Category: Gilded Tarot

Daily Draw: The Moon

First Impressions:  Intuition

Book:  Beautiful, inspiring orb, releasing carnal instincts.  Moon Goddess shows us our best dreams and worst nightmares

Guidance:  Pay attention to your dreams and intuition, face your fears, attend to your soul

Journaling:

I like this card because it tells me to listen to what my soul is saying, but to not get led off course by my nightmares.  My intuition is telling me that my daughter will be okay and she will be stronger because of it.  I have to let go and quit smothering her.  She is strong and capable and I need to trust that her meds are working and she is going to be okay.  She is telling me they are going to be okay and I need to listen to them.

November 20, 2017

So far she is doing okay.  Getting Clark has helped tremendously.

October 27, 2018

My daughter is actually doing very well.  She has some anxiety and is nervous about what’s going to happen with court, but she is doing much better than I think I would have been doing.  Clark has truly helped her more than anything else I could have thought of.  She dotes on that dog and he is her little shadow.  I’m so glad that she has him and that he is there for her no matter what.  I knew that getting a dog would help, because Luke is what really saved my life after my divorce.

Daily Draw: Page of Cups

First Impressions:  Emotional fluidity

Book:  Facing a moment of truth, convinced he knows best, feeling a little apprehensive

Guidance:  Be aware of assuming you know everything and ignoring advice.  Realize you don’t know everything

Journaling

I love the guidance to listen and not assume that I know everything.  That’s valuable advice.  I know I don’t know everything when it comes to emotions and I need to take a step back and evaluate the situation and look at things from multiple angles.  Emotions are never as simple as A+B=C and I trip myself up when I assume they are. 

November 20, 2017

I need to love who I am.

October 27, 2018

This card is so real and meaningful for me.  I am really bad about this when it comes to assessing, assuming how other people are behaving.  I ALWAYS make it all about me and the truth of the matter is that it is rarely all about me.  Most of the time, people have other things going on in their life that don’t involve me at all.  I need to learn to just let go and trust that things will work out instead of assuming that they are not going to work out.  That is not helpful for me.

Daily Draw; Three of Swords

First impressions:  Heartbreak

Book:  Heartbreak, very dramatically and tragically expressed, ego is centered on emotional distress

Guidance:  Remove the focus from your emotions, proper perspective allows more clarity, empress can help with healing

Journaling

I love the reading on this card as it is a reminder to put things into perspective.  I tend to blow things out of perspective and make it seem as if I am the only person in the world to be hurt and that is not true.  Every person on the planet goes through heartbreak and pain.  It is not the tragedy we face that defines us as much as it is our reaction to it.  We can choose to curl up in a ball and wither away or we can choose to become hard.  Or we can choose to heal and grow.  Just like I love old furniture for its scars and patina, I need to embrace my own scars and imperfections.  I’ve led an interesting and varied life and I need to embrace that. 

I’m struggling right now as to how I can be there for my daughter as she is alternating between defiant and sad.  I guess I just have to let go and be there for her.  She needs a support system and not a jailer.

November 20, 2017

Interesting read as I am working on accepting myself and who I am in my own life.  I am not berating myself for clothing sizes, but choosing to love who I am.

October 27, 2018

Over the past year, I really have realized that loving myself and valuing my body is the key to losing weight.  I am actually motivated to take care of myself and to stop drinking coke.  It is really hard, but I know that I am starting to feel better since I’m no longer sucking down four cokes a day.  The pounds have not really started coming off yet, but I do know that I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin.

Daily Draw: King of Cups

First Impressions:  Emotional control

Book:  Fortunate in your achievements, there are things in your life that give you satisfaction

Guidance:  Be aware of focusing on what you don’t have, nurture your emotions

Journaling

I needed this reminder today to focus on what I have instead of what is missing from my life.  I am so blessed that we found my daughter last night, but I really want to hurt the guy who raped her.  However, she isn’t dead and that is a blessing.  I was so terrified last night.  I felt like I aged 100 years in the 30 minutes she wasn’t answering her phone.

I know that we saved her life by his knowing we were coming.  I have to admit that I am so angry and sad today.  I’m  angry that she gave a stranger a ride, I’m sad that she was hurt, and I’m so angry at him.  However, the overwhelming feeling today is gratitude that she is alive.  I’m grateful that she knows she can call me at any time and that she did.  It could have been so much worse, if the rapist hadn’t known that she had people who loved her and were looking for her.

October 27, 2018

It has been a year and I still want him dead.  The case is slowly winding its way through the court system, but as the anniversary comes up, she is getting really anxious and angry and sad.   The worst part is that I will not be here for her.  However, we will figure out a plan so that she feels supported and knows that she is loved.

