Category: queen

Daily Draw: Queen of Swords

First Impressions:  Decisiveness, clarity

Book:  Cutting through illusion, intensity, perceptive, quick, confident, bearing our own sorrows, reads people

Guidance:  Curb your words and speak with kindness

Journaling

This is one of my favorite quotes:  “This is a woman who became the way she is today, of her daunting status, because at one point early in her life she was vulnerable and insecure about her self worth.  What a perfect card to pull today.  This really sums up who I am and what I’ve been through.  I finally feel worthy of love and all the good stuff that life has to offer.  I’m also secure in who I am.  I have my moments and I’m not thrilled with my body, but in general, I like who I am.

May 27, 2018

As I look back over the past couple of years when I have been diligent about journaling every day, I’m seeing the changes in who I am and how I perceive myself.  I am strong enough to recognize my flaws, but also loving enough to accept who I am.  Some days it is hard for me and there are days when I still beat myself up, but overall I am in awe of who I am.  I am stronger, but also kinder than I have ever been at any time in my life and I realize that a lot of my strength is about being strong enough to walk away from my mother. 

That took so much strength.  It is acceptable in our society to walk away from a husband or from friends, but the world judges people who walk away from their parents.  It is as if we are supposed to accept any amount of garbage from our parents.  We’re supposed to be strong and capable and get rid of energy vampires, unless they happen to be parents, then we are supposed to forgive, forgive, forgive.

I call bullshit.

Daily Draw: Queen of Pentacles (R)

First Impressions:  Not being open, feeling needy, not connected to the earth

Book:  Feeling uprooted and off center, withholding hospitality, consumed by work, becoming a homebody, shutting out family and friends

Guidance:  Find balance, let go of worry, trust your instincts

Journaling

This represents where I’m at today as I’m feeling out of sorts and out of balance  It feels as if I am spending all my time working and don’t have time to have a relationship.  I feel depleted and as if I am overwhelmed at work.

I know I have to actually make the effort to change things and meet people and create the balance I deserve.  I’m just not 100 percent sure how to do that.

May 27, 2018

I’m not exactly sure where I’m at on this today.  I’m not even sure if I want to meet people or if that is pressure from other people talking.  Most of the time, I’m actually pretty fine with where my life is and I’m really learning to let go of the need to follow everyone else’s drum beat.  I mostly like being my own person and having time for me.  There are days I’m not even sure I want a relationship because it is nice to be my own person and not have to share decision making.  I can be selfish and make the right decisions for me without having to take someone else’s opinion into account.  That is kind of a nice place to be.

Daily Draw: Queen of Pentacles

First Impressions:  One with the earth, earthy sensuality

Book:  Warmly in a relationship with the earth, high value on stability, domesticy

Guidance:  Take pleasure in small daily rituals, love your life

Journaling

I love this card because it helps me feel grounded in the earth and connected.  I feel this way when I do reverse corpse and feel myself in touch with all the good stuff that life has to offer.  I am so glad that I pulled this card today because I needed to be reminded of what an amazing place our earth is and what our place in it is.

May 25, 2018

I drove through Lakewood Cemetery today and I always feel so grounded when I go to cemeteries, because I am reminded that nothing I am going through matters all that much in the big scope of things.  We are born, we live, and we die.  Our job is to live our best lives while we are alive.  We need to love other people, be kind to people, eat healthy, and be the best people we can be.  Sometimes we fall short of those ideals, but when we do, we need to pick ourselves up and keep trying.

I know that I am not a perfect parent and there are times when I am unkind, when I tease the kids too much, or when I do other things that are not nice, but I acknowledge them, apologize and try to do better.  And that is why I am different than the bitch.  She would never acknowledge how she hurt me and she would never try to make it better.  Even when I sent her a letter and outlined all the ways that she had hurt me, she never responded.  I think that hurts almost worse than what she did because it feels like I don’t even matter enough for her to apologize to or try to make amends too. She acts like she is so F*ing hurt that I’m not talking to her, but she refuses to do anything to fix the situation. 

