Author: Raine Shakti

 August 7, 2022

Deck:  Secrets of the Rose Tarot

First Impressions:  I love this card as she has her eyes closed which shows total trust in her beast friend.

Book:  Discipline, Courage, Self Mastery, Gentleness taming fierceness

Guidance:   Dominating and transforming brute strength

Journaling:

I’ve had an interesting take on this card yesterday as my mantra for this year is “Be Kind” and I often find myself thinking unkind thoughts about random people that I encounter. For instance, if I encounter a large woman wearing leggings, my brain will default to “She looks terrible in that, doesn’t she know it just makes her look bigger?”  Much reflection has helped me to realize that that is my mother’s voice and that I am echoing things she would have said.  I do not want to be my mother so i am consciously working to change my thoughts.  When I think an unkind thought, my first conscious thought is a reminder to be kind.   Then I will consciously reframe my thought to something kind.  I might comment to myself how the color looks good on her or something else.  My hope is to get to the point where the kind thought comes naturally and I don’t have to stop and consciously redirect my thinking.

 Where I’m At:  I’m at home today.  I ran out this morning to do some errands, then came home and spent some time working in the bedroom.  I actually got quite a bit done.

Weather:  It is absolutely disgusting out again today.  It was about 90 by lunch time and it was so soupy out that I didn’t even want to sit outside.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Gibbous 72%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:25/ 8:38

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 June 28, 2022

Deck:  Intuitive Night Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  I don’t like this card as she really doesn’t speak to me of strength

Book:  Compassion, endurance, inner strength, influence

Guidance:   True strength comes from knowing ourselves and knowing we can’t change others

Journaling:

I like the reminder that strength comes from knowing we can’t change others.  I do think that we can influence others and show them there is a different way, but we can’t force people to change.  My marriage is a prime example of this as John wanted to change me and “domesticate” me because even though he said he wanted a wife who was his equal, that wasn’t true.  He wanted someone to be a house frau and that was never me.  I like to have a clean house and I don’t generally mind tidying up, but it is on my schedule and not others.  And I also do not like to clean up after other people.  I still don’t and I’m working on whipping the kids into shape and getting them to clean up after themselves, but it is hard.

I have to be honest and say I also wanted John to change.  I really thought that he would grow up and stop drinking and drugging, but he never did.  I’m sure he is still drinking and drugging, but he is no longer my problem.  

Where I’m At:  I am at home today.  I got a lot of work done and am now just chilling on the couch with the doggos.

Weather:  It was actually so chilly today that Wendy did not want to lay outside.  She went out and did her business, then came inside.  I laid on the hammock for a bit, but it was cold.

Moon Phase:  Waning Crescent 8%

Sunrise / Sunset: 5:53 / 9:05

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 June 11, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of Little Secrets

First Impressions:  Contentment, happiness, peace, goldilocks, balance

Book:  Inner strength, compassion, gentle control, grace, trusting instincts, humility

Guidance:   Ego prickles when over nourished

Journaling:

The words that stuck out to me as I was reading this was humility and trusting instincts.  Trust is hard right now as I see the world going to hell in a handbasket and everything seems so unfair.  Little children are being murdered as they cower in their classrooms and that is a difficult thing to think about.  The people we trust to watch over our children are paid so little they have to go to food pantries.  However, I also know that people generally don’t change until it is mandated and they will lose jobs, etc. or it is so painful and uncomfortable that they have to change.  The world is becoming a painful and uncomfortable place and that pain will hopefully drive change.  I don’t know how people can continue to sit thee and watch children being slaughtered and not call for change.

The humility piece of this is understanding the serenity prayer and understanding that I cannot on my own change the world.  It is also understanding that all the shit that is going on in the world is not my fault and that I need to take a step back and take care of my self and reflect upon what I can realistically do to change the world.  I can take care of myself, I can maintain a better attitude, I can continue to research, and I can write about issues that are close to my heart.  I can also work to change individual people’s lives.  I also need to do some cleansing work and to take care of myself.

Where am I at:

Weather:  It is overcast today and looks as if it will rain.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Gibbous, 87%

Sunrise / Sunset: 5:50 am / 9:01 pm

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 February 7, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of the Divine

First Impressions:  This is one of the only cards in this deck that I really don’t like.  It shows her wrestling with the beast and exerting physical strength instead of emotional strength.

Book:  Courage, conviction, control, determination, patience, purity of heart and purpose

Guidance:  Stare any challenge in the face and overcome it

Journaling:

My first take on this is that it is another toxic positivity card as it is all about keep going no matter what,  I’m tired of that message.  However, when I look at the bigger picture, courage can simply be getting up every day and putting one foot in front of the other.  There are days when that is all that I can do and that’s okay.  When I reflect on the words purity of heart and purpose, that is about taking time to consider the next right step.  It isn’t rushing in at all costs, but it is taking the time to consider and think about what the next right step is.

I’m also reading this card as about patience and about being willing to wait for the outcome we desire.  Sometimes we get upset because the universe is not a cosmic vending machine and we are not willing to consider that there might be something better out there than the shiny object that we see right now.  Immediate satisfaction is so much a Western thing and as I reflect upon the busy world we live in, I’m realizing that moving fast is not always the right answer.  There is something to be said for moving slow and doing the right thing.  

I’m going to experiment with slow work this week and see what happens.  I feel that a slow work approach will help me do more quality work and will help me do a better job of keeping on track.

Where I’m At:  I’m at home

Mood:  I’m still a little tired as I’ve been doing some heavy duty psychic work, but overall I’m in a good mood and feeling hopeful.  I don’t always feel hopeful, but I do today.

Weather: As I write this about noon, it is very clear out and 36%.  It is one of those beautiful days when the sun is sparkling off the snow.  And since our driveway is plowed, I don’t feel so trapped.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Crescent, 40%

Sunrise / Sunset:  7:30 PM / 5:50 PM

January 24, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of the Divine

First Impressions:  Wrestling, using physical strength, anger

Book:  Courage, conviction, control, determination, patience

Guidance:  Confidently stare any challenge in the face and overcome it

Journaling

This is an interesting interpretation of strength as in most decks it is about inner strength, but in this deck it is about both inner and outer strength.  For, me this is a hard card to draw today as I don’t feel strong at all and I feel as if all I want to do is sleep.  It has been a rough couple of weeks and in some ways it feels as if the world is falling in around me.  

However, as I write this, I remind myself that it is mercury retrograde and the world always feels as if it is falling in on me when it is mercury retrograde.  All I need to do is sit tight and things will work themselves out. 

