Walking to the first cairn, I had to trust that the next one would be there.  I suppose it is that way with the reset of my life as well, I have to trust that the next cairn will be there.  That’s really really hard for me as I want the whole path laid out for me at once, but that’s not how the world works.

I don’t know what the next adventure that awaits me is, but all I need to know is what the next step is, so what is the net step?  Have I missed it by being stubborn?

Message from my guides

No my child, you haven’t missed it.  You are right where you need to be.  Continue putting one foot in front of the other.  Continue to meditate and feel the peace all the way down to your belly.  Trust your heart, trust in love, trust in yourself

January 8, 2018

Even though every instinct in my body says it is time to move on from my job and it is time to leap, they are telling me very clearly to stay put.  I’ve always been the one who got dissatisfied and leaped rather than stay and work through the feelings of discomfort.  They are telling me that there are lessons to be learned in trust and perseverance.  They’re telling me to sit with the discomfort instead of running from it.  I can find all sorts of ways to justify running, but they are telling me that none of them are valid.  The funny thing is that I stayed in my marriage way too long even though I knew it was time to leave but I would leave jobs at the drop of a hat.

The funny thing is that I have been better about not leaving jobs since John and I split up, but the instincts are often still there just like they are now.  I’m going to choose to trust them.

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April 23, 2017

Deck:  Herbal tarot

First Impressions:  Contemplating adventures
Book:  Genuine appreciation of status and accomplishments, Borders on conceit and aloofness, self confidence, self worth
Guidance:  Guard against complacency, ensure you maintain a spiritual perspective
Affirmation:  With self confidence and inner mastery, I move forward with my choices in life
Journaling
this is a wonderful card of new beginnings and I’m excited by what it foretells.  I know for me, I have to continue to open my heart.  I believe it will be an ongoing process for me.  It is not just necessarily one I’m looking forward to, but I recognize the work that needs to be done.  I have to continue to work on recovering.
April 28, 2018 revisit
It’s been hard to appreciate my accomplishments.  It feels as if I get almost what I want and then the door closes.  I don’t know what that means, but I’ve been very empty and lonely this week.
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December 11, 2016

Deck:  Gilded tarot


Card:  Pulled Reversed


First Impressions:  What I love about this card is it is clearly about choices and choosing between two options.  I also love the deer standing in the path as it makes me think of my back yard.  Reversed this card tell me that I might be putting off decisions.

Book;  Follow your gut, do not tarry, make your move, acting on a decision, fear of poverty, boredom

Guidance:  Don’t spoil things over boredom

Journaling:

I’m feeling so lost and lonely right now.  I want a simple life with someone who loves me.  The problem is that this is not a decision I can make.  I have to be passive and that’s hard.

January 25, 2017

I’ve realized over the past year or so that I do not have to be passive in my search for love and I do not have to do the stupid online dating sites either.  My job is simply to open myself up for love by eliminating the things standing between me and love.  Those things include emotional clutter such as anger and resentment and physical clutter.  I’m working on letting go of the emotional baggage and taking steps to meet new people.  Those are very positive steps I can make.  I’m also working on forgiveness and letting go of the anger.  My anger can eat me up sometimes as I think John and my mother both screwed me up, but holding on to that anger serves no useful purpose.  I need to let go of the anger, learn the lessons, and move on.

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November 29, 2016

Gilded Tarot–Two of Wands

Deck:  Gilded Tarot


Keywords/Impressions:  Decisions, Choosing between two paths

Book:  Conscious of the future, waiting to make the best choice, inspiration and courage and not logic, tension between stability and mobility
Guidance:  Follow your gut and move forward bravely
Journaling

I’m not truly sure what to make of this card.  My logic tells me to walk away from F because he will never walk away from his situation.  But my heart says to wait, but waiting is freaking lonely.  However, I’m not really thrilled about the thought of expending energy to get to know anyone else.  It’s taken me a long time to get to the point of being comfortable opening up emotionally to F. and trusting that he won’t hurt me and I don’t think I want to do the emotional work of getting to know and trust someone else.

Update 11/7/2017
Oddly enough, I’m comfortable being alone right now.  Although there are days when I’m lonely, I’m feeling more and more comfortable in my own skin and that’s a very good thing.  As I embark on this year of love, I also know that whatever is right for me will work out and I’m going forward with complete trust.

