Category: Dark Goddess Tarot

Nine of Air

Nine of Air
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  This card strikes fear in my heart as it shows my nightmare of being continually picked at by birds.  When I am totally overwhelmed, it feels as if birds are picking me apart and that’s what this card makes me think of.  In reality, the birds are not attacking her, but rather accompanying her.  This card is very much a card of fear and nightmares.

Book:  If you would known, do not fear to see.  Banshee wails and chills hearts with her cries.  She brings the prophecy of doom with her wailing. With her cries she sees the world beyond.

Guidance:  Do not give fears a priority when making a decision.  Acknowledge the pain and fear you are facing, but do not let it overwhelm you.

Journaling:

What a perfect card to pull today.  Yesterday, I got an invite to a meeting with Darshan so I, of course, start freaking out and my mind started down the “I’m fired” path.  That makes no sense at all because I’ve been billable and we’re gaining traction on OCM, but that was the first place my mind went.  I’m learning to redirect and talk myself off the ledge, but it still takes work sometimes.

That is the part of the beating myself up mindset that I do.  I’m so mean to myself even when I’ve done nothing wrong, I beat myself up and tell myself how stupid I am.  I need to learn to Stop, Drop, and Roll with my emotions:

  • Stop what I’m doing and breathe
  • Drop the feelings that are causing me pain
  • Roll with the situation and see what comes of it
December 28, 2017
I love the Stop, Drop, and Roll and that’s something easy I can remember.  I’ve come so far over the past few years in emotional health, but I know I’m not there yet.  The first steps were about emotional control and learning not to wear my heart on my sleeve and not to react to every emotion I’ve felt.  Being a consultant has helped a lot with that as I know that I can’t react or I won’t have a job.  It’s one thing to have meltdowns with people who know you well, but quite another to have meltdowns in front of clients.  
However, I know a big part of the reason I have better emotional control now is that I’m no longer in an abusive relationship.  It was really hard to be emotionally stable when I came home and got yelled at for stupid stuff or when everything that went wrong was my fault.  I’m learning to be kind to myself and see that there were forces outside of myself that contributed to my lack of emotional control.
My current phase of emotional healing is about being kind to myself and acknowledging the fear, anger, etc., and recognizing those feelings as valid and talking to myself about why I feel that way and seeing if I can change my mindset to see things a different way.  It is all a process and the best thing is that I don’t have to have all the answers right now.

Witch of Earth

Witch of Earth
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  I initially thought this card was showing Inanna welcoming a lover in a cave, which would be Ereshkigal’s domain.  However, she is welcoming a lover in a bower, drawing him with her loveliness.  Inanna always speaks to me of death and rebirth.

Book:  Make magic in your partnership with natural forces, storehouse where grain was stored awaiting transformation into grain, Inanna’s body was one with the earth.

Guidance:  Learn your plant allies, express your creativity through baking, or other trans-formative actions, approach everyday tasks with a sense of service.

Journaling:

One of the things I have been working on is to approach life with a sense that we are all in this together.  I’ve also been working hard to foster kindness, especially with people in service positions.  I know people often look down on service workers and/or are nasty to them, but anyone doing an honest and hard job deserves to be appreciated.  It doesn’t take any more effort to be kind to people than to be nasty and I feel so much better about myself when I am kind.

December 27, 2018

In some ways it feels weird to equate kindness with Inanna, because I always think of her and her sister together and she definitely was not kind to Ereshkigal.  She went down and invaded her home with her uppity attitude as if she was the queen of the underworld and had the right to treat people like crap.  In my mind she deserved to get her comeuppance as she was a bitch.

However, my personal feelings about the myths aside, when I think about the sign at the Ritz-Carlton, “Ladies and Gentleman taking care of Ladies and Gentleman.”  That slogan put people on an equal footing and conveyed the message that everyone was worth of respect.  I try to approach life like that because I am no better or worse than anyone else, I’m just a person trying to get by.

