six of cups – Cairn by Cairn

Tarot Blog Hop: Odd Associations

Welcome to the Imbolc Blog Hop. Our fearless wrangler, Morgan Drake Eckstein, has tasked us to come up with the oddest associations we have for tarot cards. When I first read this topic, I had no clue what I was going to write about, but then I started realizing that some of my associations aren’t quite normal so here goes.

Once upon a time there was a sad and pathetic little pagan who had just been dumped by her husband of 22 years. Desperate for some kind of help and to cheap to hire a therapist, she turned to tarot. As she started playing with–and accumulating–decks, she realized that there were certain cards that she had an absolutely visceral reaction to that didn’t match the explanation in the little white books that came with her cards. Undaunted, she kept exploring and soon came to realize that the meanings in the little white books were mere suggestions and not dogma. Eventually, as she healed and acquired more decks and did more readings, she found that some of her definitions had been “found” by other people, but others were uniquely hers. And more importantly, she realized that was okay.

So with no further ado, here are my odd associations:

Six of Pentacles

The six of pentacles is a card of balance and it is a card about opening your heart to give and to receive. However, the first six of pentacles image that I saw was from the DruidCraft tarot and my gut reaction to this card was that the gentleman was being asked to give everything he had. In hind site, I realize that this reading was a reaction to where I was in my life. I had been raised to believe that women were to sacrifice everything for their loved ones and keep nothing back for themselves. This also perfectly described my marriage where I was expected to give everything and my husband gave nothing. While I still don’t like the image on the DruidCraft Tarot, as I’ve grown and matured and explored a lot more decks, I’ve come to realize that the card truly is about both giving and receiving. It is about receiving gracefully and not giving more than you have to give.

Six of Cups

Another card that gives me a visceral reaction is the six of cups in the RWS deck. While the little white book says this card is about childhood memories, happiness, joy, and new opportunities, this card has always struck me as a little bit creepy. It feels as if the older boy us luring the young girl somewhere with the flowers. Just like with the six of pentacles, there is a clear imbalance of power here and when I first started reading tarot, I would cringe when I pulled this card. However, I’ve started to see the more positive aspects of this card as I’ve started to realize that if the person with the power behaves with respect, the imbalance of power can be a positive experience for both parties.

Four of Cups

While the six of cups is a traditionally positive card that I put a dark spin on, the four of cups is a more negative card that I put a more positive spin on. I have always viewed this card as refusing something that I don’t need or that is not in my best interests. To me, it is all about someone shoving something down my throat and not taking no for an answer. As I’ve dug into my past and started to explore how my worldview got so F*ed up, I’ve realized that this is another perception that goes back to my young adulthood. When I was first starting out and I wanted nice things, my extended family members would buy junk from garage sales and expect me to be grateful and happy with it. My mother expected me to take it no matter what it was even if I was seething inside. If I tried to politely decline, I was labeled as ungrateful. So for me, the four of cups is me crossing my arms while my relatives try to shove garbage into my hands.

Seven of Swords

The seven of swords in most decks is read as someone being sneaking and taking something that does not belong to them. However, over the last few years I’ve read that card as reclaiming instead of stealing. For me it represents, reclaiming my self worth and my dignity. The stealth is taking it back from people with no boundaries and who will do anything to undermine me. Reclaiming my dignity has been hard as I’ve become estranged from my mother who cannot accept that I am a whole person all by myself and who believes that I exist only for a partner or my children. It has also been about reclaiming my dignity from my ex who flat out said he thought I “needed to be taken down a few notches.” In a perfect world, I’d be a knight and storm the castle for my dignity and self esteem, but I’m not quite there yet so I’m satisfied with sneaking in and reclaiming myself. Outside the den of insanity, I can grow my self esteem and one day I will be in a position to storm the castle instead of sneaking in as the Seven of Swords

What I’ve come to realize as I’ve acquired more decks (some would say too many) and deepened my understanding of Tarot, I’ve come across some sources whose meanings for the above cards are similar to mine. I’ve also realized how deeply personal Tarot truly is and that the meanings are depending on the deck, the situation, and the person doing the reading.

For some more Odd Tarot Associates, hop backward to Arwen’s Blog or ahead to Joy’s Blog by using the links below.

