Five of Wands – Cairn by Cairn

Shadow Work–Day 17

What is the main cause of my negative traits in relationships?

Dreamer Queen is back to tell me that one of the causes of my negative traits in relationships is that I live in my head and that I prefer books to people. Oddly enough I lead with my heart at work because I love what I do, in my personal life I very much lead with my head because my head is what keeps me safe. My heart made the bad decision to marry John so I have to pay for the rest of my life by living in my head. However, I have a choice and I can choose to take a more balanced approach and listen to both my heart and my head.

Warrior Five tells me that I put obstacles in my own way by continually coming up with excuses to not find love and to not let people in. I can always find something else to occupy my time or something else to do versus letting people in and spending time with people.

Oh the cards are talkative tonight. The last card I pulled is the Hermit and that is so true because I would rather stay in my comfort zone than get out and meet people. Oddly enough, this card rankles me sometimes because my ex used to say I was a hermit and it made me angry because he said it in such a derogatory manner. When we divorced, I embraced being a hermit because it meant that I could control who came into my life and I didn’t have to play by his rules anymore. However, I may have gone too far and built the walls too high.

Daily Draw: Five of Wands

First Impressions: Conflict

Book: Learning your own strengths and weaknesses, helping ourselves and others, old flaws are challenged

Guidance: Do your best for your own good and the good of others, shake things up and see what happens

Journaling

This card about competing with others to make everyone better. I’m not sure why I pulled this card today, but it gives me something to reflect on. I do know that I need to be my best self, but I’m not positive what that means. I guess it is something to reflect on.

July 7, 2018

I’ve always viewed competition one of two ways: Either I had to be so good that I was going to obliterate the other person or I was going to walk away and not compete. Maybe I need to change how I look at competition and look at it as a collaboration with people pushing the other person to be their best self.

Collaboration and working with others is something that is really difficult for me. I much prefer to do things my own way and I always feel like anyone that I work with is in competition with me. Maybe I need to think about this as others pushing me to be my best self. I don’t know if I will ever be that enlightened.

Five of Fire (Reversed)

Five of Fire
Gaian Tarot

First Impressions: This is a card of taking chances and of danger. Reversed, it may be about playing it safe.

Journaling:

I’m going to be really honest and say that when I pulled this card, I did not want to write about it because frankly I’m tired of writing about anger, disappointment, fear, and all these other painful emotions. I’m tired of sorting through that nastiness. I’m ready to move on and be happy. However, every time I think I’m ready to move on, the crap reaches up from where I think I’ve buried it. I’ve worked so hard to move on, but today was full of triggers from losing files that I needed to having to deal with other people’s emotional baggage.

December 29, 2017

The one thing that strikes me as I read this is that I have a choice to be triggered or not. I can choose to take on other people’s emotional baggage or I can choose to put on a teflon coat and not take on other people’s junk. That’s a choice I make. One of the best lessons I ever learned from Al-Anon is about not getting mired down in other people’s garbage. If someone is having a bad day, I can offer sympathy or support, but I don’t have to take on their junk. I’m not always wonderful at it, but I’m getting a lot better.

Five of Fire

Five of Fire
Gaian Tarot

Journaling:

Interesting that this was not technically the card of the day. I clicked on Draw a Card in the app instead of Today’s Card and this is what I got. This card is very apt though as I am playing with fire as I am letting all rhyme and reason go out of my head where a certain someone is concerned. I could let myself get totally consumed by his flame and that would not be a healthy place for me to be, but there is a part of me that doesn’t care.

May 8, 2016

I’m still not sure what the meaning of this card is. I originally thought it was about playing with fire and getting burned, but the fire breather controls the fire without getting burned. I think this requires some more prayer and meditation.

December 25, 2017

The five of fire can be an incredible high, but it can also be dangerous as the person breathing fire and /or the audience can get burned. I think the message for me is to be careful. I have the tendency to become obsessed and let myself be consumed by people and things. I’ve been working hard to learn to take a step back and I have to say I’ve been way better about it.