Category: Gilded Tarot

Daily Draw: Nine of Swords

First Impressions:  Nightmares

Book:  Crossing her arms to protect her heart, troubled by big problems

Guidance:  Reach out and get the comfort and wisdom you need, allow someone to guide and comfort you

Journaling:

I need to hear this reading about asking for help.  I don’t do such a god job of asking for help.  I tend to hold things in and not let other people in.  The only time I ever truly let people in was right after my divorce and I was so shattered and broken.  The pain was so tremendous that I could not contain it.  I spewed because this pain was horrible.  However, as I’ve healed, I’ve receded into myself.  I’m not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. 

I’m not a recluse and it is not as if I’ve been hiding in a hovel and never venturing out.  I go out and I interact, but I’m standoffish and not thrilled about doing the work it takes to know people.

November 25, 2017

I need to make some time for me.  I am so caught in in Cam that I’m not taking care of me.  I need to step back from her and trust she is in the Goddess’ hand.  I need to let go of my need to hold on so tight.  If I don’t make time to take care of me, I will end up angry and resentful.  I also need to let go and trust.

November 9, 2018

It’s so interesting that this theme of vulnerability has been coming up again and again.  I need to start trusting people and letting them in.  I think knowing that I can be fierce will help me to be vulnerable and to let people in.  This year is going to be all about exploring vulnerability and being more open with other people.  I’m really scared about this, but I know it is something that I really need to do.

Daily Draw: Two of Swords

First Impressions:  Decisions

Book:  Experiencing conflict between logic and intuition,  battle between head and heart remains unsolved

Guidance:  You have to decide, lock on the decision and decide, pretending it isn’t there, won’t make it go away

Journaling

I’ve made my decision.  I’m going to manifest a relationship with X.  I know the risks an I know the potential hurt, but I’m ready to move forward.  Life is not without risk and pain and unless I embrace this fully, it will not happen.  No more wimpy magick that says or something better.  There is no something better.  He is who I want and that’s that.  And I’m not going to focus on the downsides or how it will play out, I’m going for it.

November 25, 2017

Making a decision to truly commit and go for it is a little difficult, but I’m ready.  I’ve been working on letting go of all the excuses I’ve come up with for it not working and I’m done making excuses.

I am worthy and I deserve happiness.

November 9, 2018

I’m realizing that it truly is because I am worthy and deserve happiness that the relationship with X did not happen.  I’m realizing that at the end of the day, a relationship between us would not have worked.  While he lives in my work world, he doesn’t live in my spiritual world and that just wouldn’t work.  I’ve realized that while I was not the desperate divorcee that became a barfly, I was desperate in my own way and chased someone that would have been equally bad for me because I was lonely and had no self esteem.  Now that I am truly valuing myself,  I’m realizing that it is better to be alone than in a relationship that wouldn’t work. 

Daily Draw: Page of Cups

First Impressions:  Emotionally Immature

Book:  Posture of ease, superiority, and defiance, there may be apprehension under the confident mask

Guidance:  Be aware of assuming you know everything, realize you haven’t considered everything

Journaling

This was me 29 years ago.  I was so sure that love would and could conquer everything.  I found out that wasn’t the case and that sometimes love really is not enough.  What I also learned is that love has to be two sided and that both people have to be invested in a relationship for it to work.  Both of us were not invested in our relationship so it had no way of working.

November 20, 2017

He emailed me this morning and suggested it would be a great time to market Whisper Alley.  However, I know that what he really meant was that I could do all the work and he could claim part of the glory.  I’m not up for that.  I will never again form any kind of partnership with him because it is never really a partnership.  He is intrinsically a taker and I do not need that in my life.  I need people in my life who understand that a partnership means a partnership.

November 8, 2018

This is an interesting card today as one of the themes I am exploring for the next year is the concept of vulnerability and being vulnerable with myself and with others.  I’m realizing that I truly need to set boundaries around my space and I need to let other people in and let them help me.  I’m not very good at those things, but I’m realizing that I truly need to follow that path if I want to have a happy life.

