Category: RWS

Daily Draw: Death

First Impressions:  Change, Transformation

Journaling

I just pulled this card a few days ago and it feels like a stalker card.  I don’t know what it means that I have drawn this card twice in four days.  I don’t know if it means a literal death or if it is about upcoming changes.  I will need to pay attention and see what happens in my life.

January 2, 2018

I’m still not sure why I pulled this card twice in April, but I’ve come to realize that when I pull this card it is a reminder to let go of the past and embrace the future.  In the past, I’ve done a really lousy job of embracing the future and letting go of the past.  I tend to hold on to things until they are rotted and purely not redeemable.  There are days I wonder if I could have salvaged at least a working relationship with him if I had not hung on so long.  However, I don’t think I could have because of his own issues.

Daily Draw: Hanged Man

First Impressions:  Different perspective

Book:  Tree of life, define wisdom, spiritual transformation

Guidance:  Personal sacrifice, being future rewards, let go of clutter, surrender

Journaling

This card is actually about sacrifice.  I’m doing what needs to be done to  move forward, but I’m paying a huge price for it.  The fact of the matter is that I’m tired of sacrificing myself for others.  I’m tired of accommodating needy clients and I jut don’t know how to change it.

January 2, 2018

I think the key is to draw clear boundaries about what is and what isn’t my responsiblity and to learn to say no without worrying about what other people think.  There are times when we do need to give our all and go the extra mile, but that is not every time the client asks us too.  Sometimes they just need to learn that no means no.  I’ve also learned to escalate and ask for help when I need it.  Those are not perfect solutions, but they are really helping me to have more peace of mind.

Daily Draw: Hermit

First Impressions:  Solitude, Holding a light up for others

Book:  Lantern to light the way, beacon to others

Guidance:  You must realize this is a solitary path, distraction may hinder divination

Journaling

There are so many meanings to this card.  It can mean choosing a path of silent contemplation.  I’m realizing that this card is really a reminder to me to take the time for myself that I need to meditate and journal.  I’ve been so busy that I haven’t really made time for me.  I’ve prioritized everyone else before me and it’s showing.  I’ve let other people make their failure to plan my problem.

January 2, 2019

This is an interesting card for me as I usually read it positively as taking time for myself and taking care of my own needs.  However, some of the work I’m doing with Daring to Love has me asking whether or not I am using the time alone as a time to isolate and avoid interaction.  I don’t know what the right answer is.  I know that for me, time alone feels special, but I also know that I can use time alone to avoid other people and to avoid social connections.  I think the key is that I need to figure out what the right mix is for me. 

Daily Draw: King of Swords

First Impressions:  Drive, taking action, communication

Book:  Directly facing all who approach him, intelligent, reliable man in authority, power, strength, logical, and rational

Guidance:  Don’t cross the king, be flexible and innovative, continue moving forward

Journaling:

It’s time for me to be decisive and begin making plans to move forward.  I don’t know exactly what the future looks like, but I know it is time to start figuring it out.

December 30, 2018

What I am finding so amazing about reading through past posts is how much I have changed my life by taking time to read through and analyze my past posts.  It is so helpful to get it all out on the page.  It just helps to have it there instead of festering.  And going back and looking at it with a fresh set of eyes makes it so much less scary.


Daily Draw: Death

First Impressions:  Change

Book:  Death is the ultimate transformer, sun is foretelling a new beginning, positive change, transformation, renewal, a new life awaits you

Guidance:  Feel liberated

Journaling

The death card is a reminder to let go of what is holding me back and embrace change.  Interesting card as I reflect on yesterday.  I was so scared driving on route 1.  I kept being afraid I was going to plunge off the cliff.  It was much better driving back when I was on the inside. 

I need to take care of myself or the death card will come true.  I’m going to start by giving up bread, then soda.  I’m hoping if I lose weight and quit sugar my numbers will go down.