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Tarot Blog Hop: Don’t Fence Me In

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The theme of this Blog Hop was taken from the title of the old Gene Autry song “Don’t Fence Me In.” While our wrangler, Joy Vernon, gave us some suggestions for how to approach this prompt, she also gave us permission to let the prompt inspire us and take us wherever it would take us. This is one of those prompts that has been bubbling in the background since I first read it and I wasn’t exactly sure where it would take me.

It ended up taking me back to my roots in DeKalb, IL, which is the home of barbed wire (there’s a museum and everything). I knew that somehow I wanted to incorporate barbed wire into my prompt and also the theme of breaking free from the things that keep us fenced in. When I sat down in front of my computer to put together a layout, it all came together into the Don’t Fence Me In Spread below.

The deck I chose to use for this reading was Leeza Robertson’s Animal Totem Tarot because animals should be free and not fenced in and because animals are much better at not overthinking things that we are. I also love this deck because it is a reminder that the deep lessons do not always come cloaked in darkness, sometimes they come through loud and clear from playful and happy decks.

The swan lovers tells me that it is my own lack of self worth and self love that is keeping me fenced in, especially where love is concerned. I do not believe I am beautiful enough or sexy enough for love. Leeza Robertson says, “During this phase of outer evolution the swan must trust that there is nothing missing it its life and that who it is, is perfect by natural design, regardless of the outer reflection others see. This element of inner beauty and
inner wholeness is crucial to the power of the Lovers card.” This is powerful stuff indeed and tells me that it is not truly something physical keeping me fenced in, but my own beliefs about my physicality.

The dragonflies on the seven of cups tell me that it is my lack of alignment between my emotional wants and my intellectual thoughts that is keeping me caged. Leeza says, “The Dragonfly connects the energy of the air with the creative power of water, letting you know that thoughts and dreams really can become real. But first you have to use the energy of the Dragonfly to align your emotions with your thoughts.” All I can say about this is WOW! because when I am really honest with myself, I can see that this is true. Emotionally, I want to find the love of my life, but when I think about the reality of marriage, living together, etc., I find myself not wanting to share my house, my bank account, etc. with someone else. I really like my independence and having a relationship would cut into that to a certain extent. I think the truth of the matter is that I need to let the relationship that is right to me come to me and not get all caught up in the restrictions.

The pigeon is telling me that sometimes we need to accept that we are down and bloody and that staying in the same situation will just result in people continuing to drive swords into us. Sometimes, we have to cut our losses and move on. Leeza says, “Your supply has run dry and it’s time for you to face it and move on. Staying where you currently are is only going to bring you more misery.” This is an interesting read on the ten of swords and it makes me wonder what emotional place I’m supposed to move on from. My best interpretation would be that it is time for me to move on and let go of the pain of the past. I need to stop being a victim and stop expecting that people who have never given me validation in the past are going to suddenly start validating me. That is not going to happen and I need to let go of that need. Part of me is staying small because that is what they expect of me and moving out of my little fenced in area will make it that much harder to reconcile with them.

There are multiple ways I could read this card. The first is that this represents where I am right now as literally two days ago I decided I would start each day by meditating outside in the morning to receive the sun. I would actively make time to open myself up to receive. However, the lesson of the lemur may be that I need to balance my receiving with pulling back. Leeza says, “Sun literally transforms the energy of those things in its presence so they can be luminous. But the sun can also burn, kill, and destroy, for it is nothing more than a contained ball of fire, spewing its energy throughout our galaxy. Lucky for you, the Lemur is here to teach you how to deal with this unpredictable force.” I read this as telling me that I need to be cautious about going from all the way closed to all the way open or I will get burned. My other, and immediate, interpretation of this card is that I need to start sharing spirituality with others instead of always making it a solitary endeavor. I guess the reality is that both of these are valuable lessons for me.

The message here is that I need to actually pick a destination and not let the tides decide where I want to go. The message of Stingray is, “Gracefully I make my way through the sea. Far and wide, near and far, but always with a destination in mind.” This is a powerful message for me because while my life looks successful on the outside, I haven’t fully committed to what I want and taken steps to go after it. There is a part of me that is afraid that if I do commit 100 percent to what (who) my heart desires and I don’t get what I want I will be devastated. Stingray is telling me that I need to commit and that while I may get blown off course, I will know that I have committed.

