Magician

Shadow Work–Day 21

What part of my shadow makes me feel insecure about relationships?

Maker Six (six of pentacles) is a card about generosity and being able to both give and receive. However, the six of pentacles in the Druid Craft tarot, which was the first deck I ever read with, told a tale of an old man being asked to give more than he was able to. I’ve been working to view the six of pentacles in a more positive light, but it is hard to overcome first impressions. For me the Six of Pentacles tells me that I am afraid of getting into relationships where I will be asked to give too much. I spent 22 years with someone who took all I had to give and demanded more and I am really fearful of getting into that type of relationship again

In my role as Maker Queen, I am very open to the energy of those around me for healing and other purposes. What I’ve found is that if I engage with and try to help people who have less than positive energy it drains me and leaves me feeling depleted. The gift of healing is a tremendous asset, but without proper shielding it can also leave me feeling energetically drained.

The Magician always makes me feel insecure about relationships because I am really good at manifesting stuff, but I have not been able to manifest the loving relationship that I want in my life. It makes me wonder if I am being punished for something I did in a past life or if the person who is right for me is not available, or why I haven’t manifested the relationship I dream of.

Shadow Work–Day 9

How does the shadow of past relationships influence current relationships?

The Star tells me that every person I meet will be measured against X and they most likely will come up short. The problem is that my relationship with X while deep and emotionally intense, was not a full time in your face kind of relationship. We never lived together, had kids together, fought over bills, etc. We got to go out and have fun and be on our best behavior. Ironically, one of the things I always get pissy about when John talks about how wonderful his girlfriends are is that he never was married to them, was poor with them, etc. I guess I’m being kind of hypocritical because I’m measuring everyone I meet against the same kind of standard. The other thing the star tells me is that because deep within my soul there is a little part of me that still wants to have a relationship with X, that hope stands in my way of future relationships.

The Magician, in this instance, is a charlatan and someone who is all smoke and mirrors and not who he appears to be. John was definitely a charlatan. When I met him he was in program and I truly thought that he believed in the 12 steps and was truly walking the walk. However, once we moved in together, I realized that he was paying the steps lip service and that he really just wanted to be a party boy. He also told me that he wanted someone who would walk beside him and be his partner. He said he didn’t want someone who walked in the shadows. However, when we were together that changed and he was constantly trying to take me down a peg. I’m afraid of getting involved with someone else only to find out that they are also a fraud.

Dreamer Ten reminds me of drowning in my own blood and not being able to see straight because of the pain that is just pouring off of me. I am afraid of meeting and getting into a relationship with someone else because I am afraid that I would not be able to stand having my heart broken again. It hurt so bad and I literally felt like I was crying blood because of my heart ache. I keep people at arm’s length because I am terrified of being hurt again.

These are intensely powerful cards and I can feel the heaviness rolling off of them. There is a part of me that says how will I ever trust someone enough to get into a relationship with all of this baggage hanging over my head.

Magician
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: I love this depiction of Isis with her arms outstretched and her wings surrounding Osiris. For me this is a reminder of the transforming and magical power of love.

Book: Wife, Mother, Queen, Protector

Guidance: Use words of power to achieve your goals, see clearly what you want, change what you can

Journaling:

Interesting card today as I’ve been feeling very magical lately. I finally feel as if I can achieve what I want/need in my life. The past month has been hell, but I’m finally feeling positive. Isis is about creating magic, but she is also the pure power of love.

December 18, 2017

Isis is not only magic, she is also a cared of pure love. She goes after what she wants from a place of love.

December 27, 2017

I love both Isis and Nephthys and it is very powerful to be surrounded by their wings and feel their great love. Isis always gets all the publicity because she was the queen, but Nephthys is just as powerful and together they compliment each other. Isis is the romantic love, while Nephthys is sisterly love and the all encompassing love for humanity.

Every since I have been dedicated to Nephthys, I’ve see the positive, independent side of her, but lately I have been starting to feel the warm and loving side of her. Despite her own horribly abusive marriage, she stood by Isis’ side as she went looking for Osiris and she is the one who is the one who comforts those who are in mourning. She is the one who loves when it is painful to love, she is the one who loves through encouraging people to get back up and to stand on their own two feet after something traumatic has happened.

Daily Draw: Magician

First Impressions: Make things happen

Book: Serious person, fully aware of the laws of cause and effect

Guidance: Learning to control your will to accomplish what you want, message of discipline and responsibility, be aware of controlling and manipulating

Journaling

I love the reminder that I can create what I want in my life. I am also reminded of the old adage that with great power comes great responsibility. There have been so many cases lately of powerful people brought down because they thought they were above the law. However power can also be used to positively impact the world.