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First Impressions: Lion, face to face, taming my dragons

Book:  Meeting a challenge in the eye, card of courage, confidence, and determination

Guidance:  Be your most magnificent self

Journaling:

This card is incredibly hard for me because I was brought up to believe that I was weak and that I was nothing without a man to take care of me.  I’m learning that that is not how other people see me and that is difficult for me.  I remember when Blaze told me I was a strong woman and I was insulted.  There is a part of me that really wants to be the damsel in distress.  I want someone to rush in and take care of me and god knows there are days when it is really fucking hard to take care of myself.  There are days I hate having to be strong and to bear the entire burden.  However, the truth of the matter is that I’ve always had to take care of myself as I’ve never truly had anyone I could rely on to support me and be there for me.  I know my daddy loved me, but he never understood me and he never understood my drive to be my own person.  He also raised me to believe that women were second class citizens.  And my mother was even worse as my power threatened her and she constantly wanted me to tone it down and be demure.  That wasn’t in my personality so as a result, I ended up being strong, but then second guessing myself.

It is so hard for me now when I hear J call me a strong personality as I don’t see myself that way.  I see myself as on the verge of getting fired every day.  I don’t see that what I’ve accomplished and I downplay my accomplishments.  Cam told me I was ballin, as in being a ball buster, for the dead email and for my SAP email.  I don’t think it’s that big of deal and I don’t know why that impresses people so much.  I also don’t see why starting an OCM practice impresses people as I just did what I needed to do to make it work.  There was no real plan, I just did the next right thing.  I think at the heart of it, I want to bail because I’m afraid that people will see that I’m a fraud and that I’m really not as great as all my hype.  I guess that I have a big time case of impostor’s syndrome and the reality is that I am as good as my hype and I can do my job and I deserve the praise.  I love Lisa’s Blog Post about Strength where she says, ” Since then my whole life changed. I had been a rather timid, shy, introvert. I have become more assertive, much stronger and able to lead.”  I am able to lead and can outwardly manifest the leadership, but internally I’m a shy little mouse.

Strength says to face my fears, but my fears are deep within my soul as I feel that I am unworthy of happiness and that at my core I am nothing.  I don’t know how to reclaim myself and build a life that works for me.

July 24, 2019

Deck:  World Spirit Tarot

First Impressions:  Safety, security

Book:  Calm and firm, but not aggressive, living in harmony with her wild nature, knows the source of her strength is love

Guidance:  Tap into the deep sources of strength within you, look at balance

Journaling:

I love this card as it is a reminder that we all have passions and baser instincts, but that we can channel them and live in harmony with ourselves and others.  I don’t view this card so much as taming my passions as it is about taming my baser nature.  My baser nature is the side of me that blurts things out before speaking and that doesn’t take the time to think through the potential ramifications of my decisions.  Those are still my go to responses, but I’m learning that those may not be the best responses.

One of the lessons that I’ve really been struggling to learn lately is that sometimes I have to be the grown up in the room and that even when people are behaving badly, I sometimes get upset that I have to alter my approach while other people get to get away with being jackasses.  However, the biggest lesson I learned from my mother is that you cannot save people who do not want to be saved or do not believe they need to be saved.  I also get to choose my response based on what is in  my best interests and if it in my best interests to get along, that’s what I’ll do while I plan my exit strategy.

Another important lesson is that everyone does not have to like me.  There are some people that I just need to get along with.

Gratitudes

I’m grateful Sean got here safely

I’m grateful Cam took Wendy and Clark for walkies

I’m grateful for some quiet time

I’m grateful for good meetings

I’m grateful for Godfather’s Pizza

I’m grateful for the great comments from Pat

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April 9, 2018

Deck:  RWS

First Impressions:  Triumph of love over anger and animalistic side

Book: Pure intent, strength, courage, love over hate, joy of becoming strong in one’s actions

Guidance:  You have what it takes to triumph, take care of your body

Journaling

I love this card as it has turned up several times recently.  As with all cards, there are so many nuanced meanings.  For me, the meaning that resonates most right now is to take care of my physical being.  I have spent years neglecting my body’s needs and that needs to stop.  I need to treat my body as a cherished friend intead of something to be battled and subdued.  My body has needs that I neglect because they are not convenient or because I don’t like the messages that they are giving me.  I need to do a better job of taking care of myself.

Dearest ones,

Please help me to do a better job of caring for my body.  Please help me to be kind and gentle instead of angry and helpful.  Please help me to approach my interactions with my body from a place of love and not anger.

Blessings, Raine

December 29, 2018

This is another one that I have actually made a lot of progress on.  I’ve decided that the Dog Tarot is the voice of my body and I check in with her on a regular basis.  Maybe not as regularly as I should, but much more regularly than I have in the past.  I think I am going to make checking in with Willi part of my Friday routine.  It will be an awesome thing to do after I’ve had a bath and am relaxed and in a good space. 

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April 28, 2017

Deck:  Herbal Tarot

First Impressions:  Emotional strength, taming the best within

Book:  Use strength of love to push over the blockages and resistances within myself.  Use inner wisdom.

Guidance:  Use love to manifest your goals to inner power and self love

Affirmation:  I affirm the strength of my heart

Journaling:

I love the messages in this card.  The message of using love to tame my inner beast really and truly speaks to me.

April 28, 2022 Revisit

I am stronger than I know and my gifts have to be given in love.  There are other exchanges of energy other than money.  I’ve been given a well paying job so I can share with others.  Finish he course and put it online.  

Deck: Sacred Traveler

First impressions:  I love this card and how he is looking into the distance and staying focused on what is ahead

Book:  Be clear about where you are going, follow your dreams, you deserve the best

Guidance:  Hold the Course

Journaling

I needed this card today as I embark on the uncertain path of getting my PhD.  It is so frustrating because there is not a clear path forward.  I thought there was a clear path forward and that I was going to be able to do it at WMU.  However, that path is uncertain now and I don’t know if that path will open up.  However, I’ve put together a PhD altar and I am going to light my candles and proceed as if it is a sure thing.  That is the only thing that I can do.

I’ve set my course and I’m reading articles, books, and keeping a list of who I can interview.  I don’t know what the next steps are with WMU, but I am going to continue to work my magic and make sure that I do my part.

  To help my personal growth, I’ve decided that not only will I have a card of the year, I will also choose a word each month to study and reflect on.  I’ll be reading books and articles on my word of the month as well as figuring out activities that will help me incorporate that word into my life.  My word of the month for August is:

Harvest

At the beginning and end of each month, I will also do a reading.  The beginning of the month reading will be about what lessons I can learn from the card and the end of month reading will be about what I did learn.  

Beginning of the Month Reading

Deck:  Sacred Rose Tarot

What does harvest mean for me right now?

What do I need to learn about harvest?

What do I need to do to bring harvest into my life?