The Sun

January 28, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of the Divine


First Impressions: Proud, warmth, crossing the river, master of all surveyed

Book:  Satisfaction, accomplishment, joy, luck, and vitality

Guidance:  Everything is illuminated with joy and optimism
Where I’m at:  I’m at the Berkeley, CA Marina and the weather is amazing or at least it feels like it for me.  It is about 48 degrees and I’m wearing a sleeveless top while everyone around me is bundled up.  I had a great afternoon as I wandered around the area and stopped at two pagan stores.  It was a very lazy and relaxed afternoon.  I got to my hotel about sunset and got checked in.  I headed over to the hotel restaurant and sat outside and enjoyed the lights twinkling off the bay.  everyone around me was bundled up, but I was enjoying what is for me warm weather.
Mood:  I’m feeling relaxed.  It was a really good week and I got a lot accomplished and I’m in an amazingly beautiful place.
Weather:  Warm, for me, as it is about 48 degrees.  It’s evening and clear out as I write this and although I can’t see a lot of stars, I can see a few.
Journaling
This card was prophetic today because it was a super good day.  We are on track with Intelex and had a great discussion about the philosophy of problem solving.  We reached agreement that we will use both Intelex and GSTD and will have a matrix for when to use each.  Additionally, KG had very complementary things to say about me.  She told me that she had good things from the factories that she worked with.

I think a lot of it is that I am feeling more open and less competitive.  I’m figuring out that life is not a big competition and that I don’t have to win every time.  To be fair T and M have taught me that as they have to dominate and they have no clue how to compromise and not be dogmatic.  It is a really good position to be in and I’m feeling good about life.  Not so good about going home to the snow and leaving this beautiful weather, but I am going to be happy to be going home.

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August 30, 2019

Deck:  Tarot de St. Croix


First Impressions:  Open to Receive, Harvest

Book:  Card of joyful empowerment,

Guidance:  Be the best we can be and share that with others

Journaling:

The sun called to me as it was one of those beautiful early autumn days out where the sun is still warm, but the trees are starting to turn and there is that faint hint of fall in the air.  As usual, Wendy wanted to spend time outside soaking up the sun so I sat outside with her for a while and it was so peaceful and wonderful to just sit and receive the sun.  One of the things I have realized over the past year or so is that Deity’s love is just like the love of the sun, I don’t have to do anything to be worthy of the sun’s love and warmth, I just have to be willing to receive it.  I’ve always struggled with feeling worthy as I’ve had a lot of shame around who I am, but sitting outside in the sun is a good reminder that I am perfect and wonderful just the way I am.  All I have to do to receive love is to be open to it.

Sitting in in the sun did help me open up and be willing to receive because after I sat in the sun, I

came inside and was holding some of my rocks and I could feel their energy so clearly.  I always thought that when I quit being able to feel rocks that they had lost their faith, but I’m realizing that it was me being cluttered and not being open to receive.  Being open to receive is one of the simplest things imaginable as it just involves letting down my guard and letting people in, but it is also one of the hardest because I always operate from such a position of fear.

Having my girl Wendy in my life is such a game changer for me because she reminds me a lot of myself as she is slow to walk up stairs, she’s kind of grumpy, and she snores like a freight train.  But despite all of that, we love her so much and having her serves as a good reminder that I am loved and I am lovable no matter what.

Today was one of those days where I felt like I was my best self as I was able to get through my work, keep my crazy client in line, and get some school work done.  I was also able to just be present for Wendy when she wanted to snuggle.

Gratitudes
I’m grateful for sitting in the sun with Wendy
I’m grateful for Sean’s yummy casserole
I’m grateful for cuddling with Wendy
I’m grateful for a warm bath
I’m grateful for getting stuff done today
I’m grateful for my amazing lessons
I’m grateful for my snuggly bed
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June 21, 2019

Deck:  World Spirit Tarot


First Impressions:  Warmth, fun, sun, happy

Book:  Sun brings us deep, but simple joy, life is good, there is nothing to fear, renewed vitality, love

Guidance:  Open up to receive the sun

Journaling:

I have to just get this out there that I hate this version of the sun.  The kid looks utterly creepy as he has an old man face.  However, I love the sun card because it makes me think of sitting out in the sun and basking.  For me,t he sun is one of the best ways that I learn to receive.  I can just sit outside and let the sun fill me with warmth and that helps me let down my defenses and receive.  I don’t do a good job at receiving because I always assume that someone has an ulterior motive, but there is no ulterior motive with the sun and I can just let down my defenses and receive. 

