Five of Earth

Five of Earth
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: Demeter is so sad and desolate on this card. I feel the barrenness of the earth as if all of the life has been taken away. This is definitely a card of loss and the need to come in from the cold. There is a different kind of barrenness outside my window today as it is cold and snowy and the darkness is creeping over the world even though it is just 4 pm.

Book: Give no part of yourself to that which does not sustain you.

Guidance: Accept the fallow times as part of the cycle, release expectation

Journaling:

I love and needed to hear the messages of this card today. I am so impatient that I fail to see all the wonders around me. I get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of every day that I often forget that the best things in life take time. Demeter also reminds me of the importance of taking time to mourn and be still within myself.

December 13, 2017

Although it wasn’t the main plot line on NCIS NOLA last night, the interplay between Dwayne and his dad was meaningful to me. The idea of being free of a parent is so liberating. I think I have been trying so hard to be the “modern woman” that I’ve forgotten you can have love and a career. Interesting that this is all coming up around Demeter, who lost herself in grief for her daughter.

December 18, 2017

All I need to do is to be myself. I don’t need to make up for anything or to prove anything to anyone. I just need to be me.

December 27, 2017

The message that all I need to do is be myself is so powerful and it is a lesson that I desperately needed to hear. I get so caught up in trying to live up to other people’s expectations that I forget that I just need to live life for me. I think that is why I am so adamant that my blog is mine and mine alone. It is not meant to be a place of wisdom for other people, although I am always willing to freely share what I have learned.

Five of Earth

Five of Earth
Gaian Tarot

First Impressions: This card makes me think of being safe inside of a cocoon while the world blows around me. It makes me think of holding space and being in a peaceful place.

Book: You are dealing with stress at a severe level, most likely your work, home, or your finances.

Journaling:

It is interesting that I drew this card because I just journeyed structure. I was meditating and I was cocooned in a womblike structure. I felt safe and secure and people were holding space for me while I was in this dwelling. Someone was standing outside watching so I would be protected. I felt totally safe within this space.

I’m not really in a true crisis right now, but maybe my mind created a crisis so I could find this sanctuary. Life is good as I am employed and I’m making progress on my health, but I do need to feel safe and secure and I’m not sure of the best way to do that.

I have the skills to survive any crisis.

January 2, 2018

I know for some people this womblike structure would feel isolated or lonely, but for me it appears snug and secure and it is something I’m realizing I need in my own life. I need to create a safe space for myself and part of that is having a space to curl up and feel secure in. In some ways, my wood room is that space as the kids are pretty good about letting me have that space and not interrupting.

Five of Earth

First Impressions: I love this little shelter in the woods. It makes me feel protected, safe, and being at peace with myself. It makes me think of someone holding space for me.

Book: You are dealing with stress at a survival level, most likely your health or finances.

Guidance: Tuck into yourself and know that you are safe and protected. Know that there are people looking out for you even if it doesn’t seem like it.

Journaling

It is so interesting that I drew this card because I saw, journeyed to a similar structure when I was meditating and I was cocooned in a little womblike structure. I felt safe and secure and there were people holding space for me. While I was in this space, there was someone standing guard outside so I would not be interrupted. I was totally secure.

I’m not truly in a true crisis mode right now, but my mind has created a crisis. I am employed, I”m working on my health, but I do need to feel safe and secure and I’m not sure what the best way to do that is. I have the skills to survive most crises and I’ve gotten better about not creating crisis any more.

February 4, 2018

What I find so interesting in retrospect is that I pulled the five of earth, which is about pulling back my energy and being in survival mode immediately after I pulled the three of fire which is all about being out there and living out loud. It is almost as if the thought of living out loud scared me and I had to pull back in my hermit shell. It is also a good metaphor for where I’m at right now because my mind is coming up for all sorts of excuses as to why I don’t want to go to the tarot conference. My brain is telling me that I won’t like it, that everyone will be cliquish, etc.

I realize that I have gotten much worse about not wanting to go places since I’ve been divorced. I don’t think I truly realized how much John damaged my soul and made me afraid to meet and interact with people. He was so mean and horrible to me that now I am afraid to meet people. I’m terrified that people will treat me like he did. I need to let go of that because he is a horrible person and how he treated me was always more about him than it was about me.