Author: Raine Shakti

Raine Shakti believes in living her life cairn by cairn and in helping others learn to do the same. Her day job is in the training and communications field and her best professional experiences are when she is able to empower people. She has spent the last few years reclaiming her life and her inner warrior. Part of this journey was becoming an ordained priestess with the Fellowship of Isis. Her Matron deities are Nephthys who has helped her become a true virgin woman, the Morrigan who has taught her what it means to be sovereign, and Yemaya who has taught her the strength in having a loving heart.

Witch of Earth

Witch of Earth
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: I initially thought this card was showing Inanna welcoming a lover in a cave, which would be Ereshkigal’s domain. However, she is welcoming a lover in a bower, drawing him with her loveliness. Inanna always speaks to me of death and rebirth.

Book: Make magic in your partnership with natural forces, storehouse where grain was stored awaiting transformation into grain, Inanna’s body was one with the earth.

Guidance: Learn your plant allies, express your creativity through baking, or other trans-formative actions, approach everyday tasks with a sense of service.

Journaling:

One of the things I have been working on is to approach life with a sense that we are all in this together. I’ve also been working hard to foster kindness, especially with people in service positions. I know people often look down on service workers and/or are nasty to them, but anyone doing an honest and hard job deserves to be appreciated. It doesn’t take any more effort to be kind to people than to be nasty and I feel so much better about myself when I am kind.

December 27, 2018

In some ways it feels weird to equate kindness with Inanna, because I always think of her and her sister together and she definitely was not kind to Ereshkigal. She went down and invaded her home with her uppity attitude as if she was the queen of the underworld and had the right to treat people like crap. In my mind she deserved to get her comeuppance as she was a bitch.

However, my personal feelings about the myths aside, when I think about the sign at the Ritz-Carlton, “Ladies and Gentleman taking care of Ladies and Gentleman.” That slogan put people on an equal footing and conveyed the message that everyone was worth of respect. I try to approach life like that because I am no better or worse than anyone else, I’m just a person trying to get by.

I have to be honest and say that if anything, it took me a long time to get over the thought that I was worse than or less than other people. I always thought that I deserved the scraps and that it was okay if people disrespected me. I’ve put a lot of hard work into changing that impression of myself and most days, I feel good about myself.

Magician

Magician
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: I love this depiction of Isis with her arms outstretched and her wings surrounding Osiris. For me this is a reminder of the transforming and magical power of love.

Book: Wife, Mother, Queen, Protector

Guidance: Use words of power to achieve your goals, see clearly what you want, change what you can

Journaling:

Interesting card today as I’ve been feeling very magical lately. I finally feel as if I can achieve what I want/need in my life. The past month has been hell, but I’m finally feeling positive. Isis is about creating magic, but she is also the pure power of love.

December 18, 2017

Isis is not only magic, she is also a cared of pure love. She goes after what she wants from a place of love.

December 27, 2017

I love both Isis and Nephthys and it is very powerful to be surrounded by their wings and feel their great love. Isis always gets all the publicity because she was the queen, but Nephthys is just as powerful and together they compliment each other. Isis is the romantic love, while Nephthys is sisterly love and the all encompassing love for humanity.

Every since I have been dedicated to Nephthys, I’ve see the positive, independent side of her, but lately I have been starting to feel the warm and loving side of her. Despite her own horribly abusive marriage, she stood by Isis’ side as she went looking for Osiris and she is the one who is the one who comforts those who are in mourning. She is the one who loves when it is painful to love, she is the one who loves through encouraging people to get back up and to stand on their own two feet after something traumatic has happened.

Witch of Water

Witch of Water
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: I’m filled with deep despair as I look at this card. She appears so alone and so lonely.

Book: Every situation ends in the sea, there to use anew, salt water, purification

Guidance: Demonstrate your ethics and beliefs on a regular basis, look beyond form to essence, purify

Journaling:

As I reflect on this card, the image I get is of a water witch creating a water sprite. I’m reminded of the amazing power water has to both create and destroy. Water is one of the most compelling things because of its changing nature. However, as I reflect on this, I realize that wind and fire have the same qualities as they can be soft or hellacious. It seems that only earth is solid all the time.

December 18, 2017

I feel the power of water moving through me lately. It is fluid and dynamic and helps to clear away that which no longer serves me.