The reading on this card is interesting as it talks about materialism and about how worshipping at the altar of materialism can bring about someone’s ruin.  My initial thought on this was to reject it and go to my default reading of the five of pentacles of need to ask for help.  However, as I reflect on this reading, I realize that this is part of what I need to do to bring the good things of harvest into my life.  I need to let go it being all about the money.  I’m starting to do that as I’m working to pay off my credit cards so I am not so married to having a high priced job.  Not having credit card debt will let me live a simpler life.

The other meaning of this card is also pertinent as I need to realize that the harvest cycle is not all about one person.  The harvest always requires multiple people working together.  If I look at harvesting crops, there are people who plant the crops, people who tend the crops, and a whole crew of people who harvest them.  It is not done in isolation.  I always think about the stories of farmers who’ve gotten sick and their neighbors help them harvest the crops.  I need to remember that I am not solely responsible for anything in my life.  There are always helpers.

What benefits will I have bringing harvest into my life?

Harvest will bring light and joy into my life.  Harvest as a concept will also help remind me that there are so many accomplishments that I have worked for and that I deserve to celebrate.  One of the realizations I have had recently is that all too often I don’t take pride in my achievements and I believe that everyone can do what I do.  However, working with Glenn has helped me realize that that is not true.  I deserve just as much credit for getting the department up and running as he does.  And as he told me, he doesn’t know if he could have done it without me.  Unfortunately, I did not get credit for that in terms of a promotion.  All I got was a stupid fucking ignorant title that means nothing.  I mean “Expert,” what the fuck does that even mean?  And even worse, I did not get Senior Expert even though MEN who have a lot less experience than me did.

Welcoming the concept of harvest into my life will mean that I know the difference between collective achievements and my own achievements.

 To help my personal growth, I’ve decided that not only will I have a card of the year, I will also choose a word each month to study and reflect on.  I’ll be reading books and articles on my word of the month as well as figuring out activities that will help me incorporate that word into my life.  My word of the month for July is:

Peace

At the beginning and end of each month, I will also do a reading.  The beginning of the month reading will be about what lessons I can learn from the card and the end of month reading will be about what I did learn.  

End of the Month Reading

Deck:  Sacred Rose Tarot

What does Peace mean for me right now?  

That peace comes from within and it colors everything that you do.  When I am at peace with myself, I am able to make better choices.  The Star is all about peace and hope and about trusting the universe to provide.  The Star is all about creativity and about manifesting the world that you want to live in.  One of the things that I have learned about manifesting is that manifesting can happen in unexpected ways and sometimes the things that you manifest don’t really make you happy.  I’ve learned that when I manifest from a place of peace and happiness, I manifest things that bring me joy and happiness, but when I manifest from a place of poverty, I manifest things that on the surface are what I set out to manifest, but don’t bring me joy.

What do I need to do to continue bringing Peace into my life?

What benefits has  Peace  brought into my life?

 August 1, 2022

Deck:  Secrets of the Rose Tarot

First Impressions:  This is one of the the most beautiful three of pentacles cards that I’ve ever seen.  I love the collaborative aspect of the three little bees.

Book:  Craft, artisanal skills, skill and hard work

Guidance:   Ability and hard work earns honors

Journaling:

This card is about collaboration and to be honest I am a great collaborator when collaborating with people from different departments / areas.  However, I suck at collaborating with people who do the same job as I do.  I get territorial and just shut down.  A big part of it is the Evil M as she is so bossy and acts like everyone should do whatever she does.  F* that.  She created this website for her category, but I’d actually created sites for my sites first.  And this is me competing again.  I always have to be the best, which is stupid.

Where I’m At:  I’m home today and I only have one more day to work before I am on PTO.  It was a weird day.  I talked to G. and he says that B. is going to talk to me about this job at Arlington.  Supposedly it is a good opportunity, but it sounds kind of like crap to me.

Weather:  It was actually fairly nice out most of the day, but it looks stormy this afternoon.  I hope that if it does rain, it holds off until Seano is home.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Crescent 13%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:19 am / 8:45 pm

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June 27, 2022

Deck:  The Intuitive Night Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  This strikes me as an odd three of pentacles as it is a single person and the whole light saber thing is kind of weird.

Book:  Mastery, planning, competence, teamwork, productivity, commitment

Guidance:   By learning from others and connecting with community, you can truly grow

Journaling:

What’s interesting to me about this card is how my tarot mind rebels against how it is portrayed.  The three of pentacles is about collaboration and working with others and this card doesn’t portray that.  This card shows one person working alone and even though the book talks about collaboration, the visual doesn’t show that and I’ve learned that tarot is all about the visual.

Funny thing is that I am all about working by myself and not collaborating and I hate playing second fiddle..  What I’m realizing is that I really am ready to lead and to drive and I’m ready for that opportunity.  Now, how do I get there?

Where I’m At:  I’m home and it was an amazingly beautiful day.  I sat outside with the dogs for a while and it was beautiful out and we all just enjoyed the sun.  There was also just enough of a breeze to make my windchimes chime and they have the most amazing resonance.

Weather:  It was an amazingly beautiful day today.  The sun was perfect and there was just a little bit of a breeze.

Moon Phase:  Waning Crescent 2%

Sunrise / Sunset: 5:52 pm / 9:05 pm

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April 25, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of Little Secrets

First Impressions:  Collaboration, helping one another, fun colors, genuine liking

Book:  Finding meaning in work, cooperation, talent

Guidance:  Use the right tool for the job

Journaling:

This is a hard card for me as I like to have my own little sphere of influence and I hate it when people step on my toes.  That is why I am good at process work as I do a great job collaborating with people who are upstream and downstream from me, but I don’t do a good job of collaborating with people who do the same job as I do because I want to do my job in a way that I see fit and I don’t want people telling me what to do.  That’s a big part of the reason that I struggle with the Evil M as she is incredibly bossy and wants to drive how everyone does things.  I hate that as I have learned from my work experience that we are not robots and that we all need the latitude to tweak how we do things.

What I’ve come to realize is that this is not a character flaw and that it is really just accepting of how life is.  I used to want everyone to follow the same processes, but then Ted told me that that was taking away people’s ability to be creative and to like their job.  And that really resonated with me and I found it so true.

Where: I’m home this week and I am off work today and tomorrow so that I can finish my papers that are due.  One is due and turned in, one is almost complete, and one is outlined.

Weather:  It is a little cold out and might rain, but it isn’t horrible.

Moon Phase:  Waning Crescent, 28%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:29 am / 8:18 PM

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March 11, 2022

Deck:  Light Seer’s Tarot

First Impressions:  I know it isn’t meant to, but it looks like a stoplight.  I like this card because it takes out the religious symbolism of the cad.

