family – Page 4 – Cairn by Cairn

Singing Bliss

“There’s only one word for this, it’s bliss,” so goes the song by Alice Peacock and her’s is not the only song that can elicit that amazing feeling of bliss that comes from being surrounded by good music. I’ve been known to bebop down the aisles of my local grocery store when a song I loves come on. I used to restrain my joy at good music, but I’ve learned to embrace the music and let it flow through me.

Growing up, we listened to Elvis as my mom had been a fan of Elvis’ since when she was a girl and she passed that love on to me. I remember rushing home from school to watch Elvis on the after school movie. Although all of those movies were silly and always followed the same format, I loved watching them with my mom. My mom always told me that she loved Elvis because he reminded her of my dad and looking at the photos of my dad as a young man, I can see the resemblance. My husband always teased me about my love of Elvis until I told him that I loved Elvis because listening to his songs reminded me of the times I’d spent listening to Elvis and watching those silly movies with my mom.

A few years ago, I discovered Johnny Cash and burned a bunch of Elvis and Johnny Cash on my little Nokia phone. I loaned the phone to my mom and she told me that when my dad was dying in the hospital, she played that old time rock and roll for him. That gave those songs special meaning for me and I always feel blessed that those songs were on that phone and could give my dad a little bit of comfort in his last days.

Songs tell stories and elicit emotions like words alone can’t do. Growing up, I remember listening to the song Teddy Bear by Ray Sovine, my eyes always welled up in tears as the kindness the truckers showed Teddy Bear. It reminded me that there is good in this world and that people do care about one another. God Bless the USA by Lee Greenwood is another song that always has tears streaming down my face as I listen and remember that there are good people in this world and that we are truly blessed to live in this country.

I’m not a fan of the rap my kids listen to, but some of today’s music is magickal and tells real stories. Natasha Bedingfield’s song Unwritten is another song that sends chills up my spine and reminds me that my life isn’t over and I still have choices in this world. I have to confess that Gretchen Wilson’s Red Neck Woman could be my anthem. I love that song as it empowers me to embrace my earthy and trashy side that loves playing in the mud and saying “He** yes.”

The amazing power of music is evident in the video below that was shot in a Belgium train station. Although this was set up as a publicity stunt and a lot of the dancers were professionals, it is amazing to me to watch the people in the audience get into it and start singing along. Quite a few people drop what they’re doing and jump in for the sheer joy experiencing the music. It is blissful to watch them drop their cares and worries about “what people will think” and sing and dance for the sheer joy of singing and dancing.

That’s when singing becomes true bliss when you’re not worried about how awful your voice is, how weird people will think you are for singing and dancing along, and you’re just immersed in the music and feeling the sheer bliss of song.

Painful Bliss

Someone posted two very painful comments on my blog today that were personal attacks generated by something someone close to me had posted on a public message board. One of the comments was that I should kill myself and then the world should have bliss. My initial reaction was to curl up and cry both because someone would make such a painful and fairly random attack and because someone I loved had put personal information that could be used to hurt me on a public forum. My loved one’s intent was not to hurt my feelings and I’m sure that he had no clue that the comment would get back to me, but it is still very painful.

I have to admit that I started questioning myself after reading these comments because there was just enough truth in them to make me feel bad about myself. I started questioning my motives, my self worth, and everything about myself. I started feeling distinctly unlovable and as if there was no one in the world that cared about me.

That got old really quick and I realized that I had a choice at this moment in time: I could choose to let what some random person who didn’t know me impact me and shake me to my very core or I could choose to shake it off and feel compassion for someone with such obviously low self esteem. I realized that the person I was dealing with was obviously a troll who got some kind of pleasure out of attacking someone he/she doesn’t even know via the Internet. What kind of sick and twisted upbringing did this person have that they believe it is acceptable to randomly attack others? How much self loathing does this person have that the only way for him/her to feel good about themselves is to attack other people?

I choose to take my lesson from the gentleman in the concentration camp who in the midst of such horror and pain chose to thank god for not making him like the concentration camp guards who enjoyed inflicting pain on other people. I give thanks and count my blissings that I am a compassionate and loving person who believes in working towards betting the world instead of attacking other people. It is really hard to show compassion in the face of such an attack, but I have a choice and I choose to show compassion both toward the person who posted the attack and on the person who posted personal information online.

