Category: friends

Balance Between the Worlds

Beaches are among the most magickal places on earth as they serve as an ever changing boundary between the world of water and the world of earth. I’ve always loved standing on the beach and letting my feet be licked by the water: sometimes the water just kisses my toes and a few waves later it splashes my knees. It’s a magickal place that’s not quite earth and not quite water.
We went to Illinois Beach State Park today for Caitlin’s birthday and the beach was wild and deserted: a place of beauty and mystery. We walked over the dunes to where giant glacers had moved the earth herself to create rock creations. The earth isn’t done changing though as these rock creations are now being licked smooth by the waters of Lake Michigan. The rocks are uneven and create crevices where water pools as the tide washes in and out.
Caitlin ran and danced with the waves running into the shallow waves, then stepping back as the waves came higher and higher. She laughed and played and I grew nervous as she walked deeper into the water and started to call her back, but then she pulled herself back and sat on the damp sand in the land between the earth and water. She crossed her legs, stilled herself and became the picture of calm as she stared out at the boats on the water.
Feeling uneasy about her being so close to the water, I wouldn’t let myself relax until my husband came over and perched on the pier above both of us, sitting like a silent sentinal. I knew that once he was there I could relax as he would watch out for both of us. I found myself a niche in the water smoothed rocks where I could dangle my feet in the water and I let myself feel the waves kiss my toes and the sun kiss the back of my neck and I let the tension flow out of my body and be watched away by the waves.
Looking out at the lake, I could see the sun reflecting off the blue water and colorful sailboats skimming across the waves. Life felt uncomplicated as if all that mattered where the elements of sun, surf, and sand. The deep sense of calm I felt driving home is something I will strive to recapture on days when life seems hectic, rushed, and way too complicated.

Bliss and Loss

My daddy died last year and in March we took his cremains down to Alton, IL to be buried next to his father. The first thing that struck me as I looked from my Daddy’s tombstone to his father’s was that my Daddy had lived a full life while my grandfather had been shortchanged.
My grandpa died when my daddy was three years old so my daddy was cheated out of a father growing up. I’d always known that, just as I knew that daddy had grown up poor. I’d always been amazed at what a wonderful father my dad was despite not having a father of his own.
What I hadn’t realized until I stood in front of my granddad’s tombstone was that he’d been 32 years old when he died, ten years younger than I was as I stood there. I was filled with an overwhelming sense of sadness for a man I’d never known. He’d died before he started to live. He never knew the wonderful children he’d helped to create or their grandchildren. He hadn’t gotten to grow old with my grandmother.
He hadn’t gotten to meet my Uncle Gene, the oldest, who’d served in the war, married a woman named Ethel, and had a daughter, Becky. He never saw the wonderful and gentle man that my uncle grew up to be who after his own grandchildren died in infancy, delighted in babysitting my son Sean and bouncing him on his knee.
He didn’t get to meet my Uncle Jerry who went to war and came back a changed man. Uncle Jerry’s first wife died of brain cancer after giving him two wonderful kids, my cousins Jim and Rhonda. He never got to know Jerry’s second wife, Mary, or get to know my favorite cousin Mark Lynn my partner in crime when it came to tormenting my brother Tony.
He never got to meet my daddy who was the most wonderful father a girl could have. He didn’t get to watch my daddy grow into a gentle and loving man who worked hard, loved his family, and inspired those around him. He didn’t get to meet my mama, Charlene, who loved my dad with all her heart. And he didn’t get to meet me and my brother or my beautiful children.
An overwhelming sadness hit me as I cried for a man who I’d never met, but whose blood ran through my veins. He’d been cheated out of the rich full life that my father had lived and I realized that although I’d always miss my dad, he’d lived a rich and full life and despite my despair, I experied a deep sense of bliss as I realized my dad had raised two responsible kids,
gotten to know and love his grandchildren, and got to spend his life with the woman he loved. He’d also left a legacy of love behind him and he’d change the lives of a lot of people.