eight – Cairn by Cairn

Eight of Fire

Eight of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: My first impressions are of a beautiful red fire goddess falling into a small village. There is a sense of haste and purpose.

Book: Let the rush lead to a new awakening, Inviting change in, a great energetic shift, seducing people to follow impossible dreams.

Guidance: Get out of the way and go for the ride, invite the Goddess in, follow your desire

Journaling:

I’m not sure what to do with this energy. A feel there is a change a’brewing, but I don’t truly know what I want in my life. I don’t know. Part of me just wants peace in my life. I don’t want to change the world or just buy things. I just want peace. I want to wake up and look into my soul and clean away the debris that has accumulated there. I want to live a simple life, but how do I get there? How do I live a contemplative life while still being in the world.

December 28, 2017

This week has been a really good experience for me in letting go and choosing to live in peace. I’m not thrilled that we have to have daily meetings to resolve defects, but I’ve realized that I have choice: I can choose to let the 30 minute daily meeting ruin my entire day or I can choose to say, this is 30 minutes that I need to spend doing this, but then I’m done. It really is a choice and I’ve been doing a good job of choosing to do the meeting and let go. That is so much progress for me because before I would have spent the entire day in a snit because I had to have this one 30 minute meeting.

I’m also doing a good job of choosing to let go of not being able to spend as much time cleaning the house as I want to. It’s really hard to clean around people and to a certain extent that annoys me, but I can choose to get all angry and pissy about them sitting there or I can just choose to relax and do something else. It is my choice.

Eight of Water

Eight of Water
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: Sedna is always a goddess of deep despair for me based on her story. She is a powerful goddess who withholds animals from the Inuit unless they confess their taboos and appease her. She always strikes me as cold and unfeeling as if the trauma that her father put her through (cutting off her fingers) left her permanently devoid of compassion.

Book: Going deep is not an easy task, let it be worthwhile. Sedna reigns in the deep dark oceans, past the place of final breath. Sedna was betrayed by one who loved her, one she trusted, and one who was responsible to care for her. When she is treated with respect, she will release the animals from the deep and allow her people to partake of the bounty of the sea.

Guidance: Sedna’s guidance tells us to care for the child who has been betrayed. She also tells us to look at old wounds we may have below the surface and to understand the links between those woulds and our woulds.

Journaling:

Wow! This is powerful stuff and it sums up a lot of where I’m at. I’ve been betrayed and sold out by people who were supposed to love and cherish me and it hurts a lot.

Luke
February 14, 2004 to July 21, 20117
RIP

I’ve been feeling Sedna lately as I feel the despair and the betrayal. It feels as if I’m swimming in a deep soup of emotions and I’m scared to let go because I’m scared I will drown in these painful emotions. I’m scared of truly feeling my grief for Luke because I’m scared that once I let the sorrow flow out, I won’t be able to turn it back off. I’m scared to go back to the deep dark place that I was after John left. I thought I would never be able to come out of the darkness.

Message from Sedna:

There is a difference, Raine. Your’ grief for Luke is pure and unadulterated by anger or a sense of betrayal! Luke loved you with everything he had. There were no games or using. It was pure unadulterated love. You can’t say that with John as there were always games.

December 18, 2017

Dear Sedna,

Thank you for the reminder that Luke’s love was pure and unadulterated. I’ve been feeling disloyal to Luke because I’ve been fallling in love with Clark because he is so cute and energetic. I’m realizing that loving Clark doesn’t dishonor Luke. It is about opening my heart and there is room in my heart for both of them.

December 27, 2017

Wow! This was amazingly powerful! I’ve been feeling a lot of grief right now. This time of year is hard for me as all of the drama I’ve been through and the body memories from all the painful stuff that has happened in November and December. I think a lot of what I’m feeling comes down to grief and learning to grieve well. I’m realizing that it is okay to feel my feelings and that I don’t have to stuff them. If I am honest and feel my feelings when I feel them, they do not become so scary and overwhelming.

Eight of Pentacles

Eight of Pentacles
Robin Wood Tarot

First Impressions: The young boy is studiously making pentacles. He has made a variety of pentacles with different wood and with different metal. The eight of pentacles is about learning and growing, but reversed it may mean being stuck or not applying yourself.

