Category: Swords

Six of Air (Reversed)

Six of Air
Gaian Tarot

Journaling:

There is sadness where there should be tremendous joy.  I am at a time in my life where there is a tremendous potential for joy, but I’m feeling depleted and isolated.  I’m feeling tremendously alone.  The book suggest that I’m finding it hard to find anything to be grateful for and my mind is foggy and confused.  This is all so true as I’m finding it difficult to be grateful.  I am so focused on the negative aspects of my job that I’m forgetting that I have a lot to be grateful for and have a lot of blessings in my life.  I’m also trapped in a place of fear that is not suiting me well at all.

I need to work to turn this around and to greet the new day with a song of gratitude.  I have so much to be grateful for:

  • I have a job that pays the bills
  • I have a beautiful home
  • I have kids that are smart and nice
  • I have opportunities
  • I have money in the bank
  • I’m reducing my blood sugar
  • I’m starting to eat more healthy foods
December 25, 2017
I’m realizing that these entries were the start of turning things around because even though I started out talking about my sadness and loneliness, I was able to get myself back to a place of gratitude.  I never truly understood when people said you had a choice about your attitude and your emotions.  I always just thought that your emotions were kind of like the weather and that you just had to deal with them.  However, I have started to realize that I can change my emotions and I can choose to be happy.  I can also choose to feel each and every emotion and acknowledge them.  I think acknowledging the difficult emotions is key.  I don’t have to act super happy if I’m grieving, but I can acknowledge the grief and also acknowledge the gratitude.

Ace of Air

Ace of Air
Gaian Tarot

Journaling:

Oddly enough, I initially read this card as reversed as the butterfly is hanging upside down.  To me this card reversed would be about cocooning and not being ready to go through a change.  However, the card is actually upright and shows me blossoming and being ready to spread my wings and fly.

I think I’m finally in a place were I can really love.  I can accept that I am worthy of love and worthy to be someone’s partner.

December 25, 2017

Last year in a lot of ways was about laying the groundwork for being ready for love.  It was about understanding what unconditional love is and what it isn’t.  Unconditional love is about loving someone in spite of their annoying habits and idiosyncrasies, but it is not about loving someone who is abusive.  It is also not about sacrificing yourself on the altar of love.  John demanded sacrifices that I wasn’t willing or ready to give and his favorite line was, “Well if you loved me, you would..”  However, that’s not what love is.  Love is not about forcing or guilting someone in to doing something.  It is about giving and receiving love with an open heart. 

Love doesn’t mean that you have the right to demand someone sacrifice themselves for you.  You can accept someone’s sacrifice, but you cannot demand it.  John constantly browbeat me and manipulated me under the pretense of love.  I’m strong enough now to accept and realize that if he truly loved me, he would not have demanded the sacrifices he demanded. 

I’m so proud of how much I have grown and matured in the past year because I am in a place where I understand what love is and I understand that it is okay to say no to someone you love and that it is okay to set boundaries with someone you love.