Category: Pentacles

Four of Pentacles

Four of Pentacles
Hanson-Roberts

First Impressions:  The man is clearly hoarding his wealth and holding on to it so tightly that he has no room/capacity to pick up anything else.  By holding so tightly, he cannot embrace someone, enjoy a painting, or anything else.  It is almost as if his wealth is holding him prisoner.  This card is definitely someone who is holding his money and being stingy.

Book:  Building wealth, rootedness, using money to protect from feelings of inner loss, holding back, can be protective.

Guidance:  Hold back energy at work

Journaling:

I am so incredibly happy to be home.I’m still not positive of what the lessons of this card are.  On the one hand, I see the cautions against being a miser, but I also see the wisdom of not being completely open and giving.  There is nothing wrong with holding something back for ourselves.  As I say a lot, my life cannot just be for other people, there has to be something in it for me as well.

December 23, 2017

This is a loaded card for me, especially lately.  One of my most hated lessons from my mother was that my life was all about everyone else.  Anytime I wanted to do something, she always asked how John or the kids felt about it.  I was supposed to give everything I had to other people until there was nothing left for me.  John continued this lesson because even though he was home all day with the kids and I worked, I was supposed to come home and clean house and cook dinner until I had nothing for me.  Because of the lessons I had learned from my mother, I accepted this and didn’t push back.

I’ve learned a lot about balance over the last seven years and I’ve gotten a lot better of taking care of myself.  I no longer care if people call me selfish or think I’m making life all about me, I know that I need to take care of myself first.  If I do not take care of myself, there will be nothing left to give to anyone else.

Ace of Pentacles

Ace of Pentacles
Hanson-Roberts

First Impressions:  The ace is supported by flowers, which reiterates the connection to the earth.  The background is pink suggesting either sunrise or sunset.  This card speaks to me of financial good fortune and a sense of completion, which seems odd as Aces are traditionally about beginnings.

Book:  New ventures, investment, financial gains, gifts of financial wisdom.

Guidance:  Be prepared to deal with minor stuff .  Do not lose site of spiritual wisdom.  Ground yourself.

Journaling

I am in a place right now where I do need to ground myself in the physical world.  My blood sugar numbers are horrible and I’m not sure how to fix it.  Okay, that’s a lie.  I know how to fix it, I need to give up sugar and exercise.  However, giving up sugar is hard for me right now because I am fundamentally unhappy and I need love in my life and without it, I kind of feel like what’s the point?

I know I am committing suicide by sugar and that it needs to stop, but my heart aches and I am ready for love and it is hard to continue to be positive when I’m alone.  I just want someone to laugh with and to share the good and the bad with.  I also disagree with Scott’s advice to waiting before embarking on super powerful love magick.  Waiting never serves a good purpose for me when I have made a decision and I have.

I’m ready to let go and move on.  I just need to chart my course and execute.  If I continue to wait, I will be waiting my entire life and that’s not what I want.  I’m ready to have someone new in my life.  I will always love him, but I’m done waiting.

December 23, 2017

Wow!  I am impressed with myself.  I did do a cord cutting ritual and I did let go and although it has been hard, I’ve worked hard to make deliberate choices to not reconnect.  I’ve chosen to not go to Chicago and have lunch.  I’ve chosen to not send emails.  I’ve chosen not to answer some emails.  In short, I’ve made the decision that is right for me and there are times it sucks, but overall it feels really really good to have made the deliberate choices to let go of the obsession.

I’ve also worked hard at focusing on me and focusing on living my life for me and not waiting until I have someone in my life.  I am strong and capable and although it would be nice to have someone, it is also kind of nice to have my own space and to be able to grow and change at my own pace.

Knight of Pentacles

Knight of Pentacles
Hanson-Roberts

First Impressions:   The horns on his helmet tie him to earth bound animals like stags and he stands in front of a plowed field which also ties him to the element of earth.  Interestingly, his cloak looks like it is made of feathers.  Overall, this knight looks to be strong and and driven.

