Category: Daily Draw

The Sun

Sun
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  Sekhemet always strikes me as so regal in this card, she is clearly a woman of power who knows how to wield it.  Her solar sundress makes me think of all the blood she has lapped up.  Overall, the sun is a card of promise and warmth.

Book:  Power Burns, Power Heals, raw power of the sun, divine vengeance, cleansing fire cures, She ensures the flame of one’s life does not burn out too soon

Guidance:  Opportunity to break a negative cycle, walking both the spiritual and mundane paths, following a calling

Journaling

Pretty amazing that I pulled this card right after I was doing a sun meditation to heal my pancreas.  Even though I know the sun is still up there, she feels faraway today.  It is a cold day and the cold wind is howling.  My wood room is drafty and I feel the cold breeze blowing.  Days like today it feels as if the sun is never going to come out and warm us.  I can truly see how the ancients believed the sun had forsaken them. 

They are truly telling me to charge a citrine and put it in water from last year’s snow.  I’m supposed t ask that Sekhemet bless the water and I’m supposed to meditate and listen to binaural beats.  They are telling me that will bring my sugar levels down.  At this point, I’m willing to try anything.

January 1, 2018

Okay, I haven’t done this yet as I haven’t dug through my rocks to find a citrine.  I will do it this week and report back on the results.  Interesting thing is that even though I haven’t done it yet, I am feeling better and I have made a definitive decision to stop the sugar and I’ve started to find alternatives.

Hanged One

Hanged One
Dark Goddess

First Impressions:  I love this card because not only is she hanging upside down in water, her limbs are all akimbo and I’m not sure exactly how she is staying together in the water.  The Hanged One (man) is always about changing my perspective and looking at things from a different point of view.

Book:  What has been, what lives in hidden places, Goddess of the Mother, of the gods, Mother of All, existence killed by her own young.

Guidance:  Surrender, but remember who you are; trust your intuition and be open to it, look at things from a different point of view.

Journaling

Surrender is such a foreign concept to me.  I’ve always been someone who fights to the bloody, brutal end so the thought of surrendering and letting go always seems to me like giving up.  However, past experience has taught me that when I do truly surrender to deity, amazing things happen.  It is hard though because I always want to snatch back control.

Dearest Ones,

Help me to trust you enough to let go.  Let me trust that I a being led and that things will work out exactly the way they are supposed to work out.  Let me trust you have my best intentions at heart.

January 1, 2018

I’m still getting used to writing 2018!  One thing I have learned in my life is that life does move on and that surrendering means that I don’t have to control everything.  Over the past few years, my definition of surrendering has evolved from giving up total control and sitting there passively to trusting that I will be led and doing the work I need to do.  It’s kind of like managing a project, I cannot control how every consultant spends every minute of their day so I need to set the structure and trust them to do what they’re supposed to do. 

Trust is as difficult of a concept for me as surrender so sitting back and not micromanaging is hard for me.  However, when I do sit back and trust others, things work out amazingly well. 

Three of Fire

Three of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  The first impression I get in looking at this card is that the three little beasts are waiting for Circe to fall off the hill.  I believe that she is stirring up some kind of medical or magical potion and she needs to wait until it is perfect.

Book:  Ideas have a life of their own, Goddess credited with the invention of Magick, Transformation, Lack of jealousy

Guidance:  Your creative ability is high, permanence is an illusion as everything changes, mix up things in your life, changing your appearance or your home is not a superficial act.

Journaling:

I needed this reminder that nothing is permanent.  I get so caught up in wanting some things to remain the same that I forget how boring that can make life.  Life truly is a journey and there is always something new to discover.  What I am struggling with is reconciling the fact that nothing is permanent with my need for stability.  How can I create a stable life when there truly is impermanence?

I think it comes down to building a financial foundation and a home and then going with the flow.  It’s interesting as I groaned when I pulled this card and I wanted to put it back and I did.  I then pulled the witch of fire, but my conscious wouldn’t let me cheat so I decided to keep the card that I originally pulled, although I did look at the reading for the Witch of Fire (Cerridwin).  Cerridwin has a meaning that is complimentary to this one:  Use an established framework or structure to keep your energy focused.  What an amazing confirmation.