Book: Time to explore your goals, being unhappy at your job, need for future training

Guidance: Vary the routine, try a more flexible approach

Journaling:

The eight of pentacles reversed has show up twice recently, which makes sense as I’m unhappy with my job. I really dislike the travel and I hate working with clients who have absolutely no clue. I feel stuck, but I do like the paycheck and security and these are important. I’m not going to say it is hard to make it in a spiritual business because I know sometimes doors open up and things fall into place.

Dearest Ones,

Please help me to be open to opportunities and please provide these opportunities that will guide me down the right path.

Blessings, Raine

January 2, 2018

I’m getting cold chills (and not from the drafts) as I read this. Shortly after I wrote this, I ended up moving over to itelligence because work dried up at NTT. It was really weird how the job came about because I reached out to John B. as a reference and he ended up creating a job for me. And the past year has been spent learning about patience and perseverance and about learning sales skills. That’s pretty wild.

Dearest Ones,

Thank you for opening up this opportunity. Please help me to learn all that I need to learn so I can take the next steps.

Blessings, Raine

Eight of Swords (R)

First Impressions: I love this image as the swords almost seem made of light instead of steel. It reinforces the impression that the person can escape of their own volition. Reversed this card is about being released from constraints.

Book: Passive aggressive behavior, acting helpless, clarity, overcoming restrictions, ready to move on, prone to self sabotage

Guidance: Be aware of giving into your helplessness, worry solves and changes nothing

Journaling

This is a rough card to receive today. Yes I know the path forward is to let go of X and start meeting people, but that sucks. I have no f*ing desire to go on random dates when 90% of the guys available suck.

January 25, 2018

Wow! I was a little whiny when I first met this. It’s interesting that over the past year, I’ve had the chance to observe older (i.e 30+) guys who are single and they are all so desperate. It’s like they cannot stand being alone and they jump from person to person to person. I don’t know if they dislike having to face themselves in the mirror or what, but I find it a little pathetic.

I don’t really dislike being alone as it gives me the opportunity to work on myself and to get to truly know who I am. That doesn’t mean I don’t want someone in my life, but I want the right person in my life. I don’t just want to fill up space with whoever is available. I want someone who is emotionally mature, who is kind, who is loving, and is comfortable in his own skin. I don’t want someone who wants/needs me to meet all his needs.

Daily Draw: Eight of Pentacles

First Impressions: Joy, Aloneness

Book: Steady progress, training, manifestation, on going process of sowing and reaping, concentrate on each step, on the right track

Guidance: Focus on each step, stead progress, learn the lessons as presented

Journal:

This was a great card to pull today as I’m being presented with so many lessons. I’m learning to surf the energy so much more than I ever could before and I am truly learning to live in the present and not got all sucked into what might happen For instance at work, I’m focusing on what I can do and what I can’t. I’m in a good space.

May 25, 2018

For me, this card applies not so much to technical skills but to emotional and spiritual skills. I am learning that for me when I start wanting to pull away from my journaling and distract myself, I am facing something that is very uncomfortable for me. Right now, I’m focusing on the push/pull of being alone. I always thought that everyone felt empty and alone when they were not the center of attention, however, I’m starting to realize that most people are capable of maintaining their own sense of identity when they are alone. That is hard for me to do. I constantly am worried about what other people think about me instead of being concerned about what I think of me.

Sometimes I feel as if I am easily disposable and that I am empty inside if I do not produce or do great things for other people. It feels as if there is no substance to me and that it is all about what I produce or do for other people. It feels as if I don’t matter. And I can tell that I am getting close to a monumental truth because I have the urge to surf the internet, to go get ice cream, or to distract myself in some other way from facing the hard truths.

However, I also know that I need to be kind to myself and not yell at myself or punish myself for being afraid of facing and admitting how empty I feel inside. I can tell that I am looking for someone else to fill me up because I’m searching my email for something from the tarot person I reached out to and from my shaman. I want them to give me the answers and tell me that I am okay and that I am a good person

I’m also looking for S. to fill me up and tell me I’m okay and that he has not walked away from me and that he has just been busy. I am seeking validation from other people instead of myself and that is not a good spot for me to be in. I need to take a deep breath and go within me to find out who I am and what I need to do. I need to be appropriate and not beat myself up, but not distract myself either.

