Category: Cups

Daily Draw: Knight of Cups (R)

First Impressions:  Closed off emotionally

Book:  Dashed romantic hopes, halting a courtship, looking at things objectively, negative reaction to increased demands of the world

Guidance:  Don’t let your dreams delude you, maintain your emotional balance, avoid extremes

May 27, 2018

I didn’t journal about this card, but this was right before my 50th birthday and I was feeling closed off and as if nothing I did mattered.  One of the things that I have realized over the last few years is the need to be emotionally open and to let people in.  That is really hard for me as I am not good about making friends and I don’t let people in easily. Maybe the lesson for me right now is that it is okay that I don’t let people in and that I need to stop beating myself up and trying so hard.  It’s okay that I’m not as open as other people.  Everything about me is okay and I am okay.

I just need to let my life unfold and to do the best I can.  If I continue to work hard on who I am and I am kind to myself, life will flow better.  The problem is that my shame becomes a vicious circle as I feel shame so I don’t feel like reaching out to others, then I feel closed off, then I feel shame.  I think the first step in this process might not be to let people in.  Maybe the first step in the process is to be kind to myself.

Daily Draw: Two of Cups

First Impressions:  Traditional, Friendship, Love

Book: Balance, Dualism, Card of Soul Mates, promise of healing, completing, sharing

Guidance:  Cooperate, Work to Balance

Journaling

Although the book readings and traditional two of cups are about love and partnership, this card strikes me as lonely.  The woman is sitting in her tower with a bird for company.  The look on her face is sad and very bleak.  this card kind of sums up how lonely I feel lately.  I am very lonely and I feel like the good stuff is passing me by.  I feel like all I do is work.

May 25, 2018

I’m realizing this card isn’t lonely as much as showing a need to let people in and let ourselves be cared for by others even if those others don’t appear to be what we’re looking for.  I think the message from the universe is about having people and beings in our lives who recognize our pain and who are there for us when we need them  The little critters are there to cheer her up and to bring stardust into her life.  This card is about people who love you showing up for you.

When I look at the card i this context, I do have people who love me and who show up for me when I need them.  The kids are always there for me, Clark shows up and cuddles and makes me laugh.  People at work are supportive of what I’m trying to accomplish.  Even though I don’t have the love of my life, I am loved and supported.

Daily Draw: Queen of Cups

First Impressions:  Emotional fulfillment, happiness

Book:  Nurturing, warm, tender, sympathetic, intuitive, strong people skills, charisma, over thinking, over protective

Guidance:  Nurture yourself, trust your intuition, pull back from our emotions and do not let yourself drown in them

Journaling

I was able to step back and look at my emotions without getting bogged down in them.  I’m learning that sometimes the most important thing I can do for myself is to acknowledge what I’m feeling.  I spend so much time wearing a mask and pretending that life is okay but when I am truly honest with myself, I’m able to have the feelings and let them go without holding on to them.  I was able to I was scared without fear or shame and that was huge.

May 25, 2018

I have become so much better at nurturing myself and being kind to myself when I am feeling sad or lonely.  Before I was all about beating myself and berating myself for having “negative” emotions, however the more I have distanced myself from my mother and the more I have worked to find compassion for myself, the more I am able to accept all of who I am without judging myself.  That’s not to say it isn’t easy or that there are not days when I don’t still beat myself up, but mostly I’m able to take a step back and say that it is okay and love myself.  I’m realizing that at the end of the day, the only person I truly will always have in my life is me and that I need to be kind to myself.

Hanson-Roberts Recap

Type of Spreads:  Daily Draws

Time Frame:  September 10, 2016 to October 8, 2016

Overall Rating:  😎😎😎😎😎

Theme:  This deck follows the RWS, but gives a fresher perspective.  I love the colors on the cards and I love that that the images are closer and more intimate.  It feels as if I can really study them and get to know them.  I also  love the colors on this deck.

Impressions:

I really enjoyed working with this deck.  It is a nice size to hold in my hand and I enjoy the artwork.  One of the things I learned from playing with this deck is that playing solitaire is a great way to get comfortable working with the cards.

Overall, I feel the cards truly took on my energy and they felt like an old friend when I picked them up.  I have to be honest and say that part of me wants to keep working with this deck, but I know that it is good to get familiar with all my decks.