Spending time hanging out on the patio with Cam and the dogs is amazing.  It isn’t fancy and it doesn’t require any investment, but there is something so peaceful about just being and watching Wendy lift her face to the sun is a magical experience.  I can feel her soaking in all the warmth and joy the sun has to offer.  It makes me so sad that she was deprived before we got her and she didn’t have the love and affection that she does now.

In some ways, Wendy is the ultimate at receiving because she is so good at receiving love with no reservations.  She loves me fully and wholeheartedly and it makes me feel so humble to know that I am loved that much.  She loves to give kisses and I’ve learned to just receive them.  I don’t really enjoy her enthusiastic licks, but I love how happy she is to give them to me.

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December 25, 2017

Sun
Dark Goddess Tarot

Deck:  Dark Goddess Tarot


First Impressions:  Sekhmet always strikes me as so regal in this card, she is clearly a woman of power who knows how to wield it.  Her solar sundress makes me think of all the blood she has lapped up.  Overall, the sun is a card of promise and warmth.

Book:  Power Burns, Power Heals, raw power of the sun, divine vengeance, cleansing fire cures, She ensures the flame of one’s life does not burn out too soon

Guidance:  Opportunity to break a negative cycle, walking both the spiritual and mundane paths, following a calling

Journaling

Pretty amazing that I pulled this card right after I was doing a sun meditation to heal my pancreas.  Even though I know the sun is still up there, she feels faraway today.  It is a cold day and the cold wind is howling.  My wood room is drafty and I feel the cold breeze blowing.  Days like today it feels as if the sun is never going to come out and warm us.  I can truly see how the ancients believed the sun had forsaken them. 

They are truly telling me to charge a citrine and put it in water from last year’s snow.  I’m supposed t ask that Sekhemet bless the water and I’m supposed to meditate and listen to binaural beats.  They are telling me that will bring my sugar levels down.  At this point, I’m willing to try anything.

January 1, 2018

Okay, I haven’t done this yet as I haven’t dug through my rocks to find a citrine.  I will do it this week and report back on the results.  Interesting thing is that even though I haven’t done it yet, I am feeling better and I have made a definitive decision to stop the sugar and I’ve started to find alternatives.

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December 1, 2016

Deck:  Gilded Tarot

Card:  Pulled reversed

Keywords / Impressions:  Sadness, feeling of loss or loneliness

Book:  Hiding your light, low self esteem, failure to see the good, expecting everything to revolve around you
Guidance:  Break through the clouds of gloom and despair and step confidently into your own light, love yourself more
Journaling
11/7/17–Oddly enough I did not do any journaling on this card when I originally pulled it.  I’m not sure why because I think the messages are inspiring and things I truly need to listen to even today.  I get so caught up in judging myself and putting myself down that I don’t give myself credit for the good things I do.  I need to quit doing that.

The Bully at the Office

 I was bullied as a child and my personal belief is that bullies are irredeemable and should be put down like rabid animals.  I believe this because bullies create self esteem issues, cause people to die by suicide, and cause people to have trust issues.  The effects of bullying are long lasting and can destroy people’s lives.  Unfortunately, we live in an unrealistic society that frowns on putting bullies down and instead believes that somehow, miraculously, they can be rehabilitated.

There is a bully in my office.  She is one of those ugly mean girl types who sounds so nice, but is hateful behind the scenes and everything she does is dripping with sarcasm and derision.  Unfortunately, outing her as a bully on social media and providing her real name could lead to unpleasant consequences for me so for now we shall call her The Bitchy One (BO) for short.  However, as soon as I am able to do so, I will out her for all I am worth.

