bliss – Page 5 – Cairn by Cairn

Bliss and the Blues

We interrupt your regularly scheduled bliss for this announcement from the dark side of life.

You have to take the good with the bad and realize that the world doesn’t run on sunshine and roses, sometimes there are tears, screaming, and the blues involved in this thing we call life. I haven’t written for a couple of days because I haven’t been feeling too blissful and all the usual things that bring me bliss aren’t working. So instead of a blissful blog, today’s blog is more about the darker side of live, because sometimes in order to find the bliss ya gotta sing the blues.

The days are getting shorter and it’s dark when I get up and go to work and dark when I get off work. I feel like a cellar dweller who never sees the light of day. Although I know I could take time at lunch and go for a walk to get some sunlight, I’m so far in the dumps that doesn’t even sound appealing.

I’d originally written a highly entertaining paragraph about certain people who make my life really miserable, but since I’m never sure who is reading my blog and the fact that there would have been enough details that anyone who knows me could have figured out who I’m talking about, I deleted the paragraph and will leave it at there are certain people in my life who provide much fodder for endless conversations about how much they suck.

Money is tight right now and we just got hit with a HUGE tax bill that’s making matters worse. It gets depressing to work your butt of and not have enough money at the end of the month. To make matters worse everyone acts as if I can just snap my fingers and produce more money. It doesn’t work that way.

The moron trolls posted comments again yesterday and even though I know they are total idiots who bring absolutely no value to the world, I let their comments get under my skin. That is dumb and I know it, but it happened and I need to let it go and not worry about what some idiot who lives in mommy’s basement thinks.

Okay, are all of you tired of listening to me whine? I’m not even a good Blues singer because it just comes off as a lot of whining that even makes me disgusted with myself.

Now we’ll return to your regularly scheduled bliss.

Glimpsing Balance

My eyes started to open to what balance truly meant the last weekend I spent in Europe. We spent our last Friday night in Germany as a project team drinking and meandering through Bremen, Germany. We strolled down the cobblestoned streets of the Schoor, tossed back a few at the Ratskeller, and then headed down to a small bar on the water front to drink some more and toast our successful implementation. As I sat there drinking with my friends, I realized the Continental way of life was fundamentally different than life in the States: stores closed at 6:00 pm and only opened one Sunday out of the month, dinner typically took two to three hours, and work got left at work.

My reality was jarred further when after three hours of sleep, I headed for 36 hours in London. The first thing I noticed was that London was much more like America than Germany. The pace was faster, stores were open later, and it was a lot less relaxed than Bremen. The juxtaposition made me realize that maybe our American way of life is too fast paced and maybe I needed to slow down and enjoy life a little more.

I spent two incredible days exploring the Tower of London, Westminster Abbey, and the streets of London. I realized several things during those magical days that helped bring me a little closer to finding that elusive thing called balance:

A visit to Churchhill’s cabinet war rooms made me realize that although there is some truth to American’s perception the Brits wouldn’t have survived without us, what we fail to realize that if the Brit’s hadn’t persevered, hadn’t sacrificed, and hadn’t hung tough, there wouldn’t have been any war to win.
A trip to the Tower of London, opened my eyes to the fact that a lot of people lived and loved and died long before I was born and people would continue to live, love, and die, long after I was gone. Although the technology that inhabits my daily life may be different, the basic human needs, wants, and desires are the same. The struggle to find balance is universal.
Despite being built as a monument to God Almighty, for me Westminster Abbey was a monument to all that is good about humanity. It’s a monument to creativity, to hard work, and a belief in something greater than yourself.

I wish I could say that I returned to the States and my life magically changed into something more balanced. Looking back, I’m not even sure that I realized at the time that I had changed and that the almost imperceptible change in perspective that came about after that trip would help me get a lot closer to understanding what balance was.

Backcracking Bliss

The soft lights, the candles, the rhythmic stroking of the massage therapist are enough to put me into a state of nirvana. A good masseuse is one of those rare gems in the world who can engender bliss in everyone they work on and make the burdens of the world seem a little lighter. Although it’s not quite the same as a full body massage, I use the back massager my husband got me for Christmas a few years ago several times a week as it helps keep my back pain in check.

