Druidcraft – Cairn by Cairn

Ritual to Honor My Father

My father died the day after Thanksgiving in 2008. I’d known it was coming as he had lung cancer that had metastasized through his body. I was living 200 miles away and traveling even farther away for work every single week. I made the trek to visit him as often as I could, but it never felt like enough. I knew the end was coming when I visited him and he was a shell of the robust, loving man who had raised me. This was also the start of a devastating period of changes in which I could only react and had no time to mourn.

The call that he was gone was devastating, but not shocking as I knew the call would be coming sooner rather than later. However, there was no time for my own sadness as I had to drive the 200 miles through teary eyes to help my mother deal with her grief as she’d lost her mother less than a week before. I had to become the supportive daughter and not allow myself to be the grieving child.

I was strong for my mother, I was strong for my children, and I was strong for my now ex-husband. I was the one who provided the shoulder to cry on, who prevented my mother from buying a junky used car the day after my daddy died, and I was the one who gave the eulogy at my father’s funeral. I was also the one in the year after my daddy’s death that counseled my mother, loaned her the money to bury my father, and was there for everyone else. I never let myself mourn because there was no time.

Fast forward a little over a year and I got another call that rocked my world, my husband had had a massive coranary and I needed to be at the hospital immediately. Once again, I was the one who dealt with the details. shored everyone up and never let anyone see my tears. I sat by his side, cheered him up, bathed him, and did whatever else needed to be done.

My payment for the days spent by his side was his pronouncement four months after his heart attack was that he wanted a divorce. I was hurt, I was angry, I fell apart, but all too soon I had to pull myself together and be strong for my kids. I had to figure out how to keep them in college, get them settled in off campus housing, and deal with all the other realities of life.

It was ten years before I finally felt strong enough to mourn my father. I cried for my loss, I cried for my children’s loss and I started to remember the good as well as the bad. My family has always done ritual on Halloween and remembered our beloved dead, but I was ready to go deeper and to truly grieve and comfort the lost little girl inside. Around that time, I came across Lisa de St. Croix’s Ancestor Workshop and it resonated with me.

I took some time to gather mementos and photos of my father, I meditated on his life and our relationship, and I found the cards that represented both him and me according to Lisa’s advice and I found cards I wanted to use to meditate on. It was a little weird because my dad’s card was the lovers and that felt really uncomfortable. I finally pulled the lovers from the Animal Totem Tarot and I used the Hermit from the Druid Craft Tarot for my birth card.

As I reflected on the cards, the assignment was to write a message to my dad from the Hermit’s perspective and to me from my dad from the Lover’s perspective.

The Message from Me From My Dad

You are too much of a hermit and you withdraw too much. You need to let people in. People will disappoint you, but they will also bring you great joy. Love is a choice! Choose to open your heart and let people in. You deserve Love! Choose it.

My response as the Hermit

The world is too painful of a place to open my heart. I’m much more comfortable in my own company. Choosing love is scary. However, I know I’ve already chosen love with my kids. Loving Cam and Sean brings pure joy along with the heartache and I remember that, I remember love is worth it.

Interestingly enough, since I did this ritual, I have been seeing and finding turtles everywhere. Turtle was my dad’s nickname and when I find those turtles, I’m reminded that he is looking out for me and that love never truly dies.

Inequality in the Sixes

I woke up this week and realized I’ve lived my entire life as a six. Before the self love crowd starts getting on me about denigrating my appearance, let me clear I’m not talking about how I look, I’m talking about tarot cards. As I get more and more familiar with tarot, I’m learning to really pick out patterns and apply them to my own life. It also helps when the cards smack us upside the head with something again and again. For me, pulling the sixes over and over again has helped me realize all the ways I’ve fostered inequality in my life.

Financial Inequality

Druidcraft Six of Pentacles

The six of pentacles is about financial inequality. The first six of pentacles card I saw was the six of pentacles from the Druidcraft deck and I hated the card because to me it was all about people asking more from a poor old man than he had to give. I shuttered every time I pulled that card because it reminded me of all the times I’d been asked to give more than I had. As I studied (and acquired) more and more decks, I realized that most decks showed a more affluent person giving money to others and not a beggar being asked to give up his last dime.

