Daily Draw – Page 4 – Cairn by Cairn

Destruction

Destruction
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: I love the red fringe hanging over Kali, although I’m not sure if it is fire raining down on her or fire she has conjured. I see her as severing heads and moving forward.

Book: All the world changes, necklace of skulls and skirt of limbs, beloved by people as she allows them to move beyond fear.

Guidance: Pray that Kali will be kind, illusions will be shattered, ride it out as best you can, do not evade dealing with something difficult

Journaling:

There are a couple of difficult things that I am dealing with at work. The first is not being 100% dedicated to a project and billable. However, feeling insecure does not mean I am on unstable ground. It is a feeling and not necessarily a fact. Building new things always brings with it a period of adjustment, of change, and of growth. Going through change does not mean that things will not work out. It just provides opportunities for good things to flow into my life.

I also need to accept that something I’ve really wanted in my life is an illusion and is not going to happen. The one thing I have come to realize about this situation is that it really isn’t about me. Just because someone is not in a position to do something, does not mean I am unlovable or unworthy. It really is not personal and has nothing to do with me. The good thing is that this realization doesn’t shatter me or even make me sad and that makes me happy.

January 13, 2018

Despite the fact that I deal with change everyday at work, it is still not something I truly enjoy. I especially hate the destructive aspects of change because it hurts and is painful. My divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me as it allowed me to become more truly myself, but it was also the hardest thing that ever happened to me. I was stripped to the bone and there were times when it felt as if I would never recover. However, it also allowed me to rebuild myself and to become a better and stronger person.

Witch of Air

Witch of Air
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: I love the swirling colors on this card and how there is really an impression that the wind is blowing and life is swirling all around. This card tells me that the winds of change are blowing.

Book: Tear the veil between the worlds and anything can happen, riding storms into battle, bringing change to all she touches, destruction, carrying the power of the wind

Guidance: Your power is great during this time of upheaval, power comes from knowing your heart and soul

Journaling:

I love the message of Oya, especially as I sit here listening to the wind howling. It feels like a time of transition. The world is changing and I can choose to move with it or to resist and be blown apart. One of the lesson I’m feeling is that Oya flows back and forth, she doesn’t just move in one direction.

I know there are times I need to move backward to take a step forward, but the step backward doesn’t have to be really far as sometimes just one step back can really help us to gain perspective. As I sit and listen to the cold wind blow, I’m realizing the other lesson from Oya’s world: She blows away that which is no longer needed The leaves are blowing off the trees now because they are no longer needed, but the snow stays put as it is needed to help the planet grow.

What needs to blow away in my life to reveal the bones of the matter? What is important to me? What needs to stay?

January 20, 2018

Dearest Oya,

Goddess of Change, Goddess of the Marketplace, please help me to see what I need to let go of and help me to be the person I need to be. Please help me to let go of that which no longer serves me.

Blessings,
Raine

Priestess

Priestess
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: My first impressions of this card are of studiousness, of going within, and of inner knowing. This is also a card of scrying and general knowledge. It also represents feminine wisdom.

Book: From dissolution comes awareness, portal through which gods speak to man, sacred stone is the navel of the world, sisterhood, relinquishing your name

Guidance: Believe in the power of oracles, believe in your intuition, you know more than you can explain, read the signs of day and night.

Journaling:

I love the reminder to trust the oracle and your intuition. One of the things I’ve been learning /realizing is that I need to return to the time of innocence and faith. It is so hard to trust sometimes because of all these doubts about whether I am worthy creep in, but I am a child of the divine so of course I am worthy. This leads me to the question of If I’m worthy and should not be judged, than who am I to be judging John as unworthy?

The message I’m receiving is that I am not judging whether or not he is worthy of divine love, I’m saying that he has hurt and betrayed me and I no longer want the craziness and disruption that he brings to my life. Those are two separate things.

January 20, 2018

This is amazingly profound and it gives me deep satisfaction as I think a lot of my turmoil about my life is about wanting to set boundaries and not have people in my life, but then I view myself as judgemental. The reality is that saying someone has hurt you and that you do not want them in your life is way different than being judgemental.

As I reflect on this, I’m realizing that being judgemental is judging people’s behavior that may or may not affect you. Wow! as I wrote this, I realized that my mother has influenced this behavior as well because I hated what a judgemental bitch she was so I’ve gone the opposite way and refused to set boundaries that protect myself. She judged me for working even though it did not affect her so because of that I chose to not judge John and let him abuse me because if I set a boundary, I would be judging him. Wow! That’s pretty f*ed up.