December 27, 2017

There have been times lately where I have truly felt stuck by what is going around in my life. I’ve felt trapped and as if things will never change. However, right now I feel as if amazing things are right around the corner and my job is to be fluid and dynamic and be open to change. I’m not always very open to change, but right now I feel like it will all bring good things.

Five of Earth

Five of Earth
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: Demeter is so sad and desolate on this card. I feel the barrenness of the earth as if all of the life has been taken away. This is definitely a card of loss and the need to come in from the cold. There is a different kind of barrenness outside my window today as it is cold and snowy and the darkness is creeping over the world even though it is just 4 pm.

Book: Give no part of yourself to that which does not sustain you.

Guidance: Accept the fallow times as part of the cycle, release expectation

Journaling:

I love and needed to hear the messages of this card today. I am so impatient that I fail to see all the wonders around me. I get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of every day that I often forget that the best things in life take time. Demeter also reminds me of the importance of taking time to mourn and be still within myself.

December 13, 2017

Although it wasn’t the main plot line on NCIS NOLA last night, the interplay between Dwayne and his dad was meaningful to me. The idea of being free of a parent is so liberating. I think I have been trying so hard to be the “modern woman” that I’ve forgotten you can have love and a career. Interesting that this is all coming up around Demeter, who lost herself in grief for her daughter.

December 18, 2017

All I need to do is to be myself. I don’t need to make up for anything or to prove anything to anyone. I just need to be me.

December 27, 2017

The message that all I need to do is be myself is so powerful and it is a lesson that I desperately needed to hear. I get so caught up in trying to live up to other people’s expectations that I forget that I just need to live life for me. I think that is why I am so adamant that my blog is mine and mine alone. It is not meant to be a place of wisdom for other people, although I am always willing to freely share what I have learned.

Hag of Water

Hag of Water
Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions: Just glancing at this card, it appeared as if Ran was feeding birds, but then I realized that she was underwater and that there was a person falling into the water. Overall this card gives me a sense of despair and grief.

Book: Goddess of the sea who claims lives when she is bored.

Guidance: Surrender to the sea to find her hidden places, stop fighting the tide, make offerings to the depths, embrace our ability, you know where you belong, accept it.

Journaling:

The day I originally journaled I was really upset with my daughter for wanting to go on a walk when I didn’t want to and for her playing the expert. I wrote a whole lot of really nasty things that I don’t want to repeat here🙁. The bottom line is thought that I should have maintained better boundaries and not let myself get talked into going with her.

December 27, 2017

The stuff I originally wrote is exactly the reason I decided to put my journals online and to sanitize them. Writing all the garbage I wrote felt really good, but at the end of the day it would have served no one to have her read it. We are human beings and even though we all love each other, there are times when the kids get on my nerves and I’m sure there are times that I get on their nerves. It’s been a little jittery to have the kids home over the holidays as I was looking forward to cleaning and chilling and that’s harder to do with everyone here.

However, this is their home and I want them to know it is their home so it would be horrible for me to put up arbitrary rules and say they can’t be in the living room because I want it to be quiet. That would be mean and I’m not going to do it. We will just all compromise and it will all work out.

Messages from the Tarot: She who Watches

She who watches came to me last night in the form of the nine of air from the Gaian Tarot. I’ve endured a long month of depression starting on my birthday, November 6th, and continuing through my NameDay (i.e. the anniversary of the day I legally changed my name).

It’s always a time of darkness as memories of my estranged mother, my departed father (died November 28, 2008), my now ex’s heart attack (December 6, 2009), and my imploded marriage (Married November 19, 1988) haunt my body and soul. In years passed, I’ve berated myself for letting what were just days on the calendar affect my well being, but this year I’ve leaned into the pain. I’ve acknowledged the grief and sorrow these events have brought and I’ve chosen to cocoon myself and grieve.

The darkness was deeper than I’d anticipated and there were days when all I wanted to do was to cry. However, I got up each morning and did what needed to be done and reminded myself that I’ve been through dark times before and they had passed. I made myself pull my daily tarot card even though there were days when even that felt like too much effort.

The worst part of the darkness was feeling disconnected and as if my beloved goddesses had abandoned me. I cried out for strength, for compassion, for love, and it felt as if I was met with silence each time I cried out in pain. All my normal ways of connecting were not working.

Finally, yesterday, I woke and it felt as if the clouds were breaking and maybe, just maybe, things really would be okay. I reminded myself that on December 7, 2011 I had chosen to legally change my name to Raine (Queen) Clara (Saint) Shakti (Goddess) and that maybe I did have the strength and courage to pull out of this tailspin.

