As the days shorten and we start to celebrate the harvest, I’m doing some serious reflecting on reaping what you sow. I was raised on the belief that you reap what you sow, but it was always used negatively in the sense that if you were bad then bad things will happen to you. However, I’m realizing that reaping what you sow should really be about reaping the wisdom from your actions good or bad.
Category: Lessons
Finding My Way Back to Prayer
I quit praying when I became a pagan because when I turned my back on Christianity I turned my back of anything that reminded me of the hours spent listening to a misogynistic minister tell me that all I was capable of was being the woman behind the man. As a young adult in my 20s, I wasn’t sophisticated enough to separate the tools from the rhetoric. I’ve also always been an all or nothing type of person and despite the peace that the Serenity Prayer had always brought me, I wanted nothing to do with anything that was even remotely Christian. Continue reading Finding My Way Back to Prayer
Girl in the Fountain: Found
A few years ago I wrote about losing the girl in the fountain, the part of me that was carefree and spontaneous. I’d lost that part of myself due to adult responsibilities, never seeming to have enough money, and a judgmental husband who was always afraid of how things would look.
Surrender, Compassion, and Acceptance: Learning Ereshkigal’s Lessons
During my darkest moments, I was called to venture into the underworld and meet Ereshkigal. From her I learned lessons of surrender, compassion, and acceptance.
Continue reading Surrender, Compassion, and Acceptance: Learning Ereshkigal’s Lessons
Into the Light
I’ve spent a lot of time over the last six years delving into the darkness. I’ve visited Ereshkigal’s Kingdom, I’ve cried my eyes out in Yemana’s house, I’ve visited the Morrigan’s Battlefield, and I’ve spent time learning from Nephthys.
Bear Comes Calling
Bear stands in the distance…
Waiting, waiting, waiting
I walk toward, fearful of the unknown
Bear waits, waits, waits
Approaching bear with respect
My heart thuds with fear
Her claws, her teeth, her strength
Slowly, cautiously, I walk
Comfort rises off of her
Love, caring, knowing
My fears released
I look at her
She glances back
Without words, I know to follow
She leads me into a rock covered entrance
I stand for a moment, eyes adjusting to the dark
My thoughts race as I try to make logic
Let go of thoughts, she instructs
Feel, be, sense, know
No, No, NO, I whimper, it must make logic
The coolness settles me
Bear skulls line the walls, bringing comfort with their wisdom
Know, she says, just know
Do not hold so tightly to ideas and misperceptions
Know your heart, your wisdom
Sovereignty is in your heart
Sovereignty is knowing you
Sovereignty is claiming you
Sinking into the cool earth
I whimper as the logic that has sustained me is taken from me
I stare into the abyss of knowing
Feeing her warm bear breath as she lays beside me
I sink into her warmth, feeling nurtured
My eyes close, dreams dance
Logic flies away
Dreamtime fills my soul
Know, know, know, she whispers
Feel, feel, feel,
Believe, believe, believe
Be your truths
A cool breeze tingles my nose
I awaken, I stretch, I feel, I know
Bear has gone, but bits of fur remain
I trust her knowledge, I trust my heart
An Open Letter to My Mother
Dear Mom,
I’m 49 today and you’re on my mind. I wish things could be different, but I’ve been turning things over in my mind and I’m not sure how to change things. You’ve never learned to take personal responsibility for your actions and it’s impossible to have an adult conversation with you without you getting passive aggressive and pulling the “I’m your mother card.” Yes, you are my mother and you and daddy provided for me, make sure I was fed and clothed, and made sure that I knew that I didn’t matter. Continue reading An Open Letter to My Mother
Foul Weather Friends
We’ve all heard about fair weather friends, those folks who are only there for you when your life is going perfectly, but what about foul weather friends? I’ve come to realize that there are some people in this world who only want to be your friend when your life is, pardon the expression, totally going to shit. These are the people who will spend hours listening to your tales of woe, but aren’t there for you when things are going great.
Lessons from Children’s Television
Sesame Street characters have been adorning Google’s front page all week: Big Bird made an appearance, Cookie Monster was searching for cookies, and today Oscar is having his day in Cyberspace. You know something is up when something is important enough to make Google’s front page so I did what any netizen would do and Googled Sesame Street to figure out why. To my surprise I learned that Sesame Street was turning 40 the same week I was celebrating my birthday. At 43, I was the perfect age for Sesame Street when it first came on the air and seeing my old friends on Google made me realize that I really did learn all that was important from Sesame Street, The Electric Company, and School House Rock.
