holidays – Cairn by Cairn

Cocooning Bliss

I’ve always been a workaholic who has always believed that if you are not productive 120 percent of the time you’re a slacker. And to top it off, productive for the most part has meant being “mind productive” and not “physically productive.” After reading that a lot of you are probably going, what the heck is she talking about. Well, simply put I’ve always valued writing, reading, calculating, and those types of “mind” activities over physical activities like cleaning the house and exercising. If I wasn’t involved in “mind” activities, I’ve been on the go traveling, running to the store, etc., etc. etc. I’d never learned how blissful puttering around the house can actually be.

Working for a Japanese company means that I have a winter break from 12/24 through 1/4 this year and after finishing our last minute Christmas shopping on the 24th, I’ve been spending the last few days puttering. I’ve slept late, I’ve washed dishes, I’ve taken naps, in short I’ve just let my body adjust to a slower pace and I’m amazed at how rested I feel. We also got a Wii Fit for Christmas and we’re all taking turns playing and I’m amazed at how much fun it is and how much of a workout I get playing on that video game. It also tracks the time you’ve spent on it and lets you compete against one another. I’m an expert hula hooper, but I am totally uncoordinated and klutzy when it comes to the step dancing.

I went into Winter Break with a long to do list of things I wanted to accomplish for my business, my job, and around the house and I haven’t accomplished a whole lot of them yet. The weird thing is that in years past if I hadn’t trucked through my to do list in record time, I would have felt guilty and as if I was a slacker, but this year I’m realizing that I need this downtime to recharge my batteries and to get ready for the year ahead. The things that really need to get done will get done eventually, but if they don’t get done today the world is not going to come to an end.

Although we’ve gone out to run the errands that have needed to be run, but we’ve spent a lot of time cocooned in the house just chilling out, watching TV, playing with the WII, and enjoying each other’s company. We’ve watched movies together, we’ve played games together, and we’ve eaten dinner together. I’m relishing this year because I know that it won’t be too much longer before it will be just John and I alone for the holidays.

Traditional Bliss

Traditions give us a foundation for the future, but they shouldn’t be so rigid that they keep us mired in the past. Our families traditions have evolved over the past twenty-one Christmases that John and I have been together. From a family of two, to a family of three, to a family of four, our traditions have expanded or contracted as the years and money permitted, but they’ve always revolved around our core values of love of family, love of food, and hope for the future. Although our traditions are not all unique, they do bring us much joy, laughter, and bliss.

Our Yule Ritual–We welcome the sun back every year and it is a sacred tradition that we follow even today with the kids almost grown.

Santa’s Letter–Every Christmas Santa writes the kids a special letter detailing how they’ve been good over the past year, where they could hope to improve, and explaining why he’s chosen to buy the present he has. It’s been interesting over the course of the years because in the years when we were so broke we weren’t sure we’d be able to afford much for Christmas, Santa always came through with the gift the kids hadn’t dared to hope for. This year, two letters from Santa showed up and we all believe that Santa made a special stop just to remind us how lucky we are to still have John with us.

The bears of Christmas–We spent the Christmas of 1992 on the tropical island of Okinawa. It was the first year Caitlin was born and John and I knew that our family was complete. While shopping at the base exchange, I found these incredibly gaudy tinsel covered bears. The gold bears are for the “boys” and the silver bears are for the “girls.” John’s immediate reaction was that they were gawd awful ugly and he groaned the first few years when I brought them out for Christmas. He still thinks they’re gaudy, but they’ve become such and ingrained part of the holidays that he’s evolved into just shaking his head when I bring them out.

Milk and Cookies–One year when the kids were early, I found this beautiful plate and cup said that said “Santa’s Magical Cookies” and every holiday since it has been filled with cookies and milk for Santa. This year the cookies were butter cookies from Arlington Cake Box and they were so yummy that Santa had four of them.

Stockings filled with care–Although the big gifts are always nice to get, the stockings that “Santa Mom” fills so carefully are always fun to open. Caitlin always seems to get lip balm in hers (she had 13 tubes this year) and Sean’s was filled with useful things like a hammer and small tool kit for when he moves into his own apartment. John’s had puzzles and sugar free cookies and mine was filled with body lotions.