Being uncaged and free means that I and I alone am responsible for my actions. Being uncaged means that I have to take responsibility for myself and can no longer play the victim. I have to grow up and work with people to find a solution that works for everyone versus having my own way all the time. Crane tells me that “Balance is not just about being even. Balance is about finding the middle path or making it back to one’s own center. In order to find true balance, one must make sure that one’s center is not corrupt or contaminated by the ego.” Letting go of ego is difficult because it means I have to find balance within myself and balance in the larger world and sometimes those things seem impossible.

This card for me is about being comfortable in my own skin and accepting myself as I am. It’s not about watching my weight or torturing myself into anyone else’s idea of what a woman’s perfect body should look like. It is about loving myself and my body just the way I am. It is about accepting I will never be a size six and reminding myself that anyone who cannot accept me just the way I am can just go F* themselves. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be healthy and take care of my body, but it means loving myself just the way I am. Although the book meaning for this card is all about intellectual appetites and consuming a lot of information before making a decision, Leeza does have this to say, “The great Panda likes to eat–a lot! In fact, it spends most of its life eating. You don’t get that cuddly by restricting your calories.”

The simple answer to this is to play like children play and to let myself be free to trust other people and myself. The message of Otter is, “Everything we experience i this physical form is part of a game we call life. yes, the biggest play of all is the life you came here to live. But you didn’t come here to play alone, as this particular game is not a one player game. You came here to play with others. Playing with others is not only good fun, but it’s what the soul came here to do.” This is a powerful reminder that I need to get out there and start making friends and start making time to play.

This was an amazingly powerful and deep reading as it reinforced some new behaviors that I’m working on, like meditating in the sun and making time for others, and gave me so new things to think about.

Thanks for stopping by! Please take some time to hopalong to the next blog or back to the previous blog.

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Shadow Work — Day 23

At this point, what am I refusing to accept about my shadow and my relationships?

Dancer Six tells me that I cannot be the center of the universe at all times. Other people have their own things going on and I can’t expect everyone to constantly drop everything to take care of my emotional needs. If everything is constantly drama, than no one will be there for me when i really need people to support me. This card also tells me that I need to let go of the crappy messages that I learned in my childhood. Those messages are not supporting me and are not helping me to grow as a person.

The Tower tells me that I am refusing to accept that people will like me for who I am without the mask on. I love this version of the Tower because it shows a mask being blown away which tells me it is about the fakeness and the illusions being blown away. I always feel like I have to be someone else in order for people to like me. I have to do something for them, I have to buy them something, etc. This card is telling me that I don’t need any of that. I just need to be myself, but I can’t accept that.

Temperance is telling me once again that I need to open my heart. The heart on the fairy figure is clearly open and the man below is also opening himself up. Opening my heart is life and love will bring me all that I desire in relationships, but I refuse to accept this. I continue to look for ways where I can have an amazing relationship without opening my heart, but Temperance is telling me that will not happen.

Inequality in the Sixes

I woke up this week and realized I’ve lived my entire life as a six. Before the self love crowd starts getting on me about denigrating my appearance, let me clear I’m not talking about how I look, I’m talking about tarot cards. As I get more and more familiar with tarot, I’m learning to really pick out patterns and apply them to my own life. It also helps when the cards smack us upside the head with something again and again. For me, pulling the sixes over and over again has helped me realize all the ways I’ve fostered inequality in my life.

Financial Inequality

Druidcraft Six of Pentacles

The six of pentacles is about financial inequality. The first six of pentacles card I saw was the six of pentacles from the Druidcraft deck and I hated the card because to me it was all about people asking more from a poor old man than he had to give. I shuttered every time I pulled that card because it reminded me of all the times I’d been asked to give more than I had. As I studied (and acquired) more and more decks, I realized that most decks showed a more affluent person giving money to others and not a beggar being asked to give up his last dime.

Although the traditional image was less disturbing for me than the Druidcraft deck, it still represented financial inequality as someone with a lot of money was giving to someone with less money. I thought about the very few times in my life I’d been receiving from others and about how difficult it was to ask for a handout and admit I couldn’t make my own way.

