Category: Fairie Tarot

Daily Draw: Page of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Excitement for new projects

Book:  Wanting to make a difference, pragmatic, results oriented, excited about learning

Guidance:  Stay focused

Journaling

This was a great card to receive today as I needed the reminder that I do have what it takes to achieve what I want.  I just need to stay focused and do the work.  It’s harder to apply the skills I use in the work world to love, but I’m getting there.

I do know that I need to spend the next year focused on my body.

May 27, 2018

I haven’t done such a good job focusing on my body and I really do need to take a step back and figure out what my poor neglected body needs to do to thrive.  A lot of it has to do with taking the time to eat healthy food and to let go of my addiction to sugar.  I’m realizing that the sugar addiction is the same as the alcohol addiction when I was younger.  I crave soda and I have rituals around it.  I need to go back to the first step and admit that I am powerless over sugar and that my life around it has become uncontrollable.  I need to focus on finding healthy solutions, eating more fruit, and really letting go of my addiction to the hard stuff (i.e. sugar).  This is day two without soda and I’m not feeling too badly.  I also bought some caffeine patches which I hope will help me.

Daily Draw: Knight of Cups (R)

First Impressions:  Closed off emotionally

Book:  Dashed romantic hopes, halting a courtship, looking at things objectively, negative reaction to increased demands of the world

Guidance:  Don’t let your dreams delude you, maintain your emotional balance, avoid extremes

May 27, 2018

I didn’t journal about this card, but this was right before my 50th birthday and I was feeling closed off and as if nothing I did mattered.  One of the things that I have realized over the last few years is the need to be emotionally open and to let people in.  That is really hard for me as I am not good about making friends and I don’t let people in easily. Maybe the lesson for me right now is that it is okay that I don’t let people in and that I need to stop beating myself up and trying so hard.  It’s okay that I’m not as open as other people.  Everything about me is okay and I am okay.

I just need to let my life unfold and to do the best I can.  If I continue to work hard on who I am and I am kind to myself, life will flow better.  The problem is that my shame becomes a vicious circle as I feel shame so I don’t feel like reaching out to others, then I feel closed off, then I feel shame.  I think the first step in this process might not be to let people in.  Maybe the first step in the process is to be kind to myself.

Daily Draw: Heirophant (R)

First Impressions:  Going my own way, living on my terms

Book:  Rebelling, eccentricity, originality of ideas, taking the unconventional path through life

Guidance:  Follow your own path, don’t go along with the crowd

Journaling

I could read the significance of this card in several ways.  I’m choosing to view it as being about my need to be my own person and not follow all the arbitrary rules of life.  Another potential reading is about walking away from X as he is a very traditional person and for a while I kept getting this card when asking about him.

May 25, 2018

I’m realizing that a lot of the guidance I got at this time in my life was so meaningful as it came right before my 50th birthday and the cards were really encouraging me to be my own person and to live my own life.  This is another card that is all about being your own person and not following the same path that everyone else has followed.  This has always been hard for me, because I like to be liked and sometimes I will live according to other people’s rules until I can’t take it any longer and lash out.  That always surprises everyone because they assumed that I was fine with the way things are going.

One of my goals for this year is to live a more authentic life and to be more true to myself and stop living according t everyone else’s rules.

Daily Draw: Five of Swords (R)

First Impressions: Burdens falling away

Book:  Ending a toxic situation, Contrition, walking away and accepting a minor defeat, work through your emotions

Guidance:  Feel your feelings of loss, bury the hatchet

Journaling

I’ve spent some time reflecting on this card and I’m still not sure how to read it.  One possible reading is that I am taking responsibility for where I am in life and that means doing the right thing and that I am facing things head on versus running from them.  The other potential reading that struck me is that I m ending a toxic situation and that’s true.  I’m choosing to move forward and live my life instead of waiting for what might never happen.

May 25, 2018

Interesting that I pulled this card shortly before my 50th birthday when the final ending of the toxic situation came about.  Although there is a small part of me that keeps thinking (wishing) that things would /could be different with the bitch, I know that that will never happen.  For one thing, I have accepted that she can never be the mother than anyone deserves.  I’ve also accepted that all the bullshit she spews is about her and not about me.  That’s so important for me to know, because I always tend to blame myself and assume that I did something wrong.  However, in this instance, I didn’t do anything wrong.  She was, and is, incapable of being a mother and incapable of taking responsibility for her actions.

This situation has been mirrored at work lately with someone who is incapable of taking ownership of anything.  I did my best and then some to help him, but he continued to be/act clueless.  At the end of the day, there is nothing I can do to help someone like that and he needs to own his actions.  That’s hard for me though because I am a compassionate person and because I don’t want to be blamed for things not going well.  I guess at the end of the day, I have to take the risk of things not going well because I cannot do it all.