Since my boss has so far refused to do anything about BO, society frowns on my taking her out like the hateful creature she is, and I’m not in a position to quit my job just yet, I’m taking to the tarot to see what I can do about the BO situation (okay I’m just juvenile to think that is hysterically funny).

1.  What is BO’s POV?

This is one of the ugliest cards in the deck.  The look on the princesses face is down right hateful and ugly.  The card is supposed to represent her being in pain, but I think she just looks like a hateful mean girl.  However, when I reflect on the card it could mean that BO is just so caught up in her own ambition that she doesn’t realize how hateful she is being.  She is one of those people who believes that pulling people down is the way to make herself look better.  However, what she doesn’t realize is that while that may work for a while, in the long term it doesn’t as people eventually get wise to the hatefulness behind it.

2.  How have I contributed to the situation?

I have been fiercely protective of my domain and have snapped at her when she has stepped on  my toes.  I could have given her the benefit of the doubt and not assumed she meant to get into my business.  I also could have just told her once to back off, then ignored her.  Yes, she is a pushy BO, but I do not need to let her push my buttons.  I can just state my position once and back off.  At the end of the day, she cannot force me to talk to her.  I need to focus my energy on where I can do the most good and not on her. 

3.  What can I do to make the situation better?

I would so love to interpret the knight of swords as going on the attack with my sword and taking the ugly BO out, somehow I think that would be frowned upon.  What this card is really telling me is that I need to be thoughtful in my actions. Whining to my boss is probably not appreciated and ignoring BO has only gotten me so far.  I need to control my impulse to rush in and fix the situation and just take things slow.  I need to be strategic.  What I really need to do is to figure out how to get BO to out herself so that everyone else sees how ugly she is.  One of the biggest ways that I can beat her is to build my own army of supporters so that when she attacks, she will run into a wall.  However, I have to be honest that seems to be so much effort to take down a little pissant.

4.  What is the resolution

What I’m realizing is that I don’t even have to do anything manipulative, I just have to be my own awesome self and be the best that I can be.  I don’t need to stoop to her level, I just need to rise above it all.  I don’t even need to do or say anything more about her, I just go about my busy and do my own thing and let the hive mind do its own thing.

King of Swords

January 21, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of the Divine

Journaling:

This is an appropriate card for me today as I’m feeling super defensive and attacked.  It feels as if the terrible twosome gets to be as horrible as possible, but anytime I say anything nasty about them, I’m the bad guy.  However, at the end of the day I just got a good review and I always deliver so those two can just suck it.  I know that the boy is just a worthless little twit who thinks he knows more than he does and the girl just wants to impress people with how wonderful she is when really she is an idiot.

What I need to remember is that their being idiots is about them and not about me.  If my boss is so weak willed that he listens to those two idiots, then that isn’t someone that I want to work for and I will find another job as soon as I am vested in my retirement.  I’ve switched jobs before so I can switch jobs again, I just have to let it go and just focus on doing my work and not on all the drama.

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December 29, 2021

Deck:  Tarot of the Divine

First Impressions:  Wisdom, punishment guided by wisdom, overseeing, strength

Book: Symbol for patience, perserverance, and judgement

Guidance:  Loyalty, unwavering devotion, connection between heaven and earth

Journaling:

Griffins are guardians of rivers of gold and exhibit both wisdom and strength.  This card is telling me to guard what is mine, but to use wisdom to do so.  A griffin would have the wisdom to know if someone was truly a threat or not and I need to exhibit the same wisdom.  This is an interesting reading for me because there are times when I do not truly use wisdom to determine if I am being threatened.  In those instances, I go on the offensive and make sure someone knows not to mess with me, even if there is no real threat.

I’ve been doing that a lot at work as there is someone I view as a threat and I need to be incredibly defensive about everything she says and I am probably a lot meaner than I need to be.  This is one of those instances where I am competing instead of collaborating.  In my defense, I do have a broader range of experience than she does and she does a hell of a lot of annoying things (like not taking no for an answer), but I should take a step back and breathe before going on the attack.

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August 27, 2019


Deck:  Tarot de St. Croix

First Impressions:  Arthur, decisions, journeys

Book: Power and authority from divine right

Guidance:  Cut though confusion by speaking the truth in a firm and fair way.  Stand in the power of your divine right to follow your own mind.

