Category: RWS

Daily Draw: Strength

First Impressions:  Triumph of love over anger and animalistic side

Book: Pure intent, strength, courage, love over hate, joy of becoming strong in one’s actions

Guidance:  You have what it takes to triumph, take care of your body

Journaling

I love this card as it has turned up several times recently.  As with all cards, there are so many nuanced meanings.  For me, the meaning that resonates most right now is to take care of my physical being.  I have spent years neglecting my body’s needs and that needs to stop.  I need to treat my body as a cherished friend intead of something to be battled and subdued.  My body has needs that I neglect because they are not convenient or because I don’t like the messages that they are giving me.  I need to do a better job of taking care of myself.

Dearest ones,

Please help me to do a better job of caring for my body.  Please help me to be kind and gentle instead of angry and helpful.  Please help me to approach my interactions with my body from a place of love and not anger.

Blessings, Raine

December 29, 2018

This is another one that I have actually made a lot of progress on.  I’ve decided that the Dog Tarot is the voice of my body and I check in with her on a regular basis.  Maybe not as regularly as I should, but much more regularly than I have in the past.  I think I am going to make checking in with Willi part of my Friday routine.  It will be an awesome thing to do after I’ve had a bath and am relaxed and in a good space. 

Daily Draw Temperance

First Impressions:  Balance, creating something magical

Book:  Eternal rainbow linking heaven and earth, mastery over water and earth, uniting of conscious and subconscious, the path to enlightenment, adaption,

Guidance:  By cooperating with other people, you can achieve great things, work on improving yourself

Journaling

This card is about balancing and adapting.  I have not done such a good job of that this week.  I’ve let myself be pushed into things that are not in my best interests, like giving up my poetry night.  I’ve also not had the time to myself I’ve needed.  Cam has chosen to go home instead of go to class and that’s meant I haven’t had the peace and solitude that I crave.  Maybe the message here is that I need less solitude and ore time with people. 

What I really need to do is to find and embrace my tribe.  I’m not there yet and I don’t know how to get there.  Making friends is really hard for me.  I don’t think I’m alone in that as suburbia makes it hard and working remote doesn’t help.

December 29, 2018

One of the things that I have realized lately is that I do have my tribe. They might not be close, but they do care about me and they are there to listen to me and to help me.  Maybe that is what is right for me.  I do know that I have been opening my heart and asking the universe to help me find my tribe.  I just need to have confidence that when it is right, it will show up and it will be great.

Daily Draw: Ten of Cups

First Impressions:  Emotional stability, peace, family harmony

Book:  Happy, family, contentment, lasting happiness, perfect love, card of the heart’s desire

Guidance:  You have gained great joy from life

Journaling

I’m not sure what this card means for me as I’m not satisfied with my life and it feels empty and lonely.  I mostly like my job, but am annoyed about certain people’s attitudes.  Joe pissed me off today.  Why should we do training material when they are going with someone else for OCM.  That is ludicrous.  If they want all our materials, they can damn well pay for it.  There are days I get so frustrated at work and I feel as if I’m swimming upstream.  And I have to admit that there are days I wonder if it is even worth it.

Maybe this card is a reminder to keep the faith that I can have what I want.  I just need to trust.  Trust is so hard for me.  I always assume that people have the worst intentions.  Maybe I need to start trusting that people do have my best interests at heart. 

Dearest Ones,

Please help me to open my heart and trust.  Please help me to believe that people have good intentions instead of always assuming the worst.

Blessings, Raine

December 29, 2018

Wow!  I completely missed what this card was trying to tell me.  It was telling me that I have an amazing family and that I am truly loved and that instead of focusing on what is wrong with my life, I should focus on the positives.  I have been doing a lot better at doing that lately and I know that it is because I write down my gratitudes  every day, I do a weekly recap, and I pull a card every day.  I also know that a lot of it is due to the fact that I have been reading a lot of spiritual literature.  I’ve been working to focus on the positives in life and in the world instead of getting weighed down by the negativity.

However, even though I am seeing the positive changes, I also know that I still obsess and I still spend a lot of time focused on the negative and on what is wrong with life.  I need to let go of the negative and start really focusing on what’s right in life.  I need to let go of my anger and angst over John.  What he does or does not do is really none of my business.  I need to let go and let him succeed or fail on his own.  I also have to trust that I have provided Sean with as much guidance as I possible can and that he will ask for help and guidance if he needs it.  It is hard to let go, but that’s really what I need to do in order to be happy in my own life.

