Daily Draw – Page 8 – Cairn by Cairn

Daily Draw: Seven of Swords

First Impressions: Being sneaky

Book: Actions have consequences

Guidance: Review your plan and reconsider if it seems fool hardy

Journaling

I’m not sure that I agree that the actions of this gentleman were foolhardy. Sometimes we have to take bold actions and break the rules. I think this card is also a reminder that there are consequences, but that sometimes the consequences are worth it.

November 20, 2017
There are consequences, but sometimes the sneaky acts that are seen as deceptive are worth it. How do we know that he the people he is “stealing” from, did not take something from him first.

October 26, 2018

My understanding of this card has continued to evolve and I still view it as taking back something that was taken from us. There are times in life when we have to reclaim what is ours and there are times when we cannot make a full frontal attack, but we need to be sneaking and deceptive because the person holding it does not want to give it back to us.

Daily Draw: The Chariot

First Impressions: Moving forward, forward momentum

Book: Card of victory, immense power and focus of the woman’s mind

Guidance: Willpower and control, recognize your own strength and ability to maintain order in the midst of chaos

Journaling

I love the message of this card. I love being reminded that I am strong and capable and that I can accomplish so much more than I think I can. I sometimes get so caught up in listening to the voices of my past that I don’t make time for my future.

I can and do accomplish great things.

This is a year for turning my focus inward and achieving things for myself and not for everyone else. Sometimes I get so caught up in taking care of others that I forget to take care of me. This year is all about self love and self care.

November 20, 2017

I’m being challenged this year to set boundaries for others. X could consume me if I chose to let her. I have to trust that even though she has bipolar she is strong and capable. As long as I see no signs that she is manic, I need to let her make her own mistakes, but that is a really hard thing to do.

October 26, 2018

The past year has been difficult and amazing. It is almost a year later and we are still dealing with the affects of her assault. Even though in a lot of ways she is stronger, she still gets scared and afraid sometimes. However, because I’ve been better at managing boundaries in all of my life, I have been so much better about being able to be present for her and to really be there when she needs me. A lot of that has to do with being able to be present for myself and to really value myself.

Eight of Water

Eight of Water
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: Sedna is always a goddess of deep despair for me based on her story. She is a powerful goddess who withholds animals from the Inuit unless they confess their taboos and appease her. She always strikes me as cold and unfeeling as if the trauma that her father put her through (cutting off her fingers) left her permanently devoid of compassion.

Book: Going deep is not an easy task, let it be worthwhile. Sedna reigns in the deep dark oceans, past the place of final breath. Sedna was betrayed by one who loved her, one she trusted, and one who was responsible to care for her. When she is treated with respect, she will release the animals from the deep and allow her people to partake of the bounty of the sea.

Guidance: Sedna’s guidance tells us to care for the child who has been betrayed. She also tells us to look at old wounds we may have below the surface and to understand the links between those woulds and our woulds.

Journaling:

Wow! This is powerful stuff and it sums up a lot of where I’m at. I’ve been betrayed and sold out by people who were supposed to love and cherish me and it hurts a lot.

Luke
February 14, 2004 to July 21, 20117
RIP

I’ve been feeling Sedna lately as I feel the despair and the betrayal. It feels as if I’m swimming in a deep soup of emotions and I’m scared to let go because I’m scared I will drown in these painful emotions. I’m scared of truly feeling my grief for Luke because I’m scared that once I let the sorrow flow out, I won’t be able to turn it back off. I’m scared to go back to the deep dark place that I was after John left. I thought I would never be able to come out of the darkness.

Message from Sedna:

There is a difference, Raine. Your’ grief for Luke is pure and unadulterated by anger or a sense of betrayal! Luke loved you with everything he had. There were no games or using. It was pure unadulterated love. You can’t say that with John as there were always games.

December 18, 2017

Dear Sedna,

Thank you for the reminder that Luke’s love was pure and unadulterated. I’ve been feeling disloyal to Luke because I’ve been fallling in love with Clark because he is so cute and energetic. I’m realizing that loving Clark doesn’t dishonor Luke. It is about opening my heart and there is room in my heart for both of them.

December 27, 2017

Wow! This was amazingly powerful! I’ve been feeling a lot of grief right now. This time of year is hard for me as all of the drama I’ve been through and the body memories from all the painful stuff that has happened in November and December. I think a lot of what I’m feeling comes down to grief and learning to grieve well. I’m realizing that it is okay to feel my feelings and that I don’t have to stuff them. If I am honest and feel my feelings when I feel them, they do not become so scary and overwhelming.

Moon

Moon
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: I didn’t like this card the first time I saw it as it felt like there was a snake or worm encircling the moon. However, the more I’ve meditated on it and spent time with it, I’m more appreciative of the beauty of the card. It shows Adrianhod weaving the moon. I like that her silver wheel is the Wheel of Time, but of the seasons and reincarnation. My first impressions of this card are it is a time for intuition, but also the possibility of being disillusioned.