Ten of Earth

Ten of Earth
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: My first impressions of Ala are that she is stiff and statue like and is not interacting with her people. She also is very much a goddess of fertility with the prominent breasts and the design painted on her stomach.

Book: Kin and Kind, living and dead are all part of one another, totality of the earth in all its variety and appearances, Goddess of morality and judgement, keeper of customs and laws.

Guidance: Let relationships go as needed, do not seek vengeance, celebrate good fortune, celebrate those whose work you admire, keep and renew your relationship with the earth

Journaling:

This reading hits where I’m at today about the need to let go of people without vengeance. It is about shedding the ties that no longer should be binding us. My tie to John is a big one as he hurt me badly. I had an interesting dream last night. I dreamed we were sleeping together and he made an amorous advance. Initially, I responded to him, but then my dream rewound and I asked him if he loved me or if I was just convenient. When he didn’t respond, I knew everything I needed to know. This helped me to realize that our issues were not all about me and that he really does see women as objects.

January 20, 2018

As I read this, I’m realizing that my relationship with the earth also needs to include my relationship with my body. This was an incredibly hard week and I lost my connection to both the earth and myself. I spent most of my week in my head dealing with issues and lost track of the world around me. I didn’t make time to go to the ocean or to ground myself and I’m paying the price. This week may be just as insane, but I need to make time to ground and take care of myself.

Three of Air

Three of Air
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: The Blue Dakini is stomping on someone’s heart as she dances. The lotus flower appears to have blood flowing from it. This is truly a card of heartbreak.

Book: If it is not real and true, sever all ties, heralding a vast awakening, healing through destruction, quickly cutting through obstacles.

Guidance: Face the harsh truth, put something in place of your wound, open yourself to the experience

Journaling:

I really love this reading and this card. It is a reminder to let go of what no longer serves me and to open up to the possibilities of life. I’m at a crossroads and I know that in order to move forward, I need to make some hard choices. One of those choices is to choose to let go of my hope that something is going to happen with X and I need to put him in my rear view mirror. I need to do like I am doing with so much of my life and keep the good and the lessons that I’ve learned and let go of that which no longer serves me. Being diabetic also no longer serves me and I need to get with the program and quit the sugar.

January 13, 2018

The three of swords is still not my favorite card in the deck, but I am learning to appreciate it and to see the value in admitting heartbreak and accepting it versus hiding it. I’m also seeing the value in having the pain drain out.

Moon

Moon
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: Initially, I really did not like this card because it looked like a worm on a wheel, however, the more I studied the more I came to appreciate the artwork and to see the card for what it is.

Book: In the realm of the soul, the moon is your guide, shape shifting, embracing duality, virgin onto herself, wheel of time, souls finding mercy

Guidance: Reenactment of an old story is at hand, look for a reinterpretation, change comes over time, attune yourself to your rhythms, set your imagination free, get more sleep

Journaling:

What an amazing card today to pull today on the last day of the year and when there is going to be a super moon tomorrow. I love the thought of doing the soul’s work. I can feel the change afoot in the new year and know that there are amazing things on the horizon. I can feel the magick in the air.

January 11, 2018

Wow! This card was incredibly prophetic. The reenactment of an old story is at hand and I am working hard to respond a different way. Work is a little weird right now as we just went through a reorganization and I have a new boss, which makes me feel a little uncomfortable. I also heard that for some joint project we reached out to Jessica about OCM, which also makes me wonder what is going on. However, there is nothing I can do about any of that.

My initial reaction is to run. It’s to say, this isn’t going to work out it is time for me to walk away, but they are telling me very clearly to stay and that it will work out. It goes against all of my instincts, but I am choose to stay and see how it plays out.

The other interesting tidbit of guidance is the reminder to get enough sleep. I’ve learned this week that when I have enough sleep, I am much more effective at dealing with stressors and weird situations. When I don’t get enough sleep, I struggle.

Seven of Fire

Seven of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: I love this card because it makes me think of being a bad ass and taking charge. The colors and background are so simple, but very profound.