Book:  Cooperation, community, teaching and learning, team work

Guidance:   Collaborate

Journaling:

Collaboration is hard for me.  I see the beauty of co-creating, but I have also been burned so many times by people who were supposed to have my back, but failed me.  There were school projects were people did not do their part, there were work projects where I was left holding the bag, and then there was my marriage.  We were supposed to be partners, but John was never capable of being my partner.  He was incapable of carrying his weight financially, but he refused to pick up he slack at home.  I never really cared about whether or not he made as much money as me, but I cared that he refused to contribute.  There were so many times when he refused to get a job and refused to take care of the house.  It was never fair that I had to carry the entire burden.  I still carry the bulk of the burden, but the kids are starting to step up.

However, when I reflect on my life, there have been times when I have known true collaboration.  Project work is all about collaboration.  And my team mates at Da Bird are stepping up to do their part.  It is pretty cool to see.

Where I’m At: I’m sitting at home and I am so thankful that it is Friday.  It was a super rough week at work and I wasn’t sure I would get though it.  But I did and I have two days off!  yeah.

Weather:   It is cold and snowy tonight

Moon Phase:  Waxing Gibbous 60%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:45 am / 6:28 pm

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February 12, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of the Divine

Card:  Three of Coins

First Impressions:  Working together, collaboration, magick happening when people work together

Book:  Studying, growth, collaboration, success, recognition

Guidance:  All things are possible through collaboration

Journaling:

This is an amazing card to pull today as I had a really good session with Dr. Perkins.  She made some great suggestions about my dissertation proposal that made sense and will help me have a good project that is important and doable within the time frame of a PhD.  I’m hopeful that I will actually see this project to fruition, then I don’t know what’s next for me.  It’s funny that for me the allure of the PhD is not about the degree and being “Dr. Shakti.”  it is about learning and researching and putting information together in new and different ways.  I have a good feeling about where this is going to lead.

Where I’m At:  I’m home and utterly exhausted.  I know it is trauma exhaustion a I pulled some cards and did some journaling today about trauma.  This is a familiar feeling as after really good and healing acupuncture sessions, I would feel this same exhaustion.

Mood:  I’m in a good mood today even if I am tired.  Wendy is healing, we’re getting the house clean.

Weather:   It is 21 and snowy.  It’s also overcast and glooming as the sun is getting ready to set.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Gibbous, 84%

Sunrise / Sunset:  7:25 PM / 5:56 PM

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January 30, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of the Divine

First Impressions:  Joy, happiness, sharing, making music together

Book:  Studying, growth, collaboration, respect

Guidance:  Learn from one another

Where I’m at:  I’m at home, snuggled up on my sofa with Clarkie snoring away at the other end.  I also have a candle burning on my 2022 altar and I’m enjoying the peace that comes with having the house mostly to myself this morning.  I’ve spent the last hour working on my assignment for my comparative religion research class and I’m realizing how much I love research.

Mood:  Overall, I’m in a good mood today as I’m taking time to just relax and enjoy the day.  However, I do have a killer headache and I’m not sure if it is from traveling or something else.

Weather:  It’s cold and clear with a temperature of 20 and a real feel of 14.  And we are supposed to get even more snow.  I think there has been more snow this year than any year that I recall.

Moon Phase:  Waning Crescent, 1% illumination

Sunrise / Sunset:  7:40 am / 5:39 pm

Journaling:

As I’m reflecting on this, I often focus on the learn from others aspect of this card and do not think about learning from one another in the sense that I also have something to share.  I am in an interesting place at work lately as I’m being called upon to mentor and share my knowledge more than every before.  That has historically been a challenge for me as I like to be special and hold my knowledge close to the chest.  However, I’m realizing that if I want to move up and have different responsibilities, I need to be willing to help others learn how to do what I do now.   I was thinking the other day about the people I have learned the most from in my life and I realize that it is the people who shared their knowledge that I looked up to.  It was the willingness to share openly that made them special and not the knowledge itself.  All of these folks also treated me with respect and as if my lack of knowledge was just that, a lack of knowledge and not a personal failing.  I’m looking forward to moving to a new role and helping others get better.

The other thing I’m realizing as I’m working on my research paper is that there are other ways to collaborate than being face to face in a room with other people.  Even though I’ve never met the authors of the articles I’m reading, I’m collaborating with them because we are sharing knowledge across time and space and I’m learning things and may have new ways of thinking about what they wrote.

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 December 27, 2021

Deck:  Tarot of the Divine

Key Words:  #tarot three of coins learning from one another, collaboration, humility, room to grow, open to new ideas

Journaling

This card speaks to the joy of collaboration and of knowing that people have your back and are there to support you.  It speaks to being open to new ideas and to letting those ideas flow.

As I am someone who always has to be in competition with someone, it is hard to collaborate and share ideas.  I’m currently working with someone who challenges me and constantly asks me to explain myself and justify my way of thinking.  I find this incredibly annoying as I’m used to doing things my own way and not having to collaborate or get agreement from a peer on how I do things.  There is a part of me that wants to dismiss everything she says because I do not like feeling challenged.  However, when I am able to see past my ego, I realize that some of her ideas are worth considering.

The funny thing about it is that I love to collaborate with people who have complementary roles, but I struggle when someone is “invading my space” or has skills that are in the same domain as mine.  When that happens, I want to draw a big boundary around what is mine.  This card is telling me that even if other people have good ideas, it doesn’t mean that I am any less special.

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August 13, 2019

Deck:  Tarot de St. Croix

First Impressions:  Pay Attention

Book:  Remembering Wholeness

Guidance:  Skill, knowledge, and spiritual awareness will manifest abundance

Journaling

I initially picked this card because one of its associations is collaboration and for me this week is all about collaboration.  We all need to share knowledge and work together in order to create amazing things.  However, that being said, I belief it is also true that skill, knowledge, and spiritual awareness will manifest abundance and that is part of why I am in this class.  For me, I am starting to realize that true abundance has very little to do with the size of my paycheck.  My paycheck pays the bills and provides me with stuff, but it really doesn’t bring me much abundance.  In fact, being unhappy at work is one of the worst feelings in the world because I put my whole heart and soul into work so when that positive emotion is not returned and I’m shit on, it’s really hard for me to deal with and I’ve been shit on a lot lately.  However, none of that matters because at the end of the day it is just work and there are other jobs out there. 

What I have found so amazing about this week is how the ideas are flowing and how everyone is sharing and listening to each other.  I have learned so much about religion, spirituality, and health and it really makes me realize exactly how much I have to learn and made me realize how much I have to contribute if I can figure out how to get my PhD and make it work.  I don’t know what that looks like and I don’t know how to do it, but I will just keep opening up and listening to spirit and I will figure it out.