However, despite my compassionate bliss, I am not above posting a picture of the nasty little person who did this and I will not open up myself to such public attacks again and have chosen to turn on comment moderation so I will be reviewing all comments before they are posted.

Blissful Acceptance

Luke, my beautiful Aussie / Collie Mix, came to us from a shelter when he was three and he had a lot of ingrained bad habits: barking insanely at anyone who comes to the door, not being able to walk on a leash, having accidents when we take him to PetSmart, and biting other dogs. Not a list of all the things you’d look for when you went to adopt a dog. However, he’s also one of the smartest and most loving dogs that I know and cuddling with him is pure bliss.

We’ve taken him to doggy obedience school, but he got so nervous every time he went that he would have an accident and then look ashamed of himself. We take him for walks and he pulls at the leash because he’s so excited. For the longest time, I thought that with enough exercise and practice, he’d get better and sometimes he does a really good job on the leash and other times he’s right back to ripping my arm out of the socket. Unfortunately for Luke and us, we spent a lot of time comparing him to dogs that walked beautifully on leashes because their parents had started working with them when they were puppies.

I finally realized that it wasn’t fair to compare Luke’s behavior that that of a dog that started walking on a leash when he was a baby. Could we make up for the lost time? Maybe, but the price would be a whole lot of frustration on our part and Luke’s. That’s when I realized that I had to accept Luke for who he was: a beautiful, furry companion who loves us with all his heart. That’s who Luke is and at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter to me if he can walk on a leash or not. We have a big back yard and we take him out to play and do psycho puppy several times a day so he’s not suffering by not being able to take walks.

The next realization was that my whole family was worthy of the same compassion and acceptance that I show Luke. I need to accept that cleaning the house is not a priority for a daughter, but that she brings a lot of joy to my life through her singing, her stories, and just being Caitlin. Sean can be grumpy and messy, but he’s always willing to help me move the heavy stuff and he’s great to talk politics with. John will never be as driven as I am, but that’s okay, he’s always been there for me and he’s been my moving buddy through more moves than we can count.

Accepting myself is a little harder to do as I regularlly flagallate myself for not being pretty enough, for being too fat, for being a slob, for anything and everything. However, beating myself hasn’t helped me really change my life. All it’s done is make me feel unhappy and guilty. I still want to make changes, but I need to accept with all my heart who I am right now. I need to take the good with the bad and be happy with who I am.

It is amazing how many blissful lessons I learn from someone who can’t talk at all, but who manages to be very articulate with his eyes, his ears, and his love.

Chow Street Bliss

Street food isn’t gourmet and there are no food critics eagerly awaiting a table, but street food is hearty, delicious, and unique. Every culture and every city seems to have booths or carts selling street food. You can buy hot dogs in Chicago and New York, satay in Shanghai, and tamales in Mexico City.

The Maxwell Street Flea Market in Chicago is home to some of the best Mexican food you can get. The aromas of steak tacos, quesadillas, and grilling corn filled the air as the kids and I meandered through the flea market today. Finally, we could resist no longer and we headed over to the booth with the longest line (because we figured it probably had the best food) and ordered steak tacos (me), a cheese quesadilla (Cat), and a steak quesadilla (Sean). We waited for what seemed forever as we smelled the heavenly aromas and watched the steak grilling.

Finally, our number was called and we grabbed our food and headed over to the parking lot to sit against the fence and chow down. The tacos were pure heaven and rivaled the tacos I’d enjoyed in the “Little Red Truck.” In Mexico, the meat was perfectly seasoned and the tortillas had been cooked from scratch at the booth. I washed my tacos down with a Coke in a glass bottle and I thought I was full until I found the booth selling corn on the cob. I couldn’t resist and the corn tasted amazingly good, despite the butter dripping down my chin.