The most amazing massage I ever got was at the JeJu Spa in Atlanta. The JeJu Spa is unlike a traditional American spa in that they have single sex bath rooms with baths of various temperatures. There’s a hot tub, a medium heat tub, and a cold bath. They also have a steam room and heat lamps. Everyone is naked in the baths, which is a little weird for puritan Americans, but you get used to it and it doesn’t seem so strange after a few minutes. In addition to the baths, they have unisex (where everyone is clothed) saunas. There’s a salt bath sauna, a gem room, and all sorts of other rooms designed to draw the impurities out of your system. They also have traditional massages and the masseuses are amazing as they work very hard to get all the kinks out of your muscles. I left after my 90 minute massage feeling on top of the world. It was also after that massage that I realized a massage could engender such a state of bliss that I no longer craved chocolate, pretty powerful stuff.

I was feeling in definite massage deprivation a few weeks ago when I went to the Mt. Prospect Farmer’s Market and got a free chair massage from a Advanced Physical Medicine and Therapy. As he worked on my back, he recognized the muscle tightness and said he thought he might be able to help me get rid of the kinks permanently. I didn’t have a lot to lose as they were offering the consultation for only $25. Since one of my resolutions for the year is to get a healthy body, I signed up and went.

Although I’ve traveled the world and believe strongly in the power of alternative medicine, Chiropractors weren’t something I’d experienced before so it was with some trepidation that I went in for the consultation. I’d heard stories about back cracking and was unsure of what to expect. After some x-rays and examination, the Doctor told me that I had some issues, but he thought they could treat it with adjustments and therapy versus surgery. That sounded good to me so I agreed to come in three times a week for four weeks.

My first therapy session I was strapped down to the table and the doctor went to work stretching the muscles in my back. There’s a spot on my lower back that is immensely painful, but he started working on the muscles and placing pressure on it. Once he’d finished on my lower back, he moved on to my shoulders. He explained to me a muscle knot was a muscle that was in a permanent state of constriction, i.e. the body thought it was working even when it wasn’t. By applying pressure, he was working on breaking down the muscle knot so that it relaxed. The next step in therapy was the actual backcracking and it was uncomfortable as he held my neck and twisted it gently until we heard a cracking sound. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the back cracking as the position reminds me of action flicks where the hero snaps the bad guy’s neck.

After the manipulation and massage therapy, it was time for the electric stimulation. Electrodes are placed on your back, the area is covered with a heating bad and the electrical simulations exercise the muscles. At first, the electrical simulations felt a little bit strange, but then it started to feel relaxing as the muscles started to relax and the tension started leaving my shoulders.

Despite the relaxation that came from the electrical stim, I walked out of the chiropractor’s in pain as my muscles all felt as if they had been worked over by an 800 pound gorilla. At that point, I wasn’t sure I was going to go back as the pain was pretty intense. However, a funny thing happened the next day, I realized that I had a lot more energy and range of motion and the pain was actually subsiding.

Although the massages and therapy I get at the chiropractor’s are not quite as relaxing as the massages you get from a standard massusue, the results are even more blissful as I’m starting to feel like my body is really healing and I’m going to enjoy a better quality of life long term. The short term pain is more than made up for by the backcracking bliss that I’m enjoying.

Crafty Bliss

There is something about making something with your own two hands that is magickal, it’s like alchemy to take several things, blend them together, and create something new. My day job is working with computers and theories and I don’t often get the opportunity to create something with my own two hands so it’s always a treat when I get the opportunity to get my hands dirty and make something.

I was especially inspired this week because I found a lot of really cool ideas for things to make and unlike years past where I would have taken the idea and file it away into a the looks cool file and never take action to bring the idea to fruition. This year, I’ve decided that when I see those cool things, I’m going to take action and actually sit down and make them.

Things I’ve Made this Week

When we were at the Farmer’s Market out in Mount Carroll a few weeks ago, I purchased a couple of bags of tumbled stones and wasn’t sure what I’d do with them. I got the idea of making a mosaic with them so I went out and purchased an old picture frame at Goodwill, a hot glue gun,, and some grout and set to work creating a tray. It was a lot of fun to figure out how to place each stone so that it looked random, yet still fit together with a minimum of wasted space. Once I got it put together, I grouted it so that the spaces that were left were filled in. Then I clear glossed it so it was nice and shiny. It looks amazing and is unlike everything I’ve made before.

As you all know, my son Sean is a Batfiend from the word go and I was blog surfing and I found this really really cool batman soap that I could made. We rushed out and got all the stuff to make the soap and I came home and made it last night. It didn’t turn out perfectly because we had some excess bubbles in the soap, but it was really cool and unique and our Batfiend loved it.