December 30, 2017

Wow!  It always amazes me how the cards provide the lessons that I need and the confirmation, when necessary.  I think the answer is to create a stable structure and create the magic within the structure.  For me right now that means working on paying off my credit cards and my bills so that I have more flexibility financially.  It also means going back to shopping at Aldi for whatever I can get there so I can cut my grocery budget.  Not a big deal as I always went to Aldi when we lived in Chicago, I just got out of the habit.

Daily Draw: Ace of Fire

Ace of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  This card speaks to me of peace, of cleanliness, of harmony.  The body of the goddess mirrors the temple behind her.  I also love how she is holding both wood and fire.

Book:  Revere the source, keep power pure, Roman goddess of fire and the hearth, Virgin, woman onto herself, temple, awaken in nature

Guidance:  Situation has deep roots and a bright future, Acknowledge your desire, do not allow others to skew your vision, do what makes your spark shine

Journaling:

This card feels like a spark plug to me.  A reminder of the divine spark within all of us that keeps us holy.  All too often we allow this spark to go out or become dirty and covered in grime.  When that happens, we often start to lose our appreciation for the spark of the divine in others.

It is so easy to dehumanize others and to place them in an other category.  I’m really pissed at my co-project lead right now because he wants to meet twice a week next week even though everyone is on PTO.  However, I’ve had to take a step back and realize two things:

  • I have a job to complain about and that is definately something to be grateful for.
  • He is usually pretty good to work with so I’ll take that as a positive and let go of this as it will all work itself out in the end

December 29, 2017

We ended up only having daily checkpoints and not twice daily checkpoints so it was not that horrible.  I also did a great job of doing the checkpoint and letting go.  I was afraid I was going to be spending all week stewing about how I had to have these stupid checkpoints, etc, etc.  However, I talked myself off the ledge by reminding myself that it was 20 minutes out of my day and answering a few emails.  It was not a big deal and when I talked myself off the ledge and put it in context, I was ale to just let go and appreciate my week.

Ace of Air

Ace of Air
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  The first impressions of Nemesis are not positive.  I get the impression that she is pointing at someone and giving them unsolicited advice or shaming them.  However, she isn’t waving her sword around so I guess unsolicited advice is better than the alternative.  I do love the colors on this card as the gold of her tunic is a slightly lighter color than the gold of the field.  The ace of swords always tells me that this is about cutting through bullshit.

Book:  The first step in discernment:  Perceive what exists.  Grants the knowledge of what is right and good.  Enforcing the limits beyond one which one should not perceive.

Guidance:  Apply objectivity to achieve clarity, mediate your ego, stay nimble, moderate your sacrifice.

Journaling:

I like the reminders in this card.  It is more guidance to stay in the middle path.  I also have to be objective.  I know this who reorganization is nt about me at all, but my ego is feeling shuffled to the side so I’m a tad annoyed that I have to let go of my feelings.  No!  I don’t need to let go, I need to acknowledge.

December 28, 2017

I have grown so much in the last year and I am so much better about not making it all about me.  Okay, that’s not exactly true, I do tend to make it all about me, but then I talk myself off the ledge and I see things more rationally.  Watching yourself grow up is a pretty cool experience!

Eight of Fire

Eight of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: My first impressions are of a beautiful red fire goddess falling into a small village.  There is a sense of haste and purpose.

Book:  Let the rush lead to a new awakening, Inviting change in, a great energetic shift, seducing people to follow impossible dreams.

Guidance:  Get out of the way and go for the ride, invite the Goddess in, follow your desire

Journaling:

I’m not sure what to do with this energy.  A feel there is a change a’brewing, but I don’t truly know what I want in my life.  I don’t know.  Part of me just wants peace in my life.  I don’t want to change the world or just buy things.  I just want peace.  I want to wake up and look into my soul and clean away the debris that has accumulated there.  I want to live a simple life, but how do I get there?  How do I live a contemplative life while still being in the world.