I also saw a dead sea lion on the beach this morning and that made me so sad, but thanks to the circle of life I remembered that this is just what happens.  We are born, we die

December 30, 2018

I did not do such a good job giving up bread.  It did not help that I ended up at a project at King’s Hawaiian and got coupons and free rolls.  What I’ve realized is that I have to come to a balanced position with bread.  I’m going to make homemade bread one weekend a month and that will be it.  I can give up crappy, substandard bread if I get homemade bread once a month.  I’ve also mostly given up soda by changing out the ritual.  Now the ritual is to go and buy the Bai instead of soda and it is actually working.  I think the problem with trying to switch to water is that I missed the ritual aspects of it.  I missed the going to the store and searching for it.  That made me savor it more.  I still have some of that with Bai as they don’t always have my flavor.

I’m also really worried about this thing on my arm.  I don’t think it is cancerous because it is pretty symmetrical, but there could still be something there.  I will just pray that I am taken care of.

Daily Draw: Five of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Feeling left out, empty inside, bereft

Book:  In distress, hope and healing, lonliness

Guidance:  Analyze your limitations, there is solace in companionship

Journaling

I pulled this card as I sat at the beach watching an amazing sunset.  It feels apt because I was so lonely.  Everyone else was there with other people, but I was alone and it hurt to not have anyone to share this beautiful sunset with.  I feel more alone than I have in a long time.  I’ve always taken being alone in stride, but today it just feels lonely.

December 29, 2018

It’s so funny to reread this now as the memories that I have of that beautiful and amazing day are not of how lonely I was, but of how connected I felt to the others on the beach.  I was one of the most spiritual moments of my life to sit there and watch something as ordinary and as miraculous as a sunset.  I was so pleased and amazed that so many other people took the time out of there day to watch the sunset.  As I reread my post and how I pulled the cards, it made me wonder if I was lying to myself or if the loneliness dissipated as I felt myself surrounded by the larger crowd.  I’m going to choose to believe that the sense of connection outweighed the lonliness.

Here is what I posted on Facebook that day:

I had one of the most spiritual experiences of my life tonight surrounded by about 50 strangers. I drove down to Carmel after work and spent some time wandering around. After an amazing dinner of fresh caught seafood, I wandered down to the beach.
There were about 50 people there, some quietly playing, others sitting and watching the water, and others just wandering around. Pretty soon, the most amazing show on earth started as Sul began to journey down to touch Mama Yemaya. Her bright light laid down a glittering trail upon the water.
As she sunk closer and closer to the waves, people got more and more quiet and everyone turned their faces toward the sun. As she slowly faded, a sense of oneness filled the crowd as we all watched the golden orb sink beneath the waves.
It was only when we could no longer see her that people began to gather there things and walk away with the reverant hush still filling the air.
I found it pretty amazing in this day of movies, TV, and all the other technical distraction that 50 people gathered on a beach on an ordinary Friday afternoon in April to watch the sunset.

Daily Draw: Four of Swords

First Impressions:  Resting, waiting, taking care of myself, respite

Book:  Rest from battle

Guidance: Take the time your body needs

Journaling

I needed to pull this card as I’ve been pushing myself way too hard and I need the reminder to rest.  I sometimes think I can push and push and push myself, but it doesn’t work.  I just end up exhausted and then the universe steps in with messages to slow down.  I also know that working myself too hard isn’t productive either as what I produce ends up being garbage.

April 14, 2018

I heeded the four of swords guidance the last few days.  On Thursday, I visited the Redwoods after work and it was amazing to be there and feel the energy of these amazing trees.  Yesterday, I took off at 2 and drove the 17 mile drive.  It was incredibly beautiful.  The surf was so wild and it felt calming and refreshing all at the same time.  The sound of the see hitting the rocks is so meditative and restful.

December 29, 2018

Working yourself into the ground is one of the lessons that I learned from my Daddy.  He worked seven days a week to provide for us, but he still worked hard to make sure we had a relationship.  However, when I step back and look at things objectively, I see that there was a lot of ego involved in his choosing to work seven days a week.  Once Tony and  were older, he could have encouraged my mom to get a job, but instead he lived by the creed that it was the man’s job to support his family and the woman’s job to take care of the house.  If he would have let go of his pride, we all could have had more balance in our lives.