Walking down the street eating amazingly good food, I was reminded of my trip to Suzhou, China and the satay that we’d eaten walking down the street. It was January and there were street vendors standing around the Temple of Mystery grilling yummy smelling meat over an open flame. Although we were a little worried about what the meat would actually be, we decided we’d live on the wild side and we stepped up to the booth. Luckily the vendor spoke a little bit of English so we were able to order chicken and beef satays. Despite our trepidation, the satays were warm, spicy, and wonderful and we were glad we’d taken the risk and tried them.

I’m sure there are people who never eat street food as they’re worried about sanitizing everything, sickness, etc., etc. etc. To the naysayers I’d say, that there’s a risk with everything you do and if you walk past the street vendors to the nearest five star restaurant, you could be missing out on some of the best and most blissful eating around.

Flea Bliss

Sean, Caitlin, and I went to the Maxwell Street Flea market today and spent an enjoyable few hours wandering around the booths full of trinkets, treasures, and even a few useful things. There were stalls selling school supplies, beauty supplies, and more than a few booths selling socks. As we walked through the cross section crush of humanity, we saw every ethnic race living in Chicago represented. Shops were selling Shea butter from Africa, trinkets from China, vegetables from south of the border, and people selling junk that could have come right from their garage. As we were walking through the press of people, I heard one man say, “One man’s trash is another’s cash.” And down on Maxwell Street it is true.

Visiting the Maxwell Street flea market, I was taken back to a Sunday long ago when my dad had taken my brother and I to the original Maxwell Street Flea market when we were kids and being lily white suburban kids, the neighborhood was almost as much of an experience as the market itself. Sadly, the original Maxwell Street market was closed and taken over for the University of Illinois Chicago, where my son now goes to school. Funny, how the world comes full circle.

I love flea markets as there is always the thrill of the hunt and wondering what treasure you’re going to find to take home. Flea Markets are earthy and original as you see real people selling real stuff, some of it good, some of it bad, but all of it interesting. As we wanted through the booths, my daughter found some “Adidas” sneakers and she was crowing about how they were a great deal for only $10. I tried to gently tell her that they were counterfeits, but she didn’t quite believe me.

Flea Markets are not only a North American affair, one of my favorite flea markets is the Amsterdam Flea market where I spent a memorable Saturday afternoon wandering around and looking at the treasures for sale. I picked up a few Van Gough prints and some interesting art by local artists, but what I remember the most is the feeling that the world really isn’t such a big place as I watched the locals sort through the merchandise much as the locals in Chicago sort through the merchandise at the Maxwell Street Flea market.

Street markets harken back to an earlier day when merchants came into town on the weekends to sell their wares. Now we have access to anything we want any day of the week and there are few surprises in store when we go to Wal Mart as we know what the shelves will hold, but there is something blissful about wandering the aisles of a flea market and wondering just what treasures you’ll happen across.

Zoo Bliss

Some of my earliest memories are trips to the zoo with my dad. We’d go to visit my grandmother in Poplar Bluff, MO two or three times a year and we would always stop at the St. Louis zoo on the way south. We’d spend a couple of hours walking around watching the bears, seeing the lions, and connecting with one another. Most times we’d spring for a trip around the zoo on the little train and we’d enjoy seen backstage at the zoo.

When I got a little older, we got into the habit of going to the zoo on New Year’s Day and spending the day walking around and enjoying the animals. Some years it was almost spring like and the weather would be warm and other years it was a subzero freeze out, but regardless of the weather we always enjoyed seeing the critters and spending time together.

Zoos continued to play an important part in my life even as I grew older and my first official date with my soon to be husband was when I kidnapped him and took him to the zoo. We drove from Jacksonville, IL down to St. Louis and spent the day wandering around the zoo and watching the animals. One of my favorite parts, as it always is, was checking out the aviary at the zoo that was built for for the 1904 World’s Fair. We wandered through the paths that I’d walked as a child and I found myself falling in love.

Marriage and kids soon followed and zoos continued to be a part of my life. My parents took Sean and Caitlin to the Madison Zoo and they got to explore the same wonderful small zoo that I’d explored as a child. Before my parents moved from Chicagoland to western IL, we also spent a few New Year’s wandering around the zoos with the kids. The same magick was there only now I was enjoying the zoo with both my parents and my kids.

