Category: Daily Draw

Eight of Pentacles

Eight of Pentacles
Robin Wood Tarot

First Impressions:  The young boy is studiously making pentacles.  He has made a variety of pentacles with different wood and with different metal.  The eight of pentacles is about learning and growing, but reversed it may mean being stuck or not applying yourself.

Book:  Time to explore your goals, being unhappy at your job, need for future training

Guidance:  Vary the routine, try a more flexible approach

Journaling:

The eight of pentacles reversed has show up twice recently, which makes sense as I’m unhappy with my job.  I really dislike the travel and I hate working with clients who have absolutely no clue.  I feel stuck, but I do like the paycheck and security and these are important.  I’m not going to say it is hard to make it in a spiritual business because I know sometimes doors open up and things fall into place.

Dearest Ones,

Please help me to be open to opportunities and please provide these opportunities that will guide me down the right path.

Blessings, Raine

January 2, 2018

I’m getting cold chills (and not from the drafts) as I read this.  Shortly after I wrote this, I ended up moving over to itelligence because work dried up at NTT.  It was really weird how the job came about because I reached out to John B. as a reference and he ended up creating a job for me.  And the past year has been spent learning about patience and perseverance and about learning sales skills.  That’s pretty wild.

Dearest Ones,

Thank you for opening up this opportunity.  Please help me to learn all that I need to learn so I can take the next steps.

Blessings, Raine

Three of Cups

Three of Cups
Robin Wood

First Impressions:  Although the women are supposed to be enjoying themselves, they are not looking at each other, it is as if they are in their own little worlds.  The three of cups is traditionally about friendship.

Book: Joyful, playful, joining in thriving friendships, emotional generosity

Guidance:  Be sociable, make friends

Journaling:

Not a card that I’m truly thrilled about drawing.  I know I need to get out and make friends, but I’m stuck in a rut. 

Dearest Ones,

Please guide me to the activities that are right for me.  Guide me to places where I can thrive and make real friends.  And please help me to open up and to be open to people.

Blessed Be,
Raine

January 1, 2018

It’s been exactly a year since I wrote that and I still don’t have any friends in Cleveland, but I have gotten to know myself better and I have actually tried some activities.  I did go to the UU church for six weeks, but that really wasn’t for me as I didn’t feel welcome there.  But that’s okay and I’ve accepted that.  Right now, I’m going to be open to doing new things and if something pops up, that’s great, if not that’s okay too as I’ve always been good at taking care of myself and I’m happy being by myself.

Daily Draw: Four of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Open up, be generous

Book:  Letting go, sharing, releasing what has been hoarded

Guidance:  Open your heart, let go of all the anger

Journaling

I love this image of the four of pentacles with all of the pentacles held over his heart.  To me the message from this card is to let go of all the hurt I’m holding there.  I’m still holding on to anger and hurt from childhood and it’s time to let all of that go.  There is no value in holding on to those hurts.  I understand now how they’e negatively impacted me.

I need to hold on to all the lessons and let go of the pain and anger.  The same is true for my marriage.  I need to learn the lessons and let go.  There is nothing to be gained by holding on to the pain,

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God and Goddess, Dearly Beloveds

Please help me to let go of the anger and pain I feel over incidents that happened so long ago.  Help me to let go of shame, anger, guilt and all of those emotions that have no place in my life today.  In place of these emotions, please help me to embrace loving kindness.  Help me to realize that all of these slights and pain were more about the person who inflicted them than about me.

Help me to open my heart to love and goodness .  Let me know that opening my heart to love and goodness does not mean putting up with abuse.

Blessings,
Raine

I’m realizing now how screwed up my idea of love, especially unconditional love is.  From my mother, I learned that loving someone meant letting them abuse you and walk all over you, but you still had to be there for  them.  I cannot remember how many times Grandma was horrid to her, and she kept going back for more.

I don’t know why, but it is something we all do to a certain extent.  There is this hunger for and desire for family and we all have it.  We all want want families to love us even when they are incapable of unconditional love.

July 1, 2018

I needed to hear this today and remember that we all want to be loved.  I’m also starting to have more compassion for my mother as I realize that all she wanted was the same unconditional love from her mother that I wanted.  Maybe she thought that she could get it by giving more and loving more.  Maybe she was like me when I first went to Al Anon and thought it could change me into someone that John would love.  Maybe she thought that if she kept going back eventually her mother would change and would love her.

Maybe all of what I’ve viewed as her being controlling and manipulative was about her trying to help me avoid some of the pain she faced.  I don’t know the answer to any of that, but I do know that I can’t live being half a person.  I have to be my full self and not go after my dreams and wants because of someone else.