The person who gave birth to me, I don’t even think I can call her a mother any more, profoundly screwed me up by teaching me that my life was all about other people and I am working really hard to reclaim myself and my own sense of belonging within my skin.

I have come so far on this quest to not need outside validation and to accept my own worthiness, but there are days when all the emptiness comes flooding back into my very soul. I also know that sometimes it is okay to distract myself, especially with chores as sometimes the feeling of accomplishment helps me feel batter about myself.

Hanson-Roberts Recap

Type of Spreads: Daily Draws

Time Frame: September 10, 2016 to October 8, 2016

Overall Rating: 😎😎😎😎😎

Theme: This deck follows the RWS, but gives a fresher perspective. I love the colors on the cards and I love that that the images are closer and more intimate. It feels as if I can really study them and get to know them. I also love the colors on this deck.

Impressions:

I really enjoyed working with this deck. It is a nice size to hold in my hand and I enjoy the artwork. One of the things I learned from playing with this deck is that playing solitaire is a great way to get comfortable working with the cards.

Overall, I feel the cards truly took on my energy and they felt like an old friend when I picked them up. I have to be honest and say that part of me wants to keep working with this deck, but I know that it is good to get familiar with all my decks.

Favorite Cards

Six of Pentacles
Hanson Roberts

My first experience with the six of pentacles was with the DruidCraft deck and that experience left me traumatized as for me that card showed a very poor may being asked to give more than he could afford. However, as I’ve explored other decks and dug deeper into the tarot, I’ve realized that the card is not about giving more than you can afford, but about both giving and receiving with an open heart. As a result, I’ve learned to appreciate the card overall.

What I like about this version of the six of pentacles is that he looks happy to share what he has. He is giving with an open heart instead of giving from a place of gamesmanship or having to give to impress people. I also love that he is measuring what he gives out and I take that to mean that he is only giving what he can afford to give.

Queen of Cups
Hanson Roberts

The Queen of Cups is always one of my favorite cards because in all the decks I have, she carries herself regally, but she is also very approachable. That holds true in this deck as well as she looks like a woman who is enjoying her morning coffee. Her air is a little bit messy and she’s holding the cup with two hands just like someone who really needs her morning caffeine.

She’s also looking deep into the cup as if she’s doing a little bit of scrying while she’s contemplating her coffee. Overall she looks very balanced and sure of herself, but she also looks like someone I wouldn’t mind getting to know ad hang out with.

Justice
Hanson Roberts

Justice is another beautiful woman who looks dedicated and ready to do business, but approachable. She looks as if she is someone who will truly listen to both sides of the story. Our lady justice is also fully engaged and ready to hear with all of her senses. She is not blind to what is before her.

I get the sense that this is someone who will truly listen and find the heart of the matter versus just the cold black and white of the facts. Whatever justice she dispenses will be fair and compassionate.

Queen of Rods
Hanson Roberts

I love all the sun energy in this card. Rods are the cards of fire and some artists go for flame with their interpretations, but Hanson and Roberts went for the energy of the sun and it truly works. The sun elements in this card include the solar cross on her necklace, the sunburst of her thrown, the sunflower she’s holding, the yellow cat, and the lion.

I especially love the juxtopositon of the cat and the lion as that gives us both the fun and friendly feline energy and the fiercer energy of the cat’s larger cousin. Although this is not an Egyptian deck by any stretch of the imagination, this deck makes me think of Sekhemet and Bast with all the solar energy.

Least Favorite Cards

Ace of Cups
Hanson Roberts

This card is beautiful and if I wasn’t hung up on more traditional meanings to be found in the Tarot, I might actually like it. I do love the clouds in the background and the cup kind of just hanging out on top of the water. However, what I don’t like is that the water falling from the sky seems to be missing the cup. I don’t get the sense of water overflowing the cup into the stream like I do in other cards.