Book: Rise up or the demon’s win, Gods invoke Durga through their combined powers, tiger representing her unlimited powers, working to protect people from misery

Guidance: Know which weapon to use for the fight, know you ground and your position and make a stand, identify your personal demons, do not give up something because it is hard. It will be accomplished if you keep trying

Journaling

I really love the messages in this card, especially around knowing your demons. My personal demons are low self esteem and feeling as if I always have to buy people’s friendship. I get caught up in thinking that if I do nice things for people then they will like e and I’ve always been that way. I remember back in high school buying gifts so guys would like e. And I did the same thing with John. I thought if I bought him things he would stay. I’ve learned that if people don’t like me for who I am, than that is their loss, but people pleasing is still part of who I am.

My other demon is sugar and it is killing me, but I don’t know how to stop.

Messages from my Guides

Yes, you do! Decide to stop. Find a substitute and be done with it. Yes the first few days will be hard, but it is either do this or do drugs and feel the medical industry. You are tough and strong. You can do this.

January 9, 2018

Today was about kicking ass and taking names. I am fed up with bullshit excuses for not doing your job. I’m fed up with people not fucking reading emails and expecting things to be spoon fed. I very clearly said in my email that it was for standard training material. I was a bitch today and it kind of felt good. I’m tired of being nice as it feels like everyone walks all over me when I’m nice.

However, when I take a step back and look at things from a different perspective, I realize that everyone is

Two of Fire

Two of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: I love this card because it is so more more engaged than the typical two of wands where the man is looking passively out at the ocean. Hekate is truly engaged and actively looking at the path.

Book: You don’t need a path to find your way, she releases her powers in the three realms, walking the spirit walk between the worlds, seize the moment

Guidance: When you hear a dog, think about the path you are on; when at a crossroads, move toward what you know to be true; take the first step, and it will lead you toward what you know to be true

Journaling:

I love this reading, especially about taking the next meaningful and appropriator action and then you will be provided with the next. This reminds me of the cairns and the lesson that they taught me.

As I reflect, I realize that the lesson is really one of trust. Walking to the first cairn, I had to trust that the next one would be there. I suppose it is that way with the reset of my life as well, I have to trust that the next cairn will be there. That’s really really hard for me as I want the whole path laid out for me at once, but that’s not how the world works.

I don’t know what the next adventure that awaits me is, but all I need to know is what the next step is, so what is the net step? Have I missed it by being stubborn?

Message from my guides

No my child, you haven’t missed it. You are right where you need to be. Continue putting one foot in front of the other. Continue to meditate and feel the peace all the way down to your belly. Trust your heart, trust in love, trust in yourself

January 8, 2018

Even though every instinct in my body says it is time to move on from my job and it is time to leap, they are telling me very clearly to stay put. I’ve always been the one who got dissatisfied and leaped rather than stay and work through the feelings of discomfort. They are telling me that there are lessons to be learned in trust and perseverance. They’re telling me to sit with the discomfort instead of running from it. I can find all sorts of ways to justify running, but they are telling me that none of them are valid. The funny thing is that I stayed in my marriage way too long even though I knew it was time to leave but I would leave jobs at the drop of a hat.

The funny thing is that I have been better about not leaving jobs since John and I split up, but the instincts are often still there just like they are now. I’m going to choose to trust them.

Six of Fire

Six of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: Epona seems to be the exalted one sitting side saddle on her horse above the other horses. She also strikes me as lonely without any other humans for company.

Book: Succeed on the strength of your alliances, the great mare is the source of fertility of the land, Epona provides for her people in death and life, Epona is also night mare who appears in dreams

Guidance: Hang a horse shoe to bring blessings, make progress day by day on a task until it is done, let people help you, Know what prosperity means to you, enjoy your moment in the sun.

Journaling:

I really like the reminder on this card to know when enough is enough. Sometimes, I get so caught up in having it all that I forget to be content with the simple things in life. We are snowed in today and part of me wants to rush to have the driveway plowed, but there is another part of me that is content to just sit and watch the snow fall. There is absolutely no where that we need to be today. I can take some time and smudge the house and do some cleansing, but there is nothing that truly needs to be done today.

It makes me wonder how often I rush to do things just because instead of sitting and enjoying what is. It is actually hard sitting here and watching the snow fall instead of rushing about. The one thing that I should do is to go out and shove the walk for the mail man if he hasn’t come yet.