Daily Draw: Nine of Swords

First Impressions:  Nightmares

Book:  Troubled by a larger problem, alone and closed out

Guidance:  Reach out and get comfort, be aware of isolation and let someone in to guide and comfort you

Journaling:

It is hard for me right now for me and I find myself continually disappointed by people.  I reached out to the UU’s stupid Laughter in Our Lives group and they disappointed me.  Not one of the people reached out to say, “Hope your daughter is okay.”  Instead they just harassed me and were rude.  Forget them, I do not need that kind of BS in my life.

November 20, 2017

I have to look at things realistically and in a balanced way.  What would I have done if an acquaintance had said her daughter was hurt?  I would have said I’m sorry and asked what I could do.  However, not one of those bitches did that.  I don’t want to be associated with people like that and if that is the level of support the church provides, then forget it.  It isn’t that I need everyone fawning all over me, but an acknowledgement would have been nice.

October 26, 2018

I’m getting chills realizing that I pulled the nightmare card on the day one of my worst nightmares came true.  My daughter was abducted and assaulted.  There was a period of an hour or so where we did not know where she was and I was terrified that she was dead.  Fortunately, we got to her and even though she is struggling, she is still alive and is still being the amazing fighter that she is.

Daily Draw: Seven of Swords

First Impressions:  Being sneaky

Book:  Actions have consequences

Guidance:  Review your plan and reconsider if it seems fool hardy

Journaling

I’m not sure that I agree that the actions of this gentleman were foolhardy.  Sometimes we have to take bold actions and break the rules.  I think this card is also a reminder that there are consequences, but that sometimes the consequences are worth it.

November 20, 2017
There are consequences, but sometimes the sneaky acts that are seen as deceptive are worth it.  How do we know that he the people he is “stealing” from, did not take something from him first.

October 26, 2018

My understanding of this card has continued to evolve and I still view it as taking back something that was taken from us.  There are times in life when we have to reclaim what is ours and there are times when we cannot make a full frontal attack, but we need to be sneaking and deceptive because the person holding it does not want to give it back to us.

Daily Draw: The Chariot

First Impressions:  Moving forward, forward momentum

Book:  Card of victory, immense power and focus of the woman’s mind

Guidance:  Willpower and control, recognize your own strength and ability to maintain order in the midst of chaos

Journaling

I love the message of this card.  I love being reminded that I am strong and capable and that I can accomplish so much more than I think I can.  I sometimes get so caught up in listening to the voices of my past that I don’t make time for my future.

I can and do accomplish great things.

This is a year for turning my focus inward and achieving things for myself and not for everyone else.  Sometimes I get so caught up in taking care of others that I forget to take care of me.  This year is all about self love and self care.

November 20, 2017

I’m being challenged this year to set boundaries for others.  X could consume me if I chose to let her.  I have to trust that even though she has bipolar she is strong and capable.  As long as I see no signs that she is manic, I need to let her make her own mistakes, but that is a really hard thing to do.

October 26, 2018

The past year has been difficult and amazing.  It is almost a year later and we are still dealing with the affects of her assault.  Even though in a lot of ways she is stronger, she still gets scared and afraid sometimes.  However, because I’ve been better at managing boundaries in all of my life, I have been so much better about being able to be present for her and to really be there when she needs me.   A lot of that has to do with being able to be present for myself and to really value myself. 

Daily Draw: Four of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Open up, be generous

Book:  Letting go, sharing, releasing what has been hoarded

Guidance:  Open your heart, let go of all the anger

Journaling

I love this image of the four of pentacles with all of the pentacles held over his heart.  To me the message from this card is to let go of all the hurt I’m holding there.  I’m still holding on to anger and hurt from childhood and it’s time to let all of that go.  There is no value in holding on to those hurts.  I understand now how they’e negatively impacted me.

I need to hold on to all the lessons and let go of the pain and anger.  The same is true for my marriage.  I need to learn the lessons and let go.  There is nothing to be gained by holding on to the pain,

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God and Goddess, Dearly Beloveds

Please help me to let go of the anger and pain I feel over incidents that happened so long ago.  Help me to let go of shame, anger, guilt and all of those emotions that have no place in my life today.  In place of these emotions, please help me to embrace loving kindness.  Help me to realize that all of these slights and pain were more about the person who inflicted them than about me.

Help me to open my heart to love and goodness .  Let me know that opening my heart to love and goodness does not mean putting up with abuse.