Journaling:

I love the messaging around this as it is so through that being direct and speaking clearly without emotion really helps to cut through the BS.  I have a client who gets into blaming us and trying to make us responsible for all their shortcomings.  I have learned that I just need to pull my energy in and be very direct about what needs to be done.  There is no room for emotion and for taking things personally.  I have learned that when I take things personally and make it all about me, things generally go better than when I am able to take the emotion out of it and focus on the facts.  The other lesson I learned from Ted is that instead of saying “you made me feel…” something I should just focus on I feel.  As he said, there is no arguing with my feelings as people cannot tell me that I don’t feel something and it is also difficult to discount facts.  When I can approach things that way, I’m able to have much more productive conversations.

Sometimes it is really hard to open up and to own my feelings, but when I am able to have these hard conversations and admit how I am really feeling, my life is so much better.  I’m learning that sometimes just saying what I am feeling helps me to work through the feelings.  I realize that it is odd to be writing about feelings when writing about the King of Swords, but the message I cam getting is that the King of Swords can help us cut away that veil that prevents us from seeing and feeling our own feelings.  We get so caught up in being afraid of our feelings or thinking that our feelings are not socially acceptable, that we hide them or stuff them down in a desperate attempt to not feel.  However, when we can use the King of Swords to cut away the veil and let them out, we can speak our truth with clarity.

Gratitudes

I’m grateful that for the yummy Greek potatoes

I’m grateful I got to leave work in a timely manner

I’m grateful that the weather was clear

I’m grateful for the yummy hot fudge sundae

I’m grateful for the warm and snuggly bed

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July 10, 2018

Deck:  Rider-Waite

First Impressions:  Drive, taking action, communication

Book:  Directly facing all who approach him, intelligent, reliable man in authority, power, strength, logical, and rational

Guidance:  Don’t cross the king, be flexible and innovative, continue moving forward

Journaling:

It’s time for me to be decisive and begin making plans to move forward.  I don’t know exactly what the future looks like, but I know it is time to start figuring it out.

December 30, 2018 Review

What I am finding so amazing about reading through past posts is how much I have changed my life by taking time to read through and analyze my past posts.  It is so helpful to get it all out on the page.  It just helps to have it there instead of festering.  And going back and looking at it with a fresh set of eyes makes it so much less scary.

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September 25, 2017

Gilded Tarot
Note:  Card was reversed

Deck:  Gilded Tarot

First Impressions:  Be kinder

Book:  Biased decision, dismissing feelings, not playing by the rules, suspending judgement, ruthless action, accept you cannot change people, lack of decisiveness

Guidance:  Feel More, judge and analyze less

Journaling

I don’t make decisions decisively and implement them when they come to my body.  I know sugar is really bad for me and makes me feel horrible, but I keep sucking it down  I need to let go.  I’m also not very decisive about my X decision.  I let go, then snatch it back.  I need to just let go.

July 8, 2018 Review

Letting go is really hard for me.  I need to figure out why sugar has such a draw for me.  No, I don’t.  Sugar is a physically addictive substance and I am addicted.  This is not about me being weak or having a lack of willpower.  It is literally about being addicted to a substance.  I need to go back to the 12 steps and apply them to sugar.  I am just addicted.  I think I am going to try going to Food Addicts Anonymous meetings to see if that helps.  I’m going to order the literature, then make a decision about the meeting

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October 23, 2016

Deck:  Fairie Tarot

First Impressions:  Mastery of one’s thoughts

Book:  Compromise, Fairness, Consider other points of view

Guidance:  Be fair and objective, listen to others, be intellectually honest

May 25, 2018

Interesting, I did not journal when I pulled this card originally.  I’m sure it is because I was super busy and caught up in work.  I love this card.  Most people would take it as a reminder to listen to other people’s points of view, but I consider it a reminder to value my own point of view.  My upbringing by the Bitch taught me to value other people over myself so it is second nature for me to discount my own beliefs to appease others.  However, recently I have begun valuing my own point of view and truly listening to and asserting myself.

That is really uncomfortable for me because it feels like I am sticking myself out there and setting myself up to be stomped on, but it is important that I assert myself and make my thoughts and feelings known.  It was uncomfortable this week at work as I had to assert myself regarding the demo we were doing and sometimes it felt as if I was a broken record, but in the end I got support and we ended up including OCM and it was great as they guys wove it into their presentation seamlessly.