I have been gifted with so much in life. I have a beautiful home, I live in a safe neighborhood, I have food to eat, I have people in my life who love me. It is amazing how when you really take time to count your blessings all the old shit doesn’t seem as important. I’m not quite at the point where I can wish my mother and John happy and wonderful lives, but I can wish that they find peace and find healing.

I’m realizing that having peace within ourselves is the most important thing in the world as when we have peace within ourselves we are not frantically searching for someone or something. I wonder if every person on earth had peace within their soul if we would have peace on earth. Is peace something we can teach? Can we teach kids to find that place within themselves when they actually like and accept themselves or is that too much to ask?

January 3, 2018

It is amazing how actually taking the time to reflect on what I’ve written can improve my mood. I’ve been in a crappy mood all day for some unknown reason. I think it may be that our client is choosing to reduce hours and I’m a little freaked out about it. My fears about not having a job and being laid off are rising up and overwhelming me today. However, that is just Frankie Fear talking as in reality, nothing has changed since before the holidays. I knew that the client wanted to reduce the hours, but seeing my hours on the project go to 5 a week is a little scary. I know there are a couple of other things in the works, but right now I’m freaked.

Dearest Ones,

Please help me to say F* you to Frankie Fear. Help me to realize that I will always be taken care of and that I am being guided. Please help me to remember that I have always been taken care of and that my needs have always been met.

Blessings, Raine

Wow! It is absolutely amazing how fast our guides work when we are open to guidance. As I was writing this, I got a Facebook alert and there was a sponsored post for an article called “Nightmare Medicine: How to Transform Fears into Power and Clarity.” Although the article specifically dealt with entering your nightmares (maybe chasing away Frankie Fear?) and confronting our fears, there were pointers and tips that I could use to vanquish my waking fears as well.

And if that wasn’t enough to convince me that I am being taken care of, I logged into IHG to book my son a hotel as I get the member discounts and after I’d booked his hotel, I found I was eligible to get 25,000 points, which equates to one free night in a hotel, just for clicking a button. I’ve been on the fence about going to the North Star Tarot Conference and the 25K points has pushed me toward taking a leap of faith and signing up.

Siren of Earth

Siren of Earth
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: I don’t like this card at first glance because it looks as if her face is on her ass. However, when I look more closely, I realize her face is on her stomach as it is about the bawdy and wonderful things that Baubo does. My initial thoughts on this were thinking with other parts of our body than our heads.

Book: This is the life in the belly: raw, ridiculous, sublime; Goddess of the belly laugh, power of laughter to activate the power of creativity. This is the time for feminine renewal and sexuality

Guidance: Laugh and smile deliberately, explore your body, explore physicality, be outlandish

Journaling:

I love the reminder to be bawdy and explore my uncivilized self. I’m not sure how I feel about being in the company of women as that’s always been disappointing for me. I’ve never been comfortable with women. I feel relations with women are stilted and as if they don’t get me. I’ve always been much more comfortable with men. Of course, today it is much too cold to be bawdy about anything! The wood room is freezing and I don’t know if I’ll ever be warm!

January 2, 2018

It’s interesting as I reflect on this as to why this card makes me really uncomfortable and it goes back to a lot of interactions with other women. Oddly, in these interactions I was the prude:

When I was a preteen or a young teenager we were at my Grandmother Babcock’s house making butter and she said something about not getting pregnant by holding a pill between my legs. At the time, I had no clue what she was talking about, but it made me uncomfortable.
My mother was talking to a friend while I was in the backseat of the car when I was 10 or so and she said something about my dad reaching for her breast and grabbing a roll of fat instead. That made me incredibly uncomfortable.
When John and I were first dating, we went to Joan and George’s and Vicky and Joyce were talking about my breasts and how they had kept growing. That was so awkward and made me uncomfortable, but when I protested I was told I was too sensitive.

In my mind all three of these interactions were really inappropriate and made me feel uncomfortable. I have no problem making impersonal bawdy comments, but two of these were directed at me and the third was by my mother…ick. John also made me uncomfortable because he’d have really inappropriate conversations with the kids and when I asked him to stop, he refused and told me I was too sensitive.

What I’m realizing this as I read this is that I’m not really a prude and I don’t necessarily think other women are prudes, but I want agency over bawdy conversations and I want my feelings to be listened to and to not be told I’m too sensitive or that I need to lighten up.

Wow! Pretty incredible what the cards tell us when we pay attention and listen.