Hanged Man

Daily Draw: Hanged Man

First Impressions: Different perspective

Book: Tree of life, define wisdom, spiritual transformation

Guidance: Personal sacrifice, being future rewards, let go of clutter, surrender

Journaling

This card is actually about sacrifice. I’m doing what needs to be done to move forward, but I’m paying a huge price for it. The fact of the matter is that I’m tired of sacrificing myself for others. I’m tired of accommodating needy clients and I jut don’t know how to change it.

January 2, 2018

I think the key is to draw clear boundaries about what is and what isn’t my responsiblity and to learn to say no without worrying about what other people think. There are times when we do need to give our all and go the extra mile, but that is not every time the client asks us too. Sometimes they just need to learn that no means no. I’ve also learned to escalate and ask for help when I need it. Those are not perfect solutions, but they are really helping me to have more peace of mind.

Shadow Work–Day 2

How do my relationships mirror my shadow side?

The hanged man can tell us a lot of things as sometimes he tells us we need to get another perspective, but in this instance the Hanged Man is telling me that my relationships are about self sacrifice. I sacrificed myself for my ex-husband. I made myself less and less so that he could feel better about himself until I almost disappeared. I sacrifice for my children so that they have what they need and I sacrifice at work. The lesson I’ve been learning about sacrifice is that it is important that we know we have a choice in saying yes or no to sacrifice. I was raised to believe that my needs were secondary to everyone else’s so I never thought that I had a choice in saying yes or no to sacrifice. I’ve learned over the last eight years that I do have a choice and sacrifices that are willingly made are much sweeter than those that are demanded.

The Warrior tells me that I am fierce and protected in all of my relationships. I never feel comfortable letting my guard down and just being. I always have to be on the defensive and always protecting my tender heart. Additionally, I love to drive and be in control. These characteristics make it very hard for people to get to know me. The cards have been telling me for a very long time that it is time to let down my guard and to let people in and it is something that is very hard for me to do.

The fool is double edged as I leaped into my marriage without careful consideration and ended up in an untenable situation. Since then, I have drawn up strict lists of criteria for a future mate that almost no one has a hope of meeting and I’m applying those criteria like a USDA judge grading meat. If someone scores too low on one criteria, I’m not even willing to “waste my time” meeting them. The fool is telling me that I cannot just leap in with nary a care in the world, but I also cannot be too closed minded about the people I let into my life.

Overall this was a scarily accurate reading and truly reflected where I am in life. I need to continue to reflect on this.

Hanged One

Hanged One
Dark Goddess

First Impressions: I love this card because not only is she hanging upside down in water, her limbs are all akimbo and I’m not sure exactly how she is staying together in the water. The Hanged One (man) is always about changing my perspective and looking at things from a different point of view.

Book: What has been, what lives in hidden places, Goddess of the Mother, of the gods, Mother of All, existence killed by her own young.

Guidance: Surrender, but remember who you are; trust your intuition and be open to it, look at things from a different point of view.

Journaling

Surrender is such a foreign concept to me. I’ve always been someone who fights to the bloody, brutal end so the thought of surrendering and letting go always seems to me like giving up. However, past experience has taught me that when I do truly surrender to deity, amazing things happen. It is hard though because I always want to snatch back control.

Dearest Ones,

Help me to trust you enough to let go. Let me trust that I a being led and that things will work out exactly the way they are supposed to work out. Let me trust you have my best intentions at heart.

January 1, 2018

I’m still getting used to writing 2018! One thing I have learned in my life is that life does move on and that surrendering means that I don’t have to control everything. Over the past few years, my definition of surrendering has evolved from giving up total control and sitting there passively to trusting that I will be led and doing the work I need to do. It’s kind of like managing a project, I cannot control how every consultant spends every minute of their day so I need to set the structure and trust them to do what they’re supposed to do.

Trust is as difficult of a concept for me as surrender so sitting back and not micromanaging is hard for me. However, when I do sit back and trust others, things work out amazingly well.

Daily Draw: Hanging Man (R)

First Impressions: Stuck in one mode, unable to consider different points of view

Book; Being too self righteous, false spirituality, too preoccupied with material issues, not sharing wisdom and grace, an end to a trying time

Guidance: Show wisdom and grace to others, take back your power

Journaling

This card is hitting me today as the word’s wisdom and grace are jumping out at me. I also need to show wisdom and grace to myself. I beat myself up for my thoughts instead of just letting go and releasing them. My thoughts are my thoughts. It is only when I dwell on them that they cause me problems. I need to just let them go. I need to go back to doing a good box this year as that has truly helped.

This card is incredibly deep and I don’t know whether to read it as taking back my power or offering forgiveness and grace. Maybe it is truly both because offering grace is a way of claiming my own power. I’m no longer in a place where others have power over me This is a lot of where I’m at with X. I have given him so much power over me for so long that it feels weird to be taking back my power and my need for him. I’m also just discovered this amazing book called Change Me Prayers and I’m realizing that I need to surrender my need for control. I’ve started praying for the one who is right for me to come into my life and that is a little uncomfortable because I’m used to driving and choosing. But I need to sit back and surrender is driving me crazy.

July 8, 2018

The theme of surrender has been coming up again and again for me. It is also something that I truly struggle with as I love to be in control Cam and I were talking today about how it is easier to surrender when you are in a plane because there is truly nothing I can do to change what happens. It is harder to surrender everyday life when I think that I should be able to change things. However, there are so many things in life that I cannot change and I cannot even influence.

I’ve actually put up an Isis altar and I’m going to work on surrendering things to her and imaging her taking things in her loving arms.

Hanged Man
Hanson-Roberts

First Impressions: This Hanged Man is hanging from a beam instead of a treat. He is surrounded by mistletoe and his eyes are wide open. There is a glow around his head as it seems he has found inner peace. This card speaks to me of surrender, contemplation, and approaching things from a different point of view.

Book: Reversal of values, patience, surrender, sacrifice, peace, freedom comes from commitment, non-resistance, new perspective.

Guidance: Let go of your striving, surrender, love yourself, trust yourself.

Journaling:

Today was all about Isa and this card was perfect as I believe that the Hanged Man is the tarot version of Isa. I need to just let go and surrender. There are things I can do nothing about and the best course of action is to let go and quit struggling. It will all fall into place.

December 23, 2017

I am getting so much better at just surrendering and waiting. It is still a very uncomfortable place for me, but I am better at actually executing. I am someone who always wants to fix, manage, and control (thank you Al Anon for teaching me that) and sometimes there are things I cannot fix, manage, and control and I have to let go and see how it all plays out.

The shakeup at work has me a little worried, but there is nothing I can do to change what is happening. My guides are telling me to trust and that it will all work out so that’s what I’m going to do. I know that I could start frantically looking for a new job, but that’s not what I want to do. I want to stay here and to build something and my guides are telling me that this is where I belong so I’m going to stay for now.