Book: Weaver creating destiny, guide in the realm of the soul, shapeshifter, manifesting destiny

Guide: Let change unfold, look for meanings and guidance, let your imagination journey

Journaling:

Cairn
Bell Tower in Sedona, AZ

I needed to hear this guidance about letting things manifest differently than desired. I need to trust deity and I do’t do a good job with trust. I think I am such an absolute control freak because I don’t trust anyone. I need to go back and listen to the lessons of the cairns that they provided in Arizona. I need to see the first cairn, walk to it, then walk to the next cairn. I do not need to be shown the whole path at once.

December 18, 2017

I’m realizing that one of the reasons tarot appeals to me is that it appeals to both my logic and my intuition.

Three of Fire

Three of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: This card always seems to me as if the three little creatures are waiting for her to come down from the rock. Circe seems to be stirring up some magic in her pot. Overall, this card gives off a vibe of waiting.

Book: Ideas have a life of their own, Knowing lore of all places, Friend of the witches, creative ability is high.

Guidance: Make the most of your creativity, express it, embrace change, mix up things in your life, change up your house

Journaling

Interesting that I pulled this card as I am embracing change and changing my personal space. I’m also cleaning out and getting rid of things that no longer serve me. This is a time of transformation and I feel the energy of change flowing.

Despite all the nastiness in the government, I feel good changes are afoot and it is time to embrace my creative side.

December 18, 2017

I love the thought that ideas have a life of their own and that we can manifest ourselves.

December 27, 2017

One of the things I’ve realized with this round of cleansing and getting rid of is that I don’t have to purge everything at once. I can take my time and genuinely evaluate what serves me before I just get rid of it all. I’ve decided I’m going to take the next year to work through the books on my bookshelf in the wood room and I’m going to either keep them permanently, keep them as I haven’t read them yet, or get rid of them. I don’t have to make a decision today. In the past, I always thought that if I made a decision, I had to implement it right away, but I’ve realized that’s not true. I can take time to evaluate and gently get rid of things instead of rushing to get rid of them. Doing things this way brings me peace instead of frustration

Siren of Water

Siren of Water
Dark Goddess

First Impressions: This card is beautiful and reminds me of a Botticelli painting. Aphrodite is gorgeous and the epitome of sex appeal, but she is always painted alone. She is the Goddess of Love, but she is never a goddess that I would call upon for love as she strikes me as not about love as much as about worship.

Book: Engenders desire for love, connections and communion, Passion overcoming the haughty, opening the heart.

Guidance: Love is a risk you must take, create or do something you love, admit your desire

Journaling:

This card is yet another reminder to open my heart to love. One of the things I’ve been pondering lately is who I want to be with. Is it someone I already know who knows and loves the “old” me? Or is it someone new who will just be getting to know me? There is a part of me that feels I have to move on and that I’m ready for the next phase of my life.

Someone I care about did something that I feel disrespected me and I’m not sure how to react. I know that I need respect in my life and if people can’t respect me, then they don’t need/deserve to be in my life. For me this card is about loving and respecting myself.

December 18, 2017

It was pretty cool when I was putting up the tree and found my Bremen ornament and instead of immediately thinking about who I was with in Germany, I thought about my own memories of being in Bremen around the holidays. This was huge progress for me. I know there will always be a part of me that loves him, but I’m done waiting and I’m ready to move on with my life.

December 26, 2017

I’ve gotten a lot better about putting myself first and loving myself. Maybe the message of Aphrodite is that all things are about love and pleasure and that loving ourselves can help create an atmosphere where there is more love and light in the world overall.

Witch of Water

Witch of Water
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: Emotional Control

Book: Power of the goddess is eating all sins, salt holds purification, and protection

Guidance: Demonstrate your beliefs and ethics, look beyond form to essence, bathe in salt water

Journaling:

Interesting meaning of this card. I like looking at it as purification and the need to cleanse ourselves. I need to do some meditations on this card and also take a salt bath.

December 19, 2017

I’m realizing that purification is about more than clearing the energy around me. It is also about clearing out the old behaviors and thought patterns that are keeping me stuck. I need to let go of my poverty consciousness and choose to believe that it will all work out.

December 26, 2017

It is so awesome to read through old journals as I can see my growth. I can see ideas that bubble up that are being implemented at deeper and deeper levels. Redirecting my thoughts is something that still feels uncomfortable for me as it feels unnatural, but as I read through my old journals I can see that I am continuing to get better at it.

I know I’m making progress because when I got an invite to a reorganization meeting from Darshan, my immediate reaction was to freak out and assume I was being fired. However, I talked myself off the ledge by reminding myself that they would not fire me on an open meeting. If I was going to get fired, I would have already been told. That was cold comfort, but it did bring me peace and I was able to actually sleep without totally freaking myself out with worry. I also reminded myself that there was nothing I could do about it anyway. If it happened, it happened and I’d deal with it.