I’d used up all the Triple Goddess Body Butter that I’d made so another batch of Body Butter, but I tweaked the recipe a little so it was a little thinner and not quite so thick. It smells heavenly and I feel so incredibly special when I layer it on my skin. I layer it on before bed and then head to bed and wake up in the morning with smooth and soft skin.

There is something incredible about making things yourself because everytime you use them you feel another rush of bliss remembering the fun you had making it.

Empowering Bliss

One of my very favorite things to do in the entire world is to empower other people and to help them become their best. There is such an incredible bliss in seeing other people get jazzed about the possibilities of something that it fills me with a wonderfully warm fuzzy feeling all day. Today was one of those days where I got to empower people and support them as they shared their knowledge with the world.

We’ve launched a new lunch and learn training program at work called Technovations and one of my responsibilities is to work with the speakers to make sure they have their presentations done and that they’re prepped to do their speech. Technovations isn’t part of anyone’s job description so the presentations sometimes get hurried if we get busy with other things and don’t have time to do the prep work we’d like to. We also have varying levels of speaking experience, so it’s a mixed bag and sometimes difficult to predict how things we’ll work out. I worked with the guys this week on their presentation and helped them out as much as I could.

Our help desk guys presented today and I could tell they were really nervous starting out and they were reading their slides, but as they got in it and gathered confidence in what they were doing, they started doing better and better and connecting with the crowd. I stepped in a few times at the beginning to coach them and help get the material back on track, but by the end of the presentation, they were interacting with the audience like pros and starting to really get into sharing their knowledge with the audience.

The energy in the room became palpable because the more our presenters got into the material, the more interested in the topic. It was incredible to watch the “Ah Ha” moments as people learned something new and to watch the confidence on our presenter’s faces as they realized that the folks they were presenting to were people just like them and everyone wanted them to succeed

Truly cool and blissful stuff when you get to empower other people to better themselves.

Familiary New Bliss

The leaves are turning, the days are getting shorter, and the temperature is dropping, in other words, it’s autumn. You’d think that after forty some years on the planet, I’d be used to the turning of the wheel of the year and wouldn’t get so excited about the chill in the air and the bouquets of leaves, but no, I’m just as excited about fall this year as ever.

Despite the similarities, each year the fall is slightly different: the leaves turn sooner or later, the colors are more or less brilliant, the weather is warmer or cooler. In many years, the return of autumn is like visiting an old friend that you haven’t seen in awhile: the subtle differences accentuate the familiarity. Autumn is a scientific process, but all the variables combine to make each fall blissfully different.

It’s not only the leaves and weather that are different each year either, we’re different because we’re at different places in our lives. Marriage, divorce, job changes, kids born, kids gone to college, parents moved away or passed away. As I look back through the Halloween pictures of past years, I remember where we were and realize how far we’ve come. There’s the earliest photos of Caitlin as Barney the dinosaur, Sean as a pirate (this was before he discovered Batman) through the years of Sean as Batman and Caitlin as a mummy and a hippy alien. Then there was the year that Sean bucked tradition and wore a Cubs outfit his dad had crafted for him.

The costumes aren’t the only things that change, this is the first autumn that Sean’s not living at home, although he’s just a train ride away in downtown Chicago. Caitlin’s a senior in High School and learning to drive. I’m not traveling this year so I’m home to enjoy all the autumnal festivities and John’s discovered an online game and is making plans for his own personal vacation, his first trip alone in all the years we’ve been married.

All the changes in our life aren’t positive. This is the first year in quite a few years that when Halloween rolls around a family members name will top our annual “Dead List.” My father passed away last Thanksgiving and it’s hard to realize that it’s been almost a year since he’s gone. The world has also lost a few shining luminaries this year: Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and more. As I work to compile the Dead List in the next few weeks, I’ll remember again how many talented people the world has lost.

However, with loss comes gain and just have talented people have lost their lives, babies have been born, kids have graduated from high school or college, and we’ve celebrated victories both national and personal. The turning of the wheel is always different, always personal, yet always familiarly blissful.

Accepting Bliss

I asked the gods to help me find my bliss, but when it came to me and wasn’t neatly packaged exactly the way I was expecting, I got cranky and complained constantly about exactly how it came into my life instead of accepting the bliss I’d been gifted with.

My life was out of balance and there wasn’t a whole lot of bliss for a few years as I was juggling travel, two kids, too much work, and not enough time to do the stuff I really want to do. I knew I needed bliss and balance, but wasn’t making much of an effort to get it.