Book:  Methodical, rational, stable, kind and gentle, slow and steady, sensuous and passionate

Guidance:  Be patient and methodical

Journaling:

As I was reading this, it struck me as sounding like it was about someone I know, but this reading was not about him and is about me.  One of the biggest lessons I’m learning right now is that I need to make my life about me and not about other people.  It is all too easy to get caught up in the swirliness and make it about other people.  My life matters and it is not just about other people.

I feel like I’m drowning in emotions right now and I’m getting a chest cold, which means I am feeling some grief about something or other.  I’m feeling wave after wave of sadness and I feel as if I still have mourning to do, but I am afraid to feel those emotions because I don’t know if I have what it takes to pull myself out of that dark place again.  My heart hurts and I don’t know why.  I do know that grief is not linear and that there is no time table for grief, but that doesn’t make it any easier when I feel these emotions.  However, I have learned over the past few years that they are emotions and they cannot hurt me.

My reaction to an email is just that an emotion.  Even though I feel exposed, it is just an emotion.  I am fine.  I am grounded in reality and I am fine.  I need to pull some cards tonight about my mom and try to make sense of that situation.  Part of me feels that I am vilifying her because I can’t vilify my dad.  I feel like an orphan today.  Even though I know there are people in my life who love me, I feel like a lost child.

December 23, 2017

Wow! This was immensely powerful and shows so much growth.  This is the reason I think it is important to review and keep my journals because they do let me see how much I’ve grown and changed.  One of the most important lessons I’ve learned recently is that it is okay to talk myself off the ledge.  I used to think that my emotions were sacrosanct and that I had no right to interfere with them.  If I was feeling depressed or cranky or angry or sad, I just had to let the emotion run its course.  However, recently I’ve learned that it is okay to to talk myself off the ledge.  It is okay to virtually give that lost child a hug and help her through it.  I do not have to let the emotions rule my life.  That is so powerful and intense.

Eight of Pentacles (Reversed)

Eight of Pentacles
Hanson-Roberts

First Impressions:  The young man’s tools are carefully laid out and he clearly takes pride in his work as he is willing to make pentacles over and over and continually review what he does.  Reverse this card could indicate sloppiness, a loss of energy, or a loss of fortune.

Book:  Seeking success without effort, need to evaluate whether you are in the right job, the seeker is wasting his talents, move forward with a project

Guidance:  Move forward on a project

Journaling:

For me, I know this card is not telling me that I’m not working hard enough on my day job because I don’t know how I could work any harder.  It could be telling me that I’m not working hard enough on Midwives of Change.  I have been so busy and so tired that I haven’t been able to put the time into things that matter to me.  I certainly hope things settle down, because I don’t know how much longer I can keep up this pace.

December 23, 2017

I’m still not positive what the message of this card was a year ago, but I made the decision earlier this year to let go of Midwives of Change.  I made that decision when I realized that I wasn’t living my life for me, but I was using myself as a guinea pig to see what methods worked so that I could write about them.  I want my life to matter to me and not just matter to other people. 

I struggled with the decision to put my Tarot Journal online because that seemed to be just one more way to live my life for others instead of myself.  However, once I committed to Swedish Death Cleansing and realized that putting my journal online meant I could keep the lessons and ditch the hurtful comments and whining, I decided that putting it online was what was best for me.  I also established Rules for Readers so that they understand I’m not putting myself out there as a Tarot Guru, but simply living my life.

Nine of Pentacles (Reversed)

Nine of Pentacles
Hanson-Roberts

First Impressions:  The woman is talking to her bird, she is in a gated garden, and there is a castle in the distance.  Reversed, this card speaks to me of failure and loss.