Gratitudes

I’m grateful that Dr. Oliver was interested in my presentation
I’m grateful that Jason sat with me
I’m grateful that I didn’t get pinged too much from work
I’m grateful for the yummy whoppers
I’m grateful for hanging out with Cam and chilling
I’m grateful to Sean for sending pics of the dogs
I’m grateful Charmin listened

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July 22, 2019

Deck:  World Tarot

First Impressions:  Sharing, consulting, agreeing

Book:  Card of craftspeople and artisans, doing what you love enough to be supported by it, do work that honors you

Guidance:  Be prepared for hard work

Journaling

It’s interesting as I’ve always read this card as cooperation and working with others, but this card doesn’t speak to it as it speaks to individual efforts.  I did go back to check the meanings in other books and there are books that read the card as collaboration, but this card doesn’t and focuses on an individual’s personal effort.  This gives me something different to think about as I had chosen this card in the hopes that it would inspire cooperation and teamwork.  Oddly, enough in a way it did as we did have a fairly peaceful day today without a lot of drama.

However, when I look at what the card based on this reading, I realize that this is yet another message that I’m at a turning point and that I need to be prepared for my life to change in a big way.  It makes sense because I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting on what I want to be when I grow up and I know I want to write, I want to inspire people, but I don’t know if I want to work one on one with people as that takes a lot of emotional energy.  I’m going to keep working with Cam on Cairn by Cairn and work on putting classes together and we’ll see where it goes.

Gratitudes

I’m grateful John showed me how to do the PDF thing
I’m grateful for a good Case for Change workshop
I”m grateful there was not much drama today
I’m grateful I have a mostly dark room
I’m grateful for the quiet tonight
I’m grateful for my lemon candle
I’m grateful for a great shower
I’m grateful for yummy sushi
I’m grateful for Rainier cherries and the amazing taste they have

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April 16, 2017

Deck:  Herbal Tarot

First Impressions:  Collaborate

Book:  Body, mind, and spirit are linked in collaboration.  Having deals, being practical, persevering through obstacles

Guidance:  Cultivate a deep understanding, building a foundation

Affirmation:  I build a solid foundation

Journaling

What a crazy day.  I was supposed to meet someone Cam knows at the library, but we ended up in lockdown.  I’ve been thinking about the topic of collaboration a lot.  I’ve also been thinking about faith and the need to truly trust.  I’ve been sabotaging myself by all the doubts and all the magick.  They would not have given me these feelings if it wasn’t going to work.  That’s all I need to know.

April 22, 2017 Revisit

I’m realizing that I’m not at peace with myself and that’s part of why I am on edge.  I feel betrayed by my body and as a result of that feeling of betrayal, I abuse my body with sugar.  I feel like my poor body is crying out with pain, but I just push myself harder.  I don’t honor my body.  I’m not even sure how to start:  massage, vitamin, or sleep?  meditation, lotion.  I think I start with being kind to myself.

January 14, 2022 Revisit

The day that we ended up locked in the library was the day that someone killed someone for no reason and broadcast it on Facebook.  The guy that was killed, Robert Godwin, was walking home and minding his own business when this fucker (and I’m not saying his name) pulled up and shot him in the face.  The shooter didn’t know him or anything.  Our world is such a sick place sometimes.

On the other part of this, abusing my body, unfortunately I still do that.  My blood sugar and cholesterol are through the roof but I keep eating crap.  Part of it is because I’m busy, but part of it is that I’m so unhappy with my life that I eat sugar to feel better.  I think the thing I need to do to change is to find a way to like my life better.

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December  29, 2016

Deck:  Gilded Tarot

First Impressions:  I love the way the man is holding the pentacles and checking them to make sure they are correct.  This card traditionally speaks to collaboration and working together.

Book:  Creating and delighting in the process, collaboration, Creating what you envision, skill and spiritual values, spiritual renovation.

Guidance:  Cooperate with others, new work from a spiritual perspective.

Journaling:

I love thinking about opening my soul to renovation.  To me that speaks of making something good even better.  I am finally starting to appreciate the beauty and wonder that is me.  I’m appreciating my strengths and my perseverance.  I have been given and amazing life and I am so far of how far I’ve come and all that I’ve gone through to get here. 

However I can also appreciate that my halo is a little dirty and could use some polishing.  I know that I have work to do in letting go and forgiving.  I’m also realizing I have work to do in accepting healing work as a valid way to spend my time.  I sometimes get so caught up in beating myself up for reading a book or reading my tarot cards that I forget that I’m human and my body needs rest and my soul needs this healing work.  Sitting here and reading cards and journaling is a valid way to spend my time.

I think I’m jealous because people with addiction get 30 days or so to work on healing and other bruised and broken people are expected to just pick themselves up and move on with no down time.  After my divorce, it would have been amazing to check out of life for 30 days and focus on healing.  It would have been awesome to have structured workshops on different aspects of healing and to have someone guide me through the process of becoming whole again.  I instead I was left to flounder and find my own path.  I am so fortunate that I found people to help me and guide me and now I may be being led to create a program to help others.  It truly is a sacred duty.

Dearest Ones,

Please guide me to create a program that will help others grow and change.  Help me find ways to make people’s burdens just a little lighter.

December 29, 2017

The message I’ve been getting from my guides lately is that I need to focus on me and focus on what is helping me.  I can be an example to others to help them heal by following in my footsteps, but it is not time yet to be more active in creating something.  I need to do the prep work and build the foundation before I jump right in.  I’m really good at jumping right in, but I need to build my website slowly, build some class content because that’s fun for me.  Continue helping Scott, but I don’t need to jump in with both feet right now.

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December 4, 2016

Deck:  Gilded Tarot

First Impressions:  Losing all progress, being unbalanced, Arrogance, not needing anyone

Book: Inefficiency, working at cross purposes, state of inner and outer discord, exhausted, overworked, burned out, not taking enough care

Guidance:  Be aware of losing the magical connection to process and project, reconsider the team you are working with

Journaling

Interesting guidance as I’ve been thinking about the team in my life and I’m realizing that I surround myself with users who don’t give back.  John was a user, A can be a user to a certain extent, L is definitely a user.  My gives give back what they can, but I’m definitely carrying the heaviest load. 

I’m wondering if part of the reason I’m struggling with manifesting love and relationships is that I have nothing left to give.  I’m overdrawn emotionally and spiritually and there is no one to fill up my reserves and take care of me.  I’m really torn about mentoring someone right now because it feels as if it is someone taking from me without getting anything back and I don’t have a lot to give right now.

I need to give some serous thought as to whether or not this is working and whether I can do it.  I have to give serious thought to how to refill my well.

January 23, 2018

The universe has been telling me lately that I’m running on empty and I need to recharge.  They are screaming this message at me as I left both my computer charger and the charger for my DVD player at home.  If that’s not a big time screaming message that I’m out of energy, I don’t know what is.  One of the ways this project has been really good for me is that I have had to rely on others and haven’t been able to just jump in and do everything.  I’ve had to let others do the heavy lifting and that has been really difficult for me. 