Batman and Beatles–Sean’s been a Batman fan since before he could speak and every year either Santa or mom and dad make sure that he has a Batman present under the tree. This year Sean’s was a Joker set that he could take back to his dorm room and play with his friends. Cat discovered the Beatles in eighth grade and every year since we’ve had to make sure that the Fab Four paid her a visit every year.

Ornaments–We have a number of traditions around ornaments. The kids always get a new ornament reflecting where they are in their lives: school buses for the first year of school, a French Cat for the year Caitlin started French lessons, etc. We also always pick up ornaments from everywhere we go so our tree is adorned with trinkets from London, Atlanta, Alaska, and other places far and near. One of these years, I’m hoping we’ll get organized enough to have multiple trees and then we can do themed trees: a travel tree, a kid tree, and a glittery tree.

Presents–Presents are always a part of Christmas mornings and when the kids were younger, we’d roll out of bed at 5 am or so when Sean came in to wake us up. The good thing since the kids are older is that now Christmas morning doesn’t start so early as they usually don’t roll out of bed until 8:30 or later. Although most mornings I welcome the opportunity to sleep in, sometimes I miss the childish bliss of running into the living room to see what Santa’s brought.

Our Christmas this year was a live with family, presents, food, and an overwhelming sense of blissfulness that we are all here to celebrate together.

Lighting up bliss

Since ancient times man has celebrated the winter solstice with pageants of light and hope. Yule is the shortest night of the year, but it is also the night that the days start growing incrementally longer. In the days before TV, the Internet, and even widespread literacy, folks paid close attention to the natural world and they realized that sometime in late December the days stopped getting shorter.

Those ancient festivals were times for people to come together and to light burning wheels and candles and to pray for the Sun God to return from his winter home and start bringing more light back to the world. As I sit here in my quiet house looking out at the Christmas lights twinkling on my block, I’m struck by the face that deep down maybe we haven’t evolved as much as we think we have for every winter, humans feel the need to light the night with twinkling lights subconsciously evoking forgotten memories that are stored in our human DNA.

There is something magickal about single points of lights flicking hopefully in the darkened sky. A feeling of hope, a sense that the wheel of the year will turn again and we will travel back into the lighter half of the year. Living in Northern Illinois, every light that twinkles is reflected back 1000 times by the snow which seems lit by the light of a thousand diamonds.

Zoo Lights is the annual festival of lights held at Lincoln Park Zoo and we’ve gone the last few years and have reveled in the sacredness that seems to envelope the zoo at night. The paths are lit by light sculptures in fantastic shapes and the sounds of carols fill the air. Somehow, I always feel close to my dad when I’m enjoying zoo lights as he loved Christmas and he loved our trips to the zoo.

We celebrate Yule every year to welcome back the sun and to give thanks for the gifts that the sun has given us. The ritual is a simple one meant for children and in fact we started it years ago when the children were small, but we continue it even today reading through the words that have become ingrained in our memory. As part of the ritual, we each eat a piece of fruit as a tangible symbol of the sun’s power and somehow that simple piece of fruit seems special. At the end of the ritual, we play The Beatles “Here Comes the Sun” and dance while holding our candles aloft. Even though I know that there are still long cold days ahead, somehow they seem a little more blissful when I’m holding a candle aloft and dancing to welcome back the sun.

Christkindlesmarkt Market

It was my last day of work for the year and after work, the kids and I headed downtown to visit Chicago’s Christkindlesmarkt. Like the famous Christmas Markets in Germany, Chicago’s Christmas Market is an outdoor market filled with trinkets and treasures from around the world and with great German food.

The market’s open from late November through Christmas Eve and due to work schedules, today was the last day of the year we could go so despite the sleet and blowing snow, we headed over to the CTA to venture downtown. Our train arrived right under Daley Plaza where the Christkindlesmarkt was being held so we headed up the stairs and into an outdoor market that would have been at home in Nuremburg. Nuremburg is home to one of the oldest Christmas Markets in Germany, having held a market almost every year since 1628.

Although much younger than Nuremburg’s, Chicago’s market is no less festive. Walking out from the train station, we were caressed by the scents of cinnamon nuts, mulled cider, bratwurst, and other treats. Despite the blowing sleet, hundreds of people were perusing the goods offered by the vendors who, like their counterparts in Germany, were housed in small tents covered with red and white striped awnings. Many of the merchants had come over from abroad to offer their wares and share stories of their home countries. We saw beautiful woven sweaters from the Himalayas, carved statues from Africa, and blown glass and carved statues from Germany.