December 28, 2017

This week has been a really good experience for me in letting go and choosing to live in peace.  I’m not thrilled that we have to have daily meetings to resolve defects, but I’ve realized that I have  choice:  I can choose to let the 30 minute daily meeting ruin my entire day or I can choose to say, this is 30 minutes that I need to spend doing this, but then I’m done.  It really is a choice and I’ve been doing a good job of choosing to do the meeting and let go.  That is so much progress for me because before I would have spent the entire day in a snit because I had to have this one 30 minute meeting.

I’m also doing a good job of choosing to let go of not being able to spend as much time cleaning the house as I want to.  It’s really hard to clean around people and to a certain extent that annoys me, but I can choose to get all angry and pissy about them sitting there or I can just choose to relax and do something else.  It is my choice.

Seven of Air

Seven of Air
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  Ellen does a great job with this card in giving us the sense of the thief as Laverna is turned toward something gesturing while behind her back she holds a bag of money.  I didn’t realize it when I first drew this card, but there are seven columns.  I love this card and even though I didn’t not consciously look at the card, my very first impressions were ones of a thief and dishonesty.

Book:  Succeeding through ill-gotten gains, hiding in the shadows

Guidance: Think outside of the box, think of another way, work for your own best interests, answer may be found in silence.

Journaling:

The message I take from Laverna is to reclaim what is mine.  I spend so much time and energy giving and being for others that I neglect myself.  I need to make a concentrated effort to reclaim myself.  I also have to acknowledge that there are days when it only feels like taking my life back is stealing because other people do not recognize my sovereignty and only see me in relation to what I can do for them.  I need to reclaim myself and life my life for me and not for others.  That’s easier now than when my kids were little, but it still feels awkward to say no and put my own needs first.  It is something I know will continue to be a work in progress.

December 26, 2017

Pulling this card reminds me of the ritual to Laverna that Anna led.  I was okay with all the Dark Goddess rituals she led until I got to this one because it was almost as if she took glee in the idea of worshiping someone who was was the patron of thieves.  However, over the past few years I’ve had a lot of time to meditate and reflect.  I’ve also done the meditation to Laverna from The Dark Goddess Lodge and I’ve come to a different understanding of Laverna and the Seven of Swords in general.

I’ve realized that sometimes it is right and necessary to be a “thief” as sometimes it is about reclaiming your sovereignty and reclaiming what someone stole from you.  John stole so much for me and I’m finally starting to reclaim who I am.  He pounded me down so hard that I lost so much of myself.  I still don’t know why he chose to beat me down physically and emotionally, but I have come back and I’ve reclaimed myself.

I’m also learning that other people consider it selfish or wrong to stand up for myself and take back my time and my resources.  It is not wrong to take back what is yours.  In fact it is good and noble to take yourself back to a time of wholeness.

Stars

Stars
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: I love this card with Spider Woman weaving her web out of stars.  It makes me happy and serves as a reminder that we are all connected.  I also love how Ellen has changed the name of this card to be Stars instead of Star.

Book:  Small things hold the earth in the heavans, she draws light and lfie from the darkness, creating through her thoughts keeps the sky from leaving.

Guidance:  The more you reach for what inspires you, the more your purpose becomes clear.  Act in alignment with your beliefs.  Use stability.  You are part of a network

Journaling:

I love the messages of Spider Woman and the sense of being connected to everyone.  The reminder to not always go at something head on, but to be subtle and thoughtful is important for me to hear.  I also love to meditate on the web and the interconnections of life.

My problem right now is that I don’t really know what I’m passionate about.  There was a time I wanted to write and teach, but I’m not really sure that’s what I want as I’m not sure I want to take that responsibility for others.  In some ways that feels like my mother’s bullshit about making my life about everyone else.

I think I just need to be still with the question and the answer will come to me.

Dearest ones,

Please direct me down the path that is right for me and help me find my joy.

Blessings, Raine

Siren of Water

Siren of Water
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  These are actually second impressions, since I’ve pulled the Siren of Water recently 😍.  One of the things that is striking me as I look at this card a little deeper, is that Aphrodite looks very shapeless.  We tend to think of her as being a blond bombshell, but her toga completely obscures her curves.  For me, this card is about learning about emotions.

Book:  Love is a risk you must take, all that enchants the spirit and arouses the body and in doing so she opens her heart.

Guidance:  Look at yourself through the eyes of love and change what is possible.  Admit your desire.  Do or make something you love.

