Category: friends

Foul Weather Friends

We’ve all heard about fair weather friends, those folks who are only there for you when your life is going perfectly, but what about foul weather friends?  I’ve come to realize that there are some people in this world who only want to be your friend when your life is, pardon the expression, totally going to shit.  These are the people who will spend hours listening to your tales of woe, but aren’t there for you when things are going great.

Continue reading Foul Weather Friends

SPA Adventure

Going to the spa is always a blissful experience, but I discovered this week that it’s even more blissful when shared with a group of friends. One of our managers at work took her team to the spa and she had a couple of extra openings and invited me along. I wasn’t sure what to expect as I’d never gone to a spa with a coed group before, but it far exceeded my expectations.

I arrived at the spa to find the party already in progress with a wonderful spread of light appetizers (veggies, fruit, sushi, cheese, and the like) to nosh on between treatments and a selection of juices to keep us hydrated. The team was already in various stages of bliss as some folks were enjoying manis, others had their tootsies deep in the soothing baths of the pedi, and others were cloistered away getting their aching muscles massaged. I was welcomed immediately and escorted to the appetizer buffet. Then I mingled with my friends as they received their treatments. We especially enjoyed teasing the spa virgins (i.e. some of the guys) who were getting their very first manis or pedis.

One of my good friends was getting his very first mani and he was enjoying it more than he’d expected. The funny thing is that one of my other friends and I had invited him to come along the last time we went to the day spa and he turned us down as he thought it was too girly. He was definitely regretting it and promised to at least check his schedule the next time we invited him. As I waited for my treatments, I took time to converse with my coworkers and it was great to get to know them outside of a work setting.

Finally, it was my turn to dip my tootsies in the pedi bath and although I thought it would be awkward getting a pedi in front of some of the guys from work, it wasn’t awkward at all and I turned on the massage chair, leaned back, and let the nail technician do her thing. Even though I’d just had a pedi two weeks before, it felt incredibly good to get my feet massaged and pampered.

When my pedi ended, I was whisked away for a massage. I undressed and laid down under the toasty warm blankets and then the masseuse came in and asked if I wanted a full body massage or just wanted him to work on my back. Since I only had 30 minutes, I asked him to focus on my back and pretty soon the rhythmic strokes calmed my body and spirit and I found myself in a blissful twilight zone where my mind was floating as if on a cloud.

My thirty minutes ended all too soon and it was time to go back to my real life. I got dressed, thanked my masseuse and headed out to say goodbye to my friends. All our hearts and bodies felt a little bit lighter as we hugged and vowed that we’d head to the spa again another day to get rejuvenated to fight the battle that is our daily jobs.

Anonymous Bliss

Christmas time brings out the best in humanity as everyone seems a little more concerned about taking care of their fellow man. Some folks give with big showy displays, but the best and most meaningful gifts are those given anonymously and symbolically to help those less fortunate. A quick spin around the web this week, revealed anonymous givers whose gifts have inspired others to give to those less fortunate.

Mysterious Pete has become a legend to the staff at the Easter Seals Rehabilitation Center in Evansville, IN. Every year around Christmas he hides a donation somewhere on the property and then phones the staff with a hint as to where to find his gift. This year’s gift was a miniature Christmas tree with 30 $100 bills attached. Over the years Pete’s given over $65,000 to the center and although the staff has garnered a few clues about who he might be, they prefer to let his identity remain a mystery so as not the thrill he gets out of giving anonymously.

The tradition of gold coins being dropped anonymously in Chicago Salvation Army buckets continued this year when holiday workers found gold coins worth $1,200 wrapped inside bills and dropped inside the red buckets. The tradition of someone dropping gold coins into Salvation Army buckets in the Chicago area dates back to 1982 and the coins have included Kugerrands and other golden coins. The tradition has spread to other areas and this year gold coins have been dropped in buckets in Philadelphia, Indiana, and Florida.

In another story, an anonymous woman showed up at a Salvation Army and started handing out $20 bills to people who were waiting in line for food vouchers. When she ran out of cash, she went to the ATM to get more money to hand out. Although this lady gave in person and ran the risk of not being so anonymous, she meets the criteria because she was giving from the heart and refused to tell anyone who she was.

Interestingly enough, there was an excellent article at the TriValley Dispatch about Secret Santas and how their anonyomous gifts add to the mystery of the season. Giving should be about the joy of seeing someone’s face light up and not about the glory that comes with giving big gifts. Take some time this year and see if you can’t make someone’s burden a little bit lighter by being their Secret Santa. I promise that if you do, you’ll experience amazing bliss.