When I truly look at this card, it almost seems as if the card is being held aloft by the streams of water like a hot air balloon. It is an interesting interpretation, but overall I really don’t like it.

Eight of Rods
Hanson Roberts

I have to be honest and say that I never really like the eight of rods/wands as it seems to be a boring card. However, there are some versions okay with because you don’t know if the wands are going up or coming down. In this version its pretty apparent they are coming down because in all of the rods, the blossoms have been shown pointing up.

This is just a boring card with very low energy and I truly get no sense of what is supposed to be happening in this card.

High Priestess
Hanson Roberts

I don’t like this card at all because there is too much religious symbolism. She is wearing a cross, she has the moon goddess symbol in her headdress, and the scroll may be Jewish. It is just way too much and overwhelming. I realize that the mixed symbolism also appears on other High Priestess cards, but I don’t like it.

Even though I am not a Christian, what I like about the Christian Church is that they’ve chosen one mythology to follow. They are not trying to be all things to all people like this High Priestess is.

HIerophant
Hanson Roberts

The Hierophant is one of those cards that I usually don’t like, but that there are some decks that have a version I like. This is not one of those decks. I do not like this hierophant as he represents everything I believe is wrong with the Christian church. He looks cruel and the two children are bowing before him. It also looks as if he might be ready to strike them with his stick thingy.

Additionally, he looks totally disengaged. It doesn’t appear as if he is connected at all with heaven or earth. He just appears in his own little world.

Summary

Overall, I really like this deck and it is a deck that I will read with again.

Eight of Pentacles (Reversed)

Eight of Pentacles
Hanson-Roberts

First Impressions: The young man’s tools are carefully laid out and he clearly takes pride in his work as he is willing to make pentacles over and over and continually review what he does. Reverse this card could indicate sloppiness, a loss of energy, or a loss of fortune.

Book: Seeking success without effort, need to evaluate whether you are in the right job, the seeker is wasting his talents, move forward with a project

Guidance: Move forward on a project

Journaling:

For me, I know this card is not telling me that I’m not working hard enough on my day job because I don’t know how I could work any harder. It could be telling me that I’m not working hard enough on Midwives of Change. I have been so busy and so tired that I haven’t been able to put the time into things that matter to me. I certainly hope things settle down, because I don’t know how much longer I can keep up this pace.

December 23, 2017

I’m still not positive what the message of this card was a year ago, but I made the decision earlier this year to let go of Midwives of Change. I made that decision when I realized that I wasn’t living my life for me, but I was using myself as a guinea pig to see what methods worked so that I could write about them. I want my life to matter to me and not just matter to other people.

I struggled with the decision to put my Tarot Journal online because that seemed to be just one more way to live my life for others instead of myself. However, once I committed to Swedish Death Cleansing and realized that putting my journal online meant I could keep the lessons and ditch the hurtful comments and whining, I decided that putting it online was what was best for me. I also established Rules for Readers so that they understand I’m not putting myself out there as a Tarot Guru, but simply living my life.

Eight of Air

Eight of Air
Gaian Tarot

First Impressions: This card speaks to me of community and working together, but the traditional meaning of the eight of swords is choosing to stay in bondage. I’m struggling to reconcile the traditional meaning with this card.

Book: Challenged to transform vision into reality with help fro friends, it is also about letting go of ego

Journaling

Based on the first impressions of this card, it is about a sense of community which is something that I truly need to find or build in my life. I am so lonely and in need of like minded people.

This card is also telling me that I can make Midwives of Change a reality, but I need to be willing to accept input from others. I have to open up my vision and ask for help from others. This is difficult for me, but I do know that asking for help and collaborating does make things better.

December 29, 2017

It’s interesting the mind shift that I’ve had since I originally wrote this. I’ve realized that I really don’t want to pursue creating Midwives of Change right now because I’m tired of my life being about other people and MoC is just one more way for my life to be about other people. I expend a whole lot of emotional energy at work and with the kids and I don’t want to take on strangers’ burdens. I will put my tarot journal out there and I’ll post occasional articles that help me to clarify what I’m thinking, but my life is about me and I’m not using my life as an experiment to see what helps others.