Living in the Chicago Burbs, we’ve only visited the St. Louis Zoo a few times, but I remember one memorable trip when Sean, Caitlin, and I went to St. Louis and Caitlin and I went to the zoo in what seemed like a raging typhoon. The rain was coming down harder than I could ever remember it and we were walking around the zoo trying to see the animals. We ended up lost in the River’s Edge exhibit getting soaked to the skin. Although we didn’t see many animals that day, but we enjoyed some shared camaraderie and had a great story to tell when we got home.

The last few years, we’ve headed downtown sometime in December to enjoy the Zoo Lights program at Lincoln Park Zoo. There is something magickal about being at the zoo after dark and wandering around and listening to the carols and watching the critters cavort in the snow. Our sojourn to Zoo Lights is our modern day solstice celebration as we celebrate the shortest day of the year and give thanks that the days will soon be getting longer.

The kids and I headed to Lincoln Park Zoo today and enjoyed a beautiful day wandering around enjoying the sites and sounds and watching other families enjoy the zoo. Caitlin, my little wanna be zoologist,

enchanted all the animals and watched enthralled as the pumas and birds of prey put on a show that seemed to be just for her. It was also wonderful to see all the other families introducing their young children to the zoo.

I felt total bliss sitting at the zoo today and knowing that somewhere out there, my dad was smiling because the love of zoos, families, and animals was being passed on to one more generation.

Butterfly Bliss-Volume 3

For those of you who haven’t read about my butterfly challenge, I’m following the lead of one of the bloggers I greatly admire, Charley Forness at Scribe for the Tribe, and trying to make small changes every week in the hopes that the small changes will add up to bigger changes in my life. The original challenge article is here. This weekly check in will include a report on last week’s progress and on my goals for next week.

Goal–Lose 30 lbs by 12/31/2009

Progress

Walk at least 20 minutes three times a week— I only walked twice this week. Once I get home from work, I just want to putz around the house and not do anything. I need to figure out a way to get more motivated on this one.
Drink three bottles (aluminum ones) of water a day–I didn’t do such a good job on this one. Two days I managed to drink two bottles of water and two days I managed one bottle.

Butterflies for this week (Based on my progress from last week, I’ll keep the same goals)

Walk at least 20 minutes three times a week—I think I need to work on this as it isn’t habit yet.
Drink two bottles of water a day—I need to be realistic about this and acknowledge that I’m struggling. Hopefully, I can start drinking two bottles and then work up to three.

Goal–Have Sean’s tuition and the taxes paid by 12/31/2009

Progress

Cook dinner at home six nights a week to save money.–We did a good job on this and we’ve worked on cutting the costs of the food that we eat as well. I’m also trying to work through the food in the freezer.
Pack my lunch four days a week–I didn’t pack lunch at all this week, but I did come home and eat one day. I ate out two days and skipped lunch one day. Definitely need to keep this as it is not a habit yet.
Not buy any magazines–I did buy a Woman’s World magazine, but resisted the urge to buy several more.

Butterflies for the week

Cook dinner at home six nights a week to save money. I still need to work on this as it is not ingrained yet.
Pack my lunch four days a week—This one needs to stay on the list as it is not a habit yet.
Not buy any magazines—I’m going to keep this one until I can eliminate buying the Woman’s World.

Goal–Build my online presence

Progress

Post five book reviews at Amazon—I didn’t get any book reviews posted as I spent my time working on articles for KUDOS Power. I also wrote an article for More magazine that I’m waiting to see if they post online.
Comment on at least 10 blog entries around the blogosphere—This was pretty easy as I read a lot of good blog entries this week. I’m going to eliminate this one as a butterfly as it is ingrained.
Get listed on three more blog sites–No progress on this one.

Butterflies for the Week

Post five book reviews at Amazon
Get listed on three more blog sites
Write two more articles for online sites

Goal–Build KUDOS Power

Progress

Write five articles—I wrote four articles for KPI and two articles for KPO this week. Good progress on this one.
Find five sites to post articles on–I found a list of sites where you can post articles for free. I also found that I can post articles on More magazine and several paper magazine sites. This is definately something I will explore.
Reorganize the site for both individuals and organizations–Site has been completely redesigned.
Rewrite The Portable Coach–Did not do this one. Am going to postpone it until next week as I will spend time this week working on articles.