Right now I’m working on ways to stop the energy drain and the first one is better boundaries to stop expending energy on random strangers.  That means tuning out the people who talk at me on planes, taking the bus instead of a cab when I can, and, if all else fails, telling people I don’t have time to talk to them.  That sounds so rude, but right now I am in survival mode from an energy drain and I need to take care of myself.

I also need to find ways to recharge.  I’m glad the weather is getting better because I love to walk outside and that really helps me recharge my energy..  I’m also going to take my turns walking the Clarken.

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October 27, 2016

Deck:  Fairy Tarot

First Impressions:  Learning from others, collaboration

Book:  Integrity and ethics, spirit of service, unity, combining vision, skill, and spiritual values, spiritual renovation

Guidance:  Learn from others, trust others

Journaling

Perfect card for me to draw today.  This lawsuit threw me for a loop, but I received and instead of hiding from it, I stepped up and did what needed to be done.  I had to rely on my teammates and ask for help.  I also had to accept and realize that I have to breathe and I can’t get all swirly.  Getting all swirly doesn’t help a whole lot.  Again, pulling this card today has helped me stay focused.

May 25, 2018 Reflection

The lawsuit turned out to be a non-event.  The insurance company settled with the for $25K, which is a whole lot less than they were asking for.  This was a case of my turning it over, asking for help, and it all working out.  At the end of the day, there was nothing that I could really do about it so the only option that I had was to turn it over.

I wish the rest of life was so easy to turn over.  I let myself get all weird and swirly over stuff that I can’t control and I need to stop.  I need to learn to breath and to turn things over.  Life is so much better when I am able to do that.

Our fearless wrangler for this Blog Hop is Joy Vernon and she has given us an assignment to create tarot cards out of junk mail.   We were asked to choose anything that comes through our mail slot, scan the images, add a border and title, and explain why we chose the image and how it reminds us of a tarot card.

I decided to take this exercise one step further and before I set out to find my images, I set my intention to receive whatever message the universe had for me.  Although I wasn’t consciously thinking of Luke, pictured above,  the messages I received were clearly from him from the first card to the last.

This image from an ad for a vacation spot was the quintessential three of cups as it depicts three women raising their cups and bonding over a shared meal.  I have to be honest and say that the three of cups is a hard card for me because I don’t have a lot of friends and I’m fairly awkward at small talk so going out to dinner is hard for me.  There is a part of me that prefers deep conversations than small talk.

The Strength card traditionally depicts a woman with a lion, but I loved this image because it showed that men could be gentle to in their interactions with animals.  Although this cougar might have been drugged, the ranger is still showing kindness and gentleness as he checks his teeth.  This card was a reminder for me that gentleness of spirit should be gender free and that all of us can be kind and gentle with animals and humans.

As I was sorting through all the junk in my recycle bin, I came across a mailer from Orphans of the Storm, which is the shelter where we adopted Luke from 15 years ago.  I’m not even sure how we are still on their mailing list as we’ve moved several times since we adopted him.  It was was interesting that this showed up today because as I said above, it was five years ago today (July 30th) that Luke died.  

Deck: Sacred Traveler

First impressions:  I  love the fox looking at the map.  This card tells me that there is magick afoot

Book:  Be present with your journey, you will be taken to exactly where you need to be, 

Guidance:  Enjoy the Journey

Journaling

I love this card as it talks to the magic and mystery of trusting the journey.  That is hard for me as I am a control freak and I really love to control the journey.  However, that’s not the best course of action.  I need to let go of the need to control everything and trust that there will be opportunities placed in my life that are right for me.  I’m really frustrated about school and the fact that at this moment there is no clear path forward, but I am going to continue to show up.  I’m gong to continue to work on my research and I am going to trust.

The other thing I need to accept is that there are definately things in society that I cannot change and I need to let go of trying to change them.  I need to focus on each step that I’m going to take and on listening to the signs that will help guide me.  

2018 Shadow Work:  Day 1

Pan is indulgence and obsession and historically I have become addicted to other people and felt I could not live without them.  I have become so much better about standing on my own two feet and being my own person, but I also feel like Pan shows up when we constantly want approval from other people.  My feelings get hurt if other people don’t want to be my friend so there is still some of that obsession there.  However, sometimes I don’t think I am a very good friend as sometimes I view people as problems to be solved instead of people with their own wants and desires.

Historically, I’ve lost myself in love.  I know in my marriage, I became less than so that John would continue to love me.  I haven’t really understood that marriage should be a partnership of equals.   The relationships that have been modeled for me throughout my life have been of a dominate party and a subordinate party and there was no way in hell that I was going to be subordinate to anyone.  I carried that attitude into my marriage and at the first sign that John wanted to be my equal, I fought back.  I had no clue how to be an equal in a relationship because that was never modeled for me.

This is another card that has historically implications for me as in the past I have thought that I could buy people’s friendship by making or buying them things.  That has been another way that my low self esteem has come into play as I haven’t thought that I wasn’t worthy of being liked just for myself and that people would only like me for what I could do for them or buy them.

July 29, 2022

Deck:  Secrets of the Sacred Rose

First Impressions:  I love this knight as he has such a steely look in his eyes.  He is going off to do battle and vanquish he enemy and he knows it.

Book:  Mischief, impending struggle, courage, combat, enemy

Guidance:   Defend your boundaries

Journaling:

I love the idea of this knight defending my boundaries.  I have been doing so much better about defending my boundaries and not overcommitting to things that don’t add value in my life.  Work could be all consuming, but I’m choosing not to let it be.  However, as I think about boundaries, I think about the physical boundaries in life and people intruding upon my time.  What I don’t think about when I think about boundaries is people getting into my head.  I don’t do a good job of defending those boundaries as I let people take up space in my head rent free.  I ruminate about the Evil M.  I ruminate about what people think of me.  I ruminate about all types of things and that is not doing a good job of keeping my boundaries.

It’s interesting that this came up and it probably did because I came across this great image on Facebook

about what’s in my control and what’s out of my control.  What other people think of me is one of the big things that is outside of my control and because I worry about what other people think, I often act like an idiot.  That was the case over the last couple of days as I sat in meetings with people and worried that people thought I was stupid or old or whatever.  The truth of the matter is that people most likely weren’t thinking of me at all.  I grew up always worried about what people thought as a survival mechanism.  If people liked me, they would take care of me.  If they didn’t, I would be left out in the cold.  A lot of that has carried over into, if people like me, I will be employed.  However, the reality is that people only think about you if you are a total jerk and I work hard to be nice and polite.  

