Category: Daily Draw

Daily Draw: Five of Swords

First Impressions:  Gloating

Book:  Warrior stands victorious, Cost of Winning was not worth it

Guidance:  Determine what was lost and what was gained.  Was it worth it?  More conciliatory approach

Journaling

Interesting reading on this card.  For me this read is about winning at all costs.  I love to be right and it sometimes leads me down bad path.  My gloating over losing Hood because we chose not to include OCM in the proposal was not good.  I need to accept that the person who chose that was an idiot.

November 20, 2017

It’s nice to be able to remind myself to take a step back.  I’ve become so much better at self regulation.

October 30, 2018

This is still something that I need to work on.  I’ve realized that one of the things I really need to work on is letting go of both winning and losing.  Gloating isn’t good, but moping when I lose isn’t good either.  I think that kids who participate in sports have an easier time of this because you need to shake it off and move to the next thing.  I was thinking about this when I was watching a hockey game with the kids.  If the other team gets a goal, you can’t sit and mope over it.  You have to shake it off or you will never recover.

Daily Draw: Wheel of Fortune

First Impressions:  Chance

Book: Sun=Mind, we can view things as we like

Guidance: We need to remember that life is a full cycle, if we are centered, we are not at wheel’s mercy, do not neglect responsibilities

Journaling

I usually like the readings in this book, but I do not like this one.  I don’t believe it is true that for every event we can view it as a blessing or tragic.  Some events are tragic and wrong no matter what.  What happened to my daughter was tragic and wrong and there is no blessing there.  She may learn from it and belssings may occur because of it, but that does not mean the event was a blessing.  Everythig is also not a choice.  Yes she placed herself in that situation, but his choices led to the situation.

November 20, 2017

I have to step back over my rage on this one and do a reset.  I know this card is about the ups and downs in life and there are times in life where life is going good and life is awesome and other times when life sucks.  The key is to remember that this too shall pass.  If things are going well, it will pass and if things are going poorly it will pass.

October 30, 2018

The wheel of fortune is still not my favorite card because I don’t like the fact that there are things that are outside of my control.  However, I know that this is true and I also do realize that the closer I stay to center, the less I will be buffeted by the turning of the wheel.

Daily Draw: Nine of Cups

First Impressions: Friendship

Book: Saluting comfort, abundance, and good fortune, fortune that is of good cheer, you have achieved a place of comfortable abundance

Guidance:  Be aware of the energy of the hermit to the extreme, share what you have with graciousness

Journaling

Interesting read on this card.  I love the reminder to not be the hermit as that is my preference.  I love to hide away and have my alone time.  I recharge when I am alone.  I need to find my balance between alone time and not shutting people out.  I don’t know yet where that balance is.  Part of it is that I have to be so on at work that being on at home is a daunting thought.  My daughter calls it emotional labor and she’s right.  I also know that in some ways it is harder than psychical labor.

November 20, 2017

I really need to work to cultivate balance in my life.  It is way too easy for me to stay in my little hermit mode and stay isolated.  I need to work harder to get out of myself as it is way too easy to stay in my little hermit shell and stay isolated.  However, the flip side is do I need to meet people, is there anything wrong with being solitary?

October 30, 2018

I think I’m doing much better at this because I am finally at a place where I’ve realized that it is okay to be a hermit and it is okay to be myself.  There is nothing shameful about not wanting to be around people 24/7.   John ridiculed me and made fun of me if I did not want to constantly be around people.  I think he uses people to hide from himself whereas I used to using my alone time to hide from people.  I think I’m finally at a point where I am finding balance.

It really helps knowing that how much or how little I socialize is purely my choice and is not anyone else’s.  That helps me to feel a lot better and it honestly makes it easier to socialize with others.  I also am realizing that I do need people in my life, but I need to control the dosage and the method of delivery.  I want to have people I can talk to about real issues and not just have a group of people who are drinking buddies.  I think I’m starting to make progress on this front.  It’s hard, but I’m getting there.