It was hard not to whip out the credit card and take home a treasure trove of goodies, but my new mantra has become “is it necessary?” so I resisted the urge to take home goodies from every shop and limited my purchases to a few. I bought some heart shaped ornaments to commemorate John surviving a heart attack and gifts for my daughter and mom (I can’t tell you what they are because they read my blog). It was really hard to resist bringing home the carved dragons, but I couldn’t figure out where we’d put them once we got them home so I resisted.

The wonderful smells from the food tents were making all three of us hungry so we headed to the food stalls. Caitlin was first up to order and her order for sauerkraut in a bun had the man behind the counter scratching his head and asking his counterpart if they really could sell sauerkraut in a bun. He was assured they could, so he scooped the pickled cabbage into a bun and handed it to Caitlin. Sean ordered a traditional pork sandwich that he swore was spam on a bun. The hot drinks, cider for Cat and hot chocolate for Sean, warmed them up and filled them with holiday cheer. Baked apples served as desert and eaten warm and coated in cinnamon and sugar they offered another warm treat on a cold winter night.

While the kids ate their food, I heard Christmas carols being played on a Sax and headed over to listen to inspiring sounds of a street musician playing on the corner. I dropped a few bucks in his cardboard box, wished him a happy holiday, and the kids and I headed to the stairs to catch the CTA back home. Looking back towards the Christmas Market, I was struck by how Chicago’s famous Picasso structure looked like a benevolent watch dog watching over the market goers.

Frozen noses and toes aside, our trip to the market was a magickal adventure at the most giving time of the year and we headed home with our hearts filled with the bliss of the season.

Ungrinching Bliss

Christmas starts way too early in America with stores putting out decorations and doodads earlier and earlier each year. This year the earliest siting in my area was August when I happened to be in Hobby Lobby and they were already setting out the aisle of Christmas decorations. When I was a child, there were very set “rules” for when holiday merchandise was to be unveiled. School supplies made their first appearance in late July, Halloween costumes showed up in the stores early in October, Turkeys and assorted Thanksgiving goodies made their appearance right after Halloween, and Christmas showed up the day after Thanksgiving.

I typically don’t buy into the corporate guilt to buy buy buy until sometime after Thanksgiving and then I start thinking that maybe I’d better start buying Christmas presents. The first presents are typically bought grudgingly as I see something in the store and buy it because if I don’t, I’ll never get my shopping done. My first shopping painful as I think about how many presents I have to buy, do some mental bitching because I’m always the one doing the shopping, and keep a mental tally to make sure that everyone gets treated equally.

This year the first gifts were the expensive ones as Sean and John got Cliqs for Christmas and because I can never keep a secret for long, they ended up getting them before the holidays. I bought Caitlin a few little things because after all I had to get her something if I was getting the boys something even though I knew exactly what her main present was going to be and had budgeted for it.

I managed to avoid the holiday insanity for the first few weeks of the season and then something clicked like it does every year and the joy of giving overwhelmed me. Buying presents started to feel like less of a chore and more of a joy. Instead of thinking about having to buy presents, I started thinking about the joy of giving and about how much I hoped my loved ones would like the things I was giving for them.

Oddly enough it is the little presents and stocking stuffers that I always buy with the most joy. The big presents are the hardest ones because there is so much money at stake and all too often too many expectaitons that they have to be perfect. With the secondary gifts, it’s easier to take risks and buy the gifts that you think are perfect, but that might not be.

It’s easy to buy someone a new phone or a new computer, but it’s harder to think about things that will bring people joy. I took some time today to explore the second hand stores and speciality stores for stocking stuffers that were meaningful. I found Caitlin an adorable gift at a second hand store (can’t say what it is becuase she reads my blog), got Sean some cool stuff at the dollar store, and spent hours searching through bookstores to find a Celtic Woman CD for John (it’s okay, I wussed and gave it to him early). None of these thinks cost a lot of money, but they’re all meaningful gifts from the heart.

The grinch has been replaced with the bliss of giving in my heart as I think about the joy that my gifts will bring my family and about the joy that their joy will bring me. What could be more perfect?