I also take this card as a reminder to believe in the power of magick and the universe! There are forces in the world that we cannot understand and being in touch with them can help us better understand the world around us.

November 20, 2017

I needed this reminder to reconnect with magick. The past week has been really rough as I was juggling multiple projects and multiple roles. I sometimes feel like there isn’t enough time to get the work done, which means I don’t have time for me. I need to do a better job of making time for me.

November 8, 2018

Interesting as I pulled this card this evening as well. This is a card that reminds me I hold the keys to my own fate. I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to own my life. I’m realizing that I need to start setting some serious boundaries around work or I will let myself get consumed. I’m not sure yet what all of those boundaries are, but I do know that I will never take another red eye flight again. They totally mess with my body and I am out of commission for a few days after ward. I already have the rule of no early morning flights for the same reason. Not sure what the rest of my personal rules are, but I’m working on that list.

Magician (Reversed)

Magician
Robin Wood Tarot

First Impressions: Robin’s Magician is one of my favorite cards in this deck. I love how he the image is closer and more personal than most magician cards. He also feels very personable and I love the deer head because it makes him very shamanic. Reversed the impressions I get of this card are of blocked energy and humility.

Book: Greed, deceit, out of touch with reality, not realizing your full potential, more to give, not using skills for spiritual journey, doubting

Guidance: Trust your instincts, pay attention to synchronicity

Journaling:

So many interesting meanings with this card. Based on my New Year’s reading, I truly feel as if I’m being called to move in a different direction, but I’m not sure what it is yet. I feel so alive when I am working with Tarot and using it to uncover the mysteries of myself, but I’m not sure how to parlay that into building a financial future.

Dearest Ones,

Please guide me to my destiny. I know what you have planned for me is so much better than what I could do alone. Please help me to reach my full potential and please help me to find my partner. Please help me to open my heart to love.

Blessings, Raine

January 3, 2018

It is amazing as I read through my old tarot journals and transcribe them how much I can see my faith growing. Although there are days when it feels like I am still the same old control freak who has to control absolutely every aspect of her life, I can see my willingness to let go and surrender continuing to grow. As scary as it is to contemplate, I’m realizing that they are not going to provide me with a perfectly written business plan for how to become a full time spiritual entrepreneur. Instead, I’m going to have to continue to take one step at a time and look for the next cairn.

Daily Draw: Magician (R)

Initial Impressions: Out of my control, powerless

Book: Ineffective communication, hidden motives, inability to manifest desires, lack of ideas and willpower, defeated, focus on self

Guidance: Accept the limitations of your power

Journaling

This card is so appropriate as I have been feeling so powerless lately I feel as if my life is not my own and as if I will never have the rich, full life I want. It seems as if I am trapped working at a job I really don’t like to pay the bills. I am so flipping depressed as if feels that nothing I do moves the energy. I’m really ready for my happily ever after.

Just trust. It will all work out. You just need to trust the energy and let it move. You will be okay.

05/12/2018

As I think back to where I was when I pulled this card, i realized that I was stuck and feeling like I wasn’t able to move forward because I couldn’t have the person that I wanted. In the time since, I’ve realized that sometimes we need to let go of our dreams because there is something bigger and better waiting for us.

I’ve also learned that it is really important to know ourselves and be comfortable with ourselves. I think I’m finally getting to that place where I can say that I love myself without feeling like I’m lying. And that’s a whole lot of progress.

The Magician

Magician
Hanson Roberts

First Impressions: I always call this version of The Magician the Staying Alive card because he reminds me of John Travolta in Staying Alive. He also reminds me of Fabio with the bare chest. I love the roses in the tree around him which makes me smile. This card speaks to me of directing power, using resources wisely, and making things happen.

Book: Creativity, inspiration, letting inspiration flow through you, power of the mind, card of individuality

Guidance: Trust and let go of worries, master yourself

Journaling:

What an appropriate card for today. I truly had to channel energy today and make things work that seemed impossible. I’ve also realized what one of my key skills is: I am a closer and I can make things happen that seem impossible. I can also create order out of chaos.

December 23, 2017

I have absolutely no clue what was going on that I felt this card was important. I know I was working at Gateway last year, but I’m not sure what was happening. However, I do know that I’ve always been a closer as I’m creative and I find ways to make things work that other people can’t see. I also a a bulldog and I don’t let go when I think there is a way. Sometimes I hold on to things longer than I should and I am learning that sometimes it is okay to let go and walk away, but I’m also proud of the creativity I bring to my life.