Although the traditional image was less disturbing for me than the Druidcraft deck, it still represented financial inequality as someone with a lot of money was giving to someone with less money. I thought about the very few times in my life I’d been receiving from others and about how difficult it was to ask for a handout and admit I couldn’t make my own way.

Hansen Roberts Six of Pentacles

I also thought about the many more times I had been on the giving side of the equation. Being on the giving side of the equation brings with it its own set of issues. As a parent, we have all of the money and it is our job to give it to our children as needed. However, I know from my personal experience there’s been a lot of times where I’ve fallen back on the “we can’t afford it” line instead of being honest with my kids and saying we could afford it, but I don’t think it is the best way to spend our money. An unfortunate result of the “we can’t afford it” line is that my children have developed poverty consciousness and think we can’t afford anything. I’m working hard to change that by being honest about when we really can’t afford something and when it is not the best use of our money.

Unfortunately, we live in six of pentacles society where money is a measuring stick and people who can bring in more money are rewarded more than others even though a person making less money may be making the bigger contribution to society. Executives are paid more than teachers even though teachers make a far more valuable contribution to society.

I fell into the money as a measuring stick mind set during my marriage as I made significantly more than my now ex-husband and toward the end of our marriage money became a weapon of control. My feelings were since I made the money I got to choose where to spend it. I chose not to look at the other contributions he made and based it solely on who made the most. One of the lessons I learned from my marriage is that money is not the only measuring stick and that I need to look at people more holistically.

Emotional Inequality

RWS Six of Cups

When taken at face value, the six of cups is a charming card with an older child giving a smaller child a cup of flowers. The card seems to be about nostalgia, about having a big brother to take care of you, and about a happy childhood or, as one site says, the card is about simple goodness. And all of those things are true, but there is a darker side to the six of cups.

I did a spread where I asked what I had learned about love from various couples and for one couple the six of cups came up. Looking at the textbook definition of goodness and happiness, I was confused as I’d know that this couple had a miserable marriage where she made the money and he took advantage of her. I had an ah ha moment where I realized that the six of cups could also be about emotional inequality with one person being more invested in the relationship than the other or about one person taking advantage of the other person.

I gained an even deeper understanding of this card when I kept pulling it when asking about my relationship with a certain someone. At first, I viewed it as a happy card, but when I started to compare it to the two of cups which shows two people sharing a cup; I realized that when it came to adult relationships, this card was either about one person being rescued by another or one person taking advantage of another. When I truly reflected upon my relationship with this person, I realized it was both. My friend is a guy who likes to rescue damsels in distress and a lot of our relationship was built on that inequality. On the flip side, I know that he likes to rescue damsels in distress so if I was feeling a little sad or lonely, I’d be the damsel in distress and he’d rush to my rescue.

Those realizations made me really think about the type of relationships I want in my life and even more fundamentally about who I wanted to be in my own life. I realized that I don’t want to be a damsel in distress. I want to be an equal so I want a two of cups relationship and not a six of cups relationship.

Status Inequality

The six of wands and the six of swords represent the two sides of the status inequality coin: the six of wands shows the exalted hero riding in to the cheers of his adoring fans and the six of swords shows the gondolier as servant being ignored by his passengers. As I reflected on these cards, I realized I’m more comfortable in either of these roles than in a role as an equal.

Six of Wands

My roles as consultant, teacher, and leader reflect the six of wands as I love to stand at the front of the room and lecture and give advice. It’s not only the praise and adoration I love, it is the disconnection. I don’t have to engage in real conversation with people and let them in. As I look back over my life, I realize I’m really comfortable in the roles of organizing and teaching because they give a purpose to my interactions. When I’m teaching, I’m talking on a specific topic and even if I don’t have a prepared speech, I know the material well enough that I can speak convincingly. I’m also passionate enough about what I do that my lectures appear to be heartfelt, but they’re really not because it’s difficult for me to truly let people in and engage in a heartfelt conversation. Being above the crowd insulates me from other people’s messy feelings and emotions.