Asserting myself and standing up for myself feels uncomfortable and there are times when I feel as if I have two speeds:  Door Mat and Freight train, but that is because in the past, I did not do a good job of asserting myself until I got really pissed off and then it seemed as if it was the first time I had said something, when in reality no one had chosen to listen to me before.

John was wrong in calling me a freight train because he chose not to take responsibility for our lives or anything that was happening so because I was willing to assert myself and take responsibility, I was a freight train.  The reality of the matter is that if he had chosen to be an equal partner in our marriage, we would have not had all the problems that we had.  Instead, he chose to be passive and as a result, I was viewed as domineering.

It is so valuable to look back on my marriage through the lens of time and see that all the horror and pain he put me through were not really about me at all, but were about his own self esteem issues and his own inadequacies.

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October 1, 2016

Deck:  Hanson-Roberts

First Impressions:  I love how his sword is personalized with a purple embellishment.  He looks so resolute and ready to defend his land.  I also like the eagle on the standard behind him, which is echoed by the clasp of his cloak.  He looks to be middle aged, old enough to have wisdom but young enough to still do battle.  The king of swords is decisive and clear-headed.

Book:  Intellectual, decisive, discriminating, inability to be swayed by emotions, tendency to be too rigid.

Guidance:  Make decisions by facing the facts

Journaling:

Odd that I pulled this card today as more than anything I was called to be kind and compassionate and not all about the facts.  April opened up to me about her life growing up and what’s going on in her life now.  It opened my eyes to what it must have been like to be my mother.

When I take a step back and take out the emotion of how I feel about her and about how she treated me, I am amazed that she turned out as normal as she was.  It doesn’t mean I like everything she did or that everything she did was okay, but maybe if I dig down I can find a little more compassion for her.

December 23, 2017 Review

Over a year later and there are still days when I am conflicted by my relationship with my mother.  I know that I made the right choice for myself and my kids because I have peace and self esteem in a way that I never did before.  I like myself and I have learned to value myself and do the right things for me.  There was no way that I could do that when I was still talking to her on a regular basis.

In my heart of hearts, I want for her the peace that I have found in valuing myself and taking care of myself.  However, I also know that that is not something that I can give her.  That’s something she has to want and to work for herself.  However, I can pray for her to find peace in her life.

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September 12, 2016

Deck:  Hanson-Roberts

Immediate Response:  Although this card appears cold and icy, it isn’t as the tree still has green on.  I love the purple embellishment on his sword as it takes an object that is cold and icy and humanizes it.  I also like the cloak clasp as it mirrors his standard which you can partially see in the background.  This card as well as my tarot knowledge says that this king is decisive and has the ability to make good decisions, but he might also be a little rigid.

Book:  Intellectual, stern, tendency to be too rigid, guardian of social order.

Guidance:  Be flexible, make decisions, hold boundaries

Journaling:  The last few days have been about flexibility and going with the flow for me so it is interesting that this card came up.  I have been deliberately working on going with the flow and not being rigid so I’m not sure what the guidance is here.  Have I been too flexible?  Maybe this card is suggesting that I be a little more rigid and maintain better boundaries, especially around work.  I’m not exactly sure how I would do that as these people are nuts.  I’m going to have to give this some thought.  Maybe there are ways I can more provide more structure.

December 21, 2017 Review

Interesting to review this a year out of the situation.  All of the things that seemed so important at the time and so urgent aren’t important any more and I don’t even remember what all the drama was at at the time.  I do know that I was working at Gateway in Chicago and they were kind of nuts.  They had chosen the wrong solution and were trying to make it fix and it wasn’t working.  They didn’t do a good job with order and structure.

I’m also learning that overall I don’t do a good job with boundaries and I’m struggling with that now as my client wants to meet every day next week even though I’m on PTO and the rest of the team is.  However, being a consultant means sucking it up and doing what needs to be done.  Not sure how to set boundaries when the expectation is to be available.  Again, I’ll have to figure out how to set those boundaries.