Nine of Air
Gaian Tarot

Last night the guidance finally came to me. I was laying in bed thinking about my pain and imagining a bleak future, which naturally lead me to think about the nine of swords. However, the nine of swords was replaced with the nine of air from Joanna Powell Colbert’s Gaian tarot and as I imagined myself the woman in the image, I heard She Who Watches tell me to just let go. To let go of the pole I was holding on to, to let go of the pain I was holding, to let go of the nightmares.

Letting go was hard, but as I let go, I found myself flying over the Seeker’s Valley. I was flying and seeing my life from the vantage point of an eagle rising above the strife and pain. I was free from all of it. As I flew, the valley became more colorful and psychedelic and I realized that I had to change my perception and let go of viewing the world as painful and ordinary. I was also shown that all the twists and turns I’d gone through in my life were leading me somewhere and that I was being taken care of and held.

She Who Watches said she was always there for me and was watching and protecting me. She also reminded me that I had the strength to persevere.

Hag of Earth
Dark Goddess Tarot

I awoke this morning feeling more calm and hopeful than I’ve felt in the last month and when I logged on to Facebook, what did I see? Someone had posted the Hag of Earth (She Who Watches) from Ellen Lorenzi-Prince’s Dark Goddess Tarot. And I felt loved and I knew my beloved Goddesses were still with me.

I’ve pulled both She Who Watches images from their respective tarot decks and they are sitting on my altar to remind me that she is always with me.

Update: December 21, 2017

I was cleaning my meditation room and a deck of tarot cards spilled. The card that jumped out was the Five of Discs which was a beautiful image of She Who Watches from the Triumph of Life Tarot deck.

Ritual to Honor My Father

My father died the day after Thanksgiving in 2008. I’d known it was coming as he had lung cancer that had metastasized through his body. I was living 200 miles away and traveling even farther away for work every single week. I made the trek to visit him as often as I could, but it never felt like enough. I knew the end was coming when I visited him and he was a shell of the robust, loving man who had raised me. This was also the start of a devastating period of changes in which I could only react and had no time to mourn.

The call that he was gone was devastating, but not shocking as I knew the call would be coming sooner rather than later. However, there was no time for my own sadness as I had to drive the 200 miles through teary eyes to help my mother deal with her grief as she’d lost her mother less than a week before. I had to become the supportive daughter and not allow myself to be the grieving child.

I was strong for my mother, I was strong for my children, and I was strong for my now ex-husband. I was the one who provided the shoulder to cry on, who prevented my mother from buying a junky used car the day after my daddy died, and I was the one who gave the eulogy at my father’s funeral. I was also the one in the year after my daddy’s death that counseled my mother, loaned her the money to bury my father, and was there for everyone else. I never let myself mourn because there was no time.

Fast forward a little over a year and I got another call that rocked my world, my husband had had a massive coranary and I needed to be at the hospital immediately. Once again, I was the one who dealt with the details. shored everyone up and never let anyone see my tears. I sat by his side, cheered him up, bathed him, and did whatever else needed to be done.

My payment for the days spent by his side was his pronouncement four months after his heart attack was that he wanted a divorce. I was hurt, I was angry, I fell apart, but all too soon I had to pull myself together and be strong for my kids. I had to figure out how to keep them in college, get them settled in off campus housing, and deal with all the other realities of life.

It was ten years before I finally felt strong enough to mourn my father. I cried for my loss, I cried for my children’s loss and I started to remember the good as well as the bad. My family has always done ritual on Halloween and remembered our beloved dead, but I was ready to go deeper and to truly grieve and comfort the lost little girl inside. Around that time, I came across Lisa de St. Croix’s Ancestor Workshop and it resonated with me.

I took some time to gather mementos and photos of my father, I meditated on his life and our relationship, and I found the cards that represented both him and me according to Lisa’s advice and I found cards I wanted to use to meditate on. It was a little weird because my dad’s card was the lovers and that felt really uncomfortable. I finally pulled the lovers from the Animal Totem Tarot and I used the Hermit from the Druid Craft Tarot for my birth card.

As I reflected on the cards, the assignment was to write a message to my dad from the Hermit’s perspective and to me from my dad from the Lover’s perspective.

The Message from Me From My Dad

You are too much of a hermit and you withdraw too much. You need to let people in. People will disappoint you, but they will also bring you great joy. Love is a choice! Choose to open your heart and let people in. You deserve Love! Choose it.