Friendly Bliss

The last few months have been difficult both personally and professionally. Things at work are tense and stressful as my company is undergoing an extraordinary restructuring that has seen us shrink from nine major facilities to five in less than a year. One of the facilities was one where I had spent fifteen months of my life installing a major computer system. I felt as if I was kicked in the stomach back in March when they announced they were closing the facility.

My department hasn’t been immune from the challenges both internal and external. My own outspokenness and refusal to do the wrong thing landed me in the dog house back in July and it’s only been with a little help from my friends that I survived. Some of these are the ones that called my nemesis a “butter face” because everything was attractive about her “but her” face. That made me laugh and made me realize I have staunch supporters.

There are the true leaders in our department who reached out a hand of friendship to me and made me realize I do have fans and supporters and that people other than me do see the insanity of what’s going on. They’re the ones who’ve commiserated with me and helped me find ways to realize that no matter what that I did the right thing. One of these folks, made it very clear that he wanted me to manage his project and made it very clear that he thought I was doing a great job. For that I will always be grateful because my self esteem and confidence had been shake and I needed someone to believe in me.

Then there is my new boss and my new management team who waged all out war to pull me out of a bad situation and into their department. They fought battles on several fronts to make this happen and they will never know exactly how grateful I am to them for helping me to escape what had become my own personal hell.

I’ve learned so many lessons from the last few months, but the most important one is that sometimes the hand of friendship comes from the most unexpected places and it always seems to come when you need it the most. So I guess I could say that I get blissed with a little help from my friends.

Tech Bliss

Technology gets a bad rap as you hear everyone talking about how we’re disconnected from our fellow human beings because we’re so wrapped up in technology. How we’re texting during conversations, how we’re talking on cell phones all the time, how we’ve become isolated by technology. However, what everyone fails to mention is that at the other end of those texts and phone calls is a real live human being that we’re connecting with. Personally, I feel more connected than ever because technology lets me share my experiences as I’ve having them, versus after the fact.
Caitlin is one of the biggest Beatles fans in the world and I was fortunate enough to be able to visit Abbey Road two years ago and due to technology, I was able to call her from Abbey Road and share the experience with her as it was happening. If I would have had a camera phone, I could have snapped a picture and sent it to her instantaneously. That is the power that technology has to connect people.
I connected with one of my oldest friends from outside of Koldinghus castle in Germany. It was incredibly cool to call her from the castle and tell her all about Denmark and share my experience with her. Because I usually end up traveling alone, it is wonderful to be able to share my experiences with people as I’m having them.

Technology also keeps me connected to my kids as they travel. Caitlin is in Washington D.C. this week and we’ve been getting text messages from her all week updating us on her trip. We’ve also texted her and when we ran into one of her friends at a restaurant we texted her and said, “Vlad says hi.” At first she didn’t believe that we’d actually run into him, but once I snapped a photo with my camera phone and sent it to her phone, she said to tell him hello.

Sometimes when you’re out and about you see something that makes you chuckle and you want to share it with someone. I was out the other night and came across a copy of the book, “Things Drunk People Say.” It made me think of an associate of mine who has a penchant for calling people drunk and saying stupid things. I was able to snap a cover of the book cover and send it to another friend with a note, “Does this remind you of anyone?” Maybe it was mean, maybe it was catty, but it was real and genuine and it let me and a friend share a virtual chuckle.
I agree that some of us are addicted to our Crackberries and spend way too much time checking our work email, but there is true bliss to be had in technology to connect with our loved ones and share what’s going on in our world with them.

Birthday Bliss

Birthdays are a big deal for me as I recognize other people’s birthdays as a chance to remember them and to show them I care and I recognize my birthday as an opportunity to reflect back on my life and to make plans for the coming year. It also makes me feel really good when people reach out and let me know they’re thinking of me.

Reflection

As I look back on the 43 years I’ve spent on this earth, I’m happy with who I am and the lessons I’ve learned. I was fortunate enough to find someone I love to share my life with and even though life isn’t perfect and we don’t always get along, we do love each other and genuinely want what is best for each other. At first glance, hubby’s gift to me this year was mundane and practical: he got me a headset for my phone. However, I know him well enough to know that he got it because he doesn’t want me to kill myself because of my bad habit of talking on my phone while driving. He’s realized he can’t stop me from driving and talking, but at least he can make me safer (and legal).

I’ve been blessed with two amazing children who are focused on their future and who want to become contributing members of society. My kids are smart and realize that education is the way to get ahead and they both are working hard at their studies. They’re also both really good people who help those around them. I’m also fortunate that I can afford to give them some of the benefits in life that other kids don’t get. We were able to send Sean to Georgetown University for summer school two years ago and we’re sending Cat to Washington, DC next week for a journalism conference. We can’t afford to give them everything they want, but it is nice to be able to afford some of the extras.