Our company embarked on a major initiative in March and there was a piece of the program I really wanted to manage, but instead of letting me take it and run with it, my management team decided to bring in a decidedly less qualified consultant (the opinion of multiple people and not just me) due to the old boy’s network. I then ended up working for this decidedly less qualified consultant. Suffice to say this did not sit well with me and things came to a head in July and I ended up off the project and managing a less complicated project.

Unfortunately, I’ve spent way too much time since July complaining to a few key folks who I know are sympathetic about the situation, how unfair it is, how I’m better qualified, blah, blah blah. Some days, I even think I sound like a broken record and I really believe in what I’m saying. The bottom line is that my boss was wrong, I was wrong, and it is what it is. There are a lot of different ways it could have worked out differently, but I’ve been struggling to accept that it is what it is. I’ve been spending so much time focused on the negative, that I haven’t even taken the time to think about the good things the situation has brought into my life and there have been a lot:

I had an amazing four day vacation with my daughter in the south. If this hadn’t happened, I would have been half working and half vacationing and she wouldn’t have gotten the attention she deserved. As it turns out, we spent time driving through the Blue Ridge Mountains and enjoying time with each other.

I’ve gotten to spend a lot more time at home hanging out with my family because I’m not traveling so much. That means that I can get into routines, I can cook dinner at home most nights, I have time to be with the people I love.
I’m writing again and spending a lot of time working on polishing two books that have been sitting in my virtual drawer for a while languishing because I haven’t had time to work on them. I’m also working on a script about finding bliss (gee I wonder where I got the inspiration for that). It is amazing how blissful finding time to work on my passion really makes me.
I’ve got time to read brain candy and just spend time chilling out on the sofa with a cold drink and a good book.
I’ve been making the time to exercise most days. I take time to go for a walk with the dog or by myself. I’ve been feeling a lot better since I’ve been making exercise a priority.
My house is getting cleaner. Granted I still have my moments, but I’ve been trying to get organized, get rid of clutter, and get into cleaning routines so the housework doesn’t get so overwhelming.

I’ve been getting craftier. I got some pure Shea butter at the Maxwell Street Flea Market a few weeks ago and made some body butter with Triple Goddess Oil. It smelled heavenly and felt so good. It also felt good to know I’d mixed it myself. I also made a mosaic tray and one of these days I’m going to start crocheting again.
I’m learning about the infrastructure side of the house. I’ve always been an “apps girl” who really didn’t care about all those mysterious boxes that made the programs I love run. But now, I’m learning about servers, virtualization, and the stuff under the hood of IT.

I’m spending more time with my son. Last year, I would just go and get him and bring him home. This year, I’m taking time to spend time with him downtown in the environment he’s chosen as his own. I’m also taking time to really listen to him and understand why he loves it so much.
I’m learning how to play the corporate game. One of my friends who has spent hours listening to me whine and complain, pointed out to me multiple times that I needed to look for the positive and I needed to learn from the situation. Unfortnuately, I was so caught up in wanting to get my own way that I didn’t take the time to really listen and to be objective about the situation and what positives could come out of it. Although, I have to say I don’t like the corporate game and probably never will, but knowing the roles helps.

The world works in mysterious ways sometimes and when I stood in the rain in China and asked the heavens to help me find my bliss, I could have never known the twists and turns life would take to get me to a place where I have more bliss in my life. Chances are I will never agree that the decisions made that landed me where I am were right, I did end up in the right place.

Enough Bliss

Despite living in the relatively affluent Northwest Suburbs of Chicago, there are still homeless people living in our community. I saw one on my way to work this morning and it got me thinking about the more, more, more culture that we live in. No one ever believes that they have enough money, a big enough house, an expensive enough car. However, we live in a culture where we have more money and more experiences that almost any culture on earth so the facts about what we really have, don’t match up with our group perception.

I have to admit that there are days when I believe my life would be perfect if I had a better job, more money, etc. etc. However, as I passed that homeless gentleman this morning, it got me thinking that I really do have enough. My basic needs are met and then some: I have beautiful house that provides shelter, we always have food in the fridge, I have clothes to wear, I have a wonderful family, and a great dog.

Looking at the reality of my life, I realized that I’ve bought into the culture myth that climbing the corporate ladder and getting a better job with more status is the be all and end all. Unfortunately, that type of success comes at a price because we are all given but one life to live and and time is not an expandable substance so the more time you spend at work, the less time you have to spend on something else. Despite the undeniable truth that more work doesn’t equal more happiness, our culture values upper mobility and it seems that people who deliberately choose to step back and pursue balance instead of career success are not always appreciated.