It is as if she is so stuck in her mentality that she is the “elder” (what a joke) so she doesn’t have to do anything or treat me with respect.  It is as if because I am her child, I do not deserve respect.  That is so full of garbage and the complete antithesis of how I treat Sean and Cam.  I know they deserve respect and I know that I am not deserving of respect just by virtue of being their mother.  If I did not treat them with respect, I would not deserve respect from them.  That is the complete opposite of how I was raised and she cannot understand that way of thinking at all

Daily Draw: Queen of Cups

First Impressions:  Emotional fulfillment, happiness

Book:  Nurturing, warm, tender, sympathetic, intuitive, strong people skills, charisma, over thinking, over protective

Guidance:  Nurture yourself, trust your intuition, pull back from our emotions and do not let yourself drown in them

Journaling

I was able to step back and look at my emotions without getting bogged down in them.  I’m learning that sometimes the most important thing I can do for myself is to acknowledge what I’m feeling.  I spend so much time wearing a mask and pretending that life is okay but when I am truly honest with myself, I’m able to have the feelings and let them go without holding on to them.  I was able to I was scared without fear or shame and that was huge.

May 25, 2018

I have become so much better at nurturing myself and being kind to myself when I am feeling sad or lonely.  Before I was all about beating myself and berating myself for having “negative” emotions, however the more I have distanced myself from my mother and the more I have worked to find compassion for myself, the more I am able to accept all of who I am without judging myself.  That’s not to say it isn’t easy or that there are not days when I don’t still beat myself up, but mostly I’m able to take a step back and say that it is okay and love myself.  I’m realizing that at the end of the day, the only person I truly will always have in my life is me and that I need to be kind to myself.

Hanson-Roberts Recap

Type of Spreads:  Daily Draws

Time Frame:  September 10, 2016 to October 8, 2016

Overall Rating:  😎😎😎😎😎

Theme:  This deck follows the RWS, but gives a fresher perspective.  I love the colors on the cards and I love that that the images are closer and more intimate.  It feels as if I can really study them and get to know them.  I also  love the colors on this deck.

Impressions:

I really enjoyed working with this deck.  It is a nice size to hold in my hand and I enjoy the artwork.  One of the things I learned from playing with this deck is that playing solitaire is a great way to get comfortable working with the cards.

Overall, I feel the cards truly took on my energy and they felt like an old friend when I picked them up.  I have to be honest and say that part of me wants to keep working with this deck, but I know that it is good to get familiar with all my decks.

Favorite Cards

Six of Pentacles
Hanson Roberts

My first experience with the six of pentacles was with the DruidCraft deck and that experience left me traumatized as for me that card showed a very poor may being asked to give more than he could afford.  However, as I’ve explored other decks and dug deeper into the tarot, I’ve realized that the card is not about giving more than you can afford, but about both giving and receiving with an open heart.  As a result, I’ve learned to appreciate the card overall.

What I like about this version of the six of pentacles is that he looks happy to share what he has.  He is giving with an open heart instead of giving from a place of gamesmanship or having to give to impress people.  I also love that he is measuring what he gives out and I take that to mean that he is only giving what he can afford to give.

Queen of Cups
Hanson Roberts

The Queen of Cups is always one of my favorite cards because in all the decks I have, she carries herself regally, but she is also very approachable.  That holds true in this deck as well as she looks like a woman who is enjoying her morning coffee.  Her air is a little bit messy and she’s holding the cup with two hands just like someone who really needs her morning caffeine.

She’s also looking deep into the cup as if she’s doing a little bit of scrying while she’s contemplating her coffee.  Overall she looks very balanced and sure of herself, but she also looks like someone I wouldn’t mind getting to know ad hang out with.

Justice
Hanson Roberts

Justice is another beautiful woman who looks dedicated and ready to do business, but approachable.  She looks as if she is someone who will truly listen to both sides of the story.  Our lady justice is also fully engaged and ready to hear with all of her senses.  She is not blind to what is before her.

I get the sense that this is someone who will truly listen and find the heart of the matter versus just the cold black and white of the facts.  Whatever justice she dispenses will be fair and compassionate.