My life has also been blessed with some loving critters who have shared their love with me unconditionally. By now everyone who reads my blog knows about Luke, my beautiful Aussie / Collie Mix, but before Luke there were other dogs who brought me joy. Spotty was my first dog and this tiny fluff ball shared our lives until I was seven. Rags was a purse dog who brought much love into our lives as my mom brought her to school when she volunteered. Muttzy (whose photo is to the right) was a beautiful Collie mix. What I remember about Muttzy was her tremendous spirit. She was diagnosed with cancer and we took her to the University of Illinois for treatment. We had to leave her for a week and when we came back to get her, she was so happy that she barked with joy most of the trip home. Sadly she succumbed to cancer a few weeks later, but I will always remember her joy at being reunited with her family. We adopted Blake on Okinawa and brought him home to the states. He was John’s dog, but he loved us all. He was loving, patient and kind. We got Blake on Sean’s second birthday and Sean wasn’t quite sure what to make of this new creature. He’d been popping balloons with a fork and when he tried popping Blake with the fork, that sweet dog just got up and walked away. Sammy was our last dog before Luke and she was my smart, loving, little girl. She was truly devoted and everywhere that mom was, she had to go too. Sadly she died too soon of seizures and broke my heart.

My parents raised me to have a work ethic, to understand that a job well done is its own reward, and to have ethics in my dealings with other people. They also raised me to honor other people, to be honest, and to help people when I could. Those are lessons that are so ingrained in me that they have become second nature.

I have been truly blessed to have been able to travel the world and to visit some of the most amazing places on earth. I’ve been to ancient temples in China, visited the Tower of London, cruised the canals of Amsterdam, and spent time getting to know Bremen Germany. I also lived in Japan for three years. My experiences outside of the United States have helped me to become a better American as I’ve realized that not everyone sees the world the same way that we do and that understanding other people’s points of view can help you find common ground.

Throughout my life I have met some incredible people who have helped me learn and grow and become a better person. I’ve been fortunate enough to have truly good leaders who exemplified leadership and truly horrible leaders who helped me learn what not to do. I’ve also met people I consider true friends and who have become a part of my tribe. These are people who support each other an are there for each other through thick and thin.

My writing has never made much money, but it has brought joy into my life and has let me fulfill my passion for playing with words. Even without money, that is its own reward and I am fortunate that I’ve met people along the way who have supported my writing and encouraged me to share my view of the world with others.

Plans for the Next Year

My life isn’t perfect right now, but it is pretty good and I’m realizing that my attitude helps drive a lot of what I want/get in life. My primary goals for the coming year are:

Spend more meaningful time with my family–We spend a lot of time hanging out, but we don’t always connect as much as I would like.

Establish a habit of exercising four days a week–I need to lose weight, but every time I have established a goal of losing weight, I’ve failed. I’m going to spend this year concentrating on healthy habits.

Drink two bottles of water a day–I need to replace the soda with water.

Launch KudosPower.com–I want to establish a hub on the net to share knowledge with people to help individuals empower themselves.

Publish The Paperback Coach–I’m revamping the Portable Coach by taking it back to its original name and by updating it with knowledge I’ve gained over the past decade.

Publish Pink Slip 101–A proof copy of Pink Slip 101 is currently on its way to me and hopefully this one will be pretty easy to accomplish.

Publish The Pragmatic Project Manager—I have learned so much about what makes a good PM and what makes a bad PM that I want to share that knowledge with the world.

Publish Process Your Life–There are so many business tools that can be applied to personal life. I want to help people find these tools and utilize them to make their world better.

Write Finding My Bliss–I still haven’t figured out what form this story is going to take, whether it is going to be a novel, a screenplay, or just a collection of thoughts.

Get caught up on the bills–We are behind right now and we need to get caught up. I am seriously hoping we can start making money from writing, but if that doesn’t happen, I need to figure out how to spend less.

Good Thoughts

So many people reached out to me out of the blue with good thoughts on my birthday that I wanted to take a minute to say thanks and let them all know that they matter to me.

Mom–Thanks for giving me life and for calling to wish me a happy birthday.

John–Thanks for the beautiful card, the charger, and for being there for me for over 20 years.

Sean–Texts make good birthday greetings too 🙂

Cat–Thanks for standing outside and singing to me first thing in the morning.

Tony–Thanks for the call. I love you and you’re a great brother.