What I learned from Children’s Television
Treat everyone with respect–Sesame Street was set in the inner city and included a diverse mix of characters, both human and muppet, but every adult human on the show treated everyone with respect and kindness. It didn’t matter if you were a six foot tall bird or an African American you deserved to be treated with respect and kindness.
Learn from Everyone–I learned from everyone on Sesame Street. I learned my numbers from Count von Count who taught me the beauty of numbers as he went through life counting everything from the number of swings someone took to the number of Cookie Monster’s Cookies.
Diversity–I grew up in a “white bread” neighborhood where every family looked pretty much like mine: mom, dad, one or two siblings. Sesame Street exposed me to people who looked different than me and who didn’t live in rural America. I learned about inner city neighborhoods from Sesame Street and learned that different types of people weren’t scary or evil, they were just different.
Take Care of One Another–The adults on Sesame Street made sure that the children, human and muppets alike, were taken care of and knew they were important. The most poignant moment on Sesame Street happened long after I’d stopped watching the show, but I rewatched it on YouTube the other day and cried. In 1983, the actor that played Mr. Hooper died and the producers of the show had to figure out how to handle it on the show. They could have taken the easy way out and said he went into retirement and moved away. However, they chose to be honest and truthful and one of the most poignant moment’s on television was when Big Bird found out his friend was dead. His first question was, “But when’s he coming back?” As the adults struggled to hold back their own tears, they had to gently tell Big Bird that death was forever.
Knowledge is Power–Children’s TV taught me to love to learn at a very early age and I always want and need to learn something new. Schoolhouse Rock, The Electric Company, and Sesame Street made learning fun and by making learning fun made it something that I wanted to do. It’s very appropriate that Google is hosting my early childhood heroes on their front page because now when I need to know something, I rush to Google and research whatever I need to know.
In some ways, I’m envious of kids today because they have the Internet and interactive learning is at their fingertips. You can find all of my favorite School House Rock videos on You Tube including “How a Bill Becomes a Law” and “Conjunction Junction” and Sesame Street has a new address in Cyberspace where children can visit all their old favorites. However, my envy is soon overcome by happiness that my old childhood friends continue to teach children how to count, how to read, and how to be good people.
Glimpsing Balance
My eyes started to open to what balance truly meant the last weekend I spent in Europe. We spent our last Friday night in Germany as a project team drinking and meandering through Bremen, Germany. We strolled down the cobblestoned streets of the Schoor, tossed back a few at the Ratskeller, and then headed down to a small bar on the water front to drink some more and toast our successful implementation. As I sat there drinking with my friends, I realized the Continental way of life was fundamentally different than life in the States: stores closed at 6:00 pm and only opened one Sunday out of the month, dinner typically took two to three hours, and work got left at work.
My reality was jarred further when after three hours of sleep, I headed for 36 hours in London. The first thing I noticed was that London was much more like America than Germany. The pace was faster, stores were open later, and it was a lot less relaxed than Bremen. The juxtaposition made me realize that maybe our American way of life is too fast paced and maybe I needed to slow down and enjoy life a little more.
I spent two incredible days exploring the Tower of London, Westminster Abbey, and the streets of London. I realized several things during those magical days that helped bring me a little closer to finding that elusive thing called balance:
- A visit to Churchhill’s cabinet war rooms made me realize that although there is some truth to American’s perception the Brits wouldn’t have survived without us, what we fail to realize that if the Brit’s hadn’t persevered, hadn’t sacrificed, and hadn’t hung tough, there wouldn’t have been any war to win.
A trip to the Tower of London, opened my eyes to the fact that a lot of people lived and loved and died long before I was born and people would continue to live, love, and die, long after I was gone. Although the technology that inhabits my daily life may be different, the basic human needs, wants, and desires are the same. The struggle to find balance is universal.- Despite being built as a monument to God Almighty, for me Westminster Abbey was a monument to all that is good about humanity. It’s a monument to creativity, to hard work, and a belief in something greater than yourself.
I wish I could say that I returned to the States and my life magically changed into something more balanced. Looking back, I’m not even sure that I realized at the time that I had changed and that the almost imperceptible change in perspective that came about after that trip would help me get a lot closer to understanding what balance was.