Six of Swords

If being a six of wands lets me be above the fray, slipping into the six of swords persona lets me fly below the radar. As long as I do my job and meet my obligations, I don’t have to engage with people on a personal level. I take their orders and don’t let them in to see the real me. I’ve been working as a consultant for the past six years and that’s the perfect job for an introvert who doesn’t let people in because everyone knows the day I walk in the door that the gig is temporary. I’ll be there for six months or so and then I’ll move on. There is no point to getting close to people because I’ll be gone soon.

A Lonely Way to Live

Living as six is a very lonely way to live because there aren’t true heartfelt connections of equals. Everything is about dominating or being dominated and at the end of the day it is about fear. Fear of not being good enough and fear of letting people in. So my challenge is to dig deep within myself to find the courage to let people in so I can be a two of cups instead of a six.

How can I be more mindful?

Shaker Lake Nature Preserve, Shaker Heights, OH

As I was walking through the Shaker Lake Nature preserve I was struck by how easy it is to be mindful in the woods when there are fewer man-made distractions. So I stopped and settled myself on a wooden bench and pulled a few cards.

Druid Craft Tarot

Build on previous efforts. You’ve done a good job of becoming more conscious and aware of the world around you. Continue to expand on that and be willing to listen to those around you.

This is interesting guidance for me as I have a hard time listening to what other people have to say. I’ve been let down by so many people in my life that I tend to tune out guidance and assume I can do it all on my own.

However, I have found that listening to guided meditations helps me to meditate and to become more aware of my inner life.

Druidcraft Tarot

Enjoy the work that you’ve already done to achieve mindfulness. Focus on the good feeling you have when you are mindful and how it brings such inner peace. Celebrate your successes and continue to build on them.

This was an interesting cared for me to pull about mindfulness because I usually associate the four of wands with celebration and with lots of people. However, some of the meanings of the four of wands are about ritual and about taking time create rituals.

Druidcraft Tarot

Awaken to your responsibility in this world and tame your wild side. You do not have to deny the world around you, but be more aware of it and harness your own power.

This reading seems so fitting as the people in the card are asleep and unaware. This card is all about being one with nature and not destroying it or letting it overwhelm us.

Overall this was a very interesting read with some bits that were expected and some that were unexpected. My key takeaway was to build on what I’ve done and that is good advice for me because I often discount what I’ve done before and always feel as if I’m starting from scratch.

The Devil

Initial Thoughts: There is a musical note between the figures that is kind off interesting. Additionally, the Devil has an upside down pentacle on his forehead. He also makes me think of a puppet pulling strings. When I see this card, I think of choices as the couple is not tied up and it appears they could flee if they wanted to escape. This card also reminds me that bondage is sometimes personal choice. I also think about our devotion t o addictions such as sex and materialism.

Book: Being held in bondage, undesirable forces, chained down by materialism, temptation, call to awaken to responsibility, integrate and channel the life force.

Guidance: Live in balance. Accept the wealth the world has to offer.

Journaling

Since the DruidCraft deck was my first tarot deck, I always think about Cernunous when I see this card. He is the horned god of the hunt and in that deck the “devil” is not evil, but a force to be channeled. Overindulging is what puts is unto bondage.

This card like so many tarot carts speaks for balance. It is when we get out of balance that life becomes unmanageable and addictions are a good indication that life is unmanageable. This card could also be speaking to me of my need to break my sugar addiction. I know it is killing me, but I still shovel sugar in my mouth. I’m not sure how to break the addiction and get back on track. I need to ask for guidance.

December 21, 2017
I’m getting chills as I read what I wrote because today while Cam and I were out walking, I talked about how so many stories about addiction don’t talk about the spiritual side of healing and the need to ask for help to take the addiction away. I know when I was in college and was drinking too much, it was AA that truly helped me to break the addiction. Asking for help and turning my addiction over to a higher power truly helped me to heal. It didn’t make it easy, but it did help me to recover.

It was a higher power that also helped me to deal with my codependency after my marriage imploded. By turning it over to a higher power, I was able to find the strength to heal and to leave behind some of my addictive and co-dependent behavior.

Dearest ones,

I admit that I am powerless over sugar and my life and health has become unmanageable. I know that you can help me with this addiction and I am humbling asking you to do so and to take away my cravings for the sugar that is slowly killing me.

Thank you,
Raine