Daily Draw: Magician

First Impressions:  Make things happen

Book:  Serious person, fully aware of the laws of cause and effect

Guidance:  Learning to control your will to accomplish what you want, message of discipline and responsibility, be aware of controlling and manipulating

Journaling

I love the reminder that I can create what I want in my life.  I am also reminded of the old adage that with great power comes great responsibility.  There have been so many cases lately of powerful people brought down because they thought they were above the law.  However power can also be used to positively impact the world. 

I also take this card as a reminder to believe in the power of magick and the universe!  There are forces in the world that we cannot understand and being in touch with them can help us better understand the world around us.

November 20, 2017

I needed this reminder to reconnect with magick.  The past week has been really rough as I was juggling multiple projects and multiple roles.  I sometimes feel like there isn’t enough time to get the work done, which means I don’t have time for me.  I need to do a better job of making time for me.

November 8, 2018

Interesting as I pulled this card this evening as well.  This is a card that reminds me I hold the keys to my own fate.  I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to own my life.  I’m realizing that I need to start setting some serious boundaries around work or I will let myself get consumed.  I’m not sure yet what all of those boundaries are, but I do know that I will never take another red eye flight again.  They totally mess with my body and I am out of commission for a few days after ward.  I already have the rule of no early morning flights for the same reason.  Not sure what the rest of my personal rules are, but I’m working on that list.

Daily Draw: Ace of Swords

First Impressions:  Cut through the bullshit

Book:  Gift of the sword is intellect, powerful and dangerous words can heal or hurt

Guidance:  Use the gift of thought well, to see the world clearly, to communicate well, be aware of having a sharp tongue

Journaling

I love the meaning of this card and the reminder that logic can cut both ways.  I can think my way into  box when I only look at cold, hard facts.  I have learned that to see the whole picture, I have to use both logic and emotion. 

My brain tells me that it will never happen and that I should move on.  My heart tells me a different story.  My heart tells me it will happen and I need to continue to believe.  For now, I’m going to continue to believe my heart. 

November 20, 2017

The ace of swords cuts through bullshit.  This is a great card to pull when life seems murky and there is a need to step back and review.  This is also a great card to pull when you need to cut ties with someone.

November 8, 2018

Interesting read on this card as it is about using logic and about cutting ties.  I’m finally at that place where I’m ready to cut ties.  My feelings for him served a very useful purpose in my life, but I’m finally feeling strong enough to move on and be my own self.  If I put as much love and energy into my life as i do into that pursuit, I will have a kick ass life.

Daily Draw: Five of Swords

First Impressions:  Gloating

Book:  Warrior stands victorious, Cost of Winning was not worth it

Guidance:  Determine what was lost and what was gained.  Was it worth it?  More conciliatory approach

Journaling

Interesting reading on this card.  For me this read is about winning at all costs.  I love to be right and it sometimes leads me down bad path.  My gloating over losing Hood because we chose not to include OCM in the proposal was not good.  I need to accept that the person who chose that was an idiot.

November 20, 2017

It’s nice to be able to remind myself to take a step back.  I’ve become so much better at self regulation.

October 30, 2018

This is still something that I need to work on.  I’ve realized that one of the things I really need to work on is letting go of both winning and losing.  Gloating isn’t good, but moping when I lose isn’t good either.  I think that kids who participate in sports have an easier time of this because you need to shake it off and move to the next thing.  I was thinking about this when I was watching a hockey game with the kids.  If the other team gets a goal, you can’t sit and mope over it.  You have to shake it off or you will never recover.

Daily Draw: Wheel of Fortune

First Impressions:  Chance

Book: Sun=Mind, we can view things as we like

Guidance: We need to remember that life is a full cycle, if we are centered, we are not at wheel’s mercy, do not neglect responsibilities

Journaling

I usually like the readings in this book, but I do not like this one.  I don’t believe it is true that for every event we can view it as a blessing or tragic.  Some events are tragic and wrong no matter what.  What happened to my daughter was tragic and wrong and there is no blessing there.  She may learn from it and belssings may occur because of it, but that does not mean the event was a blessing.  Everythig is also not a choice.  Yes she placed herself in that situation, but his choices led to the situation.