However, I don’t worry about people thinking I’m not polite, I spend a lot of time worrying about whether or not people will think I am weird.  I worry that the Open Table people think I’m weird or awkward, I worry that people at work think I’m weird or awkward.  I think about not having friends.  The reality is that maybe people think I’m awkward because I worry about people thinking I’m weird or awkward.  I really just need to let all that go.

Where I’m At:  It’s first thing in the morning and I’m sitting on the couch with Wendy.  Clark is snoring in he orange chair.

Weather:  It’s 67 degrees out

Moon Phase:  Waxing Crescent 1%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:16 / 8:48

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May 7, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of Little Secrets

First Impressions:  Dedication, moving forward

Book: Courage, swiftness,  commitment to ideals

Guidance:  Time flies–Take Action before it is too late

Journaling:

All I want to do today is to sleep and not think about anything.  My body is so tired and exhausted.  It feels as if I have been fighting a war my entire life.  There are small bits of peace, then it is time to get on the horse and keep fighting.  I don’t want to keep fighting.  All I want to do is have peace.  I want to live my life and be happy.

I’m tired of fighting people who want to tell me how to live my life.  I do not understand how people think they have the right to tell other people what to do and how to live their lives.  My view of the world is that if someone is doing something that doesn’t hurt me, it’s none of my business.  

Where:  I’m home today and I am not feeling well.  All I want to do is sleep.  My body is processing a lot of trauma from Roe, to memories and flashbacks, to all the crap that is going on in the world.

Weather:  It is a little cold out today, but bright and clear and Wendy just wants to be outside.  She is the biggest sun dog I’ve ever seen and it makes me sad to think that she is that way because she didn’t get to see the sun when she was younger.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Crescent, 36%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:13 / 8:31

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April 10, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of Little Secrets

First Impressions:  Defend yourself, time flies, protect those who need it

Book:  Courage, swiftness, commitment to ideals (Reversed:  needless battle)

Guidance:  Time flies–Take Action before it is too late

Journaling:

It’s interesting as the two things that jumped out about this card were needless battles and taking time.  One of the things that I’m realizing is that a lot of my internal drama with some of the idiots at work is mine. They are just being who they are and I make it about me.  YMAN is a jackass to everyone and it isn’t about me at all.  The Evil M thinks she is better than everyone and is so desperate to impress G. that she throws anyone under the bus that she can because she wants to trample her way to the top.  And T man is so naïve that he thinks it is all about him and that he gets to boss everyone around.  My boss sees all those things and I don’t need to point them out.  My job is to just do my job the best way I know how and let all the bullshit swirl around me.  I don’t need to buy into any of it.

The second piece is also intriguing as I know my days are ticking down.  I’m not on a fast ride down the mountain, but I’m 55 and I know I don’t have as many years left as I did when I was 20.  I think that makes things more poignant and helps me to realize that I need to make choices as to what’s good for me and not worry so much about everything else.  One of the things I love about traveling is that hotel rooms are so clean focused.  There isn’t so much crap around to trip over and distract me.  When I get home, I’m going to do some clean up and get rid of things that are just dust collectors.

Where:  I’m in Modesto and the weather is amazing.  I had a great day.  I started by wandering through a farmer’s market in Windsor, CA.  It is an adorable little town and it would be so awesome to live in a town where everything is accessible and people know your name.  It doesn’t have to be in California, but I just love the family vibe in the town.  Then I had breakfast at this adorable place called the Omelette Express.  The food was amazing and really hit the spot.  I spent a couple of hours driving from Windsor to Modesto and just enjoying the day.  Then I finished my paper that was due and now I’m blogging.  A perfect day.

Weather:  The weather is absolutely spectacular.  It is not too warm, but just right.  I’m sitting in my hotel room right now watching the sun go down.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Gibbous 62%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:54 am / 8:01 pm

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February 18, 2022

Deck:  Light Seer’s Tarot

First Impressions:  Running to catch up, soaring free

Book:  Fast action, determination, action hero, going when there is something to be done

Guidance:  Go! Go! Go! And Win

Journaling:

This is an interesting card to pull today as I’ve been reading a book about the power of slow and this card doesn’t mesh with that energy.  However, the one piece of the reading that resonates with me is the need to be decisive and make decisions instead of getting stuck with analysis paralysis.  This card is also about seeing what you want and going after it.  It is about being focused and determined.  Those are good traits even if the pace I go after it is slow.

Where I’m At:  It’s almost 5 am and I wasn’t able to sleep all night.  I’m sitting on the couch with Wendy cuddled up against my butt.  She’s snoring (loudly), but she is so adorable and so happy to be snuggled with her mommy, that I can’t be mad or upset.

Mood:  Despite being super tired, I’m in a good mood as I only have to work until noon today and only have two meetings.

Weather:   It is cold and snowy outside.  It’s also a little icy as it rained before it snowed yesterday.

Moon Phase:  Waning Gibbous, 97%

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:17 am / 6:03 pm

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Deck:  Tarot de St. Croix

First Impressions:  Spark of intelligence and learning

Book: An action that allows a dark cloud to be split and sunny days shine through

Guidance:  Be decisive

Journaling

Cam has been my sword cutting through the dark clouds this week.  I’m enjoying this week so much and I really don’t want to have to go back to work and deal with all the BS that that entails.  I want to figure out how to live in a world where I can learn and do research all the time and not have to deal with all the BS that my current job entails.  Hanging out with Cam and seeing how brave she is and how well she deals with her situation is an inspiration.

One of the things that strikes me about this card is that it is not always possible to be decisive, especially if you believe that spirit leads you.  I do believe that I’m being lead and sometimes that means not knowing why I’m doing the things that I’m doing.  I’m not sure why I went to this workshop other than to get credit, but I know that I felt led to attend this seminar and connect with these people.  However, maybe the decisiveness is about choosing to believe in something greater than myself.  Maybe the sword is my belief cutting through the dark cards and letting the light in.  I know that when I work hard to move the dark clouds along, I do feel more connected.

March 31, 2018

Deck:  RWS

First Impressions:  Rushing into battle, defending someone’s honor

Book: Chivalrous tasks, passionate warrior who tries to conquer all that is wrong in the world

Guidance: 

Journaling

This card an mean so many things.  It can mean rushing into battle without a plan, it can mean leaving doubt behind.  For me it means letting go of fear and moving ahead.  There will always be things and people that pull us back, but sometimes we need to move forward despite these doubts.  We need to test the wisdom of our soul instead of trusting other people.  I’m not always so good at this and often get all wound up about what other people think.  I need to let go of that and live my life for me instead of for others.

December 27, 2018

Interesting reading on this today.  I do spend a lot of time thinking and worrying about what other people think.  I’ve let go of a lot of it and now it is mostly around financial stability.  However, I don’t think that is an all together bad thing.  I think we need to do the right things to stay employed and I think that we need to respect other people. 