Butterflies for the Week

Write three articles for KPI
Write three articles for KPO
Write an article for More
Write an article for Divine Caroline
Rewrite The Portable Coach

Goal–Build better relationships with my family

Progress

One dinner or activity with John this week—I didn’t make it out with John this week
One dinner or activity with Cat this week—Did not get time to spend with Cat this week as she had layout for pacer every night this week.
One dinner or activity with Sean–Sean and I went to the Holocaust museum this week.

Butterflies for the week

One dinner or activity with John this week
One dinner or activity with Cat this week
One Dinner or activity with Sean

Wish me luck this week. I’ll check back in next Sunday.

Elk Bliss

Despite living in Cook County, one of the most urban areas in the country, we are blissed to have a number of forest preserves within ten minutes of our house. The Cook County Forest preserve owns and maintains over 21,000 acres, including Brookfield Zoo and the Chicago Botanic Garden. To me it is amazing and a testament to some forward thinking folks who over a 100 years ago realized there would be a need to set aside acerage to give city dwellers and suburbanites the opportunity to quickly escape into the serenity of nature.

One of our favorites is the Elk Pasture in Elk Grove Village. Here, within 10 miles of O’Hare Airport, a herd of Elk graze in a fenced enclosure. There is something mistical about seeing these beautiful creatures almost free and wild. There enclosure is huge and surrounding it on one side are Busse woods. The trail that goes around the enclosure, takes you through grassy knolls and old forests. Within the woods, you can hear birds chirping and frogs croaking. Except fo the occasional plane flying overhead, you can almost imagine you’re truly in the wild.

Cat and I intended to head to the Chicago Botanic Garden tonight, but by the time we got done with work, tanning, and all the rest of our evening engagements, it was too late to get there and hav etime to do it justice. Instead we decided to head to the Friendship Conservatory in Mt. Prospect. This beautiful little conservatory has beautiful gardens, a greenhouse, and a pond. Although the greenhouse was closed by the time we got there, we spent some enjoyable time walking around and enjoying the beautiful flowers and the frogs in the pond.

We headed to the Elk Pasture after the conservatory and spent some time walking and destressing. A lot of folks were out enjoying the evening and work seemed very far away as we were walking along the trail and enjoying the woods. I called my mom as we were out on the path to tell her I was thinking of Daddy, who’d always enjoyed driving out in the woods near his home to look for deer. Talking to my mom, thinking of my dad, and walking with Caitlin, gave me a truly blissful feeling of being connected to people who matter.

Sky Blue Balance

I first read about the color sky blue pink in a Reader’s Digest article where the writer had talked about her grandmother’s description of sunset as sky blue pink. That was one of those wonderfully wordy descriptions that has stuck with me and every time I look up at the sunset, I think about how beautifully sky blue pink the sky is.

Sunset and sunrise book end the day between wonderful displays of nature’s glory. Sunrise always seems to be alive with possibilities as the first rays of sun peep over the horizon and spread their light across a world just waking from slumber. The sensation of watching the world go from darkness, to the rosy haze of dawn, to daylight is like watching a miracle happen. It’s a reminder that the sun has come up and given us the promise of another day.

It’s been raining a lot in Chicago the last few weeks and the other day my alarm went off and I almost turned it off thinking it was a mistake because the sky was still dark and gray. I pulled myself out of bed and, looking at the clock, realized that despite the darkness, it really was time to get up. Looking out the window, I saw that this was one of those days where there’d be no defined sunrise, just a lightening in the gray.

If sunrise is the promise of another day, sunset is a gift that comes at the end of the day and reminds us that despite whatever we’ve gone through during the day, there is still beauty and wonder in the world. Many would say that tall buildings detract from the beauty of nature, but I think tall buildings enhance the beauty of sunsets. I was driving back to work to pick something up the other day around 6 pm and the sun was starting to set. Its reflection in the glass magnified the rosiness of the sunset and created magnificent shadows. As I watched that beautiful sunset, I felt as if all the cares in the world were melting from my shoulders.