I have to be honest and say that if anything, it took me a long time to get over the thought that I was worse than or less than other people.  I always thought that I deserved the scraps and that it was okay if people disrespected me.  I’ve put a lot of hard work into changing that impression of myself and most days, I feel good about myself.

Magician

Magician
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  I love this depiction of Isis with her arms outstretched and her wings surrounding Osiris.  For me this is a reminder of the transforming and magical power of love.

Book:  Wife, Mother, Queen, Protector

Guidance:  Use words of power to achieve your goals, see clearly what you want, change what you can

Journaling:

Interesting card today as I’ve been feeling very magical lately.  I finally feel as if I can achieve what I want/need in my life.  The past month has been hell, but I’m finally feeling positive.  Isis is about creating magic, but she is also the pure power of love.

December 18, 2017

Isis is not only magic, she is also a cared of pure love.  She goes after what she wants from a place of love.

December 27, 2017

I love both Isis and Nephthys and it is very powerful to be surrounded by their wings and feel their great love.  Isis always gets all the publicity because she was the queen, but Nephthys is just as powerful and together they compliment each other.  Isis is the romantic love, while Nephthys is sisterly love and the all encompassing love for humanity.

Every since I have been dedicated to Nephthys, I’ve see the positive, independent side of her, but lately I have been starting to feel the warm and loving side of her.  Despite her own horribly abusive marriage, she stood by Isis’ side as she went looking for Osiris and she is the one who is the one who comforts those who are in mourning.  She is the one who loves when it is painful to love, she is the one who loves through encouraging people to get back up and to stand on their own two feet after something traumatic has happened.

Witch of Water

Witch of Water
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  I’m filled with deep despair as I look at this card.  She appears so alone and so lonely.

Book:  Every situation ends in the sea, there to use anew, salt water, purification

Guidance:  Demonstrate your ethics and beliefs on a regular basis, look beyond form to essence, purify

Journaling:

As I reflect on this card, the image I get is of a water witch creating a water sprite.  I’m reminded of the amazing power water has to both create and destroy.  Water is one of the most compelling things because of its changing nature.  However, as I reflect on this, I realize that wind and fire have the same qualities as they can be soft or hellacious.  It seems that only earth is solid all the time.

December 18, 2017

I feel the power of water moving through me lately.  It is fluid and dynamic and helps to clear away that which no longer serves me.

December 27, 2017

There have been times lately where I have truly felt stuck by what is going around in my life.  I’ve felt trapped and as if things will never change.  However, right now I feel as if amazing things are right around the corner and my job is to be fluid and dynamic and be open to change.  I’m not always very open to change, but right now I feel like it will all bring good things.

Five of Earth

Five of Earth
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  Demeter is so sad and desolate on this card.  I feel the barrenness of the earth as if all of the life has been taken away.  This is definitely a card of loss and the need to come in from the cold.  There is a different kind of barrenness outside my window today as it is cold and snowy and the darkness is creeping over the world even though it is just 4 pm.

Book:  Give no part of yourself to that which does not sustain you.

Guidance:  Accept the fallow times as part of the cycle, release expectation

Journaling:

I love and needed to hear the messages of this card today.  I am so impatient that I fail to see all the wonders around me.  I get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of every day that I often forget that the best things in life take time.  Demeter also reminds me of the importance of taking time to mourn and be still within myself.

December 13, 2017

Although it wasn’t the main plot line on NCIS NOLA last night, the interplay between Dwayne and his dad was meaningful to me.  The idea of being free of a parent is so liberating.  I think I have been trying so hard to be the “modern woman” that I’ve forgotten you can have love and a career.  Interesting that this is all coming up around Demeter, who lost herself in grief for her daughter.

December 18, 2017

All I need to do is to be myself.  I don’t need to make up for anything or to prove anything to anyone.  I just need to be me.

December 27, 2017

The message that all I need to do is be myself is so powerful and it is a lesson that I desperately needed to hear.  I get so caught up in trying to live up to other people’s expectations that I forget that I just need to live life for me.  I think that is why I am so adamant that my blog is mine and mine alone.  It is not meant to be a place of wisdom for other people, although I am always willing to freely share what I have learned. 