My response as the Hermit

The world is too painful of a place to open my heart. I’m much more comfortable in my own company. Choosing love is scary. However, I know I’ve already chosen love with my kids. Loving Cam and Sean brings pure joy along with the heartache and I remember that, I remember love is worth it.

Interestingly enough, since I did this ritual, I have been seeing and finding turtles everywhere. Turtle was my dad’s nickname and when I find those turtles, I’m reminded that he is looking out for me and that love never truly dies.

Daily Draw: Nine of Swords

First Impressions: Nightmares

Book: Crossing her arms to protect her heart, troubled by big problems

Guidance: Reach out and get the comfort and wisdom you need, allow someone to guide and comfort you

Journaling:

I need to hear this reading about asking for help. I don’t do such a god job of asking for help. I tend to hold things in and not let other people in. The only time I ever truly let people in was right after my divorce and I was so shattered and broken. The pain was so tremendous that I could not contain it. I spewed because this pain was horrible. However, as I’ve healed, I’ve receded into myself. I’m not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

I’m not a recluse and it is not as if I’ve been hiding in a hovel and never venturing out. I go out and I interact, but I’m standoffish and not thrilled about doing the work it takes to know people.

November 25, 2017

I need to make some time for me. I am so caught in in Cam that I’m not taking care of me. I need to step back from her and trust she is in the Goddess’ hand. I need to let go of my need to hold on so tight. If I don’t make time to take care of me, I will end up angry and resentful. I also need to let go and trust.

November 9, 2018

It’s so interesting that this theme of vulnerability has been coming up again and again. I need to start trusting people and letting them in. I think knowing that I can be fierce will help me to be vulnerable and to let people in. This year is going to be all about exploring vulnerability and being more open with other people. I’m really scared about this, but I know it is something that I really need to do.

Daily Draw: Two of Swords

First Impressions: Decisions

Book: Experiencing conflict between logic and intuition, battle between head and heart remains unsolved

Guidance: You have to decide, lock on the decision and decide, pretending it isn’t there, won’t make it go away

Journaling

I’ve made my decision. I’m going to manifest a relationship with X. I know the risks an I know the potential hurt, but I’m ready to move forward. Life is not without risk and pain and unless I embrace this fully, it will not happen. No more wimpy magick that says or something better. There is no something better. He is who I want and that’s that. And I’m not going to focus on the downsides or how it will play out, I’m going for it.

November 25, 2017

Making a decision to truly commit and go for it is a little difficult, but I’m ready. I’ve been working on letting go of all the excuses I’ve come up with for it not working and I’m done making excuses.

I am worthy and I deserve happiness.

November 9, 2018

I’m realizing that it truly is because I am worthy and deserve happiness that the relationship with X did not happen. I’m realizing that at the end of the day, a relationship between us would not have worked. While he lives in my work world, he doesn’t live in my spiritual world and that just wouldn’t work. I’ve realized that while I was not the desperate divorcee that became a barfly, I was desperate in my own way and chased someone that would have been equally bad for me because I was lonely and had no self esteem. Now that I am truly valuing myself, I’m realizing that it is better to be alone than in a relationship that wouldn’t work.

Daily Draw: Page of Cups

First Impressions: Emotionally Immature

Book: Posture of ease, superiority, and defiance, there may be apprehension under the confident mask

Guidance: Be aware of assuming you know everything, realize you haven’t considered everything

Journaling

This was me 29 years ago. I was so sure that love would and could conquer everything. I found out that wasn’t the case and that sometimes love really is not enough. What I also learned is that love has to be two sided and that both people have to be invested in a relationship for it to work. Both of us were not invested in our relationship so it had no way of working.

November 20, 2017

He emailed me this morning and suggested it would be a great time to market Whisper Alley. However, I know that what he really meant was that I could do all the work and he could claim part of the glory. I’m not up for that. I will never again form any kind of partnership with him because it is never really a partnership. He is intrinsically a taker and I do not need that in my life. I need people in my life who understand that a partnership means a partnership.

November 8, 2018

This is an interesting card today as one of the themes I am exploring for the next year is the concept of vulnerability and being vulnerable with myself and with others. I’m realizing that I truly need to set boundaries around my space and I need to let other people in and let them help me. I’m not very good at those things, but I’m realizing that I truly need to follow that path if I want to have a happy life.