Sunset and sunrise provide balance in life as they draw the boundaries between light and dark and in the olden days they mirrored the boundaries of people’s lives. In the days before electric light, daylight was the time to hunt and gather and night time was the time to sit around the fire and socialize and share time with those you loved. The days were not equal throughout the year with the long days of summer being the time to work ahead and fill the larder with the food you’d need throughout the long winter. I’m trying to use sunrise and sunset to create balance in my own life and to leave my employer’s work at work at the end of the day and to fill the night with activities that bring me joy. It isn’t always easy, but I’m trying to lead a more balanced life.

Butterfly Bliss–Volume 2

For those of you who haven’t read about my butterfly challenge, I’m following the lead of one of the bloggers I greatly admire, Charley Forness at Scribe for the Tribe, and trying to make small changes every week in the hopes that the small changes will add up to bigger changes in my life. Last week’s article is here. This weekly checki n will include a report on last week’s progress and on my goals for next week.

Goal–Lose 30 lbs by 12/31/2009

Progress

Walk at least 20 minutes three times a week— I did a good job of this one as Cat and I took one walk around the neighborhood this week, we walked around the Forest Preserve, and we went to the zoo today and walked quite a bit.
Drink three bottles (aluminum ones) of water a day–I didn’t do such a good job on this one. Three days I managed to drink two bottles of water, but there is still a lot of room for progress on this one.

Butterflies for this week

Walk at least 20 minutes three times a week—I think I need to work on this as it isn’t habit yet.
Drink two bottles of water a day—I need to be realistic about this and acknowledge that I’m struggling. Hopefully, I can start drinking two bottles and then work up to three.

Goal–Have Sean’s tuition and the taxes paid by 12/31/2009

Progress

Cook dinner at home six nights a week to save money.–I did a great job at this one. We actually ate at home five nights this week (for us that is excellent) and when we did eat out were mindful about it and did not just go for junk food.
Update the budget in my online budget tracker.–I did update my budget for the week and know what I spent and what I’ll spend next week.
Cut my driving to use only one tank of gas a week–This one was actually the easiest of all my goals. I just filled up this morning, which meant that my last tank of gas lasted a little over a week.

Butterflies for the week

Cook dinner at home six nights a week to save money. This is really saving us money as I was spending over $100 a week on fast food. This is definitely one I need to keep.
Pack my lunch four days a week—I usually skip lunch, but that leads to me drinking more coke, which is also a waste of money.
Not buy any magazines—I usually buy two or three magazines a week, which is from five to six dollars wasted with information I could find online.

Goal–Build my online presence

Progress

Post five book reviews at Amazon—I actually posted four reviews, so I did make progress on this one.
Comment on at least 10 blog entries around the blogosphere—This was pretty easy as I read a lot of good blog entries this week.

Butterflies for the Week

Post five book reviews at Amazon
Comment on at least 10 blog entries around the blogosphere
Get listed on three more blog stes

Goal–Build KUDOS Power

Progress

Post three articles on KUDOS Power—I actually made two decisions that impacted this item. I decided that I would split my KUDOS Power entries into two blogs, one for individuals and one for organizations. There will be some cross over and I will post some entries on both blogs, but based on some guidance from the ProBlogger book, I decided this would give me the best possibility to grow my business. I also made the decision, that I was going to focus on writing articles and not posting them for a few weeks so that I have articles I can set to post on particular dates. This was a lesson I learned from this blog as I found when life got busy, I didn’t write so there were no new postings. Now I write blog entries ahead of time so that on days when I don’t have time to write, there is still new content.
Post three articles at free article sites with links back to KUDOS Power—Not done, because I don’t want to post articles on other sites until I formally launch KP.

Butterflies for the Week

Write five articles
Find five sites to post articles on
Reorganize the site in line with the above
Rewrite The Portable Coach

Goal–Build better relationships with my family

Progress

One dinner or activity with John this week—I didn’t make it out with John this week
One dinner or activity with Cat this week—Cat and I went to the forest preserve and the conservatory and went to the zoo with Sean this week.

Butterflies for the week

One dinner or activity with John this week
One dinner or activity with Cat this week
One Dinner or activity with Sean

Wish me luck this week. I’ll check back in next Sunday.