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April 7, 2016


Deck:  Herbal Tarot

First impressions:  Decisiveness

Book:  Grounded and stable, cut away truth from untruth

Guidance:  Watch so the sword is not critical or sharp to himself or others, bel tolerant, be supportive

Affirmation;  I am kind in my decisions

Journaling

I needed to hear this today because I’ve been doing a lot of beating up on myself.  I am human and not perfect.  I need to accept me for who I am.  The past few weeks have also helped me to better understand why John is with someone.  When you’re lonely, it would be really easy to accept the first guy that looks as you, as if you might think someone is better than no one.  However, after spending 22 years with someone who didn’t love me, I’d rather have the loneliness I feel over the pain of rejection and abuse.  I’m also not going to settle.  Why should I lower my standards/  I will not settle for anything other than unconditional love because that’s what I deserve.  I deserve someone who makes me laugh, who loves me no matter what and who is there for me no matter what.

John was never that person.  His primary goal was always to bring me down a notch.  Ishould have let him go all those lifetimes agin.

May 15, 2016

Opening my heart and listening is hard for me.  I’m so glad tarot is helping me find a way to open to healing.

BEAR Spread: Dark Sludge

 The pandemic is heading into its third year and I’m feeling heavy and sluggish.  It feels as if there is darkness at the door and it is not the cozy darkness that calls on us to light candles and snuggle in.  Instead, it is the darkness of nightmares and horror movies.  It feels as if dark things are moving outside the door and as if stepping outside will invite those horrors in.  I’ve lit the candles and the fireplace, but there is still an aura of dark sludge hovering.  My gut tells me that it is a combination of the pandemic, mercury retrograde, and compassion fatigue, but I figured I’d see what the cards had to say.  I’ll be using the BEAR Spread that I developed a few years ago to help me sort out my feelings.

The first image is of the spread and the second with the cards pulled.


1.  Breathe;  How can I deal with my feelings right now?
The queen of cups tells me that I can ground myself in the present moment and not worry about what is happening in the greater world.  I can take care of practical matters that need to be taken care of such as cooking, cleaning the house, and other tasks that require me to be present in the moment.  I can also take care of my bodily needs by sleeping, eating good food, and really being present in the moment.  Lighting a fire really helped with that as the crackling fire kept me grounded in reality.
2.  Embrace:  How can I embrace my feelings?
I can be compassionate with myself as the Ace of Cups is telling me to be.  I can wrap myself in love and be compassionate to myself and others.  Being compassionate for me right now is about being compassionate for those I care about and for those who are in my life.  In a perfect world, this compassion would extend to everyone on the planet, but we don’t live in a perfect world so it is okay if right now I am just compassionate to myself and the people I love.  I especially need to be compassionate to myself right now and remind myself that I am okay and that my feelings are okay.
3.  Analyze:  What am I really feeling?  What is the real trigger?
I’m angry at the trolls who refuse to take the virus.  This is an interesting reading of the Knight of Wands who is depicted by Tatterhood in this deck.  Tatterhood is an ugly princess who fights off trolls to defend her family and her sister.  Interesting how accurate this is as I am angry at the people who refuse to believe that the virus is real.  these covidiots (love that word) are showing up at hospitals wanting the vaccine as they are being put on the ventilator.  I want them all to just die because I am sick of dealing with their ignorance, but then there is a part of me that feels guilty for wanting people dead, especially people I don’t know.  
My real concern about these feelings is how can we ever get back to civility and moving forward if we are all feeling so much anger and hate about people who don’t feel the same way that we do.  Maybe that is what I’m really feeling, that we will never move forward because we will never heal from he anger over Covid.  And that is a scary thought.
4.  Release:  How can I release these feelings of sludginess?
The Page of Cups tells me to remain connected to my spirituality.  Continue to pray, continue to turn things over in my God Box, continue to let go of things that no longer serve me.  It may not be instantaneous, but if I continue to work to remain connected to spirit and if I continue to take care of myself, I will make it through this.  It will not be easy, but it will be possible.
5.  What is the outcome?
If I maintain control over my own emotions, the Seven of Coins tells me that I will be rewarded.  I need to be patient and to not let myself get distracted by things that I can do nothing about.  The Serenity Prayer needs to be my best friend.