Category: Five

Five of Earth

Five of Earth
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  Demeter is so sad and desolate on this card.  I feel the barrenness of the earth as if all of the life has been taken away.  This is definitely a card of loss and the need to come in from the cold.  There is a different kind of barrenness outside my window today as it is cold and snowy and the darkness is creeping over the world even though it is just 4 pm.

Book:  Give no part of yourself to that which does not sustain you.

Guidance:  Accept the fallow times as part of the cycle, release expectation

Journaling:

I love and needed to hear the messages of this card today.  I am so impatient that I fail to see all the wonders around me.  I get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of every day that I often forget that the best things in life take time.  Demeter also reminds me of the importance of taking time to mourn and be still within myself.

December 13, 2017

Although it wasn’t the main plot line on NCIS NOLA last night, the interplay between Dwayne and his dad was meaningful to me.  The idea of being free of a parent is so liberating.  I think I have been trying so hard to be the “modern woman” that I’ve forgotten you can have love and a career.  Interesting that this is all coming up around Demeter, who lost herself in grief for her daughter.

December 18, 2017

All I need to do is to be myself.  I don’t need to make up for anything or to prove anything to anyone.  I just need to be me.

December 27, 2017

The message that all I need to do is be myself is so powerful and it is a lesson that I desperately needed to hear.  I get so caught up in trying to live up to other people’s expectations that I forget that I just need to live life for me.  I think that is why I am so adamant that my blog is mine and mine alone.  It is not meant to be a place of wisdom for other people, although I am always willing to freely share what I have learned. 

Daily Draw: Five of Swords (R)

First Impressions: Burdens falling away

Book:  Ending a toxic situation, Contrition, walking away and accepting a minor defeat, work through your emotions

Guidance:  Feel your feelings of loss, bury the hatchet

Journaling

I’ve spent some time reflecting on this card and I’m still not sure how to read it.  One possible reading is that I am taking responsibility for where I am in life and that means doing the right thing and that I am facing things head on versus running from them.  The other potential reading that struck me is that I m ending a toxic situation and that’s true.  I’m choosing to move forward and live my life instead of waiting for what might never happen.

May 25, 2018

Interesting that I pulled this card shortly before my 50th birthday when the final ending of the toxic situation came about.  Although there is a small part of me that keeps thinking (wishing) that things would /could be different with the bitch, I know that that will never happen.  For one thing, I have accepted that she can never be the mother than anyone deserves.  I’ve also accepted that all the bullshit she spews is about her and not about me.  That’s so important for me to know, because I always tend to blame myself and assume that I did something wrong.  However, in this instance, I didn’t do anything wrong.  She was, and is, incapable of being a mother and incapable of taking responsibility for her actions.

This situation has been mirrored at work lately with someone who is incapable of taking ownership of anything.  I did my best and then some to help him, but he continued to be/act clueless.  At the end of the day, there is nothing I can do to help someone like that and he needs to own his actions.  That’s hard for me though because I am a compassionate person and because I don’t want to be blamed for things not going well.  I guess at the end of the day, I have to take the risk of things not going well because I cannot do it all.

Five of Fire (Reversed)

Five of Fire
Gaian Tarot

First Impressions:  This is a card of taking chances and of danger.  Reversed, it may be about playing it safe.

Journaling:

I’m going to be really honest and say that when I pulled this card, I did not want to write about it because frankly I’m tired of writing about anger, disappointment, fear, and all these other painful emotions.  I’m tired of sorting through that nastiness.  I’m ready to move on and be happy.  However, every time I think I’m ready to move on, the crap reaches up from where I think I’ve buried it.  I’ve worked so hard to move on, but today was full of triggers from losing files that I needed to having to deal with other people’s emotional baggage. 

December 29, 2017

The one thing that strikes me as I read this is that I have a choice to be triggered or not.  I can choose to take on other people’s emotional baggage or I can choose to put on a teflon coat and not take on other people’s junk.  That’s a choice I make.  One of the best lessons I ever learned from Al-Anon is about not getting mired down in other people’s garbage.  If someone is having a bad day, I can offer sympathy or support, but I don’t have to take on their junk.  I’m not always wonderful at it, but I’m getting a lot better.

Five of Earth

Five of Earth
Gaian Tarot

First Impressions:  This card makes me think of being safe inside of a cocoon while the world blows around me.  It makes me think of holding space and being in a peaceful place.

Book:  You are dealing with stress at a severe level, most likely your work, home, or your finances.

Journaling:

It is interesting that I drew this card because I just journeyed structure.  I was meditating and I was cocooned in a womblike structure.  I felt safe and secure and people were holding space for me while I was in this dwelling.  Someone was standing outside watching so I would be protected.  I felt totally safe within this space.

I’m not really in a true crisis right now, but maybe my mind created a crisis so I could find this sanctuary.  Life is good as I am employed and I’m making progress on my health, but I do need to feel safe and secure and I’m not sure of the best way to do that.

I have the skills to survive any crisis.

January 2, 2018

I know for some people this womblike structure would feel isolated or lonely, but for me it appears snug and secure and it is something I’m realizing I need in my own life.  I need to create a safe space for myself and part of that is having a space to curl up and feel secure in.  In some ways, my wood room is that space as the kids are pretty good about letting me have that space and not interrupting.



Five of Fire

Five of Fire
Gaian Tarot

Journaling:

Interesting that this was not technically the card of the day.  I clicked on Draw a Card in the app instead of Today’s Card and this is what I got.  This card is very apt though as I am playing with fire as I am letting all rhyme and reason go out of my head where a certain someone is concerned.  I could let myself get totally consumed by his flame and that would not be a healthy place for me to be, but there is a part of me that doesn’t care.

May 8, 2016

I’m still not sure what the meaning of this card is.  I originally thought it was about playing with fire and getting burned, but the fire breather controls the fire without getting burned.  I think this requires some more prayer and meditation.

December 25, 2017

The five of fire can be an incredible high, but it can also be dangerous as the person breathing fire and /or the audience can get burned.  I think the message for me is to be careful.  I have the tendency to become obsessed and let myself be consumed by people and things.  I’ve been working hard to learn to take a step back and I have to say I’ve been way better about it.