Favorite Cards

Six of Pentacles
Hanson Roberts

My first experience with the six of pentacles was with the DruidCraft deck and that experience left me traumatized as for me that card showed a very poor may being asked to give more than he could afford.  However, as I’ve explored other decks and dug deeper into the tarot, I’ve realized that the card is not about giving more than you can afford, but about both giving and receiving with an open heart.  As a result, I’ve learned to appreciate the card overall.

What I like about this version of the six of pentacles is that he looks happy to share what he has.  He is giving with an open heart instead of giving from a place of gamesmanship or having to give to impress people.  I also love that he is measuring what he gives out and I take that to mean that he is only giving what he can afford to give.

Queen of Cups
Hanson Roberts

The Queen of Cups is always one of my favorite cards because in all the decks I have, she carries herself regally, but she is also very approachable.  That holds true in this deck as well as she looks like a woman who is enjoying her morning coffee.  Her air is a little bit messy and she’s holding the cup with two hands just like someone who really needs her morning caffeine.

She’s also looking deep into the cup as if she’s doing a little bit of scrying while she’s contemplating her coffee.  Overall she looks very balanced and sure of herself, but she also looks like someone I wouldn’t mind getting to know ad hang out with.

Justice
Hanson Roberts

Justice is another beautiful woman who looks dedicated and ready to do business, but approachable.  She looks as if she is someone who will truly listen to both sides of the story.  Our lady justice is also fully engaged and ready to hear with all of her senses.  She is not blind to what is before her.

I get the sense that this is someone who will truly listen and find the heart of the matter versus just the cold black and white of the facts.  Whatever justice she dispenses will be fair and compassionate.

Queen of Rods
Hanson Roberts

I love all the sun energy in this card.  Rods are the cards of fire and some artists go for flame with their interpretations, but Hanson and Roberts went for the energy of the sun and it truly works.  The sun elements in this card include the solar cross on her necklace, the sunburst of her thrown, the sunflower she’s holding, the yellow cat, and the lion.

I especially love the juxtopositon of the cat and the lion as that gives us both the fun and friendly feline energy and the fiercer energy of the cat’s larger cousin.  Although this is not an Egyptian deck by any stretch of the imagination, this deck makes me think of Sekhemet  and Bast with all the solar energy.

Least Favorite Cards

Ace of Cups
Hanson Roberts
This card is beautiful and if I wasn’t hung up on more traditional meanings to be found in the Tarot, I might actually like it.  I do love the clouds in the background and the cup kind of just hanging out on top of the water.  However, what I don’t like is that the water falling from the sky seems to be missing the cup.  I don’t get the sense of water overflowing the cup into the stream like I do in other cards. 
When I truly look at this card, it almost seems as if the card is being held aloft by the streams of water like a hot air balloon.  It is an interesting interpretation, but overall I really don’t like it.
Eight of Rods
Hanson Roberts
I have to be honest and say that I never really like the eight of rods/wands as it seems to be a boring card.  However, there are some versions okay with because you don’t know if the wands are going up or coming down.  In this version its pretty apparent they are coming down because in all of the rods, the blossoms have been shown pointing up.
This is just a boring card with very low energy and I truly get no sense of what is supposed to be happening in this card.
High Priestess
Hanson Roberts
I don’t like this card at all because there is too much religious symbolism.  She is wearing a cross, she has the moon goddess symbol in her headdress, and the scroll may be Jewish.  It is just way too much and overwhelming.  I realize that the mixed symbolism also appears on other High Priestess cards, but I don’t like it.
Even though I am not a Christian, what I like about the Christian Church is that they’ve chosen one mythology to follow.  They are not trying to be all things to all people like this High Priestess is.
HIerophant
Hanson Roberts
The Hierophant is one of those cards that I usually don’t like, but that there are some decks that have a version I like.  This is not one of those decks.  I do not like this hierophant as he represents everything I believe is wrong with the Christian church.  He looks cruel and the two children are bowing before him.  It also looks as if he might be ready to strike them with his stick thingy.  
Additionally, he looks totally disengaged.  It doesn’t appear as if he is connected at all with heaven or earth.  He just appears in his own little world.
Summary
Overall, I really like this deck and it is a deck that I will read with again.