I’ve been working through the exercises in Waverly Fitzgerald’s Slow Time and it has opened my eyes to a different way of living. Every time there is a question about how I will spend my time, I remind myself that this is my only life and I ask myself if this is really the best way for me to spend my life. I remind myself that life is a series of trade offs and the more time that I spend at work, the less time there is to spend taking my kids to cool places or spending time enjoying the great people they’ve become. More time at work means less time to write. More time at work means less time for the things that are really important to me.

My life has changed a lot since I started asking reminding myself that this is my one and only life. I’ve started exercising more, seeing a chiropractor to work out the kinks in my back, and spending time cooking real food instead of eating the cardboard junk you buy at the drive through.

There’s no way that I could even begin to claim that I’m perfect and there are still days when I’m running late because I got sucked into work, but overall my life is a little more balanced and I’m a lot more blissful. So here’s to the bliss of enough.

Momma’s Bliss

Today’s my mom’s birthday and it’s the first one she’s celebrated without my dad since she was sixteen years old. As a child, I idolized my dad and didn’t really pay attention to the sacrifices my mom made to make sure we had what we needed and I never really appreciated her until I became a parent myself. As I look at who I am today, I realize that a lot of my strength, my grit, and my backbone, came from my mom and that I wouldn’t be who I am without the lessons I learned at her knee. My mom provided the stability in my life that let me take chances and learn to soar. Here are some of the lessons I learned from my mom:

Support those you love—My mom met my dad when she was 16 years old and he was 27. They got married when she was just 19 and they enjoyed a long and loving life together. I’m always thrilled when I look through the family photos to see the look of love in both of their eyes when they look at each other. My mom supported my dad through thick and thin and she was always there for him. She made trips to see his mamma at the holidays, even when she would have rather stayed home. She made sure my college tuition was paid, even if she had to sacrifice to do so and she made sure I got an extra 20 bucks once in a while to buy pizza with.

Be there for the people that matter—My mom was always there for her family and she made sure my dad showed up too, even when he would have rather stayed home. For their 25th Anniversary, my brother and I held a surprise party for them and, unfortunately, my aunt ruined the surprise by calling my mom the day before to apologize for not being able to make the party. My mom told my dad and he got all cranky and wasn’t going to go because he didn’t want to get dressed up. My mom knew the love and effort that we’d put into the party so she managed to drag him along because she didn’t want to let us down. The funny thing is that once my dad got there and saw all the people that had shown up to show their love and affection, he turned into the life of the party and you never would have known that he had to be dragged to the party.

Don’t diss those you love—I’m sure my parents had their share of ups and downs during their marriage, but I never once remember hearing them fight. It was only when I grew up that my mom shared some of her frustrations with my dad with me.

Make do with what you have—My mom grew up in a poor farm family and she carried the lessons of making do and being creative with what you had with her. We lived in a small two bedroom house when I was growing up and my brother and I had to share a bedroom. My mom rearranged the room so that my brother’s bed was in the closet and my side of the room was partioned off with a dresser. As a kid, that never bothered me and I always felt like I had my own space. Looking back, I view it as just another way that my mom was creative with what she had available to her. And in later years it inspired endless jokes about Tony coming out of the closet.

Be strong—My dad had several heart attacks when I was a child and looking back, I can imagine how terrified my mom must have been at the thought of being left a widow with two small kids. However, she never showed her fear and she always made going to visit dad in the hospital a big adventure. What I remember about those times was not being afraid that dad was going to die, but going to visit him in the cool old-fashioned waiting room at Geneva hospital and eating in the cafeteria at the hospital downtown. Another example of my mother’s strength of character was when my thirteen year-old cousin, her nephew, was killed in a farming accident on her birthday. Despite the heartbreaking anguish I’m sure she was feeling, she managed to stay strong and to explain the situation to my brother and I in terms we could understand and she made sure that we felt safe. I also admired my mother tremendously in my father’s last days on earth where she made sure he never saw her crying and where she camped out in a van at the hospital for days at a time so she was close to him.

Respect your elders—From an early age, my mom instilled in my brother and I a respect for our elders. We were taught to call people Sir and Ma’am, to open the door for older people, and to help them however we could. We were also encouraged to learn from our elders and to listen to their experiences to help us shape our own lives.