Blessings,
Raine

I’m realizing now how screwed up my idea of love, especially unconditional love is.  From my mother, I learned that loving someone meant letting them abuse you and walk all over you, but you still had to be there for  them.  I cannot remember how many times Grandma was horrid to her, and she kept going back for more.

I don’t know why, but it is something we all do to a certain extent.  There is this hunger for and desire for family and we all have it.  We all want want families to love us even when they are incapable of unconditional love.

July 1, 2018

I needed to hear this today and remember that we all want to be loved.  I’m also starting to have more compassion for my mother as I realize that all she wanted was the same unconditional love from her mother that I wanted.  Maybe she thought that she could get it by giving more and loving more.  Maybe she was like me when I first went to Al Anon and thought it could change me into someone that John would love.  Maybe she thought that if she kept going back eventually her mother would change and would love her.

Maybe all of what I’ve viewed as her being controlling and manipulative was about her trying to help me avoid some of the pain she faced.  I don’t know the answer to any of that, but I do know that I can’t live being half a person.  I have to be my full self and not go after my dreams and wants because of someone else.

Daily Draw: Ace of Cups

Ace of Cups
Gilded Tarot

First Impressions:  I love the phases of the moon above the cup, but I don’t really like the eye looking down.  For me that is kind of creepy.  This card is about emotional fulfillment.

Book:  Infinite supply of love, spiritual gifts, relationship opportunities, peaceful, grateful, feeling enriched, purity of emotions

Guidance:  Deepen your capacity for love

Journaling:

The ace of cups is such a hopeful card!  It reminds me that to receive love I have to open myself up and be willing to receive.  This is why I’ve been doing a lot of work with my solar plexus chakra.  I have to be open to receiving love and that’s not something that I’m always comfortable with..  I sometimes avoid showing up in life and that’s unfortunate for me.  I still want someone in my life, but I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I need to be comfortable with me.  I’m not going to spend my life waiting for something that may never be.

Dearest Ones,
I surrender my feelings to you and I know that you have the perfect person for me.  Please help me to be patient and to love the life I have.  Also, please help me to truly show up in life and guide me to the opportunities and experiences that are right for me.

Blessed Be,
Raine

It always amazes me how calm and centered I feel after praying and turning things over.  It isn’t always easy but a sense of calmness washes over me when I am able to get out of my own way and communicate with the divine.

December 30, 2017

It still amazes me how praying helps me to feel better about anything that is going on.  It just brings that intense feeling of peace that lasts throughout the day.  I’ve also found that if I pray on a regular basis, I am better able to respond to situations and to think more clearly.

Three of Pentacles

Three of Pentacles
Gilded Tarot

First Impressions:  I love the way the man is holding the pentacles and checking them to make sure they are correct.  This card traditionally speaks to collaboration and working together.

Book:  Creating and delighting in the process, collaboration, Creating what you envision, skill and spiritual values, spiritual renovation.

Guidance:  Cooperate with others, new work from a spiritual perspective.

Journaling:

I love thinking about opening my soul to renovation.  To me that speaks of making something good even better.  I am finally starting to appreciate the beauty and wonder that is me.  I’m appreciating my strengths and my perseverance.  I have been given and amazing life and I am so far of how far I’ve come and all that I’ve gone through to get here. 

However I can also appreciate that my halo is a little dirty and could use some polishing.  I know that I have work to do in letting go and forgiving.  I’m also realizing I have work to do in accepting healing work as a valid way to spend my time.  I sometimes get so caught up in beating myself up for reading a book or reading my tarot cards that I forget that I’m human and my body needs rest and my soul needs this healing work.  Sitting here and reading cards and journaling is a valid way to spend my time.

I think I’m jealous because people with addiction get 30 days or so to work on healing and other bruised and broken people are expected to just pick themselves up and move on with no down time.  After my divorce, it would have been amazing to check out of life for 30 days and focus on healing.  It would have been awesome to have structured workshops on different aspects of healing and to have someone guide me through the process of becoming whole again.  I instead I was left to flounder and find my own path.  I am so fortunate that I found people to help me and guide me and now I may be being led to create a program to help others.  It truly is a sacred duty.

Dearest Ones,

Please guide me to create a program that will help others grow and change.  Help me find ways to make people’s burdens just a little lighter.

December 29, 2017

The message I’ve been getting from my guides lately is that I need to focus on me and focus on what is helping me.  I can be an example to others to help them heal by following in my footsteps, but it is not time yet to be more active in creating something.  I need to do the prep work and build the foundation before I jump right in.  I’m really good at jumping right in, but I need to build my website slowly, build some class content because that’s fun for me.  Continue helping Scott, but I don’t need to jump in with both feet right now.