Three of Cups

Three of Cups
Hanson-Roberts

First Impressions:  There are apples and berries growing on the trees.  The three girls are close together as if they are sharing secrets.  There is a tassel or a broom on the girl on the right.  This card makes me think of friendship, fulfillment, and happiness.

Book:  Celebration, jubilation, merriment, sincere allies who wish the seeker well, playful affection.

Guidance:  Draw on the energy of the earth.  Take time to enjoy friendships.

Journaling:

Ironic card to pull when I am feeling friendless and mired in loneliness.  It just hurts to think about people having friends  when I’m mired in this stupid half life where it feels my life has no joy and no meaning.  I don’t even know how to get where I want to be.  I do know that I have to set better boundaries to get out of Chicago.

December 23, 2017

It’s over a year later and I still don’t have friends, but I’m realizing I crave my alone time and I’m not really ready to give that up to have friends.  I tried by joining the church, but that just all seems so fake and like the people are not very nice.  I was so hurt when I wasn’t able to make the first session and I said that I couldn’t go because my daughter had a minor car accident and no one took the time to send me a message and say I’m sorry.  I thought that was so cold and incredibly bitchy.  And now they’re calling and saying, “we don’t think you’re interested, etc., etc.”  Of course they’re right because why would I want to hang out with people who have no compassion?

Ace of Cups (Reversed)

Ace of Cups
Hanson-Roberts

First Impressions:  I don’t like this card, which is why it was one of my least favorites, it appears that the cup is suspended  by the water flowing instead of the water flowing into the cup, then overflowing.  Reversed this card says emotional emptiness and sadness to me.

Book:  Creativity and deeper feelings elude you, distancing yourself from something that will disturb you emotionally, feelings of spiritual disconnection.

Guidance:  Take care of yourself, do the right thing

Journaling

I am feeling empty today as if my life is without meaning.  My problem is that I am so emotionally invested in work that I take it personally.  None of this is personal.  These people are just idiots and don’t know what they are doing.  They think they are so smart that they refuse to listen to people who have done this multiple times and too arrogant to accept help.  I’m done trying to help them.  I will deliver my what I’m supposed to deliver and that’s that.  My main goal is to not say anything stupid and get fired.

December 23, 2017

As I reflect on this card, I realize that it is about life force draining out of you and not being replenished.  The traditional card has water flowing into and out of the cup and that’s what happens in the natural flow of things when energy flows into and out of our soul.  When we get blocked or dis-eased, our energy gets stuck and we feel empty.  I’ve learned that I truly need to take time to recharge my batteries or I become empty and cranky.

Nine of Cups

Nine of Cups
Hanson-Roberts

First Impressions:  This card shows a bartender all ready for guests, but there is no one there to drink with him.  He looks happy and welcoming.  He also has a peacock feather in his vest, which is interesting as peacock feathers are symbols of good luck in the east and bad luck in the west.  The nine of cups always strikes me as a card of friendship and good times.

Book:  Realizing a long held dream, period of emotional contentment.  It’s possible someone may be missing from your life. 

Guidance:  Appreciate what you have

Journaling:

The words that struck me as I read this is that there is probably someone missing from your life.  This last week has really been about missing my mom, but I don’t know how to reconnect.  The rules I choose to live by (treating people with respect, setting boundaries, and not giving unsolicited advice) are ones that make sense to me and I surround myself with people who treat me like I want to be treated.  I have no clue how to set boundaries with her because she won’t respect them.  She will be hurt and see boundaries as a rejection.  Maybe I just need to think it over and then be willing to listen.

December 23, 2017

It really hurt to read what I wrote over a year ago and realize that I’m still feeling like an orphan and motherless.  It hurts to not have someone who loves me unconditionally and who will listen to me when I cry and support me.  I never have had that in my life as my entire childhood growing up I always had to be careful what I said so I didn’t set her off.  I could never be honest about what was going on in my life because I would either be judged or get a lecture.  There is no one from my childhood who could just flipping listen and support without being judgemental. 

What especially ticked me off is how people would give advice even when I didn’t ask for it.  My Uncle Gene had to advise me how to spend my money and that flying lessons were a waste even though I didn’t ask for his advice.  And the first thing my mother said when she walked in to my new house was,  “Why’d you put that picture there?  I would have put it there.”  How flipping rude and insulting is that?  The house was clean and looked really nice, but she had to find fault.  I can’t do that any more in my life. 