Jeff–Thanks for calling me on Thursday and getting my birthday started off right.

Bill–I’m not an “old girl,” but thanks for the birthday wishes.

Steve–Thanks..your greeting was unexpected and really sweet.

Vicki–I love you. Thanks for being my big sis.

Joyce–Facebook walls are great for keeping in touch. Thanks for being m big sis.

Love you all and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Blissful Friendships

I had lunch with an old friend from my prior company today and it was an awesome respite from the insanity that is sometimes my life. We worked together for four years and have been friends since the day he found me crying in the warehouse and comforted me, even though I was probably not making a lot of sense. Ever since whenever I’ve needed a shoulder to cry on over anything work related, PMPM (don’t ask, it is one of those really stupid nicknames that people end up with when they work together too long) was always there for me. In fact, our other friend always tells me I have to go find PMPM when he thinks I’m ready to turn on the water works.

The four years we worked together were incredibly intense. We first met when he was the project manager (PM) of a labeling project and I was a total novice who knew absolutely nothing about project management, requirements gathering, test scripts or any of the geeky stuff that’s now my life. He patiently coached me through writing my very first test script (my mom was so proud she framed it, just kidding) and read the many iterations of my requirements documents. We also snuck out to Starbucks (I mean went to an offsite meeting) at least once a week to dissect work, life, and dish on all the great gossip.
PMPM kept our team together when internal and external forces threatened to blow us apart. He kept his cool when dealing with a very uncool engineer who believed everyone in IT was his personal was monkey and when, in the time before I’d embraced my inner b*tch, our ABAPer called me one and I took offense. He managed to get us all calmed back down and sometimes we even sat around the campfire and sang kumbaya (okay, not really…but we did get drunk together if that counts).

I ended up working for PMPM again on my my very first SAP implementation and that’s when I figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up. I watched, observed, and learned from a master and now I can do it almost as well as he can. He saw me through some of the worst times in my professional life when my boss was demanding more than I could give and life on the home front wasn’t so rosy because I was traveling all the time. He was one of the people who told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to get some balance in my life.

More than my PM, PMPM has been my friend and wise counsel over the past six years. Although I’ll never profess to be as wise as he is, I’ve done my share of listening to his complaints ranging from our rogue team member in Germany to his struggles at his last gig, which were remarkably similar to my struggles. What was really cool about seeing PMPM today is that he looked happier than he’s looked in a long time. The last few times we’d met for lunch, he’d looked like a man under a tremendous burden and today he was happy. I told him I’d trade places with him and I’d take hanging out at home and working on home improvement projects and he could go back and deal with my insanity. For some reason, he didn’t think that was a great trade.

Even though we haven’t worked together for more than two years, he’s still able to make me smile and convince me that everything really will be all right. The bliss of old friends who understand you, understand your history, and can make everything better is priceless.

PS: I had two nicknames: PM Jr and DB (domineering b*tch)

Bliss Cat

Much to mine and my husband’s chagrin, our daughter decided to start calling herself Cat when she was in seventh grade. She introduced herself to all of her teachers as Cat, all her friends now know her as Cat, and her byline in the school paper is Cat. At the time we were incredibly embarrassed at the thought that all of her teachers thought we were weird parents who would name their kid Cat. In the ensuing years, we’ve realized that there are far more embarrassing things she could have done.

Although we didn’t think about it at the time, Cat is an apt name for our daughter as she has this magickal infinity with all creatures wild and domestic. We’ve always had some sort of animals in our lives. We had a dog and a cat when Cat was born and her grandmother let her and her brother adopt kittens when she was about six. Cat named her’s Barney after Barney the dinosaur and she always loved to go to Grandma’s to play with her kitten. Hermit crabs were next in Cat’s menagerie and it was with her beloved hermit crabs that she learned the hard lesson that the animals we love often die way too soon.
When we go to the zoo, every single animal comes over to the fence to gaze upon Cat. The most magickal was a river otter that Cat named turner at the Lincoln Park Zoo. As she walked around the outside of the enclosure, he followed her all the way around. That was the first time we realized that it wasn’t only domestic animals that flock to Cat, it was the wild ones too. It’s spooky when you go to a fish tank and the finned ones flock to the place Cat is standing.