November 20, 2017

I have to step back over my rage on this one and do a reset.  I know this card is about the ups and downs in life and there are times in life where life is going good and life is awesome and other times when life sucks.  The key is to remember that this too shall pass.  If things are going well, it will pass and if things are going poorly it will pass.

October 30, 2018

The wheel of fortune is still not my favorite card because I don’t like the fact that there are things that are outside of my control.  However, I know that this is true and I also do realize that the closer I stay to center, the less I will be buffeted by the turning of the wheel.

Daily Draw: Nine of Cups

First Impressions: Friendship

Book: Saluting comfort, abundance, and good fortune, fortune that is of good cheer, you have achieved a place of comfortable abundance

Guidance:  Be aware of the energy of the hermit to the extreme, share what you have with graciousness

Journaling

Interesting read on this card.  I love the reminder to not be the hermit as that is my preference.  I love to hide away and have my alone time.  I recharge when I am alone.  I need to find my balance between alone time and not shutting people out.  I don’t know yet where that balance is.  Part of it is that I have to be so on at work that being on at home is a daunting thought.  My daughter calls it emotional labor and she’s right.  I also know that in some ways it is harder than psychical labor.

November 20, 2017

I really need to work to cultivate balance in my life.  It is way too easy for me to stay in my little hermit mode and stay isolated.  I need to work harder to get out of myself as it is way too easy to stay in my little hermit shell and stay isolated.  However, the flip side is do I need to meet people, is there anything wrong with being solitary?

October 30, 2018

I think I’m doing much better at this because I am finally at a place where I’ve realized that it is okay to be a hermit and it is okay to be myself.  There is nothing shameful about not wanting to be around people 24/7.   John ridiculed me and made fun of me if I did not want to constantly be around people.  I think he uses people to hide from himself whereas I used to using my alone time to hide from people.  I think I’m finally at a point where I am finding balance.

It really helps knowing that how much or how little I socialize is purely my choice and is not anyone else’s.  That helps me to feel a lot better and it honestly makes it easier to socialize with others.  I also am realizing that I do need people in my life, but I need to control the dosage and the method of delivery.  I want to have people I can talk to about real issues and not just have a group of people who are drinking buddies.  I think I’m starting to make progress on this front.  It’s hard, but I’m getting there.

Daily Draw: Ten of Wands

First Impressions:  Taking on burdens that are not ours

Book:  Almost finished with arduous task, light at the end of the tunnel inspires you

Guidance:  Draw on your most basic instincts for the strength to finish what you started, do not stop too soon

Journaling

This card is a reminder to me to not take other people’s burdens on.  I’m really bad about taking burdens on that are not mine to bear.  I’m especially bad at taking on my daughter’s burdens.  That poor kid has so much to bear.  I need to help, but I also need to let her blossom into the strong and independent person that she is.

Please dearest ones, hold her in your arms and help her.  Help her to know she is always loved.

November 20, 2017

I need to let go and let other’s find their own way.

October 30, 2018

I am still really bad about taking on things that are not mine.  Like the other day I was looking on job sites for jobs for my daughter.  She is 26 years old, she is perfectly capable of looking for jobs herself.  I also need to stop cleaning up after everyone even though in some ways it is easier to just do it than to complain to people.  The problem is that when I do just break down and clean up after people, I end up being resentful and unhappy.  I need to find a middle way that marries my own peace of mind with holding people accountable.

Daily Draw: Two of Cups

First impressions:  Heart Connection

Book:  Union creating a unique energy that is mystical and special, uniting opposing qualities

Guidance:  Faced with opportunity to partner with someone, honor the gift of the moment and enjoy it, enjoy the magic, do not let it engulf you

Journaling

The truth of the matter is that it is actually not unusual for my daughter to not answer the phone.  She rarely has the ringer on so it is always hit or miss whether she will answer.  I really just need to let go and trust that she’s being held and is okay.  I know she needs rest but it’s really hard not being home.  Sean will be there this afternoon, so all we can do is wait.

October 27, 2018

On the surface, this does not sound like I am addressing the card, but at the moment I was so overwhelmed and scared because Cam had gone incommunicado.  However, this is about heart connection.  Cam and Sean are my heart and it hurts when I am afraid for them.  The good thing is that she was perfectly fine and was just sleeping late.