Six of Air

First Impressions: Movement

Six of Air
Dark Goddess Tarot

Book: Goddess of arts, healing, and battle, being initiated to battle, this is a time of learning

Guidance: Accept guidance and find your purpose, prepare for challenges, learn from trusted teachers, balance activities

Journaling:

Wow! What an interesting card to draw today for what I learned from today. I’ve been asking what the next steps are and where I go from here. I’m being led and this card is telling me to accept guidance and find my purpose. Every time I ask to be led, it keeps coming back to tarot. I love tarot and it has really helped me to make that final push to heal and all of the work I’ve done to date has been amazing, but it is the tarot work that has been pushing me thee last few yards.

What I love about it is that it is the same that is different. I read the cards with my mind and my heart. I will continue to pray and meditate and allow myself to be guided wherever this journey takes me.

December 18, 2017

I’m still not sure what it all means, but I know I cannot earn what I earn now by doing tarot and I need to earn my salary.

December 25, 2017

The message I’m being given is to trust and I will be taken care of. I need to trust that it will all turn out the way it is meant to. It is incredibly hard to live a life of trust and surrender as those two words are the antithesis of my personality, but I really need to let go of my need to control my destiny and trust that they have something amazing and wonderful in store for me and that all I need to do is to take the next step. I know I’ve been guided to where I’m at today and that the next step has appeared as I’ve needed to take it, so why should I doubt that they will continue to guide me and be there for me?

Four of Swords

Four of Swords
Robin Wood Tarot

First Impressions: I love this card with the knight lying outside instead of in a cold room. I can feel the knight laying there in the warmth of the sun just relaxing. The four of swords is about relaxing and taking a break.

Book: Peace and quiet, repair the psyche, need for release from stress, meditation

Guidance: Take time for yourself, regroup, take care of yourself

Journaling

This card has a twofold meaning for me. It is about resting and recuperating, but it is also about putting my swords down and not fighting everyone else’s battles. My kids don’t need me to always be Mama Bear anymore. Cam did a great job of handling a difficult situation and my jumping in would not have added anything to the situation.

It is the same at work, I need to step back and let people fight their own battles. It is belittling to people when I fight their battles as it makes it seem as if they are not strong and capable.

January 4, 2018

Wow! What a great reminder and ties in to a lot of realizations that I’m having lately. I’m realizing that the kids are grownups and while I like to eat with them, they are capable of cooking their own food and they are capable of taking care of themselves. I don’t need to always put gas in the cars for them as they drive the cars, so they need to take ownership. Sometimes it is hard for me to step back because some things are easy for me and a little more difficult for them, but if I don’t step back, they will never grow up.

I’m also realizing that it is okay to put my sword down and choose not to fight someone’s battles or help them even if they ask. Yesterday morning, I got hit with these heavy waves of fear and melancholy. I was afraid of losing my job, afraid of being homeless, etc. It made no sense as overall I’ve been in a good place lately. I worked hard to shed the nasties, but nothing was working. I finally did a tarot spell to let go of burdens and as I did the spell, I realized that I was shedding other people’s expectations of me and I realized the nasties invading my serenity were coming from my ex-husband.

We’ve been divorced for six years and separated for almost eight, but karmic links are hard to break and we’d been together for 22 years in this lifetime and for countless lifetimes before that. When he is in intense emotional anguish, I feel it due to those karmic ties and I realized I was picking up on his fears. He left a job he’d had for 10 years last year due to severe depression and anxiety, broke up with his girlfriend of two years, and is currently unemployed. On top of this he has major medical issues and will be losing his health insurance at the end of June. If I was in his shoes, I’d be pretty scared.

Last night before I fell asleep, I put up my shields and let it be known to the universe that I was not taking on his burdens. His choice to walk away meant I no longer had any responsibility for his happiness, his security, or anything else. Maintaining that boundary is hard for me as I try to be compassionate, but I can’t take on his problems anymore. He needs to be responsible for his own life.

Magician (Reversed)

Magician
Robin Wood Tarot

First Impressions: Robin’s Magician is one of my favorite cards in this deck. I love how he the image is closer and more personal than most magician cards. He also feels very personable and I love the deer head because it makes him very shamanic. Reversed the impressions I get of this card are of blocked energy and humility.

Book: Greed, deceit, out of touch with reality, not realizing your full potential, more to give, not using skills for spiritual journey, doubting

Guidance: Trust your instincts, pay attention to synchronicity

Journaling:

So many interesting meanings with this card. Based on my New Year’s reading, I truly feel as if I’m being called to move in a different direction, but I’m not sure what it is yet. I feel so alive when I am working with Tarot and using it to uncover the mysteries of myself, but I’m not sure how to parlay that into building a financial future.

Dearest Ones,

Please guide me to my destiny. I know what you have planned for me is so much better than what I could do alone. Please help me to reach my full potential and please help me to find my partner. Please help me to open my heart to love.

Blessings, Raine

January 3, 2018

It is amazing as I read through my old tarot journals and transcribe them how much I can see my faith growing. Although there are days when it feels like I am still the same old control freak who has to control absolutely every aspect of her life, I can see my willingness to let go and surrender continuing to grow. As scary as it is to contemplate, I’m realizing that they are not going to provide me with a perfectly written business plan for how to become a full time spiritual entrepreneur. Instead, I’m going to have to continue to take one step at a time and look for the next cairn.