Daily Draw: Ace of Cups

Ace of Cups
Gilded Tarot

First Impressions:  I love the phases of the moon above the cup, but I don’t really like the eye looking down.  For me that is kind of creepy.  This card is about emotional fulfillment.

Book:  Infinite supply of love, spiritual gifts, relationship opportunities, peaceful, grateful, feeling enriched, purity of emotions

Guidance:  Deepen your capacity for love

Journaling:

The ace of cups is such a hopeful card!  It reminds me that to receive love I have to open myself up and be willing to receive.  This is why I’ve been doing a lot of work with my solar plexus chakra.  I have to be open to receiving love and that’s not something that I’m always comfortable with..  I sometimes avoid showing up in life and that’s unfortunate for me.  I still want someone in my life, but I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I need to be comfortable with me.  I’m not going to spend my life waiting for something that may never be.

Dearest Ones,
I surrender my feelings to you and I know that you have the perfect person for me.  Please help me to be patient and to love the life I have.  Also, please help me to truly show up in life and guide me to the opportunities and experiences that are right for me.

Blessed Be,
Raine

It always amazes me how calm and centered I feel after praying and turning things over.  It isn’t always easy but a sense of calmness washes over me when I am able to get out of my own way and communicate with the divine.

December 30, 2017

It still amazes me how praying helps me to feel better about anything that is going on.  It just brings that intense feeling of peace that lasts throughout the day.  I’ve also found that if I pray on a regular basis, I am better able to respond to situations and to think more clearly.

Three of Pentacles

Three of Pentacles
Gilded Tarot

First Impressions:  I love the way the man is holding the pentacles and checking them to make sure they are correct.  This card traditionally speaks to collaboration and working together.

Book:  Creating and delighting in the process, collaboration, Creating what you envision, skill and spiritual values, spiritual renovation.

Guidance:  Cooperate with others, new work from a spiritual perspective.

Journaling:

I love thinking about opening my soul to renovation.  To me that speaks of making something good even better.  I am finally starting to appreciate the beauty and wonder that is me.  I’m appreciating my strengths and my perseverance.  I have been given and amazing life and I am so far of how far I’ve come and all that I’ve gone through to get here. 

However I can also appreciate that my halo is a little dirty and could use some polishing.  I know that I have work to do in letting go and forgiving.  I’m also realizing I have work to do in accepting healing work as a valid way to spend my time.  I sometimes get so caught up in beating myself up for reading a book or reading my tarot cards that I forget that I’m human and my body needs rest and my soul needs this healing work.  Sitting here and reading cards and journaling is a valid way to spend my time.

I think I’m jealous because people with addiction get 30 days or so to work on healing and other bruised and broken people are expected to just pick themselves up and move on with no down time.  After my divorce, it would have been amazing to check out of life for 30 days and focus on healing.  It would have been awesome to have structured workshops on different aspects of healing and to have someone guide me through the process of becoming whole again.  I instead I was left to flounder and find my own path.  I am so fortunate that I found people to help me and guide me and now I may be being led to create a program to help others.  It truly is a sacred duty.

Dearest Ones,

Please guide me to create a program that will help others grow and change.  Help me find ways to make people’s burdens just a little lighter.

December 29, 2017

The message I’ve been getting from my guides lately is that I need to focus on me and focus on what is helping me.  I can be an example to others to help them heal by following in my footsteps, but it is not time yet to be more active in creating something.  I need to do the prep work and build the foundation before I jump right in.  I’m really good at jumping right in, but I need to build my website slowly, build some class content because that’s fun for me.  Continue helping Scott, but I don’t need to jump in with both feet right now.

Daily Draw: Wheel of Fortune

First Impressions;  Changes, endings, and beginnings

Book:  Life is full of cycles, events being good or bad based on ow we view them, destiny, life, death and rebirth

Guidance:  Be centered and secure, recognize the effect the past has on the present

Journaling

Interesting card considering the exercise I’m planning.  I want to go through key touch points in my life and pull a card to give advice to my younger self.  I’m a little hesitant, but it’s something I feel called to do.  I want to make peace with my past so I can let it go and move on.  I feel like I have grown and changed so much and I’m ready to dig in some pieces of my past that are painful.  I think the seeds of my present are there and I need to make piece with who I was. 

Writing the letters was amazingly powerful.  All the cards were dead on.  The one I struggled with was eight of pentacles, but I finally realized that it was about focusing on work and not forming attachments.  Pretty spot on.