Daily Draw: King of Swords

First Impressions:  Mastery of one’s thoughts

Book:  Compromise, Fairness, Consider other points of view

Guidance:  Be fair and objective, listen to others, be intellectually honest

May 25, 2018

Interesting, I did not journal when I pulled this card originally.  I’m sure it is because I was super busy and caught up in work.  I love this card.  Most people would take it as a reminder to listen to other people’s points of view, but I consider it a reminder to value my own point of view.  My upbringing by the Bitch taught me to value other people over myself so it is second nature for me to discount my own beliefs to appease others.  However, recently I have begun valuing my own point of view and truly listening to and asserting myself.

That is really uncomfortable for me because it feels like I am sticking myself out there and setting myself up to be stomped on, but it is important that I assert myself and make my thoughts and feelings known.  It was uncomfortable this week at work as I had to assert myself regarding the demo we were doing and sometimes it felt as if I was a broken record, but in the end I got support and we ended up including OCM and it was great as they guys wove it into their presentation seamlessly.

Asserting myself and standing up for myself feels uncomfortable and there are times when I feel as if I have two speeds:  Door Mat and Freight train, but that is because in the past, I did not do a good job of asserting myself until I got really pissed off and then it seemed as if it was the first time I had said something, when in reality no one had chosen to listen to me before.

John was wrong in calling me a freight train because he chose not to take responsibility for our lives or anything that was happening so because I was willing to assert myself and take responsibility, I was a freight train.  The reality of the matter is that if he had chosen to be an equal partner in our marriage, we would have not had all the problems that we had.  Instead, he chose to be passive and as a result, I was viewed as domineering.

It is so valuable to look back on my marriage through the lens of time and see that all the horror and pain he put me through were not really about me at all, but were about his own self esteem issues and his own inadequacies.

Daily Draw: Knight of Wands

First Impressions:  Fire, Passion

Book:  Passion is the cause, meeting challenges head on, erratic, difficulty completing things, likes to stir conflict

Guidance:  Learn to temper appetites with restraint, balance, passion with restraint, adopt a wait and see attitude

Journaling

All the cards so far this week have been about letting go of my need to control.  I’m very much being told to adopt a wait and see attitude.  At this point I don’t know what I’m up against.  I feel as if I don’t know which way to turn.

I know what I want:  to live in my house, make the same salary, and to have love.  What I don’t know is how to get there.

May 24, 2018

Part of how to get there is to actually take action and I’ve been sitting here bitching and moaning about not being able to go places and not being able to connect.  Well I’ve taken some very concrete actions in that direction lately.  I’ve signed up to volunteer at a couple of places and I will follow up to see about actually making that happen.  And I’ve bought a car so that I can actually go places without having to share with the kids.

As to the actions to take on Love, I’m not actually sure what those actions are, but I will figure it out.

Daily Draw: Hermit (R)

First Impressions:  Reserved, be outgoing, seek advice

Book:  Not heeding wise counsel, need for more spiritual development, greater introspection, petulant to elders

Guidance:  Get out of yourself, don’t over analyze

Journaling

For me, the hermit reversed is about the need to be around people and engage in life instead of retreating.  One of the reasons work bothers me so much is it is difficult for me to make friends and have a social life  I’m realizing that I need friends in my life and people who love me.  The problem is that I don’t know how to get form here to there.  Maybe it is not up to me to find the solution.  Maybe the path truly is to let go and maybe it will all work out.

May 12, 2018

I still don’t have friends.  But I’ve signed up to volunteer at a couple of places so maybe I will meet people.  I’m realizing that the problem is not only my crazy work schedule, but also the fact that I need downtime after being around people all the time.  It is very taxing for me to have to be on all the time.

Dearest ones,
Please help me find a solution

Daily Draw: Magician (R)

Initial Impressions:  Out of my control, powerless

Book:  Ineffective communication, hidden motives, inability to manifest desires, lack of ideas and willpower, defeated, focus on self

Guidance:  Accept the limitations of your power

Journaling

This card is so appropriate as I have been feeling so powerless lately  I feel as if my life is not my own and as if I will never have the rich, full life I want.  It seems as if I am trapped working at a job I really don’t like to pay the bills.  I am so flipping depressed as if feels that nothing I do moves the energy.  I’m really ready for my happily ever after.

Just trust.  It will all work out.  You just need to trust the energy and let it move.  You will be okay.

05/12/2018

 As I think back to where I was when I pulled this card, i realized that I was stuck and feeling like I wasn’t able to move forward because I couldn’t have the person that I wanted.  In the time since, I’ve realized that sometimes we need to let go of our dreams because there is something bigger and better waiting for us.

I’ve also learned that it is really important to know ourselves and be comfortable with ourselves.  I think I’m finally getting to that place where I can say that I love myself without feeling like I’m lying.  And that’s a whole lot of progress.