Book:  Feeling alone, neglecting relationships, empty inside, losing your way, lack of satisfaction

Guidance:  Re-prioritize, set better boundaries

December 23, 2017

Another day where I didn’t journal.  It’s odd looking at this card now as instead of seeing a woman who has done well for herself, I see a woman in a gilded cage.  It makes me wonder if she has achieved success on her own or if she is a trophy wife who has been put in a gilded cage.  It’s also possible that she has created a gilded cage of her own creation.

There are days when I feel as if I’ve created my own gilded cage as I live in a nice house, but I sometimes feel trapped working to support the house instead of creating joy.  I don’t have an instant answer for this, but I am committing myself to digging my way out of debt.

Five of Earth

Five of Earth
Gaian Tarot

First Impressions:  This card makes me think of being safe inside of a cocoon while the world blows around me.  It makes me think of holding space and being in a peaceful place.

Book:  You are dealing with stress at a severe level, most likely your work, home, or your finances.

Journaling:

It is interesting that I drew this card because I just journeyed structure.  I was meditating and I was cocooned in a womblike structure.  I felt safe and secure and people were holding space for me while I was in this dwelling.  Someone was standing outside watching so I would be protected.  I felt totally safe within this space.

I’m not really in a true crisis right now, but maybe my mind created a crisis so I could find this sanctuary.  Life is good as I am employed and I’m making progress on my health, but I do need to feel safe and secure and I’m not sure of the best way to do that.

I have the skills to survive any crisis.

January 2, 2018

I know for some people this womblike structure would feel isolated or lonely, but for me it appears snug and secure and it is something I’m realizing I need in my own life.  I need to create a safe space for myself and part of that is having a space to curl up and feel secure in.  In some ways, my wood room is that space as the kids are pretty good about letting me have that space and not interrupting.



Child of Earth

Child of Earth
Gaian Tarot

First Impressions:  This card is a card of innocence.  I love how big the apple is compared to the child’s hands and how he looks so studious.  This card makes me think of intensity, protection, a child’s heart, contemplation, innocence, and being aware

Journaling:

Exploring the earth, happiness, being attuned to my intuition and divine wisdom and knowing in my soul what makes me happy.  Letting go of pretenses.  I know what would make me happy:  coming home every night.

May 8, 2016

This card is about exploring, but it is also about innocence and trusting the universe to provide.  Maybe I need to trust the universe to provide what I need and to quit trying to control everything.

January 2, 2018

As I reflect on the almost two years since I pulled this card, I’m realizing that the message was to get tuned into earth and to let go of all the crap that has built up in my soul and is keeping me separated from my intuition and from my innocence.  It is innocence that helps us reclaim our connection to the divine by eliminating all the doubts and fears that keep us from believing that there is something bigger than ourselves out there.  When we are able to let go of that fear and find the happiness within our soul, we can find that divine spark within ourselves and within others.

Explorer of Earth (Reversed)

Explorer of Earth
Gaian Tarot

Impressions:  Ungrounded, disconnected, not paying attention, not protected

Journaling:

I feel unbalanced and ungrounded as if I was being buried instead of supported.  I feel disconnected and uprooted.  I long for roots and a strong support system, but I feel my efforts to get that strong support system constantly fail.  Is this about a lack of trust in the earth?  Do I feel as if I can’t trust the gods to have my back even though they have shown time and time again that I am taken care of and that they do have my best interests at heart?  There have been so many times when I thought things were horrible, but they turned out for the best.

December 25, 2017

Interesting card.  I still don’t feel as if I have a strong support system and I still feel as if there isn’t anyone I can trust other than a few people.  I did make an honest effort to go to church, but that didn’t turn out too well.  I was really really hurt when those bitches didn’t even say I hope your daughter feels better or that she’s okay.  I thought that was a pretty horrible way to treat someone and after that I decided I wanted nothing to do with those people.

I was also talking to Cam and I think part of the reason I don’t want anything to do with the UUs is that when you go to a UU church there is no energy or faith.  They people want to get together and worship, but it is not truly worship as they don’t believe in something bigger than themselves.  I do believe in something bigger than myself and I have faith.