Queen of Rods
Hanson Roberts

I love all the sun energy in this card.  Rods are the cards of fire and some artists go for flame with their interpretations, but Hanson and Roberts went for the energy of the sun and it truly works.  The sun elements in this card include the solar cross on her necklace, the sunburst of her thrown, the sunflower she’s holding, the yellow cat, and the lion.

I especially love the juxtopositon of the cat and the lion as that gives us both the fun and friendly feline energy and the fiercer energy of the cat’s larger cousin.  Although this is not an Egyptian deck by any stretch of the imagination, this deck makes me think of Sekhemet  and Bast with all the solar energy.

Least Favorite Cards

Ace of Cups
Hanson Roberts
This card is beautiful and if I wasn’t hung up on more traditional meanings to be found in the Tarot, I might actually like it.  I do love the clouds in the background and the cup kind of just hanging out on top of the water.  However, what I don’t like is that the water falling from the sky seems to be missing the cup.  I don’t get the sense of water overflowing the cup into the stream like I do in other cards. 
When I truly look at this card, it almost seems as if the card is being held aloft by the streams of water like a hot air balloon.  It is an interesting interpretation, but overall I really don’t like it.
Eight of Rods
Hanson Roberts
I have to be honest and say that I never really like the eight of rods/wands as it seems to be a boring card.  However, there are some versions okay with because you don’t know if the wands are going up or coming down.  In this version its pretty apparent they are coming down because in all of the rods, the blossoms have been shown pointing up.
This is just a boring card with very low energy and I truly get no sense of what is supposed to be happening in this card.
High Priestess
Hanson Roberts
I don’t like this card at all because there is too much religious symbolism.  She is wearing a cross, she has the moon goddess symbol in her headdress, and the scroll may be Jewish.  It is just way too much and overwhelming.  I realize that the mixed symbolism also appears on other High Priestess cards, but I don’t like it.
Even though I am not a Christian, what I like about the Christian Church is that they’ve chosen one mythology to follow.  They are not trying to be all things to all people like this High Priestess is.
HIerophant
Hanson Roberts
The Hierophant is one of those cards that I usually don’t like, but that there are some decks that have a version I like.  This is not one of those decks.  I do not like this hierophant as he represents everything I believe is wrong with the Christian church.  He looks cruel and the two children are bowing before him.  It also looks as if he might be ready to strike them with his stick thingy.  
Additionally, he looks totally disengaged.  It doesn’t appear as if he is connected at all with heaven or earth.  He just appears in his own little world.
Summary
Overall, I really like this deck and it is a deck that I will read with again.

Queen of Swords (reversed)

Queen of Swords
Hanson Roberts

First Impressions:  She has sapphires in her crown and there is a ruby in her sword.  Like the King, she has personalized her sword and, like the King, the same X of light is hitting her sword.  The skin on her arms appears gray.  My first impressions of this card reversed are of defeat and expressing emotions (lack of emotional control?)

Book: Be kinder.  Be slower to form opinions.  Sorry may have hardened your heart.  Hell bent on vengeance. Holding grudges.

Guidance:  Breathe.  Trust it will all work out.  Do not take things so seriously.  Draw wisdom rather than bitterness.

Journaling

I need to let go of my anger toward Meg  She is doing her job as she sees fit and it isn’t personal.  She’s not trying to screw me or hurt me.  She is just trying to satisfy the client.

However, I always have choices and I can choose to find another job.  I can also choose to make sure that Gateway is clear about what the deliverables are done.  I can’t come out and say you don’t need me, but I can help them draw their own conclusions.

December 22, 2017

Interesting as I read this more than a year removed from the situation and I don’t even remember what the details of this seemingly traumatic event were.  I gather from reading this that Meg wanted to extend me and I wanted to leave.  At the end of the day, none of this mattered as the client ended up ending the project on short notice in February and I ended up leaving itellignece for NTT.  And oddly enough, Meg ended up losing her job anyway.

I love reading journals from years past as it is a good reminder that all the shit that I think is so important, really isn’t.  It is also a reminder that all the shit I’m going through right now, probably won’t matter in a year or so.