Daily Draw: Ten of Wands

First Impressions:  Taking on burdens that are not ours

Book:  Almost finished with arduous task, light at the end of the tunnel inspires you

Guidance:  Draw on your most basic instincts for the strength to finish what you started, do not stop too soon

Journaling

This card is a reminder to me to not take other people’s burdens on.  I’m really bad about taking burdens on that are not mine to bear.  I’m especially bad at taking on my daughter’s burdens.  That poor kid has so much to bear.  I need to help, but I also need to let her blossom into the strong and independent person that she is.

Please dearest ones, hold her in your arms and help her.  Help her to know she is always loved.

November 20, 2017

I need to let go and let other’s find their own way.

October 30, 2018

I am still really bad about taking on things that are not mine.  Like the other day I was looking on job sites for jobs for my daughter.  She is 26 years old, she is perfectly capable of looking for jobs herself.  I also need to stop cleaning up after everyone even though in some ways it is easier to just do it than to complain to people.  The problem is that when I do just break down and clean up after people, I end up being resentful and unhappy.  I need to find a middle way that marries my own peace of mind with holding people accountable.

Daily Draw: Two of Cups

First impressions:  Heart Connection

Book:  Union creating a unique energy that is mystical and special, uniting opposing qualities

Guidance:  Faced with opportunity to partner with someone, honor the gift of the moment and enjoy it, enjoy the magic, do not let it engulf you

Journaling

The truth of the matter is that it is actually not unusual for my daughter to not answer the phone.  She rarely has the ringer on so it is always hit or miss whether she will answer.  I really just need to let go and trust that she’s being held and is okay.  I know she needs rest but it’s really hard not being home.  Sean will be there this afternoon, so all we can do is wait.

October 27, 2018

On the surface, this does not sound like I am addressing the card, but at the moment I was so overwhelmed and scared because Cam had gone incommunicado.  However, this is about heart connection.  Cam and Sean are my heart and it hurts when I am afraid for them.  The good thing is that she was perfectly fine and was just sleeping late.

Daily Draw: The Moon

First Impressions:  Intuition

Book:  Beautiful, inspiring orb, releasing carnal instincts.  Moon Goddess shows us our best dreams and worst nightmares

Guidance:  Pay attention to your dreams and intuition, face your fears, attend to your soul

Journaling:

I like this card because it tells me to listen to what my soul is saying, but to not get led off course by my nightmares.  My intuition is telling me that my daughter will be okay and she will be stronger because of it.  I have to let go and quit smothering her.  She is strong and capable and I need to trust that her meds are working and she is going to be okay.  She is telling me they are going to be okay and I need to listen to them.

November 20, 2017

So far she is doing okay.  Getting Clark has helped tremendously.

October 27, 2018

My daughter is actually doing very well.  She has some anxiety and is nervous about what’s going to happen with court, but she is doing much better than I think I would have been doing.  Clark has truly helped her more than anything else I could have thought of.  She dotes on that dog and he is her little shadow.  I’m so glad that she has him and that he is there for her no matter what.  I knew that getting a dog would help, because Luke is what really saved my life after my divorce.

Daily Draw: Page of Cups

First Impressions:  Emotional fluidity

Book:  Facing a moment of truth, convinced he knows best, feeling a little apprehensive

Guidance:  Be aware of assuming you know everything and ignoring advice.  Realize you don’t know everything

Journaling

I love the guidance to listen and not assume that I know everything.  That’s valuable advice.  I know I don’t know everything when it comes to emotions and I need to take a step back and evaluate the situation and look at things from multiple angles.  Emotions are never as simple as A+B=C and I trip myself up when I assume they are. 

November 20, 2017

I need to love who I am.

October 27, 2018

This card is so real and meaningful for me.  I am really bad about this when it comes to assessing, assuming how other people are behaving.  I ALWAYS make it all about me and the truth of the matter is that it is rarely all about me.  Most of the time, people have other things going on in their life that don’t involve me at all.  I need to learn to just let go and trust that things will work out instead of assuming that they are not going to work out.  That is not helpful for me.