Daily Draw: Page of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Learning, intelligence

Journaling

I’m not doing my usual recap because I just pulled this card two days ago.  I have no clue as to what it means,but this card has shown up about four ties lately.   The page can be about a need to focus to gain rewards.  It could be an opportunity or an invitation. 

Spirit,

Please tell me what the page of pentacles means for me.  Thank you.

For now, I am going to go about my business and trust that it will all be revealed to me.

December 29, 2018

I’m realizing that in retrospect, the Page was telling me two things.  The first is about Cam and supporting her love of learning and the second is about my own love of learning.  The Page is telling me that it is right to explore and learn and to follow my passions.  I am so excited about going back to grad school.  I know it will be challenging, but I’m also very very excited.

Daily Draw: The Tower

First Impressions:  Dramatic change, the world tumbling down

Book:  All around is destruction, ignorance and stupidity produce man’s greatest ills, change, conflict

Guidance:  If it has to be destroyed, be rid of it, don’t be selfish, listen to wisdom and reason, can mean a change

Journaling

I always have mixed feelings about the tower card.  It means change of the sudden and dramatic type.  I’m not ready to have my life shaken up, but then I guess no one is ever ready for that kind of shakeup.  I do know that I’m not happy right now and I’m feeling lonely and at loose ends.  I’m not positive how to resolve that, but maybe being in California for two weeks will be good for me.  I’m sad about giving up my poetry reading, but I also didn’t want to do the trip home with the horrendous commute.  I guess I just need to be open to what is and open my heart.

December 29, 2018

There are so many amazing things about pulling tarot cards on a consistent basis and about going back and actually reading through and reflecting on what I’ve written.  For me, it is amazing to see that my highs and lows are evening out.  As I do my tarot on a regular basis, I am starting to realize that there are always highs and lows and that the day starting out poorly does not mean that it will end poorly.  I have way more control about how the day ends than I think I do.  I have been working really hard to step back and put my life into perspective instead of just letting myself freak out over everything.  Taking the time to do that really and truly helps.

Daily Draw: Page of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Wonder, intelligence

Book:  My path is wide open and I am prepared for new adventures

Guidance: Could represent someone young who is depending on me, time to start over

Journaling

This is another card that has been stalking me.  I am not sure if it refers to Cam just starting out or if it represents me beginning a new endeavor.  Whatever it represents, I am just glad that I am out of my black funk and ready to move forward.  I almost feel like this card is Cam in her sparkling boots holding her future in her hands.

December 27, 2018

This card definitely feels like me today.  I am so excited to be starting school and beginning a new adventure.  The most amazing part of this adventure is that I’m not 100 percent sure where it is going to lead me and I’m okay with that.  I’m not feeling like I have to know the outcome.  I’m just ready to see where it leads me and that in and of itself is an amazing place to be.

Daily Draw: Ten of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Stability, happy and prosperous home

Book:  This could relate to family matters.  This card is about getting what you want and reveling in it

Guidance:  Appreciate what you have, keep plugging away

Journaling

This is an interesting card and I’m not sure how to read it. What my heart is telling me is that this represents a happy and successful love relationship.  I’m currently a 9 of pentacles, a single and successful woman, but this card brings in that loving partnership that I desire.  This card is about the culmination and the partnership.

However,looking at it this way makes me feel something in my life is lacking and there really isn’t.  Overall, I’m happy and it is nice to be able to make decisions on my own.  It could also mean that family issues are coming to a head.  Could it be something to do with Charlene?  That s also a possibility and that’s more shit I don’t want to deal with.

I guess I just need to let go and see what happens because the reality is that until I know more, there is nothing I can do.

December 27, 2018

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the past year is that family comes in all shapes and sizes and that the most important aspects are love, happiness, and stability.  I feel like over the past eight years, the kids and I have really built a happy and stable home where everyone feels safe.  I’m not messing around and delaying getting home because I don’t want to deal with his anger and rage.  His anger and depression were a thing onto themselves and they really fueled the energy in the home.  It always felt like pins and needles walking in the door and I never knew what kind of reaction I was going to get.

Now, I know that there isn’t all the anger and hate and rage.  Sometimes the energy at home gets kind of wonky, but mostly it is calm and peaceful.  I like coming home and knowing that I am safe.  Living with John, I never knew if I was going to be safe.  There was sure to be some kind of putdown or anger. 

The day I really knew how much he was negatively impacting me was the day before his heart attack.  He was downtown on his mini vacation and I was out doing my own thing.  The thing I remember about that day is how free and happy I felt because I knew that I was going home to a safe space because he wasn’t there to put me down and hurt me.  At first I felt guilty when he had his heart attack, but I’ve realized that there is nothing for me to feel guilty about.  He brought this all on himself and I don’t need to feel guilty about not wanting to be around someone who was angry and abusive.