It is one thing if someone is endangering themselves or others, but if they are making judgments that are different than mine, it is not my place to give advice.  And I would never walk in to someone’s house and critique their decorating.  That is just rude.

Four of Cups (Reversed)

Four of Cups
Hanson-Roberts

First Impressions:  A giant hand is holding one of the chalices and the three others are sitting there.  The man looks either made or as if he is being obstinate.  Reversed, this card tells me to appreciate what I have.

Book:  New opportunities, keen to enter a new and dynamic time, fear of being alone, omen to start a new relationship, ready to face the world again

Guidance:  Open your heart to love

December 23, 2017

It was another day where all I did was pull the card and didn’t spend anytime journaling.  It’s really frustrating when I come across those days because the best part of re-reading my tarot journals is realizing where I was at and seeing if I’ve learned anything since I originally pulled the card. 

It is interesting to me how many times over the past year the cards have pretty much screamed at me to open my heart to love.  That’s hard for me to do because I’ve been hurt so badly; however, I also realize that I will never have love in my life unless I am willing to open my heart and be willing to risk being hurt and/or disappointed.  That’s a really scary thing for me to contemplate, but I decided that this year (starting on my birthday) was going to be the year of love and I’m currently working on self love and on opening up my heart  It’s a little hard and a little scary, but day by day I’m getting there.

Clark is a really good role model for opening my heart to love a he just assumes people love him and he doesn’t wait.  He jumps in to love with both feet and even though I know he had a hard life before we adopted him, he is so open to being loved.  I need to emulate him.

Nine of Cups

Initial Impressions:  Interesting card.  I like how it shows the main full face right up in the camera.  I find the peacock feather interesting as that is a symbol of luck and hospitality in eastern cultures.  My initial impressions of this card are of happiness and welcoming.  It also speaks to friendship and collaboration.

Book:  Realization o a dream.  Imaginative and creative life.  Flourishing.

Guidance:  Count your blessings.  Appreciate what you have.

December 22, 2018

Oddly enough, I didn’t journal on this card either.  I must have been uber busy at the time I was pulling these cards.  I like the reminder to count my blessings.  I have been working really hard to focus on the positive lately and not get bogged down in the negative.  Right now, I’m a little pissed off that we have a defect heading into the holidays and we’re expected to work while on PTO to resolve it.  I understand that that is the nature of the beast, but it doesn’t mean that I have to like it.

Two of Water (Reversed)

Two of Cups
Gaian Tarot

First Impressions:  This is a card of unconditional love.  I love how she is hugging her dog, you can totally feel the love coming off of both of them.  As this card is reversed, it is talking to me of love withheld.

Journaling:

Again I’m getting a card about ending relationships and about co-dependency.  I know it is time to let go of a X and move on. He’s pulled away and it is time for me to let go and accept that it isn’t going to happen.  The sad thing is that I really miss his friendship.  I miss having someone in my life who knows me that well.

Even if there may be a time in the future when we are meant to be together, that time is not now.  Now is the time to open my heart to love and ask the universe for guidance as to what I want in a relationship.  It is time open my heart and manifest the relationship that is right for me.

It is also the time to let go of my anger at my mother.  She is who she is and I cannot change her.  I don’t want to say she is incapable of learning and /or growing, but at the end of the day it is not my problem.  I have to accept her as she is and choose what our relationship looks like.  I tried to let her into my life on a limited basis and she chose to break that trust.  Maybe I need to look at this from a different perspective:  I chose to cut her out of my life because it was the best choice for me, just like John chose to walk away because it was the best choice for him.

December 29, 2017

The end of my marriage still bothers me a lot and the farther away I get and the more able I am to put things into perspective, I realize that it doesn’t bother me that it ended, it bothers me the way it ended and that John treated me with such disrespect.  He told the kids before me, he didn’t help move out or settle the house, he expected me to just live there by myself.  However, as I told Cam about something else today, when people treat you like crap that is all about them!  It shows that he is a totally crappy person with no manners and he is not someone I need in my life.

The very best lesson I learned from my marriage is that I deserve respect and that if someone does not treat me with respect, they are not in my life for long.