Daily Draw; Three of Swords

First impressions:  Heartbreak

Book:  Heartbreak, very dramatically and tragically expressed, ego is centered on emotional distress

Guidance:  Remove the focus from your emotions, proper perspective allows more clarity, empress can help with healing

Journaling

I love the reading on this card as it is a reminder to put things into perspective.  I tend to blow things out of perspective and make it seem as if I am the only person in the world to be hurt and that is not true.  Every person on the planet goes through heartbreak and pain.  It is not the tragedy we face that defines us as much as it is our reaction to it.  We can choose to curl up in a ball and wither away or we can choose to become hard.  Or we can choose to heal and grow.  Just like I love old furniture for its scars and patina, I need to embrace my own scars and imperfections.  I’ve led an interesting and varied life and I need to embrace that. 

I’m struggling right now as to how I can be there for my daughter as she is alternating between defiant and sad.  I guess I just have to let go and be there for her.  She needs a support system and not a jailer.

November 20, 2017

Interesting read as I am working on accepting myself and who I am in my own life.  I am not berating myself for clothing sizes, but choosing to love who I am.

October 27, 2018

Over the past year, I really have realized that loving myself and valuing my body is the key to losing weight.  I am actually motivated to take care of myself and to stop drinking coke.  It is really hard, but I know that I am starting to feel better since I’m no longer sucking down four cokes a day.  The pounds have not really started coming off yet, but I do know that I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin.

Daily Draw: King of Cups

First Impressions:  Emotional control

Book:  Fortunate in your achievements, there are things in your life that give you satisfaction

Guidance:  Be aware of focusing on what you don’t have, nurture your emotions

Journaling

I needed this reminder today to focus on what I have instead of what is missing from my life.  I am so blessed that we found my daughter last night, but I really want to hurt the guy who raped her.  However, she isn’t dead and that is a blessing.  I was so terrified last night.  I felt like I aged 100 years in the 30 minutes she wasn’t answering her phone.

I know that we saved her life by his knowing we were coming.  I have to admit that I am so angry and sad today.  I’m  angry that she gave a stranger a ride, I’m sad that she was hurt, and I’m so angry at him.  However, the overwhelming feeling today is gratitude that she is alive.  I’m grateful that she knows she can call me at any time and that she did.  It could have been so much worse, if the rapist hadn’t known that she had people who loved her and were looking for her.

October 27, 2018

It has been a year and I still want him dead.  The case is slowly winding its way through the court system, but as the anniversary comes up, she is getting really anxious and angry and sad.   The worst part is that I will not be here for her.  However, we will figure out a plan so that she feels supported and knows that she is loved.

Daily Draw: Nine of Swords

First Impressions:  Nightmares

Book:  Troubled by a larger problem, alone and closed out

Guidance:  Reach out and get comfort, be aware of isolation and let someone in to guide and comfort you

Journaling:

It is hard for me right now for me and I find myself continually disappointed by people.  I reached out to the UU’s stupid Laughter in Our Lives group and they disappointed me.  Not one of the people reached out to say, “Hope your daughter is okay.”  Instead they just harassed me and were rude.  Forget them, I do not need that kind of BS in my life.

November 20, 2017

I have to look at things realistically and in a balanced way.  What would I have done if an acquaintance had said her daughter was hurt?  I would have said I’m sorry and asked what I could do.  However, not one of those bitches did that.  I don’t want to be associated with people like that and if that is the level of support the church provides, then forget it.  It isn’t that I need everyone fawning all over me, but an acknowledgement would have been nice.

October 26, 2018

I’m getting chills realizing that I pulled the nightmare card on the day one of my worst nightmares came true.  My daughter was abducted and assaulted.  There was a period of an hour or so where we did not know where she was and I was terrified that she was dead.  Fortunately, we got to her and even though she is struggling, she is still alive and is still being the amazing fighter that she is.