Santy Bliss

Wandering alone through the Dolphin Mall in Miami, I was hit with an overwhelming sense of sadness and aloneness (if that’s a word). The sound of Christmas carols filled the air and all the shoppers were hustling and bustling to buy the next greatest thing. Watching it all, I got the feeling that no one remembered the true meaning of Christmas that it wasn’t about buying the best presents or the most expensive presents, it was about giving from the heart.

My daddy grew up the third son of a widowed mother during the depression and there wasn’t much money for gifts or extras, but somehow my grandmother always made sure that somehow her boys had Christmas. My father was grown by the time that Eddy Arnold recorded the song “Will Santy Come to Shanty Town” in 1961, but that song always had a special meaning for him. He knew what it was like to be poor at Christmas and wonder if Santy would visit his house.

Because my father grew up poor, Christmas was important to him and he always made sure that my brother and I got the best presents he could buy us, even if it meant scrimping somewhere else. Growing up, I didn’t realize the sacrifices that went into making sure that we had presents under the tree and sometimes I took it for granted. However, as an adult I know how hard it is to make sure there are presents under the tree while you’re also making sure there’s a roof over your head and food on the table.

Wandering through that mall, I felt like my heart was breaking as I remembered the joy that Christmas had brought my father and knowing I’d never have Christmas with my daddy again. However, I realized that I still had my own family to enjoy Christmas with and I could make a difference in the lives of some of those poor little boys and girls who were wondering if Santy was coming to their house this year.

I headed to the bookstore and realized they were having a book drive for underprivileged kids and I realized this was a perfect way to honor my dad who fostered my love of reading and help kids who didn’t have as much as mine did. I bought a few books to donate and left the mall feeling as if my daddy was smiling down on me.

Twenty Nine Days of Blissful Giving

I stumbled across the site 29 Days of Giving and as I was reading the stories about how giving could change your life and make you think about others instead of yourself. I decided that I’d participate and reflect on whether or not the 29 Days of giving changed my life. My list of 29 gifts is below and I’ll write a seperate post to about the impact the 29 Days of Giving had on my life.

Day 1 (10/4)–I made homemade beef stew and homemade chicken soup and boxed some of it up for my son Sean to take back to college with him. It made me feel good to know that even though he’s away at school, he would still be enjoying Mom’s home cooking.

Day 2 (10/5)–As I was getting into the elevator this morning, another lady got on with a beautiful green and blue blouse on. I complimented her on her blouse and although she did the typical, “This old thing” denial, I could tell she was pleased by the compliment as she got off the elevator with a smile on her face.

Day 3 (10/6)–It is three days before payday and hubby is out of cigarettes. I scrounged up (okay) borrowed some money and went out and got him cigarettes. I’m not sure this really counts as a good deed or not as smoking isn’t good for him, but it was something that he wanted and I went and took care of it for him. I also got the dog ice cream on my way back.

Day 4 (10/7)–I took my dog for a walk today. That doesn’t sound like a big deal, but although my dog loves to walk, he is the worst walker in the world and it is a huge chore to walk with him. I know that the more time I spend walking with him the better, but it feels like a battle royal every time I take him. It was worth it to see how happy he gets.

Day 5 (10/8)–My son came home from college (downtown Chicago) to get some books and I drove him back to school rather than make him take the train. It was actually nice as we got a chance to talk about life, school, and a bunch of other things.

Day 6 (10/9)–I bought cinnamon bread at the bakery my daughter works at and took it in for the folks at work. This was a twofer as I was helping out a local business that has been very good to my daughter and I was making the people at work happy.

Day 8 (10/10)–Caitlin is a very independent young lady and since she has gotten a job, she’s been very good about paying for her own extras like haircuts, dances, etc. Her homecoming dance was this weekend and decided to treat her to a haircut and to the ticket to the dance. It felt good to know that she was going to have a little extra money to spend on something else she wanted and I made sure she knew that I did appreciate her taking care of the little things.

Day 9 (10/11)–I gave myself the gift of reading brain candy for a few hours. I’ve been working really hard at getting my book put together, my site set up, and everything else so I decided to take a few hours off and escape to another reality.