I’ve learned that it does not behoove anyone to work myself into the ground to support the kids.  I make enough and I am also working to start encouraging the to pay for bills around the house.  I don’t always pay them back if they pick up groceries because I think they need to learn to be resposible.

Daily Draw: Two of Wands

First Impressions:  Waiting, patience

Book:  Holding the world in his hands, disappoineted, waiting for news, courage, embarking on new endeavors

Guidance:  Set goals or you will fall into depression, situation requires patience, be careful how you use your status

Journaling:

The two of wands to me is a card of planning and waiting.  It says I have the world in my hand and I have to decide which course of action to take.  I feel that sometimes I feel like I’m looking out at my future and not knowing which direction to take.  Maybe I’m waiting because I haven’t set my direction since I’m waiting for the world to come to me instead of setting course and going for it.  The problem is I’m not sure where to go.

December 29, 2018

Like all things, I needed to ask for help and for guidance to be directed.  I really feel like I was directed to this program at Western Michigan and that it is the next right thing for me.  I also know that there are going to be times when I am going to feel frustrated and overwhelmed, but that this is the right course and I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Daily Draw: Nine of Wands

First Impressions:  Waiting, battle weary, fortress

Book:  Ready to face opponents, resting before returning to fighting, determination, courage, strength through adversity

Guidance:  Time to rest and collect your thoughts, success is the only possible outcome

Journaling

One of the messages I need to take from this is that I need to pick my battles.  Not every battle is worth fighting!  Wow!  That was pretty prophetic as someone online really pissed me off by posting a long interpretation about a post I’d made.  I wasn’t looking for any interpretation, I was just putting my thoughts out there, but this moron proceeded to give me his interpretation.  I then thanked everyone but him for their comments and he got pissy and said I won’t reply to your stuff anymore.  I really wanted to reply and say, “Good!”  However, that would have been petty.  I’m just going to let it go and not disrupt the peace of the board.  I’m not sure why some jackass felt the need to post and interpret my cards, but I don’t need his response and if I could delete it, I would.  Not responding is such a difficult thing to do.  I love to have the last word, but some people aren’t worth it and he wasn’t worth it.

December 29, 2018

In retrospect, maybe it would have been worth it to post and remind him that I didn’t not ask for comments and that I was perfectly capable of interpreting my cards myself.  One of the things that I have learned this year is that I need to start evaluating whether I am not speaking up and defending myself because I want to keep the peace or because I am afraid of conflict.  My response to the jackass in Chicago who commented on my body made me feel so empowered! 

I know that in the past, I would have pulled my coat tighter and scurried off like a little mouse because I was afraid.  I would have been seething and angry inside, but I would have been a) afraid to provoke him, b) afraid to hurt his feelings, and c) afraid of what people would think of me.  All of those are totally bullshit responses.  My mother conditioned me to put everyone else’s feelings ahead of mine and I would have done that even with this worthless piece of rude shit.  However, no more.  His feelings were not more important than mine.  He was a worthless piece of shit with no manners and my speaking out was the right thing to do.  Even if he thought I was a bitch, that didn’t matter.  What mattered is how empowered that I felt.

Daily Draw: Nine of Swords

First Impressions:  Nightmares, anxiety

Book:  Despair, sorrow, nightmares, grief, death

Guidance:  Prepare for the worst situation, could not have been avoided, are things as bad as they appear?

Journaling

I always view this card as a reminder that nightmares happen.  It does not mean that they are reality.  I need to let go of my fears and worries and focus more on what I can control.  I can’t control what Darshan does, I can’t control what Gadino does.  The only person I have agency over is me.  I spend so much time worrying about what other people do and say when in reality there is nothing I can do to control others.

December 29, 2018

I needed this reminder today.  I am all swirly over John when in reality there is nothing I can do.  He is no longer my problem.  His health is no longer my problem.  His financial issues are no longer my problem.  Absolutely nothing that he does is my problem and I need to let go and let whatever happens happens.  Maybe