Hansen Roberts Six of Pentacles

I also thought about the many more times I had been on the giving side of the equation. Being on the giving side of the equation brings with it its own set of issues. As a parent, we have all of the money and it is our job to give it to our children as needed. However, I know from my personal experience there’s been a lot of times where I’ve fallen back on the “we can’t afford it” line instead of being honest with my kids and saying we could afford it, but I don’t think it is the best way to spend our money. An unfortunate result of the “we can’t afford it” line is that my children have developed poverty consciousness and think we can’t afford anything. I’m working hard to change that by being honest about when we really can’t afford something and when it is not the best use of our money.

Unfortunately, we live in six of pentacles society where money is a measuring stick and people who can bring in more money are rewarded more than others even though a person making less money may be making the bigger contribution to society. Executives are paid more than teachers even though teachers make a far more valuable contribution to society.

I fell into the money as a measuring stick mind set during my marriage as I made significantly more than my now ex-husband and toward the end of our marriage money became a weapon of control. My feelings were since I made the money I got to choose where to spend it. I chose not to look at the other contributions he made and based it solely on who made the most. One of the lessons I learned from my marriage is that money is not the only measuring stick and that I need to look at people more holistically.

Emotional Inequality

RWS Six of Cups

When taken at face value, the six of cups is a charming card with an older child giving a smaller child a cup of flowers. The card seems to be about nostalgia, about having a big brother to take care of you, and about a happy childhood or, as one site says, the card is about simple goodness. And all of those things are true, but there is a darker side to the six of cups.

I did a spread where I asked what I had learned about love from various couples and for one couple the six of cups came up. Looking at the textbook definition of goodness and happiness, I was confused as I’d know that this couple had a miserable marriage where she made the money and he took advantage of her. I had an ah ha moment where I realized that the six of cups could also be about emotional inequality with one person being more invested in the relationship than the other or about one person taking advantage of the other person.

I gained an even deeper understanding of this card when I kept pulling it when asking about my relationship with a certain someone. At first, I viewed it as a happy card, but when I started to compare it to the two of cups which shows two people sharing a cup; I realized that when it came to adult relationships, this card was either about one person being rescued by another or one person taking advantage of another. When I truly reflected upon my relationship with this person, I realized it was both. My friend is a guy who likes to rescue damsels in distress and a lot of our relationship was built on that inequality. On the flip side, I know that he likes to rescue damsels in distress so if I was feeling a little sad or lonely, I’d be the damsel in distress and he’d rush to my rescue.

Those realizations made me really think about the type of relationships I want in my life and even more fundamentally about who I wanted to be in my own life. I realized that I don’t want to be a damsel in distress. I want to be an equal so I want a two of cups relationship and not a six of cups relationship.

Status Inequality

The six of wands and the six of swords represent the two sides of the status inequality coin: the six of wands shows the exalted hero riding in to the cheers of his adoring fans and the six of swords shows the gondolier as servant being ignored by his passengers. As I reflected on these cards, I realized I’m more comfortable in either of these roles than in a role as an equal.

Six of Wands

My roles as consultant, teacher, and leader reflect the six of wands as I love to stand at the front of the room and lecture and give advice. It’s not only the praise and adoration I love, it is the disconnection. I don’t have to engage in real conversation with people and let them in. As I look back over my life, I realize I’m really comfortable in the roles of organizing and teaching because they give a purpose to my interactions. When I’m teaching, I’m talking on a specific topic and even if I don’t have a prepared speech, I know the material well enough that I can speak convincingly. I’m also passionate enough about what I do that my lectures appear to be heartfelt, but they’re really not because it’s difficult for me to truly let people in and engage in a heartfelt conversation. Being above the crowd insulates me from other people’s messy feelings and emotions.

Six of Swords

If being a six of wands lets me be above the fray, slipping into the six of swords persona lets me fly below the radar. As long as I do my job and meet my obligations, I don’t have to engage with people on a personal level. I take their orders and don’t let them in to see the real me. I’ve been working as a consultant for the past six years and that’s the perfect job for an introvert who doesn’t let people in because everyone knows the day I walk in the door that the gig is temporary. I’ll be there for six months or so and then I’ll move on. There is no point to getting close to people because I’ll be gone soon.

A Lonely Way to Live

Living as six is a very lonely way to live because there aren’t true heartfelt connections of equals. Everything is about dominating or being dominated and at the end of the day it is about fear. Fear of not being good enough and fear of letting people in. So my challenge is to dig deep within myself to find the courage to let people in so I can be a two of cups instead of a six.