Day 10 (10/12)–I took time to help out a coworker who was trying to dial into a remote training session. It wasn’t my training session, but since I was at HQ and she was in Chattanooga, I was able to get to someone who could help her.

Day 11 (10/13)–I held the door for a lady who was maneuvering a big stroller out a small door. That’s a really little thing, but I know from when I had kids that it is a little thing that can mean a whole lot.
Day 12 (10/14)–I wrote a blog entry about what a great mom my mother was and took the time to dig through our photo albums to find photos of her pre-child so that she knew I recognized her as a person and not just an extension of her family.
Day 13 (10/15)–I blogged about ways to save the planet and how my family and I are green. This is a way to share my knowledge with other people and hopefully will inspire other people to do their part to save our world.
Day 14 (10/16)–A friend of mine asked me to do some shopping at our corporate merchandise sale today so I took care of getting her things and getting them shipped to her.
Day 15 (10/17) –I let a lady go in front of me at the dollar store She walked up and had her arms full of goodies. I know what it’s like to go to the store for one or two things and end up walking out with an armful of stuff. She was genuily appreciative and thanked me several times.
Day 16 (10/18)–I let the dog eat the leftover roast beef. He’d been so patient waiting for us to eat it and sniffing around that I decided he deserved a treat so I gave him what was left of the meat and potatoes. I also took myself and the dog for a walk tonight even though I was exhausted and really just wanted to go to sleep.
Day 17 (10/19)–I bought Cat coffee and a breakfast sandwich this morning even though I’m broke until payday AND she hasn’t cleaned the upstairs hallway like I’ve been asking (read begging) her to for weeks. I was rewarded by a candid conversation about lies one of her “friends” has been telling her.
Day 18 (10/20)–I went to the chiropractor and got my back cracked and my muscles massaged. I’m trying very hard to get in shape and to actually take care of my body. This one counts as something I did for me.
Day 19 (10/21)– One of my best friends is going through some tough times and I spent some time writing a blog entry about how much he means to me and how much he’s helped me through the years.
Day 20 (10/22)–I pulled together training for one of my friends because he was scrambling to get it done in time to meet his deadline and he didn’t have anyone to do it. I spent a couple of hours doing the research and developing the training for him. I also did some dat a dumps from SAP to facilitate a project he was working on.
Day 21 (10/23)– I found this really cool recipe to make Batman Soap online and I made Batman soap for my Batfiend and, as a bonus, I made my mother some really awesome body butter.
Day 22 (10/24)–Someone I knew was in the line at the grocery store and didn’t have enough to cover her charges so I rushed forward, whipped out my ATM card, and felt like Wonder Woman as I rescued her. She offered to pay me back, but I turned her down because the awesome feeling I got from helping her out felt way better than getting my money back.
Day 23 (10/25)–I let Caitlin drive home from work. She just got her learner’s permit and she hasn’t yet driven with her instructor yet, so I’m still nervous about letting her drive. However, today I took the plunge and let her drive. She did very well and I’m sure that as she gets more confident she will do even better.
Day 24 (10/26)–I took John to the doctor this afternoon and filled all the forms out for him because he hurt his left hand so he couldn’t write.
Day 25 (10/27)–I took Luke for a walk tonight. It is amazing how much he loves to go for a walk and how excited he gets by the simple things in life.
Day 26 (10/28)–I went to my chiropractor tonight and let myself relax and enjoy the manipulation and the heat that went on my back. It felt really good to just lay there and let the heat and stim do their job on my back. This was a way of giving back something good to myself. When i as at the chiropractor’s, I noticed that one of the nurses had on a beautiful set of scrubs with lace embroidery on them. As we talked, she said that she’d bought the one set and hadn’t been able to find another pair. Someone suggested looking on line and she said she hadn’t had time. I took the time to search online and send her some links as to where she might be able to find them online.
Day 27 (10/29)–I went out with some people from work tonight and when I was done, I came home and made Jambalaya for our food fest tomorrow. This was an act of giving of myself to those I work with as I thought about how nice it would be to build a sense of community with my team mates.
Day 28 (10/30)–Every Halloween my family reads the “Dead List” to pay tribute to those who have gone before. Part of our tradition is remembering people from the past who have influenced us or touched our lives in some way. The people we remember are often people who had no voice when they were alive and who were the victims of genocide, violence, or intolerance. By remembering them, we remember their lives and pay tribute to their sacrifice. We also teach each other a lesson by promising to do what we can to stop intolerance and violence in our world.
Day 29 (10/31)–The last day was the absolute easiest of the giving challenge because it was Halloween so we were giving out candy to children all evening long.