Wow!  As I wrote that, I realized there is a huge difference between respecting other people and worrying about what other people think.  Respecting other people is about being mindful of people’s time, about showing up for meetings on time, about being prepared.  Those are things we should do to stay employed and because we should show respect for others.  The flip side of that is agonizing over every little thing we do and say.  If I am working to do the right things and I am respectful, I need to let go of my worry about people assessing the nuances. 

That’s pretty freeing when you think about it.  I’ve also been doing a lot of meditating on the belief that I owe people explanations or answers to their
questions and I’m realizing that I don’t.  I don’t need to explain why I am going back to school.  I don’t need to explain why I moved to Cleveland.  I don’t need to explain any of that to anyone.

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May 11, 2016

Deck:  Herbal Tarot

Card:  Knight of Swords, pulled reversed

First Impressions:  Put down your sword, step back and think

Book:  Be on your guard, particularly with people who are new.  Rash decisions, disorganization

Guidance:  Look below the surface with potential love interests.  Go it alone to build life experience.  Slow down, speak your mind

Affirmation:  I guard my energy

Journaling

The meanings for this card were all over the board.  I’m taking from this that I need to be focused with my personal energy and be discriminating with people I meet.  I especially need to watch for energy vampires.

Okay, as I think through these meanings, they make a lot of sense.  This card is about focusing my energy and using it wisely.  It’s about watching my energy.

May 14, 2016 Update

I love the meaning of this card as being worthy to speak your ideals.

February 21, 2022

That last sentence from the May 14th update is interesting as I think there are a lot of times where I don’t feel worthy to speak my ideals and I let other people speak over me.  I am worthy and I have accomplished a lot in my life time.  However, I am so tired and I just want to rest and do the things that I want to do.

July 27, 2022

Deck:  Secrets of the Rose tarot

First Impressions:  I love this card as it is so pretty and sunny.  It makes me happy just looking at it.  I have to be honest and say that the naked child image doesn’t really do it for me.  That card is often incredibly creepy.

Book:  Happiness, gentility, joy, enlightenment, success, gratitude, creativity

Guidance:   Enjoy the warmth

Journaling:

Today at work some of my coworkers were talking about going on vacation to Europe and how they were looking forward to it.  It annoyed me, but not really for the reason that I thought I was initially annoyed.  Initially, I thought I was annoyed because they were doing something I could not do.  However, the reality is that that’s not true.  I can afford to go to Europe if I want.  What bothers me is working so hard to go on vacation for two weeks, then coming back to work and dreaming of vacation.  I want a life where I am on vacation and enjoy what I do all year round.  I want life to be enjoyable and wonderful and relaxing all the time.  I don’t want to keep going to a job that I hate just to pay for a little bit of leisure. 

The other piece that bothers me is that we are spending two days planning how to cut costs and part of that is headcount reduction, which means that the people planning their trips to Europe are planning to eliminate the jobs of people who can’t go to Europe.  That really bothers me as the people who make our product are just making it.  I don’t know what the solution is, because the truth of the matter I I also love my salary, but that just kind of struck me as wrong.

Where I’m At:  I was in the office today and it was a long day.  We were doing a day long ideation session and it was a lot of talking and brainstorming.  It was good, but I am utterly exhausted.

Weather:  It was rainy today

Moon Phase:  Waning Crescent 1%

Sunrise / Sunset:  6:14 / 8:50

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June 12, 2022

Deck:  Intuitive Night Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  Calm, light in the darkness, sunflowers

Book:  Being tall and strong, learn from your past

Guidance:   Feel the sun’s energy and don’t dampen your energy

Journaling:

The sun is an interesting card for me because the readings about the sun are usually about soaking up the sun and being energetic, but laying in the sun always makes me tired.  All I want to do is sleep after being in the sun.  I think it is because the sun is about receiving energy and about acceptance.  It is about being open to what is and about being open to receiving good things.

I don’t think I’ve been very open lately as I close off good things and I get so set in my mind as to what I want and what should happen, that I don’t let myself accept that there may be good things coming from unexpected directions.  I’ve already convinced myself that I don’t want whatever this thing is that Brian is going to talk to me about, but maybe it would be a good thing.  Maybe I need to just need to open myself up.

Where I’m At:  I’m at home today and it is one of those lazy days where I’m just chilling out.  I actually lit a fire this morning because it was a little chilly, but it got warm later in the day

Weather:  It’s nice and warm today.  It isn’t ungodly hot, but it does feel good

Moon Phase:  Waxing Gibbous 94%

Sunrise / Sunset:  5:50 / 9:02

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 April 14, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of Little Secrets

First Impressions:  This card has the same creepy little boy that the World Spirit Tarot is.  That card just makes me cringe.  However, I love the face on the sun and the warmth.  It made me feel happy to see this card.

Book:  Success, Joy, Happiness, Clarity, Openess

Guidance:  the cup runneth over in abundance and love

Journaling:

It’s funny because my hackles are going up with the juxtaposition of success and happiness.  I have material success and make more than enough to pay my bills, but I’m miserable.  This job is the absolute worst for me because it feeds my worst characteristics.  It feeds my love of drama and gossip and that is not good for me.  I don’t know how to survive without the gossip and backstabbing.  Maybe I need to ask the cards how I can live pure and still work at the Bird.

Where: I started my day in California and ended up at home.  I love California so much, but I love being home with my family and my puppies more.

Weather: It was cold and overcast when I left California today and it is clear tonight but still chilly.

Moon Phase:  Waxing, Gibbous, 93&

Sunrise / Sunset:  6:30 am / 7:38 PM (Modesto)

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April 7, 2022

Deck:  Light Seer’s Tarot

First Impressions:  Opening myself to receive, loving the sun, here comes the sun, happiness and joy

Book:  Inspirational success, positivity, exuberant creativity, inner beauty

Guidance:  Say yes to happiness

Journaling:

This card is about opening myself to joy and happiness and saying yes to all the good things that life has to open.  I know that there is a lot of darkness and evil in the world and that we can’t ignore the bad stuff, but we can also open ourselves up to happiness and say yes to joy.  Say yes to being positive.  Say yes to love and joy.  I don’t do such a good job of that as I often get sucked into negativity and sucked into all the bad stuff.  I spend too much time doom scrolling and too much time obsessing over things that I cannot change.  I cannot change what happens in Ukraine.  I cannot change drought.  I cannot change any of those things.  I can pray for the people impacted, but at the end of the day I cannot change it.

I need to let go of all the bad stuff and just say yes to happiness.

Where: I’m at home today and sitting in the living room with the doggos waiting for Sean to come home.  I feel like every entry I make I’m sitting with the dog

Weather:  It was a little chilly out today, but overall beautiful

Moon Phase:  Waxing Crescent, 34%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:59 am / 7:58 pm

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