 

Cat’s menagerie currently includes two birds, two hamsters, and a Guinea pig named Chester. After the birds, we’d absolutely forbidden Cat to bring any more critters into the house, but she convinced her brother that she absolutely needed a Guinea pig so he took her to buy one. Once we got a look at the sweet little creature, there was no way that we could make her take him back. Chester came into our lives the day after my father’s funeral and Caitlin named him Chester in memory of what was supposed to have been my father’s middle name.
For a teenager who lives in a typically cluttered room, Cat is a wonderful mother to her critters. She always make sure that they have food and water and even springs for the special lavender scented bedding for Chester once in a while. Chester returns her love by squeaking to be picked up and cuddled when she comes in the room and by bringing joy into her life. Cat always has to regale us with the latest stories of our “grandchildren” and we love seeing her nurture her animals.

Animals bring a special kind of bliss into your life as they’re always there for you and they will always love you unconditionally. I feel especially “blissed” to have a daughter like Cat who the critters always flock to.

Friendships and Bliss

“Man”ufacturing is the last bastion of masculinity, but strangely enough it’s been at a heavy equipment manufacturer that I’ve found some of the best female friends a girl could ask for. Maybe it’s because we’re banding together to create a girls’ club within the world of testosterone, or maybe it’s because the boys’ club attracts a certain kind of woman: down to earth, practical, funny, intelligent, and hardworking. In short, all the things I’ve always found in my best male friends.

I didn’t realize until I went out to dinner the other night with Ethel and Thursa how much fun it could really be to hang out with just the girls. When I first met Ethel about two years ago, I never thought we’d be friends because she’s one of those beautiful Southern girls who always looks perfect and never has a hair out of place. I soon learned that underneath that beautiful blonde hair was a streak of will and determination that matched my own. While I went to college right out of high school and had the luxury of going full time, Ethel went to college while she was working full time and raising a family. She’s also one of those people who doesn’t leave at 5 just because it’s quitting time, she stays till the job is done. Ethel knows I’ve been going through a hard time lately and she’s truly been there for me. She wrote me the most heartfelt email after my dad died sharing how she’d felt when someone close to her died and when she said I could cry on her shoulder anytime, I knew she meant it. Thanks to her friendship, I now have a beautiful silver four leaf clover necklace that reminds me every time I look at it how blessed I am to have Ethel in my life.

I met Thursa for the first time this week and I wasn’t sure what to expect because the first time I spoke to her on the phone I heard the sweetest Southern drawl and I found out from talking to the guys at work that she’d been at our company for 22 years. Thursa wasn’t what I was expecting; she was a dynamic and pragmatic woman who knows her job and who knows more than any of us what it’s like to work in the boys’ club. Listening to Thursa, I realized how truly lucky I was to get some of the opportunities I’ve gotten. I was so impressed by her humor and good nature that I felt like I’d met someone who could truly be a friend.

Dinner with Thursa and Ethel was an experience as we laughed, talked, and shared stories about traveling and life. Ethel and I had the all-you-could-eat crab legs and we both agreed that we were glad the boys weren’t around, because in the girls’ club, we could eat all we wanted without feeling like pigs.

Grace is one of the most beautiful women I know both inside and out and I feel blessed every time I get to spend time with her. She’s one of those women who is so pretty that if she wasn’t also genuine, sweet, and funny I’d hate her. I enjoy every minute I get to spend with her because she has a wonderful sense of humor and a “can do” attitude. Despite her hectic life (think full time job and two year old), Grace is one of those people who always sounds happy to hear from you no matter how busy she is. I called her today to finalize plans for a trip we’re going on tomorrow and despite being on vacation out of state, she called me back as soon as she saw she’d missed my call and we had a great conversation.

I have not and probably never will be the athletic type, so you’d think the last person I would enjoy spending time with would be someone who seems to be the epitome of sporty, but I always like hanging with Temperance. She’s one of those brainy and athletic types that always intimidated me, because while I might be able to compete in the classroom, I knew I could never compete on the playing field. But Temperance isn’t like the snotty and full of themselves athletes who strolled the halls of high school; she’s a caring and nurturing young woman who’s trying to balance the demands of work with her personal life. She’s also self aware enough to know that sometimes you have to take a step back to take a step forward. I’ve learned a lot from Temperance about making your personal life a priority and about staying true to yourself.

Natalie is a natural nurturer and when you’re around her, you always feel like no matter how big the crisis, she will find a way to make things all right. She’s one of those people that always finds the good in everyone and that makes her one of those people whose opinion matters to me. Someone whose respect I truly want. That’s not to say that Natalie is a goody two shoes without a sense of fun, because she definitely has a sense of humor (can anyone say hand sanitizer?). As a boss Natalie is one of the great ones who truly encourages and empowers her people and those who work for her should consider themselves fortunate.

Finding people you truly like and respect at work isn’t always easy and that’s why I consider myself truly fortunate, that I’ve found the girls’ club within the boys’ club.