Familiary New Bliss

The leaves are turning, the days are getting shorter, and the temperature is dropping, in other words, it’s autumn. You’d think that after forty some years on the planet, I’d be used to the turning of the wheel of the year and wouldn’t get so excited about the chill in the air and the bouquets of leaves, but no, I’m just as excited about fall this year as ever.

Despite the similarities, each year the fall is slightly different: the leaves turn sooner or later, the colors are more or less brilliant, the weather is warmer or cooler. In many years, the return of autumn is like visiting an old friend that you haven’t seen in awhile: the subtle differences accentuate the familiarity. Autumn is a scientific process, but all the variables combine to make each fall blissfully different.

It’s not only the leaves and weather that are different each year either, we’re different because we’re at different places in our lives. Marriage, divorce, job changes, kids born, kids gone to college, parents moved away or passed away. As I look back through the Halloween pictures of past years, I remember where we were and realize how far we’ve come. There’s the earliest photos of Caitlin as Barney the dinosaur, Sean as a pirate (this was before he discovered Batman) through the years of Sean as Batman and Caitlin as a mummy and a hippy alien. Then there was the year that Sean bucked tradition and wore a Cubs outfit his dad had crafted for him.

The costumes aren’t the only things that change, this is the first autumn that Sean’s not living at home, although he’s just a train ride away in downtown Chicago. Caitlin’s a senior in High School and learning to drive. I’m not traveling this year so I’m home to enjoy all the autumnal festivities and John’s discovered an online game and is making plans for his own personal vacation, his first trip alone in all the years we’ve been married.

All the changes in our life aren’t positive. This is the first year in quite a few years that when Halloween rolls around a family members name will top our annual “Dead List.” My father passed away last Thanksgiving and it’s hard to realize that it’s been almost a year since he’s gone. The world has also lost a few shining luminaries this year: Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and more. As I work to compile the Dead List in the next few weeks, I’ll remember again how many talented people the world has lost.

However, with loss comes gain and just have talented people have lost their lives, babies have been born, kids have graduated from high school or college, and we’ve celebrated victories both national and personal. The turning of the wheel is always different, always personal, yet always familiarly blissful.

Freedom in the Balance

Freedom comes with a horrific price tag: blood, sweat, tears, and lives. What is it about Freedom that we’re willing to put our very lives on the line to fight for it? It is the essence of humanity and it is the only thing worth fighting and dying for. Freedom is the right to choose your destiny, it is the right to choose where you will work, how you will worship, and who you will love.

Freedom is the right to speak your mind. On July 4, 1776, fifty-six men committed treason by speaking their minds and declaring that all men were created equal and endowed with certain unalienable Rights. The signers of the Declaration of Independence could have hung for their words, but they were willing to take the risk because they knew that freedom was greater than any one human being.

On June 4, 1989, thousands of Chinese protesters peacefully gathered in Tienanmen Square to ask for the same rights our founding fathers had fought for centuries earlier: the right to self government, the right to a free market, and the right to speak their minds. Ordinary Chinese citizens knew that the government might–and did–take lives for the protest, but they knew freedom was worth dying for.

Time has given World Wars I and II a glossy patina and when we think of those “Wars to End All Wars,” we romanticize them and think about the flying aces, the cute songs, the dances at the USO, and the heroes. We don’t think about the blood, the death, the stench. We don’t think about what it must have been like for young men to step past the bodies of their best friends in a game of hide and seek with the enemy. We don’t think about the hunger, the pain, and the fear.

The heroes of WWII get saluted, get thanked, and get respected; but the heroes of our most recent wars are often forgotten and left to wonder if we do appreciate their sacrifices. Time has not given the wars in Vietnam, Korea, Iraq, and Afghanistan the glossy patina enjoyed by the great wars of the past and we often forget the sacrifices being made today by young men and women who believe that freedom for all mankind is worth fighting and dying for.

Next time you see someone in uniform, take the time to thank them for making the sacrifices that let us enjoy beer, barbeque, and fireworks on the Fourth of July.