Daily Draw: Seven of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Patience and in it for the long haul

Book:  Months, nurturing his garden, harvest to be reaped, anxiety over the future

Guidance:  Time for patience, try not to be anxious, ponder your next move

Journaling

This is a reminder just like all the truths that slow and steady wins the race.  I can’t undo 50 years of bad habits in a short amount of time.  I need to take the time to truly build a relationship with my body and nurture it.  That is especially important if I am choosing to go the natural route and not do drugs.  I have to build and nurture this relationship and I need to make it a priority.  That means the big things like not traveling overnight to the little things like drinking enough water.  I need to take  care of me and I don’t do a really good job of that.

Dearest ones,

Please help me to love and nurture my body and to do the things I need to do to feel better.

Blessed Be,
Raine                                                                                                                                                 

December 27, 2018

I used to hate this card because it was a reminder that I could not change everything overnight.  However, I’ve learned to appreciate it because it tells me that with a little bit of effort and patience I will see changes.  I have started to see those changes as my blood sugar is inching my way down and when I do the right things, it is in a good place.  My body is actually very responsive when I treat it with love and respect.  I’m also realizing that slow is better and my goal for 2018 is to do something every day.  I don’t have to be a kamikazi and walk a million miles a day, but I do have to get out and do something even if it is just a walk around the block.

Daily Draw: Knight of Swords

First Impressions:  Rushing into battle, defending someone’s honor

Book: Chivalrous tasks, passionate warrior who tries to conquer all that is wrong in the world

Guidance:  Do what you believe is right, be careful not to rush in too quickly, some people are idiots

Journaling

This card an mean so many things.  It can mean rushing into battle without a plan, it can mean leaving doubt behind.  For me it means letting go of fear and moving ahead.  There will always be things and people that pull us back, but sometimes we need to move forward despite these doubts.  We need to test the wisdom of our soul instead of trusting other people.  I’m not always so good at this and often get all wound up about what other people think.  I need to let go of that and live my life for me instead of for others.

December 27, 2018

Interesting reading on this today.  I do spend a lot of time thinking and worrying about what other people think.  I’ve let go of a lot of it and now it is mostly around financial stability.  However, I don’t think that is an all together bad thing.  I think we need to do the right things to stay employed and I think that we need to respect other people. 

Wow!  As I wrote that, I realized there is a huge difference between respecting other people and worrying about what other people think.  Respecting other people is about being mindful of people’s time, about showing up for meetings on time, about being prepared.  Those are things we should do to stay employed and because we should show respect for others.  The flip side of that is agonizing over every little thing we do and say.  If I am working to do the right things and I am respectful, I need to let go of my worry about people assessing the nuances. 

That’s pretty freeing when you think about it.  I’ve also been doing a lot of meditating on the belief that I owe people explanations or answers to their questions and I’m realizing that I don’t.  I don’t need to explain why I am going back to school.  I don’t need to explain why I moved to Cleveland.  I don’t need to explain any of that to anyone.

Daily Draw: Ten of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Wealth, stability

Book:  Wisdom accumulated from families, passing on wisdom

Guidance:  Listen to what ancestors have to say

Journaling

Sometimes I am so jealous of people who have big families as it means having people you can rely on in your life and I don’t really have anyone I can rely on.  STOP!  I am done with that message that the line of thinking that keeps me not trusting anyone and keeps me locked in a solitary prison of my own creation.  There are people who will support me and care for me.  I just have to put down my shields and let people in.  I have to trust.  Part of my being able to trust is keeping myself focused on the page.  I do so much better when I am kamikazi personal growth mode because I am continuing to batter down the doors.  It is when I stop journaling and stop making time for me that I struggle.   Big groups are difficult for me because I struggle when I do not get enough time alone.  I just need to focus on the things that help me grow.

December 25, 2018

It’s funny because I was thinking about the topic of having a kamikazi approach to life this week and I realized that it is not just my personal growth that I take that approach to, it is everything.  And I cannot do that with everything in my life or I burn myself out.  I’ve realized that I need to find the balance that is right for me in life.  For me, that is about 75 percent time alone to do my own thing and about 25 percent of the time with people.  Any more people time than that and I am unhappy and cranky.  I also know that for me one on one time or small groups works better than big groups.  I feel lost in big groups.

I think the bottom line is that I need an approach that works for me.  When I try an approach that works for others, it might not work for me.