Experience Life—My mom has always encouraged me to experience life and to take all the opportunities that have come my way. We moved to Okinawa when Sean, her only grandchild at the time, was six months old and I know it had to be difficult for her, but she encouraged me to take the opportunity to enjoy it. She’s always thrilled when I get the opportunity to travel overseas and relishes the photos and trinkets I bring back.

Encourage dreams—Writing is in my blood and my mother has always encouraged me to pursue my dreams of writing. She has autographed copies of both my books, she reads my blog religiously, and she always encourages me to go for it. My mom has also demonstrated her willingness to follow her dreams by taking an art class and getting involved in organizations that are important to her.

Family matters –My mother’s family was dysfunctional to put it kindly. Her grandfather was a nasty old coot who was just plain mean. Her mother could be charming or mean depending upon her mood. However, my mother made sure that we knew who her family was and that we showed them respect. My mother always made sure that we attended family gatherings and that we spent time with our cousins and extended relations on both sides.

Do the Right Thing—My mother always taught me and my brother to do the right thing no matter what. That included being honest if someone had given us too much change and living up to our obligations no matter how difficult. My grandmother lived in a nursing home close to my mom for the last few years of her life and my mom always made sure she was taken care of. Although, there were a lot of times when I questioned my mother’s sanity for taking care of her after how horrible my grandmother had been to her, I admired her devotion. It was only later that my mom told me that she wasn’t taking care of her mother because she felt her mom deserved her devotion, it was because she had promised her father that she’d take care of her mother. As her dad had pointed out, my grandmother was the only mom my mom would ever have.

To your own self be true—This is the most important lesson my mamma ever taught me. She wrote in my autograph book when I was a kid to always remember to be true to myself. I struggle with that sometimes because sometimes my inner red neck comes out to play and I’m coarse and earthy and not the perfectly polished person I’d like to be. However, in my years on the planet, I’ve learned that everyone has a coarse and earthy side, most people are just too afraid of what people will think to let their inner red neck out. I’m not perfect, but you know what? That’s okay. I’m exactly the person I’m supposed to be.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday Mom. Thanks for always being there for us.

Ordinary Bliss

I turned down a great opportunity today in the interest of balance. I was up for an integration manager position at a huge and well known company. It would have been a decent bump in pay, the work would have been interesting, and I would have been challenged. It also would have meant traveling and living out of a suitcase three to four days a week for the next six months and a twice daily commute of 45 minutes to an hour.

Two years ago, I would have jumped at the chance. I would have told myself that the travel was only temporary and that I could suck it up and do it for six months. I would have put a positive spin on the 45 minute commute by telling myself that I could listen to books on tape and make it educational. I would have told myself that if I left work at 4:30, I’d make it home by 5:30 and still have all evening. However, I’ve been around the block enough to know that those are all lies. The travel would have ended up being longer than six months because after project A, project B would have come along and I’d have kept traveling. I rarely leave work on time so I would have ended up getting home at 6 or later ever night.

This is my life and it is the only one I get so six MORE months spent living out of a suitcase, is six more months I don’t get to be home and enjoy my family. Six months more months I’m eating out most nights. Six months more that I’m so tired and stressed out when I do get home that all I want to do is sleep. Six more months of not having a routine at home. Six more months of missing out on getting into an exercise routine. Six more wasted months of my life.

It’s only been in the last three months that I’ve started to feel like I have balance in my life and that work isn’t taking over every aspect of my life. I’ve started leaving work on time, not working at home, and spending time doing things that are important to me. I’ve been taking my daughter out to sushi almost once a week, I’ve been going downtown to have dinner with my son several times a month. I’m still working on spending more time with hubby, but I’ll get there.

I’ve been writing again, both on my blog and working on a book. I’ve started walking several times a week and I cook dinner most nights instead of eating out or grabbing fast food because I’m too tired to cook. I’ve even started enjoying cleaning house. In short, I’m appreciating the sacred and the beautiful in the every day and I’m not ready to throw my life out of balance again for a job.

My job isn’t perfect, but it’s five minutes from my house and the proximity lets me have a real life instead of a life that’s all wrapped up in work and getting ahead. My goal is to be able to work for myself one day and right now I have time to work on that dream as I have time to spend writing and putting proposals together.

Maybe this means I’m finally growing up and realizing that all the glitz, the glamour, and the money isn’t worth it if deep down you’re not living a life of balance and bliss.