Journaling:

Aphrodite is not a goddess that I’ve ever been comfortable with as she seems so perfect and out of reach.  She’s the cheerleader who gets all the boys while I’m the chunky nerd no one looks twice at.

Message from Aphrodite

I am not your rival.  I am you.  Embrace my gifts of beauty and sensuality.  Let go of the fear in your heart about not being pretty enough or sexy enough.  These are old messages.  You are beautiful, kind, loving, and have a beautiful heart.  I am not your rival, I can be your coach and friend if you can open up your heart and trust.

December 28, 2018

Wow!  As I read back over this, I have chills as this is an amazingly powerful message.  I know there are pretty girls that are mean girls, but maybe there are pretty girls who are pretty inside and out.  I always put up my defenses around pretty girls, but maybe I shouldn’t.

One of the hardest lessons I’m learning right now is that beauty truly does come from the inside out.  I know that I struggle with that as looking in the mirror and not seeing a perfect size 6 makes me feel bad about myself.  It has been a struggle to start to look for the good in myself and to find my inner Aphrodite.  I do know that cutting off people who do not support me and encourage me has helped me tremendously.  I spent my entire childhood believing that the right way to show love was to discourage people and constantly give them unwanted advice.  It was about “correcting” people by telling them they smelled like an old fisherman while in the market, even though there wasn’t anything I could do about it at the time.  It was about being passive aggressive and talking about me to others instead of being direct.  It was about “bringing me down a peg.”

In reality, none of those things are love.  Those are simply acts of cruelty.  It doesn’t matter if it was my mother who did them, they were acts of cruelty and abuse.  True love builds people up and doesn’t tear them down.  The only good thing out of that entire experience, is that I’ve learned what love is and by not following the bitch’s crappy example, I can show my kids true love by encouraging them and supporting them.

Nine of Air

Nine of Air
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  This card strikes fear in my heart as it shows my nightmare of being continually picked at by birds.  When I am totally overwhelmed, it feels as if birds are picking me apart and that’s what this card makes me think of.  In reality, the birds are not attacking her, but rather accompanying her.  This card is very much a card of fear and nightmares.

Book:  If you would known, do not fear to see.  Banshee wails and chills hearts with her cries.  She brings the prophecy of doom with her wailing. With her cries she sees the world beyond.

Guidance:  Do not give fears a priority when making a decision.  Acknowledge the pain and fear you are facing, but do not let it overwhelm you.

Journaling:

What a perfect card to pull today.  Yesterday, I got an invite to a meeting with Darshan so I, of course, start freaking out and my mind started down the “I’m fired” path.  That makes no sense at all because I’ve been billable and we’re gaining traction on OCM, but that was the first place my mind went.  I’m learning to redirect and talk myself off the ledge, but it still takes work sometimes.

That is the part of the beating myself up mindset that I do.  I’m so mean to myself even when I’ve done nothing wrong, I beat myself up and tell myself how stupid I am.  I need to learn to Stop, Drop, and Roll with my emotions:

  • Stop what I’m doing and breathe
  • Drop the feelings that are causing me pain
  • Roll with the situation and see what comes of it
December 28, 2017
I love the Stop, Drop, and Roll and that’s something easy I can remember.  I’ve come so far over the past few years in emotional health, but I know I’m not there yet.  The first steps were about emotional control and learning not to wear my heart on my sleeve and not to react to every emotion I’ve felt.  Being a consultant has helped a lot with that as I know that I can’t react or I won’t have a job.  It’s one thing to have meltdowns with people who know you well, but quite another to have meltdowns in front of clients.  
However, I know a big part of the reason I have better emotional control now is that I’m no longer in an abusive relationship.  It was really hard to be emotionally stable when I came home and got yelled at for stupid stuff or when everything that went wrong was my fault.  I’m learning to be kind to myself and see that there were forces outside of myself that contributed to my lack of emotional control.
My current phase of emotional healing is about being kind to myself and acknowledging the fear, anger, etc., and recognizing those feelings as valid and talking to myself about why I feel that way and seeing if I can change my mindset to see things a different way.  It is all a process and the best thing is that I don’t have to have all the answers right now.