July 1, 2018

The exercise of pulling cards for pieces of my life is still one of the most powerful Tarot exercises I have ever done.  To actually look at and address the painful pieces of my life and speak to who I was.  Although, I cannot change the past, looking back with compassion and acknowledging my pain was incredibly powerful and was really healing.

Daily Draw: The Empress

First Impressions:  Fertility, creativity

Book:  No want, no need, no lack, manifestation, mother archetype, creation and passion, nurture and give birth to a project, tap into the energy of mother earth

Guidance:  Nurture yourself, let your creativity flow, create beauty, take care of yourself

Journaling

What a wonderful card to pull today.  This card reminds me of the beauty and wonder in the world.  It also reminds me that I am capable of mothering myself.  And I am reminded that throughout my life, I have chose to live.  I am worthy of living and being loved and I deserve to have attachments.  It was wrong of my grandmother to say not to get attached to me. I am worth being attached to and I am worth loving.

July 7, 2018

It makes me so sad to think about my younger self going through life thinking that she wasn’t worthy of love.  In a lot of ways, I think that is why I accepted John’s bullshit as deep down I did not think I was worthy of love so I was willing to settle for whatever little scraps I could get even if I paid a very high price for them.  I’ve realized in the last few years that I am an amazing person and I am worthy of love.  I deserve to have someone in my life who loves me and accepts me just the way I am. 

It has taken me 50 years to accept and know deep in my soul that I am worthy of love, but I am and anyone who thinks differently is wrong.

Daily Draw: Five of Wands

First Impressions:  Conflict

Book:  Learning your own strengths and weaknesses, helping ourselves and others, old flaws are challenged

Guidance:  Do your best for your own good and the good of others, shake things up and see what happens

Journaling

This card about competing with others to make everyone better.  I’m not sure why I pulled this card today, but it gives me something to reflect on.  I do know that I need to be my best self, but I’m not positive what that means.  I guess it is something to reflect on.

July 7, 2018

I’ve always viewed competition one of two ways:  Either I had to be so good that I was going to obliterate the other person or I was going to walk away and not compete.  Maybe I need to change how I look at competition and look at it as a collaboration with people pushing the other person to be their best self.

Collaboration and working with others is something that is really difficult for me.  I much prefer to do things my own way and I always feel like anyone that I work with is in competition with me.  Maybe I need to think about this as others pushing me to be my best self.  I don’t know if I will ever be  that enlightened.

Daily Draw: Hermit

First Impressions:  Go within, listen to your inner wisdom

Book:  Self knowledge, withdraw, contemplate what you know, solitude, self examination

Guidance: Do not withdraw too long

Journaling

What a perfect card to draw today.  This reflects where I am and my need to listen to my body.  I’ve been feeding it sugar to shut it up, but my body is just screaming louder and louder .  My life is finally starting to be what I want, but I am killing myself with sugar.

Dearest Beloveds,

Please change me into someone with natural health and vitality who does not need sugar to make it through the day.  Please help me to be someone with natural vitality who feels good with her body and treats her body with respect.

July 7, 2018

It’s interesting that this was Christmas and I didn’t touch on that once.  I’m not sure why.  We had a good Christmas that year and a beautiful treat that was in front of the window.  We didn’t know it at the time, but it was Luke’s last Christmas with us. 

John always called me a hermit and i always took offense, but I’m realizing that he was right, i am a hermit.  I don’t like parties and crowds and that there is nothing wrong with that.  It’s okay to to be a hermit and not a social butterfly.  I’m finally learning to truly accept me for me and embrace who I am.  That is so huge for me.

Daily Draw: King of Swords (R)

First Impressions:  Be kinder

Book:  Biased decision, dismissing feelings, not playing by the rules, suspending judgement, ruthless action, accept you cannot change people, lack of decisiveness

Guidance:  Feel More, judge and analyze less

Journaling

I don’t make decisions decisively and implement them when they come to my body.  I know sugar is really bad for me and make s me feel horrible, but I keep sucking it down  I need to let go.  I’m also not very decisive about my X decision.  I let go, then snatch it back.  I need to just let go.

July 8, 2018

Letting go is really hard for me.  I need to figure out why sugar has such a draw for me.  No, I don’t.  Sugar is a physically addictive substance and I am addicted.  This is not about me being weak or having a lack of willpower.  It is literally about being addicted to a substance.  I need to go back to the 12 steps and apply them to sugar.  I am just addicted.  I think I am going to try going to Food Addicts Anonymous meetings to see if that helps.  I’m going to order the literature, then make a decision about the meeting