Hag of Water

Hag of Water
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  Just glancing at this card, it appeared as if Ran was feeding birds, but then I realized that she was underwater and that there was a person falling into the water.  Overall this card gives me a sense of despair and grief.

Book:  Goddess of the sea who claims lives when she is bored.

Guidance:  Surrender to the sea to find her hidden places, stop fighting the tide, make offerings to the depths, embrace our ability, you know where you belong, accept it.

Journaling:

The day I originally journaled I was really upset with my daughter for wanting to go on a walk when I didn’t want to and for her playing the expert.  I wrote a whole lot of really nasty things that I don’t want to repeat here🙁.  The bottom line is thought that I should have maintained better boundaries and not let myself get talked into going with her. 

December 27, 2017

The stuff I originally wrote is exactly the reason I decided to put my journals online and to sanitize them.  Writing all the garbage I wrote felt really good, but at the end of the day it would have served no one to have her read it.  We are human beings and even though we all love each other, there are times when the kids get on my nerves and I’m sure there are times that I get on their nerves.  It’s been a little jittery to have the kids home over the holidays as I was looking forward to cleaning and chilling and that’s harder to do with everyone here.

However, this is their home and I want them to know it is their home so it would be horrible for me to put up arbitrary rules and say they can’t be in the living room because I want it to be quiet.  That would be mean and I’m not going to do it.  We will just all compromise and it will all work out.

Eight of Water

Eight of Water
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  Sedna is always a goddess of deep despair for me based on her story.  She is a powerful goddess who withholds animals from the Inuit unless they confess their taboos and appease her.  She always strikes me as cold and unfeeling as if the trauma that her father put her through (cutting off her fingers) left her permanently devoid of compassion.

Book:  Going deep is not an easy task, let it be worthwhile.  Sedna reigns in the deep dark oceans, past the place of final breath.  Sedna was betrayed by one who loved her, one she trusted, and one who was responsible to care for her.  When she is treated with respect, she will release the animals from the deep and allow her people to partake of the bounty of the sea.

Guidance:  Sedna’s guidance tells us to care for the child who has been betrayed.  She also tells us to look at old wounds we may have below the surface and to understand the links between those woulds and our woulds.

Journaling:

Wow!  This is powerful stuff and it sums up a lot of where I’m at.  I’ve been betrayed and sold out by people who were supposed to love and cherish me and it hurts a lot.

Luke
February 14, 2004 to July 21, 20117
RIP

I’ve been feeling Sedna lately as I feel the despair and the betrayal.  It feels as if I’m swimming in a deep soup of emotions and I’m scared to let go because I’m scared I will drown in these painful emotions.  I’m scared of truly feeling my grief for Luke because I’m scared that once I let the sorrow flow out, I won’t be able to turn it back off.  I’m scared to go back to the deep dark place that I was after John left.  I thought I would never be able to come out of the darkness.

Message from Sedna:

There is a difference, Raine.  Your’ grief for Luke is pure and unadulterated by anger or a sense of betrayal!  Luke loved you with everything he had.  There were no games or using.  It was pure unadulterated love.  You can’t say that with John as there were always games.

December 18, 2017

Dear Sedna,

Thank you for the reminder that Luke’s love was pure and unadulterated.  I’ve been feeling disloyal to Luke because I’ve been fallling in love with Clark because he is so cute and energetic.  I’m realizing that loving Clark doesn’t dishonor Luke.  It is about opening my heart and there is room in my heart for both of them.

December 27, 2017

Wow!  This was amazingly powerful!  I’ve been feeling a lot of grief right now.  This time of year is hard for me as all of the drama I’ve been through and the body memories from all the painful stuff that has happened in November and December.  I think a lot of what I’m feeling comes down to grief and learning to grieve well.  I’m realizing that it is okay to feel my feelings and that I don’t have to stuff them. If I am honest and feel my feelings when I feel them, they do not become so scary and overwhelming.

Moon

Moon
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  I didn’t like this card the first time I saw it as it felt like there was a snake or worm encircling the moon.  However, the more I’ve meditated on it and spent time with it, I’m more appreciative of the beauty of the card.  It shows Adrianhod weaving the moon.  I like that her silver wheel is the Wheel of Time, but of the seasons and reincarnation.  My first impressions of this card are it is a time for intuition, but also the possibility of being disillusioned.

Book:  Weaver creating destiny, guide in the realm of the soul, shapeshifter, manifesting destiny

Guide:  Let change unfold, look for meanings and guidance, let your imagination journey

Journaling:  

Cairn
Bell Tower in Sedona, AZ

I needed to hear this guidance about letting things manifest differently than desired.  I need to trust deity and I do’t do a good job with trust.  I think I am such an absolute control freak because I don’t trust anyone.  I need to go back and listen to the lessons of the cairns that they provided in Arizona.  I need to see the first cairn, walk to it, then walk to the next cairn.  I do not need to be shown the whole path at once.

December 18, 2017

I’m realizing that one of the reasons tarot appeals to me is that it appeals to both my logic and my intuition.

Three of Fire

Three of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  This card always seems to me as if the three little creatures are waiting for her to come down from the rock.  Circe seems to be stirring up some magic in her pot.  Overall, this card gives off a vibe of waiting.

Book:  Ideas have a life of their own, Knowing lore of all places, Friend of the witches, creative ability is high.

Guidance:  Make the most of your creativity, express it, embrace change, mix up things in your life, change up your house

Journaling

Interesting that I pulled this card as I am embracing change and changing my personal space.  I’m also cleaning out and getting rid of things that no longer serve me.  This is a time of transformation and I feel the energy of change flowing. 

Despite all the nastiness in the government, I feel good changes are afoot and it is time to embrace my creative side.

December 18, 2017

I love the thought that ideas have a life of their own and that we can manifest ourselves.

December 27, 2017

One of the things I’ve realized with this round of cleansing and getting rid of is that I don’t have to purge everything at once.  I can take my time and genuinely evaluate what serves me before I just get rid of it all.  I’ve decided I’m going to take the next year to work through the books on my bookshelf in the wood room and I’m going to either keep them permanently, keep them as I haven’t read them yet, or get rid of them.  I don’t have to make a decision today.  In the past, I always thought that if I made a decision, I had to implement it right away, but I’ve realized that’s not true.  I can take time to evaluate and gently get rid of things instead of rushing to get rid of them.  Doing things this way brings me peace instead of frustration

Siren of Water

Siren of Water
Dark Goddess

First Impressions:  This card is beautiful and reminds me of a Botticelli painting.  Aphrodite is gorgeous and the epitome of sex appeal, but she is always painted alone.  She is the Goddess of Love, but she is never a goddess that I would call upon for love as she strikes me as not about love as much as about worship. 

Book:  Engenders desire for love, connections and communion, Passion overcoming the haughty, opening the heart.

Guidance:  Love is a risk you must take, create or do something you love, admit your desire

Journaling:

This card is yet another reminder to open my heart to love.  One of the things I’ve been pondering lately is who I want to be with.  Is it someone I already know who knows and loves the “old” me?  Or is it someone new who will just be getting to know me?  There is a part of me that feels I have to move on and that I’m ready for the next phase of my life. 

Someone I care about did something that I feel disrespected me and I’m not sure how to react.    I know that I need respect in my life and if people can’t respect me, then they don’t need/deserve to be in my life.  For me this card is about loving and respecting myself.

December 18, 2017

It was pretty cool when I was putting up the tree and found my Bremen ornament and instead of immediately thinking about who I was with in Germany, I thought about my own memories of being in Bremen around the holidays.  This was huge progress for me.  I know there will always be a part of me that loves him, but I’m done waiting and I’m ready to move on with my life.

December 26, 2017

I’ve gotten a lot better about putting myself first and loving myself.  Maybe the message of Aphrodite is that all things are about love and pleasure and that loving ourselves can help create an atmosphere where there is more love and light in the world overall.